What is he thinking?

[jockboy01]

that reply sounds good from him and doesn't sound like he was just being nice. If I were him and not interested, I would have preempted your visit with something like "I'll try but I'm really busy during that time". So I think things are looking up.

I too like the leaving things to him to plan. But I don't think that WHAT he plans is that important. More important is that he plans to spend time with you.

You're doing great!! I'm so happy for you!

 

[G-Lexington]

Guilt? I doubt it. If he didn't want anything more to do with you, it would've been easy as anything to just not contact you again. So apparently he IS interested in seeing you again. Cool deal

But don't let the lessons of the last few days go unlearned. Don't get obsessive, and if you do, don't let it show. Text him your basic schedule, and when you'll be free to do something. "I'll be coming into town on Thursday night and leaving Sunday morning. Right now, Saturday looks like the best day to hook up, and I'm up for pretty much anything. Let me know if you're free and available."

Lex

 

[confusedboy23]

Thank you jockboy and thanks Lex! I must say that it felt really good just to finally hear from him. I really hope that you both are right and that he IS interested in seeing me and hanging out with me.

Lex, thanks for reminding me to keep my obsession in check! I sure do not want to screw things up now.

There is a little problem though. Maybe I am thinking a little too much, or imagining things.

See, I checked his page today at 7am and realized that he DID log on this morning (I assume it would have been very early) but he DID NOT open and read my message (the one I sent as a reply to him yesterday, the one telling him to plan things etc).

I am thinking he could have just logged on for a minute or two, and have overlooked it. Or, could he have purposely ignored my message? That seems to be bothering me right now. I guess I just need to wait and see when he replies me.

If you were him, would you have ignored me now? I mean, you could have ignored me from yesterday I guess. Or could he be having second thoughts?

I am not sure if he still uses the same cell number so I guess I really cannot text him and I need to rely on this form of messaging online! It is annoying but it also keeps me from texting him too much!

Anyway that's my rant this morning. Thanks guys!

 

[jockboy01]

haha... I shouldn't laugh but it's kind of funny. It is very possible that he didn't have time to really check email or he got pulled away for something after logging in. I wouldn't read too much into that.

 

[confusedboy23]

I think you were just love-struck, or just overly anxious of

loosing someone that you think had an instant click with!?

but how can you be sure if he is for real if you only known

him for a couple of hours!?



Personally it freaks me out if someone who I just met

comes across as desperate or anxious by leaving me

messages on my cell phone. I like to take it slow when

I am interested in someone, mainly because I much

prefer to develop a friendship so that I can get to

know him without pressures, and give him a chance

to get to know the real me!!




Leandro

I was love-struck, and was indeed very scared of losing someone whom I could feel a 'click' with. It's been a long, long time since I've met someone like that.

I have never intended to jump into a relationship with him right away. All I wanted to do was make sure that I don't lose him as a friend because I know well enough that we do need to get to know each other better before anything else.

I guess I wanted him to know that I really enjoyed being with him, and I really, really want to get to know him.

Looking back at what had happened today (my last post), I know it's kinda silly for me to have thought so much of so little.

It is only another 2 weeks before I fly to see him again, and I'm hoping that I'll stay sane until then, and that it will be a good time again.

 

[Riverrick]

Well, Confusedboy, despite your worries and obsessions, he still seems to be in the game. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not for you, ultimately. As bad as you felt with him not contacting you, it seemed you were coming down slowly from the frenzy and were starting to see things clearer.

So, yes, its nice to hear from him and know that he's not uninterested, but when does the part come where you recover yourself and feel whole again? I'm concerned that you are living in fear and not in joy and love.

I do wish the best for you....you know that. Mostly I wish that you feel some peace again in your life. I hope this path leads you there.


</IMG>

 

[backpacker]

You're a little like me, when you meet someone you like, you want to go full stream ahead. There are other guys like us, but many also like to take things very slowly. I remind myself all the time to slow down.

I'm sensing that he may have some mixed feelings. Maybe a fear of getting involved too quickly or of a LDR. There's even a possibility that he is seeing someone else and that's complicating matters for him. The best thing you can do is take things slowly and don't read too much into any single event.

You sound like a great guy. I hope things work out for you.

 

[confusedboy23]

Well, Confusedboy, despite your worries and obsessions, he still seems to be in the game. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not for you, ultimately. As bad as you felt with him not contacting you, it seemed you were coming down slowly from the frenzy and were starting to see things clearer.

So, yes, its nice to hear from him and know that he's not uninterested, but when does the part come where you recover yourself and feel whole again? I'm concerned that you are living in fear and not in joy and love.

I do wish the best for you....you know that. Mostly I wish that you feel some peace again in your life. I hope this path leads you there.


</IMG>

Thanks Riverrick for your kind words. I sure hope that I will once be able to find that peace inside of me someday soon. I hate living in constant fear and anxiety, and I think you know too that I have had enough of it all but I cannot seem to find a way out just as yet.

As for "this path", I don't know where it will lead me to. I just feel compelled to walk it, to take the chance and do whatever I can and should to reach my destination. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will work out the way I would love it to, but until then, I guess I will just have to persevere.

Wish me luck!

 

[-Ryan-]

good luck!

i just may be your other clone on this matter...

 

[confusedboy23]

You're a little like me, when you meet someone you like, you want to go full stream ahead. There are other guys like us, but many also like to take things very slowly. I remind myself all the time to slow down.

I'm sensing that he may have some mixed feelings. Maybe a fear of getting involved too quickly or of a LDR. There's even a possibility that he is seeing someone else and that's complicating matters for him. The best thing you can do is take things slowly and don't read too much into any single event.

You sound like a great guy. I hope things work out for you.

I'm glad to know that I ain't the only one that likes to go fast. It's not easy slowing down but I'm trying......

I appreciate your frankness, vetteboi. In a previous post, you mentioned about him possibly doing what he did (second dinner) because of guilt. Now, in this post, you've mentioned about his fears (getting too involved too quickly, LDRs....).

All these are very real indeed and I must say that I too have had some thoughts about them. I know there is not much I can do if these are the realities, so I guess I just need to hang in there, and do whatever I can to hang on to my hopes.

Thanks for your best wishes!

 

[confusedboy23]

haha... I shouldn't laugh but it's kind of funny. It is very possible that he didn't have time to really check email or he got pulled away for something after logging in. I wouldn't read too much into that.

jockboy, I think you're right. He must have gotten pulled away because he sure has not logged on since which is the norm - he shouldn't have that much time to spend online!

I still have yet to hear back from him since Sunday. I ain't sure if he still has the same cell phone number so I cannot really text him (but I'd imagine you can still keep the same number even when your phone is stolen, huh?). Maybe I should just text him later this week to say "Hey, I've got my flight tickets!".

I guess what's really bothering me now is the "what if I fly there and he cancels on me?". Maybe that's just a chance I have to take......

I have until this weekend to take advantage of the special airfare that I have found......

 

[youngnihilist]

you're still worrying. i've been there. the only way it works is if you don't worry and basically don't even care. in the beginning that's tough, yuo learn overtime.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>the only way it works is if you don't worry and basically don't even care.

Um, kinda. It's just a matter of letting the relationship grow at a natural pace.

Picture growing a plant in your kitchen. Yes, it needs attention - light, water, maybe a bit of plant food. But it's useless to obsess over it. There's no need to check the soil every ten minutes, or constantly turn the light higher and lower, or think, "Maybe it needs just a bit MORE water...maybe a BIT more..." Such overworrying might actually end up damaging and perhaps killing the plant. Be attentive, but trust the plant to grow.

Lex

 

[confusedboy23]

Picture growing a plant in your kitchen. Yes, it needs attention - light, water, maybe a bit of plant food. But it's useless to obsess over it. There's no need to check the soil every ten minutes, or constantly turn the light higher and lower, or think, "Maybe it needs just a bit MORE water...maybe a BIT more..." Such overworrying might actually end up damaging and perhaps killing the plant. Be attentive, but trust the plant to grow.

Lex

Thanks Lex. You are absolutely right on being overattentive, over-obsessed about something. Just like the one who checks on the plant every 10 minutes, I do admit that on most days, I check on my cell phone every 10 minutes to make sure that I don't have a missed call or a text, and when there is none, I usually only feel shittier!

On trusting the plant to grow, I sure will. You've mentioned trust today, and for some reason, my boss and I had a chat on 'faith' just two days ago.

 

[confusedboy23]

It's been a week now, and I think I have succeeded in keeping myself in check and less obsessive.

I texted him very early Thursday morning for no real reason, just telling him I was bored at work, was looking at airfares, and was going to book my tickets that day. He replied a few minutes later with "That's awesome. Bla bla bla". So I replied "I just hope that I make it through today, it's a sucky day". He replied "It would be tragic if you didn't. Bla bla bla".

I sure did buy my plane tickets that day and texted him Thursday night saying "Hey, I got my tickets. Arriving *date* at *time*. See you soon!". I got no reply to that.

Most of you guys here have told me to remember not to show my obsessiveness so I sure did not text him or anything at all. I did see him on AIM on Sunday so I said 'Hi' but he did not reply and I couldn't stay for long, so I just logged off and went about doing my things. Work has been hectic so I guess that's a good thing to keep my mind busy and occupied.

I know I shouldn't be reading into any single event any more than what they mean, and I am trying not to. I guess I am just way too excited about my upcoming trip to see him again next weekend but at the same time, I am very very nervous and scared.

It's now Tuesday, so it's been like 5 days since we exchanged messages.

Any thoughts?

 

[Riverrick]

I'd say on his part, he probably is interested in seeing you again. But that is just one thing going on in his busy life. Thus he doesn't text and call much.

When you first meet someone and are not sure where it is going, its normal to play it low key and keep the communication to a minimum, mostly talking about how was your day and when are we getting together again. I wouldn't read anything more into his actions. He seems pretty normal about the whole thing so far.

Good luck with your trip. Try to talk about your fears in the meantime, rather than act them out. Its a healthier way to deal with them.

 

[jockboy01]

I agree with riverrick. I think he's interested but just isn't thinking about it right now because of the rest of the stuff in life.

 

[IHeartMarco]

Is it honestly necessary to report back every single time you send a text message? Imagine if he actually saw this thread....I'd be mortified.

 

[boy0boy]

Well seems many have had lots to say. But I thought I'd throw my two cents in on something that really upset me.

As all of you can see what trouble confusedboy is going through, it really bothers me how he got this way. Other than his own inclinations, having abandonment issues is a serious thing. I have had someone bail on me, just cold turkey ignored me and disappeared. Its not a healthy thing to do. You really screw with people when you leave them with unanswered questions. and no you dont need a ten page report on why its not working, but be a MAN and face up to your problems.

I feel for ya

 

[confusedboy23]

I'd say on his part, he probably is interested in seeing you again. But that is just one thing going on in his busy life. Thus he doesn't text and call much.

When you first meet someone and are not sure where it is going, its normal to play it low key and keep the communication to a minimum, mostly talking about how was your day and when are we getting together again. I wouldn't read anything more into his actions. He seems pretty normal about the whole thing so far.

Good luck with your trip. Try to talk about your fears in the meantime, rather than act them out. Its a healthier way to deal with them.

I don’t doubt that he is busy with his work and stuff hence I have tried to keep that in mind. But just as excited as I am to get on that plane next weekend, I have been haunted by thoughts of what had happened last year when my ex decided to suddenly not turn up to our little getaway before I had to leave town. It was a nightmare and it sure did take me many many months to get over it. That was the start of the end for us.

Although my ex and I were a lot more closer than me and this “new guy” – it just freaks me out to even contemplate of the whole drama unfolding again.

My ex and I were almost glued to each other. I mean, we were always on IM all day long, and would talk on the phone, text each other, and we would meet up as much as we could. We were stuck with each other from the moment we met online, way before we even talked about “being together”. Granted he was only an hour’s drive away from where I was then, now this “new guy” is like 2 hours away by plane.

I know many of you guys have doubts on the workability of LDRs but I guess my problem now is, how do you even be better friends in my situation? I mean, if we don’t text or talk that much, is there hope of even being friends?

See, I texted him today just to wish him Happy Halloween and see you next week - but I have yet to hear from him. It saddens me somewhat but I am not letting go of the hope inside of me just as yet. I am telling myself he could be different. And, we all are unique creatures so maybe he's not the type who does random texting.

I guess maybe this takes a more “slowly but surely” way and I am ready to wait and allow time to take its course. It doesn’t stop the fear of the unknown inside of me though.

I’m just going to rant here whenever I think of something. I guess it is true that it will be better ranting here than obsessively texting him.

I agree with riverrick. I think he's interested but just isn't thinking about it right now because of the rest of the stuff in life.

I guess it is a good sign when not one, but at least two people are saying that he’s still interested in hanging out with me at the very least. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this trip will turn out well.