What is your opinion on men who say "I'm not into the gay scene"

[belamyi]

Break the logic down for me.

That I break your own logic for you: it's already exposed in my previous comments, but it's not even so special as to be "your" logic, it is only the common habit of asserting that there is a confuse and faulty world of facts and words and opinions about them when you are just idly chatting about htem, but on the other hand there is a very definite and undeniable world of facts and opinions when they are joined to strong feelings and beliefs, and then you use those confuse words whose validity you had previously dismissed, to support the validity of your particular beliefs and feelings.
In other words, according to you, everything is confuse until you feel like shouting your truth and your pain.

I'm still confused

Indeed you are.

I'm still confused as to where facts come into the debate about what a "scene" is. I don't even think the definitions either of us are using for "scene" are in the dictionary, therefore it's up for debate.

Sometimes opinions do shape the world.

So your point is that since the starting point of the debate is meaningless we just can say anything to end up nowhere. What the hell, since everything is open to debate and every opinion has a point, let's just agree to call China a democracy (with Chinese specificities) and America a repressive socialist dictatorship.
Yes there are, the point is what are those opinions/dogmas/mental habits and how they shape/constraint/distort the world.

You are the one that are using words and meaning and adding things I didn't even say into the debate.

Sources. Prove your claim.

 

[altlover85]

belamo, if you don't mind, I'd like to take this to PM because I want to do a lot of quoting and we've already derailed this thread enough.

Is that okay by you?

 

[belamyi]

belamo, if you don't mind, I'd like to take this to PM because I want to do a lot of quoting and we've already derailed this thread enough.

Is that okay by you?

ok, but all threads are born derailed so don't feel guilty.

I will have your PMs as the breakfast I never take in the morning.

 

[fetaby]

When I read scene I think of bars and clubs primarily and secondarily GLBT fundraisers and charity events. I don't think of internet websites because you don't physically go there, but that's me.

Wow, this statement alone has bumped this thread from page one on to page two, huh?

Well let me have a crack at it...

If a group of computers are connected together, and a group of gay men physically sit at said computers and interact with each other, either with typed words or pics or videos there is a physicality there...

I'd imagine knowing that other users are out there at their respective computers is akin to a religious person knowing there is a god...

But to bring it back to this topic, even more shame to the gay men who can't see the scene for what it is, other people doing what they want to do. To not be into the gay scene is to have a go at everyone who is and pass that judgement out from the perch of a high horse.... Of course that's just my opinion. BTW, I'm not so much into the gay scene myself... I am the gay scene!

Not being into the gay scene reeks of hypocrisy. "I'll hook up with you anonymously but please don't mistake me for someone that ENJOYS going to gay bars... "

 

[altlover85]

Wow, this statement alone has bumped this thread from page one on to page two, huh?

Well let me have a crack at it...

If a group of computers are connected together, and a group of gay men physically sit at said computers and interact with each other, either with typed words or pics or videos there is a physicality there...

I can see it, even if I think of physicality as a bit different. You put it in a way that made sense.

And yes, my statement played a part in making this thread longer than it needed to be.

 

[youngnihilist]

it means hypocrisy often times. Means they suck cock and take it up the ass but won't be seen in a gay bar for fear of outing. or they are out and gay, but think they are better than the rest of us who like to go to the gay bar, the gay market, the gay restaurant, the gay cleaners, etc.

 

[belamyi]

If a group of computers are connected together, and a group of gay men physically sit at said computers and interact with each other, either with typed words or pics or videos there is a physicality there...

Ruight, it's like when they label some theatre as "intangible".

 

[coscott75]

Being gay is only one part of me. It doesn't define who I am. I've used the slogan "I'm not into the gay scene" as a way of saying I don't go to gay bars, I don't go to GLBT parades, I don't go to gay clubs.

I could care less if anyone partakes in those activities, everyone is completely different. I'm not in the closet and I'm not a homophobe because of it.

I'm just being me, and being me has never involved flaunting my sexuality around. There's nothing wrong with people who do, good for them. I guess it's just the way I am.

 

[fetaby]

If you've ever had a guy's dick in your mouth without knowing his last name, you just may have been on the gay scene...

If you've ever been visually offended by the audacity of an interior space, you just may have been on the gay scene...

If you've ever been picked on for liking the cock, you just may have been on the gay scene...

 

[BearBoi]

Before or after I break into cheers and applause?

 

[FanofFiction]

I guess where you live controls what the "scene" is. In this part of the country you are lucky if your town has one gay bar, a small hole in the wall place. If thats the entire gay scene for the city, most gays arent into it.

I guess in a bigger city, there are gay villages, bookstores, cafes, bars, clubs, whatever. If you live in a city that can offer that much and you aren't into anything- what's the deal?

 

[The_Reaper]

Depends on the definition of the 'gay scene'.

I mean, I don't go to gay bars (as I don't really go to bars at all) and I don't really actually have any gay friends, either.

As such, I'm not really involved in the gay scene...

Though, I do keep myself well informed of gay political issues and the like and what I can do to help the situation as needed.

 

[Willie Boy]

Something I see frequently is on gay or bi men's profile or even in person is "I'm not into the scene" or "I don't like the gay scene".


Simple question.

What's your opinion on guys who feel that way?

I say "Amen, brother!" It seems to me that the gay scene is too fake these days, like its overdone solely to get a negative response, even from those who would normally support homosexuality. I can only assume they want to point the finger at all the "anti-gay" people out there, and cry about the injustice of it all. The point is though, that if these fools weren't out being so abrasive about it, many who are put off by that would actually rally to support gays. I'm bisexual and I get turned off by all that in-your-face crap.

When will they realize that we are humans. Gay is only the description of their sexuality, not the definition of the sum total of their being. They are only selling themselves short.

 

[belamyi]

From the sheer numbers of JUBBERs who continue to respond to this thread with the assumption means bars and "Pride" events, it becomes apparent why some gay men put that disclaimer in their profile. It is a common assumption that it is an integral requirement to be fully and equally gay. It is repeatedly stated above why some men chose otherwise.

Also obvious from the continuing posts is the hostility that many gay men feel for gays NOT into the bars or gay-defined groups. When simply being out gay is not enough, when one MUST be of a certain stripe and be seen to actively support every variation of gay society, there has indeed been a litmus test put in place for gay validation.

What I have not consistently witnessed in the discussion above is the disowning of the bar culture by men who don't enjoy it. Repeatedly, the rejection of the bars has included the much-ballyhooed acceptance that is demanded by the bar crowd.

To the contrary, there seems to be a theme of vitriol against men who chose a different social behavior even while making it plain that they are still out. But, being out doesn't seem to be enough: there seems to be a contingent who are reading out as short for outrageous.

There is further a noted presumption by several posters that anonymous hookups are integral to every gay man's psyche and dating. That frankly seems a bit dated, kinda like bath houses from the 70's.

There is, apparently, a misunderstanding based in the confusion between simply going out and being gay. People generally go out to bars to socialize and all that, gay or not, and nobody seems to ever talk about the bar-club scene. People simply do it.
Now some people sharing similar interests may gather in the same places, and you can be as herdy being a countryclubber (I understand such places do still exist) as being a queen of the night, but that doesn't mean that the social class of your family or your sexual inclinations must determine the environments in which you enjoy yourself.
People specifically pointing to a dislike of "the gay scene" are not making a simple, neutral statement. It's like when American guys would talk in their profiles, a couple of years back, about not supporting Dubya despite their being American. That approach is telling more about what is not being put in words than about what it's supposedly simply being said.
You just go to a place, or not, or do this, or that, or don't, and then you may come along what you expect to get from all that. But starting in such a defensive way is telling more about your complexes than about your likes and expectations.

What would you think if I listed myself as someone who doesn't enjoy shopping, drinking beer, wearing baseball caps, designer clothing or casual clothes when I'm not doing any exerting physical activity? It would be less simple than just writing "not into the gay scene" but just as idiotic and peevish.

 

[Corny]

hard-up1, I am not sure if you were partly referring to me, but if you did .. you kinda missed my point. totally.

And I am quite surprised that I agree with a post by belamo that much . As I said before .. people who are just not into the gay scene .. don't need to tell you this.

It's equally stupid as straight people who hug a friend just to say "no homo" so that nobody could ever get the idea that they might be gay.

 

[FanofFiction]

People specifically pointing to a dislike of "the gay scene" are not making a simple, neutral statement. It's like when American guys would talk in their profiles, a couple of years back, about not supporting Dubya despite their being American. That approach is telling more about what is not being put in words than about what it's supposedly simply being said.
You just go to a place, or not, or do this, or that, or don't, and then you may come along what you expect to get from all that. But starting in such a defensive way is telling more about your complexes than about your likes and expectations.

What would you think if I listed myself as someone who doesn't enjoy shopping, drinking beer, wearing baseball caps, designer clothing or casual clothes when I'm not doing any exerting physical activity? It would be less simple than just writing "not into the gay scene" but just as idiotic and peevish.

I whole heartedly disagree. Not being into the gay scene is not offensive or a negative statement at all. I did a bunch of online dating before I got married and found that disclaimer very effective. A lot of guys online would IM me and ask why they have never seen me at the club, or ask me to meet them at the club, or ask when was the last time I went to the club. And as I lived in small towns the next series of questions usually consisted of who have you dated, who have you hooked up with, who do you know?

Well, I'm not into teh scene. I didn't know anybody they knew. I didn't date them or any of their club buddies. I don't drink and do not go to clubs. I wasn't interested in meeting anybody at a club, getting drunk, or jumping right in bed. So to save the trouble of all this banter, "Not into the gay scene".

Furthermore, this doesn't mean that I look down on anyone who is "into the gay scene", it's just not for me. But as I said in an earlier post, if the gay scene in my town included a gay cafe, a gay political committee, a gay mens club, etc then I would be "into the scene".

 

[fetaby]

From the sheer numbers of JUBBERs who continue to respond to this thread with the assumption means bars and "Pride" events, it becomes apparent why some gay men put that disclaimer in their profile. It is a common assumption that it is an integral requirement to be fully and equally gay. It is repeatedly stated above why some men chose otherwise.

Nice job nailing jello to the wall... without a concrete definition, the scene is free flowing to perceptions, and the ideas that carry the most weight are those of the bar scene and the Pride events, immediately followed into the gravity well the stereotypes of the consistently and constantly bitchy, femmy queen. Fully and equally gay whether some like it or not and much to my merriment.

For a scene to be gay, it is squarely and solely for and about the gays. Besides the bars and the events, what is there?

Also obvious from the continuing posts is the hostility that many gay men feel for gays NOT into the bars or gay-defined groups. When simply being out gay is not enough, when one MUST be of a certain stripe and be seen to actively support every variation of gay society, there has indeed been a litmus test put in place for gay validation.

I wouldn't call for active support but I wouldn't mind the absence of a snarled nose. Tolerance is a wonderful thing.

What I have not consistently witnessed in the discussion above is the disowning of the bar culture by men who don't enjoy it. Repeatedly, the rejection of the bars has included the much-ballyhooed acceptance that is demanded by the bar crowd.

To the contrary, there seems to be a theme of vitriol against men who chose a different social behavior even while making it plain that they are still out. But, being out doesn't seem to be enough: there seems to be a contingent who are reading out as short for outrageous.

There is further a noted presumption by several posters that anonymous hookups are integral to every gay man's psyche and dating. That frankly seems a bit dated, kinda like bath houses from the 70's.

There is a climate of war within the gay community. In western societies that war is for equal rights, and less "civilized" cultures that war is often for the right to live. That pressure cooker is still on the stove, and depending where you live either the front or back burner, but it's still cooking... So ya, I can see a bit of vitriol. I imagine it as a steam release to keep things from exploding.

As for the sex? While fast and easy sex may not be the ideal for eeeevery man. I'd say the vast majority consider it of some import. That number growing as the average age decreases... Last night an "18 year old" guy created a thread here. He didn't ask about trying to build a relationship of respect and trust and understanding with a same sex peer. He did ask what was the easiest, fastest way to get a cock in his ass...

 

[Audio Tech]

I whole heartedly disagree. Not being into the gay scene is not offensive or a negative statement at all. I did a bunch of online dating before I got married and found that disclaimer very effective. A lot of guys online would IM me and ask why they have never seen me at the club, or ask me to meet them at the club, or ask when was the last time I went to the club. And as I lived in small towns the next series of questions usually consisted of who have you dated, who have you hooked up with, who do you know?

Well, I'm not into teh scene. I didn't know anybody they knew. I didn't date them or any of their club buddies. I don't drink and do not go to clubs. I wasn't interested in meeting anybody at a club, getting drunk, or jumping right in bed. So to save the trouble of all this banter, "Not into the gay scene".

Furthermore, this doesn't mean that I look down on anyone who is "into the gay scene", it's just not for me. But as I said in an earlier post, if the gay scene in my town included a gay cafe, a gay political committee, a gay mens club, etc then I would be "into the scene".

I couldn't have said this better myself. In fact, I didn't. This describes how I feel about it very well.

From what I have read on this thread so far, the definition of "the gay scene" seems to be as varied as people themselves.

 

[Nomenclature]

just talking from my experience. people like those that you described usually just don't mention "the scene" in their profile.
also i consider this statement pretty silly. dating sites nowadays are part of the "scene".

I'm one of those guys who isn't into the gay scene, and when I say that, I mean that i'm not into [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EH_ZrPmHXk"]this[/ame].


The "gay scene" usually refers to the gay nightlife within a city. That would mean they aren't into going out to gay clubs, hooking up with strangers, going to drag shows, and just not into hanging out where the stereotypical gay dudes congregate. It does NOT mean anything personal against you, or some "well he must be self-loathing!!!!1one" fallacy you guys always come up with.



Relax. Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

 

[MyReply]

I say I'm not into the gay scene, but when I say that it's meant as, I am not into cruising the castro for cock, the gay club thing or stuff like that.
I don't do A gay or anti A gay fundraisers and just groove to some good music with some scotch and pretend my hawk is not trendy lol.
I get or at least try to get that mentality. Some folks are not down with the meat rack and shit. I think thats where it comes from

Basically. I see it as "I'm not into cruising clubs and/or sashaying to Lady Gaga's latest self-anointed gay anthem.'"