Why am I only attracted to straight guys?

[voyager1994]

I am attracted to good-looking men - either straight or gay - who act naturally, with good demeanour and self-respect.

 

[hylas]

i think its one thing to have straight guy fantasies, just like other people have furry fantasies, or are into elaborate sub/dom roleplay scenarios, or whatever. if you find a way to scratch your itch, then good for you... as long as you keep in mind that fantasies are just that: fantasies.

but if you are only attracted to straight guys, then there is probably something a little wrong with you. you may have issues with self-loathing, or other insecurities. you may still not be relaxed about who you are and how you feel. you may still be suffering from hetero-normative brain washing.

id say its not morally wrong to be only attracted to straight guy - you are only hurting yourself, after all. but make no mistake, you are hurting yourself. if you feel that way, i suggest you start working on your issues, or you may end up leading a rather unhappy life.

 

[bigbear13201]

I'm in a similar boat.

And it's not because I fear that people will know I am gay. At this time in my life, I don't care!

I too find myself attracted to the straight as an arrow guys. I am very confident in who I am, and find the confidence that a straight guy has very, very attractive. Many of the gay guys by me are - and this is for lack of a better word - obviously gay. Normally through and outward mannerism or just the way they talk. It nothing against them, just my preference. I was with a great group of guys this weekend, many who were coupled up - and most of them exuded that straight guy confidence (until conversations turned south ). Guess I know who I'll be hanging out with more often!

 

[hylas]

I like to fantasize about having sex with straight guys, but in real life I have enough experience to know they make lousy lovers.

oh yeah, i only popped one straight guys cherry - and he was a dreamboat, visually; german soccer player - but it was a rather awkward and unsatisfying affair. he was just so awkward and nervous and insecure, and while i usually can put people at ease with my realaxed and easy-going attitude, it wasnt possible with him. the whole thing was just awkward and lacked intimacy.

 

[Soilwork]

I guess I still do have some insecurities about my sexuality, even after coming out to close friends and such. *It's something I will never quite understand I guess and I'm still working on being 100% secure about it, but I feel like I've come pretty far from where I used to be. *

You really have and I see it quite well since I was gone for about a year. I could give you some encouragement but really it's something that you have to find all yourself.*

I have recently been talking to this girl who is bi curious but she loves the idea of an open relationship where we bring other guys or girls into it. *She loves the fact that I'm bi and it turns her on to see guys screw around with other guys. *I think that is awesome and it's hard to find a girl like that. *On top of that, she is also almost as perverted as I am and I like it. *

And that honestly sounds like a great partner for you, really. Sexually compatible and you're starting out as friends and not jut diving in head first as sex partners and then seeing of there's anything there.*

 

[Soilwork]

Alot of people are going to tell you you're wrong for having an attraction to straight guys but don't let judgemental people affect you. As long as you don't act on your lust to straight guys and make them feel uncomfortable, there's nothing wrong with a harmless little fantasy.

I don't agree that it's harmless.*

We've all known "that guy" who "is only attracted to straight guys" in our circle of friends. You go out with the guys, you go to a bar or a club... You meet and mix and mingle and all the boys meet people, have fun and yes... Occasionally hook up or even meet boyfriends.

Except "that guy." he wastes his time flirting with the straight bartenders, over-tipping them and allowing them to lead him on just enough that he's riveted to their side the whole time. Then he goes home alone and frustrated saying "why do I only want the straight guys?"

His life is an endless sitcom of telling you that "I met this guy but I can't tell if he's interested or not, he keeps looking at me and saying things like_____" and then inserting those everyday things that anyone says, looking for meaning in nothing.

That's cute when the guy is 18 and just coming out and hasn't developed Gaydar yet. It's pathetic when you're 30 and still thinking that the clerk at the AutoZone might be flirting with you because he smiles at you every time you go in and remembers your name.

It's a dead end traffic loop and the sooner you see that you're on it and get off, the sooner you can get a life.

 

[Soilwork]

I don't think it's fair at all to call it a "lisp" or a speech impediment, but the point is that differences in speech, vocal inflections etc are easily recognizable to most people, even if they can't pinpoint exactly what makes it sound different.

I think the proper term is "sibilant S."*

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sibilant_consonant

And if you're going to turn down a stand up, handsome and rather lovable guy like that because he hangs on his Ss a bit heavy, that's an issue you might want to explore*

Just because you don't want to bang someone doesn't mean that you're "insecure", or that you're bigoted or anything crazy like that. LGB people always use "attraction isn't a choice!" as a talking point, so we might want to keep that in mind before we start judging each other.

I don't see judging, I see Sultan clearly frustrated that he's never attracted to guys that can possibly be attracted back to him. And he's asking for help to address that problem.*

No, attraction isn't a choice, exactly, but we certainly can maybe help with the mental blocks that are going to make it harder to meet potential boyfriends.*

 

[Saybrooke]

It's okay, not everyone can be smart and pretty.

Hey! I'm not that dumb! >.< lolz

But I AM pretty!

 

[EasyRory]

A friend of mine specializes in falling for straight guys at the rate of about one every couple of years. He has spent a lot of time with some very nice (and broadminded) guys, a couple of whom came to like him quite deeply - although I won't call it love.

But, and it's a big but, he has had very little in the way of sex with them. He gives his heart to straight guys, but his body to gay ones. It works ... for him.

 

[Sigma-taylor-E]

I do not go through this. I only like people whom i know will in turn like me back, a la gay or bi guys

 

[rareboy]

Gay guys represent a lot of things that terrify you... including "being gay." Because you've told us that you generally could only have sex or even any kind of physical intimacy with another guy if you were drunk. That's a pretty big red flag.

You've probably spent so long fighting so hard to NOT be one of those guys that even knowing that they're gay and perfectly comfortable with that makes you project all of that negative energy onto them. Even I did that when I was 18. I could see the most handsome man in the world but if I knew he was gay, he immediately looked like he was weak, and thin and spindly and feminine. Repulsive, creepy...everything I thought about gay people.

But on top of that... if you actually allow yourself to find a gay guy attractive... well you might start to date him. And then you'd not only "be gay," but other people would also know that you're gay too. And you're not quite ready for every random person walking past you to know that.

I won't fall into that "self-loathing" thing because I don't think that's true, exactly. But I DO think that the gay guys who only find straight men attractive are the ones who have a lot of insecurity about how other people will perceive them if they know they're gay.

Jasun said everything I was going to.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

My initial thought:

If you are experiencing a reoccurring phenomenon with multiple people, it isn't the people..it is you.

And it was confirmed by Soilwork's post.

 

[JayQueer]

And someone already poked major holes in your statement as you said a few days ago that you dated an obese feminine gay white guy. You change your story every few days... so who do you expect to believe you?

I NEVER said he was "feminine" because he was NOT. Go back and re-read what I wrote in that thread, if you want. I said he was an obese gay white guy. He was also a masculine gay man.

I have nothing against feminine gay guys personally, but I am not attracted to them at all.

I want to date a man who is more masculine & manly than I am.

I love it when masculine gay guys talk about shooting guns, working on cars, or talking about football or other sports, even if I don't know what they're talking about........it is such a turn on

 

[JayQueer]

Shooting guns, working on cars and such? So feminine gay guys can't talk about those?

Yes, they can, but they usually don't....

Look through the forums on JUB.

When there's a topic about favorite football teams in the NFL, the Super Bowl, etc. etc look at the JUB members who replied......and who didn't..

Jerry started a thread about what guns people had and what guns they like to shoot. Look at the guys who participated in that thread.

Earlier this month, I started a thread about the Detroit Auto Show, and what new cars & new car concepts interested JUB members the most. Look at which JUB members who replied to that thread too.

 

[maxpowr9]

Soccer is a better sport. My favorite team is AC Milan, and I'm quite feminine. The NFL isn't everything. It's a pointless sport.

Most people don't have a use in owning guns.

Why you bother to give JQ the time of day is beyond me.

This is one of those silly points that needs repeating...

"Biology aside, there are no inherent differences between men and women."

Hell, I can go from talking about [American] football to crappy trance pop music and not have any problem with that. Only people who are insecure with themselves like to nitpick at other's flaws as they refuse to address their own flaws. This is about as logical as asking a single person for relationship advice. Yes, I understand the irony of my post but I at least acknowledge my own damn flaws.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Gay guys represent a lot of things that terrify you... including "being gay." Because you've told us that you generally could only have sex or even any kind of physical intimacy with another guy if you were drunk. That's a pretty big red flag.

You've probably spent so long fighting so hard to NOT be one of those guys that even knowing that they're gay and perfectly comfortable with that makes you project all of that negative energy onto them. Even I did that when I was 18. I could see the most handsome man in the world but if I knew he was gay, he immediately looked like he was weak, and thin and spindly and feminine. Repulsive, creepy...everything I thought about gay people.

But on top of that... if you actually allow yourself to find a gay guy attractive... well you might start to date him. And then you'd not only "be gay," but other people would also know that you're gay too. And you're not quite ready for every random person walking past you to know that.

I won't fall into that "self-loathing" thing because I don't think that's true, exactly. But I DO think that the gay guys who only find straight men attractive are the ones who have a lot of insecurity about how other people will perceive them if they know they're gay.

I agree with Soilwork. This is an identity issue you are having with sexuality and masculinity, Sultan. Over the years, I've learned to develop a much wider attraction towards men of different types, including when it comes to masculinity. I find that every guy has attributes that can be characterized as both masculine and feminine. Even guys who are more feminine are quite attractive, and very good in bed. Perceptions can be misleading, and you may have built an enclosed environment around you that is media/porn driven on how attractive masculinity is to sexuality.

 

[Dduder]

Gay guys represent a lot of things that terrify you... including "being gay." Because you've told us that you generally could only have sex or even any kind of physical intimacy with another guy if you were drunk. That's a pretty big red flag.

You've probably spent so long fighting so hard to NOT be one of those guys that even knowing that they're gay and perfectly comfortable with that makes you project all of that negative energy onto them. Even I did that when I was 18. I could see the most handsome man in the world but if I knew he was gay, he immediately looked like he was weak, and thin and spindly and feminine. Repulsive, creepy...everything I thought about gay people.

But on top of that... if you actually allow yourself to find a gay guy attractive... well you might start to date him. And then you'd not only "be gay," but other people would also know that you're gay too. And you're not quite ready for every random person walking past you to know that.

I won't fall into that "self-loathing" thing because I don't think that's true, exactly. But I DO think that the gay guys who only find straight men attractive are the ones who have a lot of insecurity about how other people will perceive them if they know they're gay.

Gay men, even the less effeminate ones, have feminine characteristics that are absent in straight men. Hence why so many gay men find straight men so hot.

So many paragraphs of bullshit to deny the obvious. Get over it!!!!

 

[Rex]

Doesn't help that just yesterday, one of the hottest straight guys I knew from the military just told me he's curious about doing something with a guy. Country boy type, huge muscles, wrestler/jock guy. Probably a guy you'd never expect to be curious about messing around with a guy.

 

[bankside]

I guess this is a big problem that a lot of bi and gay guys go though.


I am so drawn to straight men and there are very few gay men that I have been attracted to. To me, I see something different in straight men. I guess it's a more raw masculinity and just like a bold, natural confidence. I don't really know how to explain it. Part of it is the "winning them over" thing, which isn't very realistic.


With most gay men, I find very few that I am attracted to because most of the time there is something about them. Like something is off, or different, and I can notice it in their behavior right away. This isn't always the case, but most of the time it is.


Is it just me, or is it just that I have a preference that is too hard to find? I have met masculine gay guys, but the majority of them had a, for lack of better word, softness to them. When I go online to the gay sites, I never really find many people I'm interested in. I'd imagine it would be the same at bars/clubs.


This is something I could never figure out.


Anyone else felt that way before and what changed your view?

I assume right off the top that 9 out of 10 guys are straight. So, 9 out of 10 guys who have something attractive about them are also straight, just based on percentages.

Then there is confidence. Who will have more confidence? A guy who grows up happy golucky with no worries? Or a guy who hides in the closet because even his own family thinks his life is shameful?

Then there is experience… meet more gay men; you'll find the ones that stand out in your eyes.

 

[Enduster]

I am so drawn to straight men and there are very few gay men that I have been attracted to.

Is it just me, or is it just that I have a preference that is too hard to find?

LMAO! You've been on this site for 4+ years now, and still haven't figured this out? How sad for you!

This is the same "woe is me" that Senator Larry Craig, Ted Haggard, Rep. Mark Foley, et al... love to belch up in their late 50's / early 60s. Only gay men living their life out of congruence end up in these situations. You can easily be one of them given the life path you're on. That or you can break the mold and blaze a path that's true for you, and your homosexual brethren. The choice is up to you.