Why am I so confused about my sexuality?

[gaylaboy]

Confused and Questioning

I am 22 years old and I have been watching porn since I was in the 5th grade. I started off watching strictly gay porn but when I got into high school I watch mostly straight porn with very little gay porn. For the past few years now, I have watched the same amount of gay and transgender porn as straight porn. I get just as aroused by gay and transgender porn as I do by straight porn and fantasize more about having sex with a man than I do with a woman but I have only been attracted to one guy when I was in middle school. After I got over him, I became only attracted to women and cant fathom being involved with a man. I never check out guys like I do women and whenever I see two guys together, I get kind of weirded out. I am not sure if I feel this way because I am hiding who I really am or if this has all been just a phase. I don't know if this means I am gay or if this is just a natural thing that all guys go through.

 

[gaylaboy]

I recently came to the realization that I might be gay. For the longest time I just thought I was curious but recently I have had this feeling in my stomach that I have never had before and I have started getting attracted to men. I have been watching gay porn for over 10 years but I have been watching straight porn too. I thought it was just a phase but it recently became a reality that I might not be straight. I am having a tough time dealing with all of these emotions and feelings. Im not sure if I want to be gay just because of the coming out to everyone and the fact that I have liked girls before. Im so confused....

 

[bruce379]

you'll never figure it out until you have sex with both of them.

 

[gaylaboy]

Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

Since I can remember, I have always found girls attractive and have always considered myself straight. I knew that I could be bi based on the fact that my first crush was a guy when I was in middle school and then after, I began to only like girls. After my first crush, I never found guys hot or attractive until now. Recently I began to get attracted to guys and whenever I see hot guys or pictures of guys, I get hard. I no longer get hard when watching straight porn and Im somewhat worried that I might be full on gay. Can anyone help?

 

[Rolyo85]

Re: Confused and Questioning

...whenever I see two guys together, I get kind of weirded out.

This quote is where the answer to your confusion lies. I am not making assumptions as to your sexuality (or rather, I am, but that's not the point here). The issue is that you are a little bit homophobic. And before you get defensive, homophobia isn't just realized hatred, it can be as subtle as just the feeling of discomfort you obviously get when you see two guys together. You have given no info about your background, and that could be crucial to people giving you the right advice.

Where are you from?
Are you coming from a religious background?
If yes, then what is it?
What is your family's position on homosexuality?

Other things like that could also help. Because ultimately, this isn't about whether you're gay, straight or bi, this is about your feelings regarding the "what if I am gay" situation.

 

[aaggii]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

What does it matter? Enjoy life, that´s it. I guess you could be bisexual and have your moments of attraction for each sex. Maybe gay and you don´t want to see it, also? There are quite a few answers, you only need time to see who you are. I can give you my example, I am both attracted to girls and boys, but I´ve been in a monogamous relationship with a guy for 2 years now and I don´t need anything else. One day maybe life will treat you the same. Or if relationships are not for you, you can ¨haunt¨ both genders. Or find a polygamous relationship. There are so many options out there that no one is left outside, so don´t worry about not fitting in whatever society shows/sells you.

 

[gaylaboy]

Uncertain of what to do. PLEAZ HELP!

I am 22 years old and I have been in a relationship with this girl for about 5 years. When I was about 13, I had a huge crush on this boy that lasted for about a year. After that year, I never felt the same way about him or any other guy. In high school, I would fantasize about being dominated by and having gay sex with my friends. Throughout those fantasies, I never once was sexually attracted to them. When I began dating my girlfriend, I still had those fantasies but I was really attracted to my girlfriend. I never had fantasies about her but I do love her. Whenever I would fantasize about my friends, I would always finger myself because I really liked the feeling. Until recently, I was convinced that I was completely straight with some curiosity. For the past few days, I have had a knot in my stomach and all I can think about is being with a man. I haven't seen my girlfriend since this happened because I have no physical attraction to her anymore. I tried to pleasure myself while looking at a picture of her but I couldn't. After trying, I looked at a picture of the guy I had a crush on and I was able to easily pleasure myself. I need some advice because this is a new experience for me and I am a little bit lost.

 

[Rolyo85]

Re: Uncertain of what to do. PLEAZ HELP!

First of all - and this is me being tough love on you - I don't believe in "curiosity". People are curious about trying different foods, or who slept with who in the office, or wether it really is such a bad idea to wear purple and yellow together. Not about having a man's dick up their ass. I am not saying it to be a douche, just to point out that "curiosity" is to me something that people have invented so they can keep feeling "straight", even though they have gay urges.

Which is what you are having. You are in the age where our mind stops being able to repress our natural needs an confuse us withth mixed signals. Whether you say you were sexually attracted (a broad term btw) to the people in your fantasies, or not. The very act of fantasizing about such things is in its own a type of sexual arousal (if I am interpreting your post correctly, those are pleasurable fantasies, not fears). You have even physically engaged in a form of self-pleasuring which is distinctly homosexual.

With all of this, I am not saying you are necessarily gay. You could be bisexual, but I don't want to open that can of worms because people tend to have wildly varying definitions of that particular term. Fact of the matter is, sometimes we just snap, and all the repressed sexuality pours out overnight. It is quite possible that you ARE gay, and all of those "not sexually attracted to"s were just your brain freaking out and trying to tell you that no, it's just some weird feeling, you're not "actially" gay.

In the end, only you know how you feel, but you have to self-reflect. What you describe is a normal situation, and this confusion will clear up fairly soon, as long as you embrace the possibility that you might be bisexual or even entirely gay (which, despite popular beliefs, doesn't mean you can't get it up for a girl, especially at your age).

Once you've figured this out though, you have to decide how you want to deal with your gf. Love is love, but lying is not love, and if you don't feel the way you used to, and aren't physically aroused by her, the honorable thing is letting her go.


Edit: Also, it's spelled "please". Come on, guy. If you're posting a serious thread, be serious about spelling

 

[Rolyo85]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

I touched on this in your other thread, but I'll say it here as well:

We are born with our sexuality, and I don't believe it changes. We are, however, born in a certain environment with its pressures and demands, and by the time our sexuality kicks in, we have long since been indoctrinated with those pressures and demands. So while our sexuality doesn't change (again, that's my belief, science is not conclusive on the subject), our awareness of it changes. We learn more, experiment, contemplate, and ultimately reach a conclusion of what our sexuality is. The more satisfied we are in our choices in the long run, the more accurate our conclusion has been.

I spent my first 25 years pretending to be straight, even to myself. I was miserable and unsatisfied with my life. I have since come out and embraced the fact that I am 100% gay. My life is immeasurably happier and more fulfilling, so I know that this IS my real sexuality.

Once you strip all the societal pressures, all your fears of what others might think, say or do, and get to what makes YOU happy, then you have found who you truly are.

But to your question - no, nobody can "become" gay - overnight or otherwise - unless they were born gay.

 

[bruce379]

Re: Uncertain of what to do. PLEAZ HELP!

My dear boy, sit down and take a deep breath. This is, as the cliché goes, "this is just the first day of the rest of your life." The world did not stop spinning on its axis and the sun will surely rise again tomorrow.

You were or are probably still in the stage of denial. "Denial is the most predictable of all human responses." - Architect, The Matrix.

In the following days ahead it might be best to consider breaking up with your girlfriend or at least have some time-off from her. Because at this stage in the game, you have already made one person miserable. Don't make it two. If you didn't get that: the first person you made miserable was you. It cannot be helped, you have discovered feelings for other guys. You have discovered it. Now you must explore it to it's natural conclusion. Enjoy it for what it is. Don't hold back your happiness and peace of mind. The physical aspect and pleasure you derive from this will be undeniable but you must also unshackle your mental and emotional fences otherwise you will just continue living in self-doubt or denial.

My only advice is be true to yourself to discover yourself. Be calm about it, others are. You have friends here who support you if you do conclude that yes, you are attracted to guys. We also respect your decision if in the course of your exploration, you determine that you actually like women. Either way, you have to find out for yourself. While you're at it: Think! Don't be careless. Be mindful of what you do. Do not engage in unprotected sex! Do not hook up with guys who go bareback nor with guys who do drugs - these are red flags to avoid. Aside from that, happy hunting.

 

[bruce379]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

You are young. At your age, it is typical to still figure out if you like guys if you suddenly discover feelings of sexual arousal. Check it out for yourself. It's only sex. Just make sure you engage in safe sex. Who knows, your love of your life might actually be a guy!

 

[bruce379]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

Oh, and to answer your question: YES. You might look at this point in your life a few years from now and say to yourself, yeah, that's when I suddenly became attracted to guys. Ask some gay guys and they might tell you the same thing. I've met some gay guys who were married and have kids say, "Yeah, I dunno, I saw this hot dude one time and I couldn't get him out of my head. Then, I started seeing some guys and I was hooked. I never knew what I was missing. It's like somebody turned on a switch or something."

 

[bankside]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

Yes, I remember the day well. I went from being interested in sex, to being interested in guys. All thanks to an image I got in my head of a guy from my class, one day when I was 13. In one instant, it unlocked a whole world.

 

[Ninja108]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

In a word yes.

 

[Georgiadude]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

What are you worried about? What's wrong with being "full on gay"? Live your life for you. Not your parents, not your friends, not what society thinks is right. Live your life for you and be happy. I lived a lie for many years. I couldn't face who I was. I couldn't tell my family or friends. Now I'm divorced, alone, ugly and will probably be alone until the day I die. Accept yourself for who you are and be happy. There's nothing wrong with being full on gay nothing at all.

Steven

 

[Seasoned]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

No, but you might realize it overnight.

 

[Seasoned]

Re: Uncertain of what to do. PLEAZ HELP!

Hopefully it will one day change, but we are expected to be straight when we are born and most of us have learned to expect that if ourselves as well. That's why we need to come out and coming out to ourselves is sometimes more difficult than coming out to others.

Whatever your interests and orientation you are and will be fine as long as you do no harm to yourself or others. You're not alone.

 

[Seasoned]

Masturbate without porn and see where your fantasies take you.

 

[KaraBulut]

We've merged several of your threads together since the questions are all related and several members were trying to respond in multiple threads.

Please continue to add to this thread so that everyone can follow your questions in one thread. Thanks.

 

[mikey3000]

Re: Is it possible for someone to become gay overnight?

Since I can remember, I have always found girls attractive and have always considered myself straight. I knew that I could be bi based on the fact that my first crush was a guy when I was in middle school and then after, I began to only like girls. After my first crush, I never found guys hot or attractive until now. Recently I began to get attracted to guys and whenever I see hot guys or pictures of guys, I get hard. I no longer get hard when watching straight porn and Im somewhat worried that I might be full on gay. Can anyone help?

Yup. you're talking to one. I had absolutely no gay inclinations till my mid thirties, then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I know this is not the popular belief, but I believe in sexual fluidity, and that many outside factors can affect who you're attracted to, and at different stages of life too. Many just strive to resist these urges, both gay and straight. Are some born gay or straight? sure, but some are influenced by environment too. Just take the time to figure things out for yourself.