What is your opinion on men who say "I'm not into the gay scene"

[altlover85]

"Horrible" not as "bad" but as "shocking" for so hitting the nail on the head in a crude way, isn't it?

Like it's not a stretch to say that plenty of people see clubs as places for getting high on drugs and crappy tunes and covering criminal activities, not places in which to meet people and have fun 8)

Let's put it this way, given the relatively small sample size, there aren't many people on here that mentioned JUB as being part of the scene.

So you are proudly contradicting yourself.

No, you're not making any sense.

To me a scene generally means interacting with people by going to a place and being in an environment. It means physically going there and interacting with people on a physical basis, so you could see and touch them.

 

[belamyi]

Honestly?

That's not a stretch. I don't meet people at clubs because I barely hear them. If anything, I go to clubs with the folks I know.

Tomatoes, tomatoes.

But yes, the folks that use the term "scene" generally aren't using it to describe message boards.

The term "scene and be seen" exists for a reason. It doesn't apply to places like JUB, even if you're cam-whoring it up. It just doesn't count.

And there is an "and" there for a reason..: because they don't go together, they are put together, and then people get used to it... but restricted and views usages are one thing, no matter how common and widely accepted, and another how things are according to a wider, deeper understanding.

 

[Corny]

(hint: when I say "bar," I don't mean "straight bar." There's no such thing as a "straight bar." Bars are for drinking, while gay bars are specifically for gay men)

it seems there is a fundamental difference between the "scene" (however you would define it) as many here seem to know it and what goes on here. there are "gay bars" like that, however in ~90% of the gay bars I wouldn't have a problem bringing straight friends or women there. yet i prefer "regular" bars, but for other reasons (music being the main one ..).

Those are the gay men I avoid. I've never wrote it quite like that on my profile, but when I had a profile at D-List, I did write some pretty negative opinions towards some of the guys in Chelsea and Hell's Kitchen, which I guess is the same thing.

While this is different than the initial question asked by the OP, it is similar off-putting to me. If a person that advertises him/herself on a dating website or any other community lashes out or writes hateful things against people who are or behave just different then them, even before I know the person at all .. sorry I am not interested.

I don't even see charities or fundraisers are part of the "scene." To me, "scene" implies "superficial." The word just has a negative connotation. I don't equate the internet with it much, either.

I don't see the negative connotation. As I mentioned earlier, most groups whether it are goths/punks/metalheads/emos/roleplayers/hackers .. are proud of their subculture and scene.

(Or better yet, listing the interests they actually enjoy).

Yes, much better. One might actually learn something positive from the person. Even if you don't share the interest, it at least shows that the person maybe has a passion for something that isn't hating on people that are or behave different. Seems to be a rare trait nowadays

 

[belamyi]

Let's put it this way, given the relatively small sample size, there aren't many people on here that mentioned JUB as being part of the scene.

Let's put it this way, given the relatively big sample size, there aren't many people out there who believe gay people are "normal" people.
You are appealing to the blind force of number as a solid reason.

No, you're not making any sense.

To me a scene generally means interacting with people by going to a place and being in an environment. It means physically going there and interacting with people on a physical basis, so you could see and touch them.

I'm not making any sense to someone "debating the idea that a scene can be something that's not a physical place" who, on the other hand, cares about "consequences", which is the word for non-physical links established between physical facts.

 

[geloge]

I don't hit very much the "gay scene" but when some people write that in their dating profiles it uses to mean straight acting wich uses to mean in closet.

 

[Corny]

I understand that. I just feel as though most gays (for whatever reason) use the term "scene" differently. Rarely do I see "scene" and "culture" mentioned so similarly among gay men.

for the same reasons those people have to line out on every occasion possible that they are not like stereotypical gays from TV. so they use the term "scene" to distance themselves from something that they do not wish to be seen as a part of by labeling everything that they dislike as the scene, while excluding that part of the scene that they are a part of.

i have never seen metalheads trying to divide their scene between bars and festivals. although the people attending the one or the other frequently can be quite different.

 

[altlover85]

Let's put it this way, given the relatively big sample size, there aren't many people out there who believe gay people are "normal" people.
You are appealing to the blind force of number as a solid reason.
I'm not making any sense to someone "debating the idea that a scene can be something that's not a physical place" who, on the other hand, cares about "consequences", which is the word for non-physical links established between physical facts.

I'm not sure where you're getting your facts about gay people not being normal according to most people, but if you have citations I'd be glad to see them.

I never used the word "consequences", if anything I was talking about results, but even that misses my point.

I'm saying a scene is generally not something that you can be a part of without being at a place. You are the one that brought bombings into this.

 

[DigitalFudge]

I am not into the gay scene at all.


Why does that make me closeted?

 

[Corny]

I am bringing in certain music "scenes" because those are examples that everybody can relate to and also those "scenes" are scientifically quite good examined. As you said yourself, just being gay doesn't make you part of the scene. And neither is being gay a prerequisite of being a part of it. I know straight people that are "deeper" into it than I ever will be.


I am not talking about you, I am talking about "those" people as in "those" that the OP is talking about. I am merely discussing your points, yet it seems you are feeling personally attacked by it for no reason. I am still talking about reasons for people to have such statements in their profile, it seems you feel personally challenged because I don't agree with your definition and dissect your arguments. I thought this was a rather interesting discussion but it seems you don't see it like that or it is a touchy subject for you ..
I don't know, I'll just refrain from replying to your arguments and focus on the other voices in this discussion.

 

[Audio Tech]

Hmmm.... to me, "the scene" means the desire to hook up with strangers for one night, bath houses for the same reason, clubs and bars as well as what's found on sites like manhunt, etc. Now maybe, when I was 18 and unbelievably horny, that would have been an option. But not for a 47yo MAN. In fact, the whole thing has made me feel depressed again, realizing that I don't like sex as "sport". I NEED to want someone, emotionally. Not only am I gay, but there's something WRONG with me by not "acting gay". Not sure if my meaning comes across correctly.... but anyway, I'm totally over it.

Since coming out, I have to my dismay seen much of this behavior while looking for a date. You are either never good enough, ripped enough, or god forbid you want to actually KNOW someone before sex!

So to me, that is "the scene". I am old enough to know what I want, and that is a real relationship without fooling around on the side. I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering if the next test comes back positive. I want to love someone, and only THAT someone, and vice versa.

So if I say I don't want part of the (in my perception) "scene", it means that if all you want is a quick fuck, don't even talk to me. It's a way to try to weed out those people.

And indeed I did. Wish me luck.

 

[Corny]

I searched a bit for publications about the gay scene and subculture and found this in an old Der Spiegel article on the abolished sodomy laws from 1973, quoting Dannecker and Reiche:

Alle Orte, an denen sich Homosexuelle nicht nur zufällig treffen, seien sie nun öffentlich zugänglich oder nicht

All locations where homosexuals meet without a coincidence, whether they are public or not

 

[belamyi]

I'm not sure where you're getting your facts about gay people not being normal according to most people, but if you have citations I'd be glad to see them.

I hope you never need to get a punch in your face or your rights to wake up to that crude reality.

I never used the word "consequences", if anything I was talking about results, but even that misses my point.

Result, consequence, cause and effect... the same way of manipulating "facts" by labelling them with words supposedly describing what they ARE. You do miss your own point but, hey, it's all about intention and what's in your head and your non-physical will and convictions, not what is in [non-physical?] words.

I'm saying a scene is generally not something that you can be a part of without being at a place. You are the one that brought bombings into this.

Like I said, you are assuming a particular sense, not even the main one, for the real one, or the one really relevant because it's the one you generally gather from non-existing [STRIKE]places[/STRIKE] entities like message boards or mouth-to-ear conversations in which people agree to mess up everything in the same way.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Something I see frequently is on gay or bi men's profile or even in person is "I'm not into the scene" or "I don't like the gay scene".


Simple question.

What's your opinion on guys who feel that way?

simple answer then? is what?

ya know this question do da circuts every day across internet

if discover planet it same fa eva

-

how many noses humans got? < dat hard one

 

[bigwhiskers65]

To me , it means they are just not into the bars and parades .
Has nothing to do with being closeted in my opinion.

 

[Homothug]

Yea most guys who aren't into the "scene" won't put it in their profiles.

In my experience guys who say that are either..

1. Mature
and when i say mature I mean men in their their late 30's +. Alot of the times those men have been there and done that.

2. In the closet
Obvious reason

3. Isn't very social with other openly gay men


look I am not into the "scene" as well, but I'm in my 20's and sometimes I want to hang out with my gay friends and that doesn't include smoking weed and playing video games alot of the times. That includes going to a gay bar or club getting drunk, possibly hooking up with a guy and possibly rolling.

 

[hylas]

agree mostly with corny. a statement like "im not into the gay scene" makes me suspicious. he might be closeted, self-loathing (why does he feel the need to distance himself specifically from the 'gay scene'?), or otherwise off-putting (he got rejected often for some off-putting qualities, thats why he doesnt like the 'gay scene' anymore).

its not that big a deal for me though, i wouldnt write him off immediately just because of it... its just a red flag.

 

[altlover85]

I hope you never need to get a punch in your face or your rights to wake up to that crude reality.

So you have no sources.

Result, consequence, cause and effect... the same way of manipulating "facts" by labelling them with words supposedly describing what they ARE. You do miss your own point but, hey, it's all about intention and what's in your head and your non-physical will and convictions, not what is in [non-physical?] words.

So if I fall and break my arm, that's not a result of the fall? How are words manipulating anything in the fact that a message board is not a physical place?

I would say intention is more important here as there are no hard and fast facts. We are talking about opinions here, not facts.

Like I said, you are assuming a particular sense, not even the main one, for the real one, or the one really relevant because it's the one you generally gather from non-existing [STRIKE]places[/STRIKE] entities like message boards or mouth-to-ear conversations in which people agree to mess up everything in the same way.

There are multiple definitions for words. I'm simply talking about my definition and the definition that some others are using.

You are good at obfuscating though.

 

[belamyi]

So if I fall and break my arm, that's not a result of the fall? How are words manipulating anything in the fact that a message board is not a physical place?

Following your own logic, it's not. I don't see it that way myself, but I'd expect that at least you believe your own logic.

I would say intention is more important here as there are no hard and fast facts. We are talking about opinions here, not facts.

You mean intentions are harder, more solid that facts... more reliable, what??
Yeah, and opinions shape the world. Just because opinions say so.

There are multiple definitions for words. I'm simply talking about my definition and the definition that some others are using.

You are good at obfuscating though.

Obfuscated people getting entangled in words and meanings don't need anyone to confuse them even more.

 

[altlover85]

Following your own logic, it's not. I don't see it that way myself, but I'd expect that at least you believe your own logic.

Break the logic down for me.

You mean intentions are harder, more solid that facts... more reliable, what??

I'm still confused as to where facts come into the debate about what a "scene" is. I don't even think the definitions either of us are using for "scene" are in the dictionary, therefore it's up for debate.

Sometimes opinions do shape the world.

Obfuscated people getting entangled in words and meanings don't need anyone to confuse them even more.

You are the one that are using words and meaning and adding things I didn't even say into the debate.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

I think it stems from these gay guys lusting over straight men and wanting their ideal might be the same ("straight acting")

Though not every story is the same