What is your opinion on men who say "I'm not into the gay scene"

[Rex]

Something I see frequently is on gay or bi men's profile or even in person is "I'm not into the scene" or "I don't like the gay scene".


Simple question.

What's your opinion on guys who feel that way?

 

[Corny]

He probably is cheating on someone or very deep in the closet.

Guys who are just not into the scene usually don't care about it either and thus don't mention it.

 

[Locutus7]

@Hard-up1: ^^^ THIS. Thanks for expressing it so well.

 

[NineOfClubs]

If you're "not into the gay scene" you're probably into a very dull straight scene....

 

[Corny]

I don't think that is always the case.

just talking from my experience. people like those that you described usually just don't mention "the scene" in their profile.
also i consider this statement pretty silly. dating sites nowadays are part of the "scene".

it's the same with people who emphasize on every possible that they are so straight "acting" and don't like femme guys. they usually have other issues. and many of them are more queeny than any other guy who is just himself and doesn't need to distance themselves from other gays because he feels uncomfortable around them and in his own skin.

 

[Rex]

Why would that have to be true?

Are hikes dull?

Are museums?

Are concerts?

Are square dancers dull?

Are camping trips dull?

Are amusement parks dull?

Are road trips dull?

Are hot dates making out dull?

Are cinemas and exciting new movies dull?

Are off-road outings dull?

Are ski trips dull?

Are Jetskis dull?

Are motorcycle rides dull?

Are classes taken together dull?

Are triathlons dull?

Are hunting trips dull?

Are trips to buy plants at the nursery dull?



It isn't fair to limit the definition of fun or exciting to bars and/or the scene. Many of us find life plenty exciting and fun without including bars or clubs. Alternatively, we're not sitting in the study with a good book and pining to be at the ball.

Respectfully offered.

And on that note I can see this thread getting way off track and turning into a big fight.

 

[MTLDude]

Something I see frequently is on gay or bi men's profile or even in person is "I'm not into the scene" or "I don't like the gay scene".


Simple question.

What's your opinion on guys who feel that way?

I always answer them: The night is young!

 

[blotterboy]

I say I'm not into the gay scene, but when I say that it's meant as, I am not into cruising the castro for cock, the gay club thing or stuff like that.
I don't do A gay or anti A gay fundraisers and just groove to some good music with some scotch and pretend my hawk is not trendy lol.
I get or at least try to get that mentality. Some folks are not down with the meat rack and shit. I think thats where it comes from

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Why would that have to be true?

Are hikes dull?
Are museums?
Are concerts?
Are square dancers dull?
Are camping trips dull?
Are amusement parks dull?
Are road trips dull?
Are hot dates making out dull?
Are cinemas and exciting new movies dull?
Are off-road outings dull?
Are ski trips dull?
Are Jetskis dull?
Are motorcycle rides dull?
Are classes taken together dull?
Are triathlons dull?
Are hunting trips dull?
Are trips to buy plants at the nursery dull?

... If done with straight people, pretty much, YES. DULL.

I agree that if a guy is refusing to go to a gay bar, he's probably hiding a LOT of people who'd recognize him that have slept with him that he doesn't want to deal with seeing again.

 

[ChickenGuy]

I don't mind telling you that I myself am not into the gay scene either.

But this is assuming that we're all agreed on the definiiton of 'gay scene'.

When I think 'gay scene' I think....


....bars, clubs, rave music, flashing lights, heavy drinking, hooking up, casual sex, light drugs, all-night parties....


....all of which I am just not interested in.

I really dislike that whole image, and the common belief amongst many that this is the 'mainstream gay culture'.

It is not who I am, and it does nothing for me.

 

[Telstra]

"gay scene" to me is:
guys who are going to gay clubs very often or every week. They are into the noisy music night life.

 

[quasar]

ChickenGuy and Telstra's posts would be my definition of the 'gay scene'. So taking this definition I would say that I'm also not into the gay scene, and so would be more inclined to correspond with someone who isn't into the gay scene.

Of course, because I've been there, done it, written the book and bought the t-shirt it doesn't hold the same fascination for me that it did when I first came out.

 

[Corny]

I don't mind telling you that I myself am not into the gay scene either.

But this is assuming that we're all agreed on the definiiton of 'gay scene'.

When I think 'gay scene' I think....


....bars, clubs, rave music, flashing lights, heavy drinking, hooking up, casual sex, light drugs, all-night parties....

I think this post may help the discussion, as it seems people see different things as "scene" here.
I don't get where it is coming from that the "scene" solely means hookups and parties. The "scene" for me is every part of the gay subculture.
Chickenguy was on a CSD/pride march. That is part of the scene. JUB is a part of the scene. As are gay dating websites .. whether you are looking for hookups or LTRs doesn't really matter.
Would you like the term "gay subculture" better?
In the end labels don't matter.

As many see straight people ,who have to express their disgust with "the homos" all the time, as "suspicious"; I see gays, who have to express their disgust with "the scene" all the time, as "suspicious". In both cases there are usually underlying issues to make them that vocal about it.
People who just don't care about the homos or the scene - just don't care about them.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

I'm pretty burnt on the gay scene even though I go to clubs/barsregulary its boring however some of my friends won't do anything on a club/bar level that is a different scene. Thats all they do. If I ask them to go to a alternative, goth, or rock-n-roll club there is no way in hell they will do it, and promptly tell you that isn't their "scene". I mean sometimes its a lot of fun to hit a dance club or gay event.

You wanna go to a movie I may ask them, oh no thats not the gay film festival we only go to the gay film festival.... (fuck a bunch of gay film festival non-stop)
You wanna go camping at the National Forest I may ask, oh no thats not a camp campground where we can go skinny dipping at Rikki Lake, ...
You wanna go to the beach? Oh no we can't go to"that" beach we can only go to the gay beach. Even though the beach area I bring up is a nicer, more cool area they won't do it, they can't have sex or be nude on the gay beach locally but that it the only place they can go.


I am not in the closet, and I hang around all types of guys, so that noise about being deep in the closet , shamed , or hateful of others mannerisms doesn't hold water.

By the way a lot of this gay scene crap is used against gay guys such as myself who are ridiculed in the scene social areas as not fitting in. Rude or stupid comments are a weekly occurrence directed towards us commonly by the right type of gay scene dudes in the clubs. Yet it never bothered me but go to a forum like the LGBT heavy metal forums and ask the question regarding experiences by those gay guys receive in a gay scene club or other social event,..... I can pretty much tell you you won't hear much positive.

Why should I as a gay man be restricted to drag shows, T-dances, dance music instead of mingling in with everyone else? It would be nice to be accepted however I know the reality and those days are a bit off still. Being gay for me is just part of my essence and no more interesting to a straight guy I might meet in a social arena like a rock club compared to other things in life we have in common which is much more bonding perhaps then just who we fuck, if we fuck anyone.

 

[bambam]

Perhaps using the term "gay scene" is wrong.

I'm gay. I don't enjoy hanging out in clubs with music booming. I don't normally enjoy dance music. I don't enjoy drag, I don't enjoy shopping, etc. I enjoy hiking, camping, watching football and being outdoors. I enjoy being around and being "with" men. I don't think that means I have unresolved issues.

Gay men come in many different "styles." Accept the more "feminine" and also accept the more "masculine" ones. We don't all have to be the same. And if a guy doesn't use the most appropriate words to describe what type of guy he's looking for, well, just move on. It doesn't concern you. We all have filters we use to find Mr. Right. Mine won't work for you. Yours won't work for me.

 

[Corny]

if you ask some metal/goth/punk guy if the metal/goth/punk "scene" would be " abar/club scene" they would disagree.
as much as I disagree with "bar/club scene" being the gay scene. there is a gay bar/club scene, but it is not "the gay scene" ..

 

[quasar]

...there is a gay bar/club scene, but it is not "the gay scene" ..

But here in the UK, 'scene' refers to the bar/club scene - not to dating sites, pride marches etc. It seems to be locally specific rather than all encompassing.

For example, many people go on the London, Manchester. Birmingham pride marches that never go to local bars and clubs and therefore wouldn't class themselves as part of the 'scene'.

 

[cliffdweller]

My immediate reaction is to ask what they mean by "the gay scene." Sounds suspiciously like "the gay lifestyle" to me.

 

[medic1]

To Quasar

You are so right in the UK the scene means something diffrent
you say tomato i say well you get the idea .

 

[Sam Blum]

I always took "scene" to refer to the pub & club scene. I'm not into the gay scene in this sense. I also don't really do the special events thing unless it's something extraordinary and the organisers are actually organised in advance enough for me to comfortably participate.

That said, I attend the symphony, the opera and the ballet, and truth be told - it doesn't really get much gayer than these...