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Who do you trust more?

Who do you trust more?

  • Overly familiar people

    Votes: 9 39.1%

  • Distant and aloof people

    Votes: 14 60.9%
  • Total voters
    23
Andreus

Andreus

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People who seem overly familiar with you or people who take a long time to get close to you?

do you find distant people insulting? why do you think they stay aloof? is it a personal insult to you?

do you find overly friendly people annoying? what do you think their motivationis for assuming a level of intimacy that doesn't really exist?
 
Andreus said:
People who seem overly familiar with you or people who take a long time to get close to you?
Click to expand...

People who take a while to get close. Primarily because there is an effort, for the most part, to get to know one another. A rapport is built and trust developes.

Andreus said:
do you find distant people insulting? why do you think they stay aloof? is it a personal insult to you?
Click to expand...

I don't necessarily find distant people insulting, but I have felt that they are aloof at times. I don't see it as an insult as I tend to see it as being cautious.

Andreus said:
do you find overly friendly people annoying? what do you think their motivationis for assuming a level of intimacy that doesn't really exist?
Click to expand...

With overly friendly people, it's 50/50 for me. Some friendly souls are just that. And then there are those who pour it on to the point its almost like syrup. Why do they do this? I have no real clue. I would venture that it's perhaps a need on their part for some sort of intimacy that they are lacking.
 
GL247 said:
With overly friendly people, it's 50/50 for me. Some friendly souls are just that. And then there are those who pour it on to the point its almost like syrup. Why do they do this? I have no real clue. I would venture that it's perhaps a need on their part for some sort of intimacy that they are lacking.
Click to expand...

Well I would quit being overly friendly if you'd just be intimate with me :p
 
removed/personal reasons/sorry/eM.
 
If people were just distant, then I probably wouldn't trust them more than an overly familiar person.

But if it came down to someone who was new and overly familiar versus someone who had been distant but after a long time has now become close, I would obviously trust the person with whom it took more time.
 
GL247 said:
People who take a while to get close. Primarily because there is an effort, for the most part, to get to know one another. A rapport is built and trust developes.
Click to expand...

GL427 has summed up this subject spot on for me - I agree whole-heartedly with his answers - good thought provoking question Andreus ..|

I'm curious if the question relates to on-line acquaintenances - as I find these sort of relationships even harder to find trust in:confused:
 
well, i think my question is in general, but there are definitely aspects of the discussion more unique to online interactions.

people tend to be more open in some ways with the aid of the anonymity and distance of the internet, but at the same time, there is only so far that such friendships can go without real and concerted efforts to reach beyond that barrier.

How close can you really be to someone if you dont even know their real name? that would be a no brainer. the internet is a good starting point, but it has to grow beyond to be real.

with people that you meet face to face, theres alot of info given subliminally and through body language. When you meet someone physically theres an instant instictive response, at least for me, and that makes the process easier to begin with, but harder to be as open with as time progresses. once you have an emotional investment in someone theres a strong drive to not disapoint them and that can lead to the devastating process of the lie of omission.

maybe a blend of both ways of interacting would be best? There was a time when people wrote letters to each other and i think that the internet replaced that niche in social interactions.

so...

both, i guess, are relevant to discuss, but they are really different animals.
 
i had expected a more fifty fifty split on this one to be frank

i guess people are full of suprises
 
I'm not even sure how to deal with people that are aloof. Where are they coming from???

Since I'm overtly friendly, I expect others to be the same.

Doesn't always happen
 
I have always found that the type of people that seem to be the most "aloof" generally are more thoughtful and respecting than those who are overly familiar. People that like to have distance seem to value confidentiality and keeping things just between you and them.
 
aloof people definitley do seem to be more trustworthy
 
I like people who are open & friendly :D

People who are standoffish sometimes seem like they are hiding something. Makes me not completely trust them
 
Whom, darling, whom. Whom would I trust more?

Please pardon the knee-jerk response, but I've been trying to hold in my whoms lately, and it's giving me a headache ;) I rely on you to understand and forgive.

But to answer the question: I never trust anybody until I know them well; but I instantly distrust overly-familiar people. Don't they know who I am?! Don't they realize I must be approached at a slow grovel? And that they're supposed to address me as Your Serene Uppitiness and back out of my presence when I flick my fingers so? Tsk!

If someone comes at me like I'm a long-lost best-friend, my guard immediately goes up... What are they trying to sell me? is the first question that occurs.
 
Well, I'm a good judge of people, and that's why I don't like
*any* of them..... ;)


Nahh, that's not really true. But within the parameters of your poll,
'aloof' or overly familiar...I don't trust either.

IF you're 'overly familiar' then my natural default mode is 'what do you want
from me ?' But, then again, if you're 'aloof' it just pisses me off... "Hey ! M-Fer ! NO body blows ME off, honey ! "

I suppose ideally I'd like a little of both. Play aloof with me if you want, but I'll get cha 'familiar' with me when you're least expecting it. Then, if yer lucky I might even trust you a bit right before you screw me over.

(I'm not bitter and jaded, I swear...) :rolleyes:

Josh
 
LOL

R~M

I still idolize you, even if i don't use english as well as you...hehe

now that the voting has gone on for a day, i guess i can be less obtuse. I hate to spin a thread in a certain direction when i really want to know peoples thoughts, so i tried to hold my opinion back.

people that are overly intimate or inappropriately friendly really creep me out and in a big way. that doesnt mean i dont like friendly banter with strangers, especially over drinks at a club or on a website, it means that it takes me a while to really think of someone as a true friend.

I will gladly socialize with just about anyone, but I have a keen sense of the true difference between a friend and an aquaintance, and I really don't think that some people have the social skills or the mental capacity to really understand the difference.
 
Joshua_me said:
Well, I'm a good judge of people, and that's why I don't like
*any* of them..... ;)


Nahh, that's not really true. But within the parameters of your poll,
'aloof' or overly familiar...I don't trust either.

IF you're 'overly familiar' then my natural default mode is 'what do you want
from me ?' But, then again, if you're 'aloof' it just pisses me off... "Hey ! M-Fer ! NO body blows ME off, honey ! "

I suppose ideally I'd like a little of both. Play aloof with me if you want, but I'll get cha 'familiar' with me when you're least expecting it. Then, if yer lucky I might even trust you a bit right before you screw me over.

(I'm not bitter and jaded, I swear...) :rolleyes:

Josh
Click to expand...

naa

not bitter

i think we are thinking the same thing

theres socially polite interactions and then theres rude

conversely

dont pretend to be my buddy when we aren't there yet

i get what you are saying ;)
 
In the words of Blanche DuBois, or more accurately Tennesse Williams,

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."
 
I can always tell when someone is using me and when that happens, we both lose!

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I presume nothing and hope you do the same; otherwise, we end up at different destinations!(*8*) :kiss:
 
Andreus said:
I will gladly socialize with just about anyone, but I have a keen sense of the true difference between a friend and an aquaintance, and I really don't think that some people have the social skills or the mental capacity to really understand the difference.
Click to expand...

That sentence is well worth repeating several times.

You can well be friendly with someone, which seems to occur often here on JUB, but that does not necessarily mean that you are friends. The same applies in the real world but there really is a world of difference between that and real friendship.

Unfortunately it is difficult to put the definition of "friend" into words it is more often an emotional feeling, one of knowing categorically that that person is a friend.
 
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