An Update :
I came out to Matt last night!
Finally did it, of course, couldn't have done it without "YOUR"
help.
How did it go? Here's the whole story
Days before I told him to go online since I wanted to tell him something, as you guys know, I've been hinting like craaaazyyy since day 1. I was finally gaining the courage to tell him, even face to face, but conditions were just never right so i just asked him to please go online as it is private, one on one, and etc.
I have been asking him "when are you going to be online" and stuff like that through text and finally he did go online yesterday. He messaged me first about stuff he was supposed to send me. I knew this is it. The moment of truth.
My heart was pounding! It hurt like crap. I was cold, I felt like I needed a blanket. I told him "Can I talk to you" and of course he said "Sure. Just wait a minute I have to put beers in the freezer". I was shaking now, It was such a different feeling. I was about to tell this guy something I hold my deepest secret. I was about to reveal my "real self".
So he came back. I told him about how hard it was for me to do this, and how serious and important this was.. I was so nervous. I was doing deep breaths in and out, trying to compose myself. Was I about to do it? I'm already in the prelude. I was still typing or should I say waiting for that final surge of courage to press the enter key. My fingers were flying over the key just waiting for the final push. I have already typed in the "message" that contained everything, I kept him waiting for minutes, me trying to get myself together. So I copied it first, erased it and told him "sorry, I'm still typing" just showing you how nervous I was. He responded "no problem. Take all your time". It was a nice thing he was still there to wait for me, If I had taken the time as he said, it would have been hours. I felt like a mess! I've been doing breathing and all that shit pregnant women do. You get the picture.
So I've pasted "the message" i've typed before. My finger is just inches away from pressing the enter key and finally sending that message into cyberspace to him. An angel (hahaha
) Finally told me to do it. I just had to press it and it's all over. I was just wimping out and looking for other reasons not to. It had to be done. So I said, a countdown would make this so much fun. So there was a countdown. 10 seconds, but it was literally a second. The 3 letter word screamed it's meaning at me..
NOW
The muscles in my arm lifting my hand finally relaxed. I let it drop and pressed the enter key. My message is sent. It finally hit me. Oh my, I even having a hard time putting it into words right now. The feeling is immense. I felt like screaming. I so wanted a hug so tight that felt like the sun.
Did I just do that? DID I JUST DO THAT? I kept asking myself in my mind. I was still trembling. Holy shit. I just did it. So it was the longest few seconds in my life waiting.
Finally Matt responded.
"you know what... In highschool I thought I was gay. But I'm not. I may be bi to the extremes"
"That's okay..."
He understood where I was. He even told me about himself. I won't put the whole dialogue here, I would try to make things short.
So Matt is not gay... he is bi. At least that's what he thinks and is at now. I came out to him and he somewhat came out to me too. Like what he said before when we talked "give and take". It was unbelievable that he understood and he actually went through what I have been going through. So we're both bi. For him love isn't connected to sexuality.
Those 2 female friends I've been talking about. They knew all along. So he told me there were 3 of us who knew about him.
The feeling after this is all surreal. I still can't believe that happened, the day after. I finally dropped it. I trusted him, i took the plunge. And in return he told me stuff he hasn't told me before.
I'm really happy now that he accepted me. He listened and he opened up too. I look forward to the development of our friendship. I know that has made us much closer. I look forward to the future and what this might bring as good friends. We could be so much open to each other now. In fact, yesterday when saying our goodbyes, for the first time, we exchanged hugs and really, it was different already. This friendship has grown and matured for the better.
I thank you guys for all the support you have given me. For all the advice along the way. The time you have alloted for typing, the thought you have poured into them. Thank you for your kindness. Thanks for the hugs
Couldn't have done it without this community.
Thank you guys!
Why can't there be a sun and pizza emoticon here. Oh well.
*wink wink*
This is a new start!
The beginning!
Wow, I actually did it.
Luacs. For Fuck Sakes. Open ur pie-hole and say what's on ur mind. 
