Why are older gay men always alone ?

[bedbugy]

ever wondered when ones old
1 you detest pop music
2 you like a nap in the afternoon
3 night clubs are for the young
4 nothing in common with a youngster

i know what its like to be young you don't know what its like to be old

and one day you will be old too

 

[G-Lexington]

^ 2 for 4. 3 since modern pop bores me but I like modern rock. And I've liked naps and disliked clubs from the get-go. Maybe I was born old.

But I can still interact with younger people just fine, luckily. Just have to keep an open mind.

Lex

 

[bort138]

I'm 24 and must have been born old too.

 

[subbtopp]

heres a documentary I produced and filmed about older gay couples who are married enjoy

 

[cgymike]

I was far more alone in my 20's then now. Well, I had lots of hookups but felt as alone as ever. When you get over that and realise the futility of the manhunt you cultivate more durable and quality relations with those around you and have the chance to form deeper social ties in the community based on interests and so forth. Also have an awesome set of friends. I don't have a bf but am by no means alone. If anything, I would have revered the OP's post to read "Why are young gay men often alone" or along those lines. But that's not even so true.

But what I'm really curious is how he would know so much about 40+ people to make such a statement. Doesn't he mostly hang out with people his own age? Also, he seemed worried about his distant future. Odd the whole tone of his message.

But alas he's been banned so I'm talking in a vacuum here.

 

[Latimer]

We shouldn't forget that AIDS decimated the dating pool for men now in their fifties, sixties and seventies. Nor should we forget that often both men in a relationship were killed by the disease. If it weren't for AIDS, there'd be a lot more older gay men in long term relationships.

 

[mbamike]

I think your original hypothesis is flawed.

 

[ibill1]

Because some of us are widowers. Someone in a long relationship has to die first. Unless you are both hit by a bus. But this is true for everyone. I have two straight buddies whos wives have passed earliar than would be expected. The three of us are alone now but we date and have each other, along with our circle of friends. Face it, no matter how long and wonderful our relationships may have been, someone is going to be left alone. Shit happens to everyone. I do have gay friends my age that never have found that someone in their lives and to be honest they are just fine and don't really give a damn. They are in their 50's and still open for it to happen.

 

[LovesAsians]

I'm 41 and although I have friends and boyfriends around the world, I'm not really looking for a monogamous relationship / LTR.

I don't really subscribe to the hetero-normative notion that we should pair up like the straight folks. I'm forming a tribe.

 

[pat grimshaw]

This thread makes me miss SBC. He was so fresh.

 

[youngnihilist]

Some people are okay being alone. We're all alone in the end anyway. Not everyone is meant to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Many experiment in relationships and decide it's not for them. I know many older single gay men who surround their lives with friends, family music, food, travel, culture. Do they want someone to share a bed with at the end of the day? Maybe. But they've found other ways to satisfy their lives.

 

[Red Storm]

Interesting question and one that recently came up while talking to a group of friends.

they are 50, 51, 46, 48 and 45

All gay men and single. Why? some said they never found their match, others said they did but he was out of state and neither one wanted to move so they remain as friends. All of them gave up looking and say whatever happens , happens.

on the other hand , I am looking, been on match.com etc I'm in my late 30s and prefer guys my age or older. the ones I have talked to do not want a live in partner but each one to have their own place, not what i want.

I have talked to 2 widowers. my heart breaks when i hear their stories and the pain they have gone through after losing their partner of 20+ years. Wonderful men but they said their right match was that guy and nobody will ever take his place so they only want a close friendship and that is it. I understand where they are coming from and respect it.


and my common sense theory, a lot smaller dating pool. yep, straight single men in their 40s and 50s have a lot more females available than gay men. its common sense. not all men go on match.com or do online sites and a lot of men do not go to bars. Some do social groups, sports etc. but most of the 45+ crowd that i know, basically just works and hang out with their own friends.

 

[Kulindahr]

Some people are okay being alone. We're all alone in the end anyway. Not everyone is meant to be with someone for the rest of their lives. Many experiment in relationships and decide it's not for them. I know many older single gay men who surround their lives with friends, family music, food, travel, culture. Do they want someone to share a bed with at the end of the day? Maybe. But they've found other ways to satisfy their lives.

I've always wondered what "meant to be" is supposed to mean. Like... according to whom?

 

[Ontariobear]

I'll ask my husband and get back to you.

 

[Audio Tech]

I'm alone because I don't want a live-in mate. Yes, I want to go to bed with someone, but not ALL the time. I need my own space.
That doesn't mean I don't want a monogamous relationship.... I DO. But I don't want to play house 24/7.

So I'll likely be alone forever unless I find someone that is similar to me.

 

[USEDCAR]

Because every gay guy wants Mr.6 foot tall built ,tan that he looks like he walked out of a magazine they spend their whole lives looking for that kind of guy and turn down every guy that approaches them. when they are all old beat up and out of shape they are lonely.

 

[Maestoso]

1) Still want to have fun, no intention of settling down
2) Have not found the right partner
3) Depression