Why am I only attracted to straight guys?

[Rex]

I guess this is a big problem that a lot of bi and gay guys go though.


I am so drawn to straight men and there are very few gay men that I have been attracted to. To me, I see something different in straight men. I guess it's a more raw masculinity and just like a bold, natural confidence. I don't really know how to explain it. Part of it is the "winning them over" thing, which isn't very realistic.


With most gay men, I find very few that I am attracted to because most of the time there is something about them. Like something is off, or different, and I can notice it in their behavior right away. This isn't always the case, but most of the time it is.


Is it just me, or is it just that I have a preference that is too hard to find? I have met masculine gay guys, but the majority of them had a, for lack of better word, softness to them. When I go online to the gay sites, I never really find many people I'm interested in. I'd imagine it would be the same at bars/clubs.


This is something I could never figure out.


Anyone else felt that way before and what changed your view?

 

[Saybrooke]

I feel the same way! For me, I think its the unattainableness of them. I also like the idea of screwing some straight guy because they are really resistant to exploring sexuality and alot of them have this fear of being mistaken for gay.

Anyhow that's the way I see it.

 

[fetaby]

With most gay men, I find very few that I am attracted to because most of the time there is something about them. Like something is off, or different, and I can notice it in their behavior right away. This isn't always the case, but most of the time it is.

That's what happens when a gay person lives in a heteronormative society. Their very existence is going against the grain.

---

Now when you say you're attracted to ....

Are you talking about physical, I'm taking in what you've got with eyes, attraction?

Or are you talking about personality, I'm feeling what your saying, attraction?

Cause for me, I'm attracted to attractive people regardless of their orientation.

If I see a physically attractive person, I'm attracted. Simple.

If I'm around a person with an attractive personality, I'm attracted. Right now there is a lady at work who has the best personality. She's smart and funny. Knows when to work and when to chit chat. I see myself being her friend because I'm attracted to her personality. Doesn't matter that she's got an innie.

But to answer your question, why SLUTAN is only attracted to straight people? Cause it's all you care about.

 

[Rex]

That's what happens when a gay person lives in a heteronormative society. Their very existence is going against the grain.

---

Now when you say you're attracted to ....

Are you talking about physical, I'm taking in what you've got with eyes, attraction?

Or are you talking about personality, I'm feeling what your saying, attraction?

Cause for me, I'm attracted to attractive people regardless of their orientation.

If I see a physically attractive person, I'm attracted. Simple.

If I'm around a person with an attractive personality, I'm attracted. Right now there is a lady at work who has the best personality. She's smart and funny. Knows when to work and when to chit chat. I see myself being her friend because I'm attracted to her personality. Doesn't matter that she's got an innie.

But to answer your question, why SLUTAN is only attracted to straight people? Cause it's all you care about.

Physical is part of it, but personality much more. Someone who is physically attractive will be completely UNATTRACTIVE to me if they carry themselves a certain way.

Do you think guys notice this about you when they're scoping you out?

I don't know. Yes and no. One gay guy I knew in the Air Force told me he knew I was into guys. Probably because he saw the way I was eyeing his roomate. Another gay guy I knew who was with me in basic training, and basically shared living quarters with me for 2 months, said he had no idea.

 

[Saybrooke]

That's what happens when a gay person lives in a heteronormative society. Their very existence is going against the grain.

---

Now when you say you're attracted to ....

Are you talking about physical, I'm taking in what you've got with eyes, attraction?

Or are you talking about personality, I'm feeling what your saying, attraction?

Cause for me, I'm attracted to attractive people regardless of their orientation.

If I see a physically attractive person, I'm attracted. Simple.

If I'm around a person with an attractive personality, I'm attracted. Right now there is a lady at work who has the best personality. She's smart and funny. Knows when to work and when to chit chat. I see myself being her friend because I'm attracted to her personality. Doesn't matter that she's got an innie.

But to answer your question, why SLUTAN is only attracted to straight people? Cause it's all you care about.

I understood the first sentence... But the rest lost me... >.<

 

[fetaby]

I understood the first sentence... But the rest lost me... >.<

It's okay, not everyone can be smart and pretty.

 

[JayQueer]

I TOTALLY know that the OP is talking about...

I feel the same way....

My "gaydar" is extremely sharp. Maybe it's because I repressed my sexual orientation for so long, I guess I subconsciously trained myself to notice aspects in other men that might mean they are gay, so I could keep a safe distance away from them (I didn't want people to think I was gay too).

And I'm not talking about the more effeminate or "flamboyant" gay men who are more "obvious" that they are probably gay.

Even masculine gay men have certain mannerisms that straight men generally do not. It can be very subtle, but it's there. Almost all gay men, even the masculine gay men with deep voices, have a slight inflection when they speak that sets my "gaydar" off. Or even if they're butch most of the time, they'll have a "slip up" every once in a while when they do or say something that a straight man would almost never say or do.

I guess there might be at least a degree of "self hating" going on if you are only attracted to straight men, but at the same time, is it such a bad thing to be attracted to gender-conforming, masculine gay men who don't demonstrate common "gay mannerisms"?

 

[Soilwork]

Gay guys represent a lot of things that terrify you... including "being gay." Because you've told us that you generally could only have sex or even any kind of physical intimacy with another guy if you were drunk. That's a pretty big red flag.

You've probably spent so long fighting so hard to NOT be one of those guys that even knowing that they're gay and perfectly comfortable with that makes you project all of that negative energy onto them. Even I did that when I was 18. I could see the most handsome man in the world but if I knew he was gay, he immediately looked like he was weak, and thin and spindly and feminine. Repulsive, creepy...everything I thought about gay people.

But on top of that... if you actually allow yourself to find a gay guy attractive... well you might start to date him. And then you'd not only "be gay," but other people would also know that you're gay too. And you're not quite ready for every random person walking past you to know that.

I won't fall into that "self-loathing" thing because I don't think that's true, exactly. But I DO think that the gay guys who only find straight men attractive are the ones who have a lot of insecurity about how other people will perceive them if they know they're gay.

 

[fetaby]

is it such a bad thing to be attracted to gender-conforming, masculine gay men who don't demonstrate common "gay mannerisms"?

For you?!?!

Nah, you go right ahead with that. But what do you do when...

Or even if they're butch most of the time, they'll have a "slip up" every once in a while when they do or say something that a straight man would almost never say or do.

 

[Soilwork]

Or even if they're butch most of the time, they'll have a "slip up" every once in a while

See... THAT... right there...

A "slip up" as in "a mistake."

If you have spent the majority of your life cowering in the closet, desperately trying to fool people into thinking that you're straight, it all becomes a bit acting performance. So when someone does something that might suggest that they're gay, thats a "slip up" or "a mistake."

Because in your mind, you should try to act like something that you're not and if you don't... that's clearly an accident.

 

[Soilwork]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCBx_aZWEvc&feature=g-u-u&context=G2993e9cFUAAAAAAAMAA[/ame]

Take this guy.

Handsome, smart, funny. Has a rather adorable demeanor. But yeah... gay. Most straight people probably couldn't tell but we can. Don't ask us how we do it... we just do.

He's totally BF material and I'd like TOTALLY let him date my brother. But if you're going to turn down a hottie like that because he's not carrying on like Hulk Hogan... well, good. All the more for guys who deserve him.

 

[JayQueer]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCBx_aZWEvc&feature=g-u-u&context=G2993e9cFUAAAAAAAMAA

Take this guy.

Handsome, smart, funny. Has a rather adorable demeanor. But yeah... gay. Most straight people probably couldn't tell but we can. Don't ask us how we do it... we just do.

He's totally BF material and I'd like TOTALLY let him date my brother. But if you're going to turn down a hottie like that because he's not carrying on like Hulk Hogan... well, good. All the more for guys who deserve him.

^^ OMG.........He's a hottie!!

He's way out of my league though..........No gay guy that handsome would be interested in a guy like me...... (sigh)

 

[evanrick]

the only difference is that gay men and straight men have to act differently. straight men do not have to 'out' themselves which is the dumbest thing gay men do.

 

[Rex]

Gay guys represent a lot of things that terrify you... including "being gay." Because you've told us that you generally could only have sex or even any kind of physical intimacy with another guy if you were drunk. That's a pretty big red flag.

I never said that man, but I prefer to be drunk when I have sex with anyone most of the time. It's just more fun that way.

But I do agree with the rest of your post. I guess I still do have some insecurities about my sexuality, even after coming out to close friends and such. It's something I will never quite understand I guess and I'm still working on being 100% secure about it, but I feel like I've come pretty far from where I used to be.


I have recently been talking to this girl who is bi curious but she loves the idea of an open relationship where we bring other guys or girls into it. She loves the fact that I'm bi and it turns her on to see guys screw around with other guys. I think that is awesome and it's hard to find a girl like that. On top of that, she is also almost as perverted as I am and I like it.

 

[fetaby]

I never said that man, but I prefer to be drunk when I have sex with anyone most of the time. It's just more fun that way.

But I do agree with the rest of your post. I guess I still do have some insecurities about my sexuality, even after coming out to close friends and such. It's something I will never quite understand I guess and I'm still working on being 100% secure about it, but I feel like I've come pretty far from where I used to be.


I have recently been talking to this girl who is bi curious but she loves the idea of an open relationship where we bring other guys or girls into it. She loves the fact that I'm bi and it turns her on to see guys screw around with other guys. I think that is awesome and it's hard to find a girl like that. On top of that, she is also almost as perverted as I am and I like it.

Well hurry up and produce the antichrist already. We are on a deadline for the end of the world this december ya know...

But as far as your insecurities? Just let it go. The thoughts, the feelings, all of it. Just be you, and let it all go.

 

[goldenmoth]

Alot of people are going to tell you you're wrong for having an attraction to straight guys but don't let judgemental people affect you. As long as you don't act on your lust to straight guys and make them feel uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with a harmless little fantasy.

 

[Nomenclature]

Take this guy.

Handsome, smart, funny. Has a rather adorable demeanor. But yeah... gay. Most straight people probably couldn't tell but we can. Don't ask us how we do it... we just do.

To be fair, the guy has an obvious "gay accent". I'm not pointing it out as a "flaw" or anything like that, but it's kind of like saying "Most Americans will never be able to tell that this person is from Australia", when people from that country actually do have a noticeably different way of speaking that most people can recognize right away.


Funny enough, studies have actually been done on this:

Professors Henry Rogers and Ron Smyth at the University of Toronto [found that] people can usually differentiate gay- and straight-sounding voices based on certain phonetic patterns.

[...]


A study at Stanford University involving a small sample group investigated claims that people can identify gay males by their speech and that these listeners use pitch range and fluctuation in deciding. [...] Although he found that listeners could distinguish gay from straight men, he failed to find any convincing empirical differences in pitch between these two groups.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_lisp



I don't think it's fair at all to call it a "lisp" or a speech impediment, but the point is that differences in speech, vocal inflections etc are easily recognizable to most people, even if they can't pinpoint exactly what makes it sound different.

----------


Just because you don't want to bang someone doesn't mean that you're "insecure", or that you're bigoted or anything crazy like that. LGB people always use "attraction isn't a choice!" as a talking point, so we might want to keep that in mind before we start judging each other.

 

[medic1]

I TOTALLY know that the OP is talking about...

I feel the same way....

My "gaydar" is extremely sharp. Maybe it's because I repressed my sexual orientation for so long, I guess I subconsciously trained myself to notice aspects in other men that might mean they are gay, so I could keep a safe distance away from them (I didn't want people to think I was gay too).

And I'm not talking about the more effeminate or "flamboyant" gay men who are more "obvious" that they are probably gay.

Even masculine gay men have certain mannerisms that straight men generally do not. It can be very subtle, but it's there. Almost all gay men, even the masculine gay men with deep voices, have a slight inflection when they speak that sets my "gaydar" off. Or even if they're butch most of the time, they'll have a "slip up" every once in a while when they do or say something that a straight man would almost never say or do.

I guess there might be at least a degree of "self hating" going on if you are only attracted to straight men, but at the same time, is it such a bad thing to be attracted to gender-conforming, masculine gay men who don't demonstrate common "gay mannerisms"?

Did you not post a few day`s ago that you had been dating an obese GAY white
man , but you had to finish it because you knew he was still in love with his ex ?

You also mentioned the fact that he was rather feminine , YOU JUST CANNOT
KEEP UP WITH YOUR OWN POSTS .

 

[ebluue]

I don't really care much for how a guy should act to be honest. What's life when you can't be yourself? When i'm attracted to a person, i'm attracted to his character as well and not just for his looks. If the guy is hot and doesn't have a good character to back it up, I'll pass.

A majority of my friends are str8 and just like everyone else, they all have their own insecurities. I have yet to come across a str8 guy with the so called "natural confidence".

The guys i have been with in the past were mostly Str8 curious and bi guys, they were all very muscular, tall and tough looking. After knowing them for a while, I noticed underneath the tough bloke facade, they are just a boy. If i were a manipulative person, i can easily control these men's mind even though i'm not as big/muscular as them. It's not like i deliberately want to date these men, it's just only these type of men ever asked me out! weird!

The one person i admire most right now is Johnny Weir. He may be flamboyant as hell but his character and mind is strong as steel. He is a great role model for everyone and not just for the gays. He has a strong mind, will, discipline, dedication, determination and is a kind person. Once, some PETA nutcase put a price on his head because he wore fur in his ice-skating performances, but Johnny didn't back down on it and continued to wear his fur - loud and proud. If it were someone else, they would have been scared shitless to leave their home.

I'm so happy for Johnny that he has found himself a rich russian lawyer husband. Best wish to him.

Like i said, i don't give a damn if the guy is gay, str8 or bi. How he acts doesn't impress me, it's what he is that counts.

@Sultan, no disrespect or offense but if you were to compare Johnny Weir to the guy in your avatar/video. Johnny is just as much as a man as he is, if not more! Johnny is well spoken and educated while the other guy can't even string together a proper sentence and seems to lack discipline. Also, Johnny will die for his own personal beliefs and pride before surrendering to other. And while the other guy will most likely surrender, bend over and start sucking cock.


Just to clarify, everyone's taste is different and I do respect yours. For me, it takes more than being masculine to be a man, some masculine guys i know are pussy, like they give up very easily and lack any sense of self respect and pride. All im trying to say is. Having a strong character is much more important than being physically strong. Of course, it's great to have both, but this isn't the case for most people!

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I like to fantasize about having sex with straight guys, but in real life I have enough experience to know they make lousy lovers.

When I first came out, I started getting approached by straight guys who I guess were "curious" about gay sex. I pretty much pretended not to know what they were hinting about.

Although to be honest, there were one or two that in retrospect I wish I'd fooled around with. But that's life...