Why are gay guys so promiscuous?

[kayman23]

Oh, the irony and timing of this column on the Huffington Post...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charles-stephens/the-way-we-desire-now_b_2852766.html

 

[DigitalFudge]

Oh, the irony and timing of this column on the Huffington Post...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charles-stephens/the-way-we-desire-now_b_2852766.html

I stopped reading @ "As gay men"

 

[kayman23]

People act as if fuck buddies are the most accessible things ever. The only time I've had one, that guy ended up catching feelings over time and it ended up a mess.

For the record, I find that I lose attraction to guys over time when I'm fucking them repeatedly. I find more excitement in newness.



LOL. Right?

You can't get a fuck buddy? In the words of Ludacris "You ain't doing it right..."

I can get a fuckbuddy with a snap of my fingers, and I'm not even trying 9 out 10 times. Also I lay out the ground rules initially and usually have him around for months and he doesn't catch feelings. You must be messing with wrong type of dudes. LOL

 

[MorrisseyX]

You can't get a fuck buddy? In the words of Ludacris "You ain't doing it right..."

I can get a fuckbuddy with a snap of my fingers, and I'm not even trying 9 out 10 times. Also I lay out the ground rules initially and usually have him around for months and he doesn't catch feelings. You must be messing with wrong type of dudes. LOL

Or maybe your fuckbuddy is denying his true feelings for you by supressing them in order to have sex with you and contact with you. How can you really know what another person is truly feeling? Maybe your fuckbuddy figures over time something more might happen? People someitmes get into fuckbuddy situations because they truly believe they can handle or hang around because they figure the person they like might eventually change his mind.

 

[kayman23]

Or maybe your fuckbuddy is denying his true feelings for you by supressing them in order to have sex with you and contact with you. How can you really know what another person is truly feeling? Maybe your fuckbuddy figures over time something more might happen? People someitmes get into fuckbuddy situations because they truly believe they can handle or hang around because they figure the person they like might eventually change his mind.

Maybe so, but when I hear excuses like what were given I call them a "cop out".

You cannot get mad if you knew what was going on the beginning. As a rule goes, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" so if you wanted a relationship then why give up the ass or dick from the jump?

 

[Laufey]

It's pretty common for people to want more with their fuckbuddy but they know (or at least think) that the other one doesn't want more so they don't tell them so they can continue to meet them. The whole "better than nothing" attitude which eventually becomes too difficult and they have to end it. Some tell the person before ending it, others just silently distance themselves.

It is common for people to develop feelings for their friends with benefits and sadly it's often one sided. I wouldn't be surprised if it happens half the time (when you have done for a long period of time).

Worth the risk though...

 

[Adrock-JD]

I think this is an interesting comment, I don't know about the other guys on this board but although I am out to my family the only person who asks me about my personal life is my sister. We are around the same age. However, my parents never ask me if I have a boyfriend they know I am gay but they certainly don't want to see me bring a man over for Christmas dinner or Thanksgiving dinner. I know my folks would not approve of that. My parents tolerate me being gay but they certainly don't want to see it in front of their face.

So, I think for myself and maybe for some other gay men maybe sleeping around is a way to compensate for these feelings.

I personally would rather not have to go to a bathhouse to get laid or get a blow job but I get horny and I get frustrated with the online crap.

I would like to meet someone one day and have a serious relationship but I'm 36 years old and I am starting to think about it more and more. I read stories on this site about people falling in love and being in happy relationships and it helps me to feel hopeful that maybe one day I can have this. I don't even care if I dated someone for even one year but it would be nice to have someone special one day.

But as of right now, a part of me feels maybe I am too much a dreamer, to think at 36 I can really meet someone when I haven't really had a serious relationship as an adult.

Just because others don't accept us doesn't mean we aren't capable of a loving monogamous relationship. Go find what your heart wants. You deserve it.

I wish you all the best.

 

[bankside]

Lol at "catching" feelings like its an infection or something.

 

[Nishin]

^ That's what I thought too, but actually I think it is... love is like a mental disorder

 

[Laufey]

Well don't take friends with benefits so literary.

Its not a good idea to make an actual friend your fuck buddy. It's best that it's that way from the start and that you only meet that person for sex rather than hanging out with him socially.

 

[Laufey]

There is a thin line between love and obsession.

 

[Rolyo85]

Love is always two-way. No such thing as "unrequited love". Love is worked for, nurtured and developed with time. Anything else is just infatuation, crushing and obsessing. So no, you can't really "catch" love.

 

[Rolyo85]

Yeah, I was addressing those who used the word "love".

 

[MorrisseyX]

I don't have many gay friends. The ones I have are usually not into me sexually. The one time I had a friend who was into me sexually, he caught feelings. It's an awkward thing to try and set up. I'm also not really attractive enough to expect someone to want to fuck me repeatedly, when there are so many better looking guys out there.

Gay friends is an interesting issue, I have one gay acquaintance who I know is sexually attracted to me but I'm not interested in him and I've made it very clear to him I only see him as a friend and that's it.

The thing about feelings is people cannot control it, it just happens sometimes. And with gay men being friends with other gay men I guess it is bound to happen it is just how people deal with these feelings is the real issue.

If another person can accept that one only wants friendship and nothing more perhaps a friendship can work. But if someone wants more and the other doesn't then it is unrequited love and that's a difficult thing to deal with.

- - - Updated - - -

Just because others don't accept us doesn't mean we aren't capable of a loving monogamous relationship. Go find what your heart wants. You deserve it.

I wish you all the best.

Thanks for the comment I appreciate it.

 

[MorrisseyX]

Maybe so, but when I hear excuses like what were given I call them a "cop out".

You cannot get mad if you knew what was going on the beginning. As a rule goes, "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" so if you wanted a relationship then why give up the ass or dick from the jump?

I have a question, why don't you want a relationship with this other guy? I mean, he's obviously good enough for you to take your clothes off and have sex with him right? So, what is it that's holding you back from getting seriously involved with him?

Is it because you just don't want a relationship? Or you are comfortable with the friends with benefits situation? Or you feel you are not compatable with this guy for something serious?

I understand your argument, but I also think if you know someone is really into you wants more but you cannot give him more then you must end it.


Because eventually something bad is going to happen it is going to become a big mess and someone is going to get hurt.

I get what you're saying that you are upfront with the other guy, but I can't help but feel bad for the other guy.

 

[Rolyo85]

I have a question, why don't you want a relationship with this other guy? I mean, he's obviously good enough for you to take your clothes off and have sex with him right? So, what is it that's holding you back from getting seriously involved with him?

Well, I am not kayman23, but I can respond for myself. The question is absurd. Any nice guy with decent looks is good enough for me to take my clothes off with. I need about a thousand times more to be in a relationship with someone/

 

[Rolyo85]

For me personally, being sexually compatible with someone is a hell of a lot easier than being emotionally compatible with someone.

I think that's the truth for everyone, which is the reason for so many failed relationships - because people feel guilty of having non-"loving" sex, and so convince themselves they're into someone when they aren't.

 

[DigitalFudge]

People should do what (And hew

) they want, do what they are comfortable with and what they can handle within their personal moral/ethical framework.


When you go to bed the only person there you have to answer to is yourself.


There is a no standard, there is no "normal" there is only what's true to you.




Now lets stop this ridiculous amount of disrespect that is coming from both sides in this thread and shame those who deserve it, the bisexuals.

 

[kayman23]

I think so too.

I found myself thinking of Cayman's quote today ("Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"). It's more or less a blatant admission that his view is that a goal of a relationship is for a source of sex, so when that's given away so easily, a relationship is pointless.

I realize I'm not the biggest champion of relationships on this board... but even in my wildest dreams, I would never sell the point of a relationship so short. If I ever find myself with someone, it won't be because they were a steady, reliable piece of ass. It would be more than that. So much more.

If you drew that from my comment then that says more about your perspectives about relationships than mine. If you are open and willing to lay in bed with somebody and fuck/or be fucked then you are already opening yourself up to somebody to having a "relationship with them". The problems with "casual hook ups" are they aren't as cut and dry people attempt to make them out to be. Honestly, your acknowledge and drawing of this aforementioned conclusion affirms you have this exact mentality and attempting to project it on to me. Sorry, but no bueno

Regardless of how you like to paint it, having sex with another human being is a form of relationship. Some of us would rather be out and open than in denial about our actions. Also if you are basing a committed relationship on sex then you have bigger problems...

 

[Laufey]

Just because you are incapable or seeing it in a casual way it doesn't mean it's a universal fact.