What do you think?

[Lucas07]

Thanks.. That's good advice
Well yeah I've been too obsessive about it.. Right now I'm backing off, trying to take something like a breather, and just thinking about it doesn't really do anything.. I'm just letting time do its thing. We haven't talked today though the urge to contact him was tremendously strong.. I resisted it though.

I'm not rushing.. I've been through this phase before. I've known the guy for so long, I've been through this part before when I just tell myself to take it slow.. if we're really going to be together then it's going to happen sooner or later. I guess I'm back there again. I'll see what happens.. I'm not planning or thinking about it, I'm just living it by the day.

I was thinking earlier even though hes still just possibly afraid, I'm getting something out of this. I've quitted smoking just for him and doing better things. I'm a better person because of him actually. I think that's a good thing and I feel like I won something. So he's really nice haha he's helping me without him even knowing it.

I cannot thank this community enough. I don't know where I'd be going to talk to someone about these thing. I'm glad i found this support here. At the end of the day, I always know I have someone to talk to and confide feelings and emotions I supress and keep secret. I'm more confident now, thanks to your wisdom and your experiences. Thank you for sharing and for your time. Thanks again!

I'm going to update whatever happens though personally I'm not expecting much to happen anytime soon.. Though I'm hopeful of things to come. As of now, whatever the outcome, I'm keeping my options open.. he's not the only guy in the world. Maybe there's someone out there who wouldn't be so afraid. I'm still going to pursuit him and not let him go, I'm just seeing things in a new light. I'm smiling I feel light. I guess I was making it too much of an obsession (again) the past few days.

I'll update when something happens!

 

[Lucas07]

Just an update...
So today I didn't contact him (taking a breather remember?)...
Then suddenly I got a message on my phone It's pretty late..
It's Matt!
He goes "You know what, practice was cancelled... now I don't have anything to do.. Are you doing something?"
So I go "Oh the thing you were talking about the other day got cancelled? Too bad... Well I'm not doing anything bla bla"
Matt : "And I wasn't even told it got cancelled! I'm here at this restaurant..."
"I'm here in bla with Alice"
(Alice, one of the two female friends he has he's "close" to from before)
I tell him "Well it's your group's loss (if he quits).. Are you guys still hanging out there til late night?"
Matt : "I dunno. Maybe. Are you coming?"
I go "Shall I? Well I could. What are your plans? I wish they told you we should've just seen this movie" (I know pretty lame)
"And yeah, please say hi to alice for me : )"
"Hey, doesn't Alice have a curfew (her dorm)?" (Concern for his friend lol)
Matt : "Alice said hi too. I don't really have a plan... Alice goes to her relatives house" (My mistake, It's the other girl who goes to the dorm)
I tell him "Okay, I guess I could go.. I'll see you!"
Matt goes "Okay.. I'll wait for you"

I just can't resist guys. Sorry.

So I drive there and when I was already outside the restaurant he goes "Hey, where are you?". So I just enter the restaurant and there he... I mean they.. were. I was so happy to see him (after just a day) he was so cute. Though he was on his phone again and didn't even care to look at me upon arriving. I felt like he was pretty enthusiastic on the phone (asking where was I), but when I got there, I felt like he didn't even mind. Oh well.

So we have little conversations.. We do some eye contact bla though his friend is there I can't really stick for so long. We had some body contact too (the usual) though not so much tonight.. Our legs / feet were touching under the table for periods of time. I initiated most of it (a big leap for me hehe) and he would bite but at times he would widthdraw or something. He's quite silent this time, quite pissed and preoccupied (with his phone at times). But we got to talk, along with Alice. Me and alice got along great btw. Matt left us together a couple of times so we got to talk and we did get along well. I so wanted to stick with the eye contact like forever since I would be the one first to look around when I felt like it was being awkward already since Alice was beside me watching. I should have sticked. I held back on that one. We were there for 2 hours (late night) just talking. I listened to his problem and what's ticking him off and I give him encouragement and advice. Ugh I really hoped we were alone. So we continue to talk, and finally we had to leave.

So that's the night.

Just a small update. Though nothing much really.
I'm just happy he contacted me.. And in a way, I think, wanted to see me. (and all day I was itching to contact him and have been anxiously waiting for something from him)
Well, I couldn't resist I just went there.
though again, the whole thing, I felt like he was holding back and was still afraid and his interest I felt wasn't really entirely on me or at least on us. That's what I felt.

Anyway... I'm still happy after a day of waiting he finally was the one to initiate some contact.

Another day done... Tomorrow's a new day and the day after tomorrow.. So, I'll see.

I will update if anything happens again.
Input anything you have to say.. I find them realllyyy helpful...

 

[Christopher123]

It's cool he's contacting you. But for your own sake (not to mention peace of mind) don't read too much into it.

Like we've said, just relax and let things flow.

 

[trawler69]

Hey Lucas

Thanks for the update.

That is great you handled it well. You waited for him to contact you. You didn't come out with excessive enthusiasm you just went as a friend would. You talked to him and Alice and behaved normally. Don't get upset that he wasn't alone. It shows that has just a friendly relationship with Alice and not a romantic one otherwise he wouldn't have asked you.

It's good to respond to his friendship, no good going cold on him that will just push him away. Carry on doing as you are, build the friendship and when the time comes when you two are comfortable and alone you can have the chat along the lines I sugested before.

You're doing well good on you and keep it up

 

[Lucas07]

Hey guys.
so today I saw him. We bumped into each other in school.
I haven't seen him and talked to him in 2 days and we pretty much left from an awkward rather bad note. That's what I feel. And that's what I feel I'm getting from him.

So I bump into him, well nothing much. I feel like there's something between us. I mean there's like a barrier or something. I just feel it. We didn't really get to talk.. We just hang out when we were walking he'd just repeat my name over and over and over and over again. But it has this tone in his voice.. like he's holding back or shy or whatever. That's why I felt like there's a barrier between us. And I'd do the same. Well we pretty much both were in a way distant from each other. Okay but I'm not giving that much meaning. i'm just narrating.

He was with his friend who I was so jealous with although that friend of his is really nice to me. But I felt like they were closer. They talked about girls and Matt would pertain to it as "man talk". He'd just call his other male friend and say "Hey, It's time for man talk!" Like it's some machismo jock talking. He's never like that when he's talking to me. I've never heard anything about a girl or girls from him. So I was pretty jealous that his other friend gets to hear this and I don't in a friendly perspective since I felt like he's closer. I can't say Matt and I are really "close" close. Well at least for my standards of being close.

I dunno.. But I was already thinking of just quitting. But then again, i'd be back where I started. I'm telling him soon for sure. I know this is getting irritating for some of you guys but I'm just updating.. I just need an output.

And yeah, I've been holding back and still am. It's hard but I'm doing it.

So that's it.

 

[trawler69]

Hi Lucas

Thanks for the update. I don't quite get the bit about him repeating your name over and over again, sounds a bit odd. Maybe he is getting close to this other male friend of his. It could be that he tried with you and neither of you managed to actually talk about it. It could be as frustrating for him as it is for you as I may have stated before. If you don't do something soon you will drift apart, he will find someone else to be best friends with and maybe go through the same cycle again. You may well do the same.

If you leave it much longer it will also be much harder as the closeness that made you almost tell him before, will not be there.

You owe it to yourself for all the reasons I have given in past posts.

Allways here for you if we can be of any help.

 

[Lucas07]

Well.. We never became "best friends" anyway... We consider each other good friends. I wish our relationship could even escalate to become best friends but there's this something between us that in a way we are afraid to become close to each other. Though I try to.. and I want to, I don't feel like I'm getting the same amount of "wanting" to be close from him. So there. Yeah, he may be frustrated as I am. I hope.. hopefully my story ends up like JJ and Josh's story I'm telling him soon. And if he's not really into me and really really straight.. (what do you honestly think? Is he or is he not based on everything so far) I hope our relationship would grow from there and hopefully I could trust him enough.

Thanks trawler

 

[Christopher123]

He was with his friend who I was so jealous with although that friend of his is really nice to me. But I felt like they were closer. They talked about girls and Matt would pertain to it as "man talk". He'd just call his other male friend and say "Hey, It's time for man talk!"

Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking here? I mean, I don't think most straight guys go around saying, "Hey dude, let's do the man talk thing," unless they're trying to... what's the thing I'm looking for here?

Oh come on, somebody help me! My brain isn't functioning this morning, lol.

Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say? I mean, straight guys just don't go around saying those things, do they? None that I've ever known, unless they're feeling a little guilty for thinking "gay" thoughts and they're trying to cover them up somehow so the straight boys don't get suspicious. When sadly, he's just making it more obvious.

Any thoughts?

Either that or Matt is really picking up the signals that Lucas wants something more than just friendship and he's saying these things in front of Lucas to try and drop hints that he's not into it.

???

 

[trawler69]

*Edit, I was typing at the same time as Chris and he posted first but he says it as well*


Lucas I have just gone back and re-read some of your posts to answer this.

I think he is at the very least Bi but suspect probably Gay. I do not think you will get a bad reaction from him, nothing you have said would indicate that you would. In all probability he will be really pleased you had the guts to tell him and that would be the case whatever his sexuality. Imagine his relief if he is Gay.

How would you feel if he took you to one side and said "would it freak you out if told you I was Gay" just imagine that relief.

In this case I think you will be the stronger man if do what Soilwork would advise "Grow a pair and go for it." His advice often sounds harsh but it is well meant he just doesn't beat around the bush, which is a bit what you are doing at the moment.

Good luck once again Lucas

 

[Elwood]

Put yourself out of misery and just tell him. You are over thinking it just tell him and get it over with, you are torturing yourself!! Yes it will hurt if his answer is not what you want to hear but at least you will be able to move on.

 

[Christopher123]

And if he's not really into me and really really straight.. (what do you honestly think? Is he or is he not based on everything so far)

There's no way for us to tell. He's been throwing off so many mixed signals I honestly don't know how you're getting through this without pulling every single last hair out of your head. Or, if you don't have hair on your head, from everywhere else!

I agree with Elwood, just tell him. If he backs off or tells you to get lost (which I really don't think he will, or at least I hope not) then realize he might just be a little scared and give him time to come around. Don't automatically think he dislikes you. It's just that some guys have a hard time dealing with that. It's a masculinity issue, mostly.

"OMG! My best friend just told me he was gay! And I've been hanging around this guy! Now everybody's gonna think I'm gay too!"

That's part of it, anyway. I lost a couple of friends when I started coming out to all of them. And yeah, I was hurt. But shit happens and life moves on. Most all of my friends understood and they still love me (for some ungodly reason, haha) and I think Matt would be the same way. But don't forget, you guys are in a situation where you're around lots of different people every day. And he's obviously feeling some of these vibes from you or he wouldn't be going around boasting about "man talk." Something is definitely up there.

Ultimately it's up to you to tell him or not. That's your choice. Just do what YOU feel is the right thing to do when you feel it's the right time to do it.

 

[3nipples]

Here are some of my thoughts summing up the last few days of posts.

Everybody seems to think that if it turns out that Matt is gay, it will automatically mean that he is romantically interested in Lucas. It's not a given. If he were hot for Lucas, I would expect him to show a bit more interest and to try to spend some time alone with him. He hasn't.

Given what we have heard, it's clear that Matt likes Lucas. There is a good chance that Matt is gay, but maybe not. When I first met the guy who is now my best friend, I was confused about the signals I was getting from him, including a lot of body contact the way Lucas describes. Turned out my guy was straight.

Jealousy is ugly. You will never, no matter what, become the only person in Matt's life. He told you straight out that you were welcome to join in his circle of friends and he appears to be making good on that suggestion by inviting you when he is with them. His intention must be to have you get to know them and to become friends with them also. You, however, are resentful of them and I don't know from your description, how obvious you are being. Are you are making any effort to get to know them better?

How much of an effort are you making to get to know Matt better? You hear him making references about girls with his friends but you don't ask him about it. "That girl you were talking about just now. Who is she? Is she someone you're interested in?" The trouble is, you're so afraid that he will turn around and ask you about your girlfriends, that you avoid showing interest. Don't you think that's holding you back?

 

[trawler69]

Lucas
Please think about 3nipples post above, he makes some valid points that I have covered, sometimes indirectly in my posts to you. And bear in mind that I am only expessing my thoughts and they are by no means "right". Only you can make the descision as to how you deal with it.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Lucas,

Well mate I dunno. This is hurting you badly now. Its gone on for too long and you dont need the constant head games. Its time to make a decision Lucas...for your own good.

Personally I think that you are along way further down the track with your acceptance of yourself and all that it means than this guy. You know who you are and that you want to be happy and with someone that cares for you - thats an amazing thing mate. But this guy???? He has no clue. Yeah I think he is scared and not ready or willing to deal, but Lucas, some guys stay that way for the rest of their lives. He is trying so hard to cover his tracks that its bloody scary with the man talk garbage.....

So it comes to this.

You either tell him for your own good...with the complete acceptance that nothing will come of it - because really now I'm not sure hes man enough to deal - but simply because you want to be open honest and respectfull in your life with those around you...

or

you dont. And you get away from this guy. And forget him.

I dont think the second is the right one for you but its there. Your too honest and sincere to play games Lucas. Tell him that your gay, let him sort his own shit out and be prepared to move on. Sounds so easy ....and I know its not. I know how big a struggle this is and has been - for most of us. But mate there comes a time to put yourself out of your misery...and this is it.

Ante up Lucas. It is time for MAN talk - the talk of men who are brave enough, strong enough and proud enough. Tell him, be honest and open. And make him do some thinking. You've invested more than enough here - its time to live your life and have people who are as good as you in it.

 

[Christopher123]

Here are some of my thoughts summing up the last few days of posts.

Everybody seems to think that if it turns out that Matt is gay, it will automatically mean that he is romantically interested in Lucas.

Nah, I don't think it's all that. Because you're right, it's not a given. But somewhere he's gotta start if he's going to find out at all.

I know something like this would drive me bananas. But knowing me, I wouldn't say anything at all and just back down from the whole thing. So I can understand how scared Lucas must be. But at the same time this is literally torturing him and it's time for the torture to stop.

Soon.

 

[Kyanimal]

Lucas,

Since I happen to like your name, I can understand someone wanting to say it over, and over, again! It has a nice sound!! But, what "Matt" may have meant by that, who knows? Only He does.

I think what Everyone is trying to tell You, here, (Yes, even Soilwork.) is that Your Life is precisely YOUR Life! You should live it as YOU wish, saying what YOU want, doing what YOU desire, being as True to Yourself, the Best "Lucas" that You can be! And, let "the chips" fall where they may!

Things will not always happen the way You may want them to. But at least they will happen Honestly! You react to people in Your own ways, and They will react to You in their own style. It's best to not "over think", or try to manipulate, but, rather, let LIFE unfold in it's own True ways to You! The REAL You!

Most regrets are over things we DIDN'T Do! And they are not something You really want to accumulate a lot of!

Relax! BE Lucas! And enjoy "Matt", and his friends, for whatever they may bring your way!

And ... of course ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lucas07]

Just an update I need to effin vent!!

So I bumped into him earlier, there he was again, just repeating and repeating and repeating my name playfully (with that smile again). We got to talk... He brings up his problems about his mates (a band), I give him advice and told him that It's their loss if they lose him (matt). Well that in itself is flattery I think. So there. We got to talk a little with a little body contact. Then suddenly girls and love life come into the scene... So we talk about this common friend of ours who's like really into girls, you know what I mean, and I go like.. "Well, just Look at us, we don't have a "love life!"" and Matt goes... "Yeah! We don't need that!" Lol. And his friends who I am already 'good' friends with now talk about him Always, and they mean, always, Matt trying to avoid talks about "love" and crushes and all that shit. So I was so happy Me and Matt got to talk today but I haven't told him yet. Wasn't the right time. Friends were there. Maybe tomorrow I'll see.

So yeah He was still the same matt.. I mean... It's really mixed. In person he doesn't change. But in other means of communication it seems like he's backing off - like in texting, IMs etc. I don't know. (again)

So it was time for him to leave. We were with around 8 people all of them our friends but most of them are closer to him (Matt introduced me to them a long time ago). i'm not over analyzing or anything, but he said the usual goodbye guys but he went like "Lucaaas, Luucaaass, Lucaaas... repeatedly, like before, playfully, looking at me with that smile and those eyes! I don't know If I'm the only one who sees this look of his or am I just imagining. Anyway, out of all the people, why the fck would he repeat my name over and over again when he said goodbye? Okay guys I know it's annoying. I just need to vent stuff.

And I was so happy I even got myself into a little accident because I was still thinking about him. I wasn't concentrating. Lol. I know! It's really stupid.

I know.. JUST TELL HIM ALREADY!
Soon guys. I'll let you know what happens..

So yeah... Just venting.
This is the only place I can vent these things

 

[trawler69]

"Lucaaas, Luucaaass, Lucaaas... repeatedly, like before, playfully, looking at me with that smile and those eyes!

It's almost like he's inviting you!

I know.. JUST TELL HIM ALREADY!
Soon guys. I'll let you know what happens..

I need say no more

 

[Lucas07]

Okay. Update.
I'm quitting on Matt. Period. I'm tired of this shit.
Well, unless he suddenly decides to pour some effort as much as I did.
But I'm tired of this. There's gotta be someone else out there.

I'm thinking of going out with a girl now.. I'm bi but I think I'm more into guys.. I'm just attracted to them more. Maybe I'm gay I don't know.. But I'm still attracted to girls.

I'm really lonely right now... I want someone I could actually talk to, have fun with, and just be myself with, and be open with. I want someone to call... Someone to message... Someone who would reciprocate my emotions. But I'm having trouble looking. Damnit I'm so closeted. And maybe all the good looking masculine guys out there are really closeted too. This is so hard. I hate society for making such a big deal out of sexuality. Lol.

It seems like an impossible task... Finding someone.

I think I'm tooo scared. I'm reallyy scared to do something. I just hope someone out there likes me enough and is brave enough to try to be "close" to me as a start..

Damnit. i know I should start coming out.. But that's another problem... I'm havingn a hard time trusting people.. I always think about.. what if they tell? I so need to tell someone just so I have someone to actually talk to about these things in person and someone who's there who knows and I can be open to. I'm having a hard time opening up because of my trust issues... I feel like I can trust no one. And I am not "close" to anyone. Seriously.

Well that's it.
Moving on...

 

[trawler69]

Sorry to hear that Lucas. Sad to see you go through all that shit again. I think yo'll find that it not really society making it a big issue, but you making it a big issue. You say you are going to give up on Matt unles he puts in as much effort as you have. Sure you've put in mental effort but you haven't actually said anything or done anything physical to indicate your feelings. True you have traded mutual admiration, that's what friends do, mutual masturbation might more effective

Well it's your choice I am just sad to see you throw away the best opportunity you have.