Why can't I have just one friend?

[FlyingGoats]

I've always been kind of a shy person, and over the past few years that has turned into a serious anxiety problem. I never had many friends because of it, but I used to have a couple and I was happy with that. Slowly I lost touch with them all, except my best friend, who was like my brother for most of my life. Then one day he decided he hates me for no apparent reason. I've tried and tried and tried to fix things with him, but I've come to the conclusion I don't want to anymore, my "friend" is gone, and somehow he got replaced with a horrible inconsiderate asshole.

And here I am now without a single friend. I really can't handle being so alone anymore. I'm so depressed I've been sitting here for 3 hours staring at a blank screen before I made this post. I've been on antidepressants for a while now, and they don't work, because no matter how many pills I take I won't have any friends. I'm too sick to work, I don't go to school, and I have way too much anxiety to go out somewhere there's a lot of people.

So how the fuck am I supposed to meet anyone? The only thing I can think of is craigslist, and I've tried SO hard to find a friend there. I've talked to several people and it seems like we get along really well, then all the sudden they disappear. I don't understand why. I'm not ugly, I'm not overweight, I'm smart, I have a good sense of humor, and overall I'm pretty good at least pretending to be a normal person. But for some reason it seems like everybody hates me. I can't even get anyone to be my friend on myspace. This is really killing me. It consumes every second of my day with a pain that I don't know how to describe. Why can't I just have ONE friend? What else can I do? Honestly I'd give everything I have just to have someone show a little interest in me.

 

[taxi_ride]

You need to be strong mate things will get better they always do.

 

[newkidondagayblock]

You have friends here on JUB... dont worry send me a PM if you want...i cant promise i will be ur best friend but i can be a friend....
TC dear...

 

[Ice Burn]

there not much i can say but hang in there things won't always be like they are. and like newkid said you have friends on jub so if you ever want to talk pm me.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Have you limited yourself to craigslist and myspace only?? Many other sites you could try. Why do you assume people hate you after you chat with them for a bit and then they disappear??

It is great to look for friends on the internet, but you need to get out and look for friends where you are. It will be hard since your shy, but looking at a blank screen for 3 hours before doing ANYTHING is not going to get you anywhere or any friends mate.
I have no idea where you live, but there must be small places for you go to and get out and socialize!

Yes, you can make friends here, but it is probably the distance between friends here that would prevent you from having a serious friendship with us here. (I would seek friends here that live close to you however.)

 

[G-Lexington]

Three ideas to keep in mind.

People rarely go door-to-door (or website to website) asking "Anyone here in need of a friend?".

In short, you gotta get out there. Interact with people. What are your interests? Are there clubs you can join? Are there classes you might want to take? Put yourself in situations where there's more human interaction.

Very few people are self-assured enough to make the first move.

You're bound to run into people out there also looking for friends. But you may not know it, because, like you, they're down on themselves, and think nobody wants to be their friend, either. Someone has to be bold enough to make a move. So you can either hope that the other person will do it, or you can do it yourself. It may as well be you.

Starting a conversation isn't as hard as it looks.

Look for common ground. That's why "talking about the weather" is such a cliche. You're both experiencing it, so it's something you have in common. The easiest point of common ground - you're both in the same place. Use that.

Fast food restaurant? "Have you tried the new chicken sandwich?"
Class? "I missed it - what was the teacher saying about electronics near the middle of class?"
Online game? "You've pretty good at this - how long have you played?"

The person might not feel like talking, or might just give a single monosyllabic answer. Maybe that person's not interested. That happens. It doesn't make you a horrible person who nobody loves. It just means this particular person isn't looking to chat today. Try again with someone else.

Good luck.

Lex

 

[ladygrey]

Oh lover

I understand your feelings. I used to think the same thing as well, but I learned how to become more social and develop friends with different groups of people. It does not matter, lover, what is on the outside of yourself, but often how you present yourself and the way you interact with others.

Communication, humour, and a willingness to make mistakes are needed for life and friendship.

Get yourself out there, take risks, cry about, and learn how you can support yourself through these issues. A therapist can help you make choices that will empower you in social situations. Now remember, that life is a very long journey and you never know, lover, who you can meet.

So don't you be letting go already, cause there are more than enough people willing to love you for who you are.

That, darling, is something I firmly believe in.

-g

 

[loppyears]

I've always had trouble making friends so your not alone. If you work, plan a night out with workmates so you won't feel so uncomfortable meeting new people on your own. Better yet join a club that interests you in your area. There are lots of people out there looking to make new friends so don't give up!

 

[Ryuukie]

The old saying is, "To have a friend, be a friend." Or something like that.

Anyway, it takes a long, long time before you can expect to dump your emotional baggage on another person. So these people with whom you've tried to be friends may have thought you've expected too much of them too soon.

 

[confusedboy23]

Being alone sucks but there are also friends whom you would rather not have. That 'asshole' could have been one of them. I'm not sure what kind of 'friends' you're looking for, gay in particular or just someone to hang with, but you're not going to find any just by sitting at home. You need to go out and I know how daunting that is. Join a club of an interest of yours. I felt so alone when I arrived in the USA until I found this club......so maybe it will work for you too. Google it and before you know it, you would have known one more person!

 

[Matthew-]

And here I am now without a single friend. I really can't handle being so alone anymore. I'm so depressed I've been sitting here for 3 hours staring at a blank screen before I made this post. I've been on antidepressants for a while now, and they don't work, because no matter how many pills I take I won't have any friends. I'm too sick to work, I don't go to school, and I have way too much anxiety to go out somewhere there's a lot of people.

I<m to sick to work too, anxiety also played a part in it. This being said, I think the internet is a good way to find friends.

 

[gameboy 11]

All that I can add is do you have any relatives that you like and could hang out with? Even though we're not as close as we used to be, my cousin Nick saved me from many days of boredom.

I wish you luck, man. Really. I understand where you're coming from.

I don't really hang out much at all.

 

[DonDon]

FlyingGoats, I have learned two very valuable things in my life that I would like to share with you.

The first one I learned when I took a class on cruising. Yes, only in LA can you find someone who will teach you how to cruise. LOL! We had our little class in a bar and this guy said, "Look around at all the people here. Nobody comes to a bar to be alone." (repeat that last part to yourself a few times anytime you go to a bar or other social meeting place) He also said to think about how we felt going there alone. I thought about how I go and sort of sit in the corner, probably looking lonely, just hoping for someone to walk up and talk to me. The truth is that there are a lot of other people doing the same thing, so you have a room full of people all standing alone hoping for someone to talk to them, so if you walk around and say hello to people you'll find some that are so happy you just said hello to them. Some won't care, some will be so caught up in their own misery they won't respond, and some won't like you. But you know what? Sometimes someone will say hi to you that you don't care for. It happens. You just move on. But if you don't say hi to someone you'll never know. He also said, "you came here alone and if you don't talk to people you'll definitely leave along. If you make an attempt then you might make a friend or meet a potential mate. So what do you have to lose?"

One other thing I've learned is that like attracts like. Happy people attract other happy people. I know it's hard to try and be happy when you are depressed but people have enough problems in their lives that they don't want to pick up the problems of people they don't even know. A shoulder to cry on is really only going to come from a close friend, or people on message boards like JUB. So, for now, use this board to vent, yell, and cry. Then go out and be happy. It's like when you go shopping. You look at the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff, right? That's how people choose friends. Go out and show people that you can be a good friend. Get to know people well and have fun. Then sometimes when you really need a shoulder to cry on they will be there. But if you do nothing but cry, people get tired of it. So save the crying for here, or write poetry, or stories or paint or sing. I write songs when I'm depressed. I have dozens of them. I really should do something constructive with them but for now it just makes me feel good to get something constructive out of my pain. If you cry on someone's shoulders they have to carry that burdon, but if you cry into a song and you play it for someone they can enjoy it. Your sadness can turn into something beautiful.

And lastly, you have friends here. It's not the same as physical friends but here you have a lot of people who like you and who want to talk to you.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Let us know how things are going.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Being shy is one thing.
It is a state of your life. It sometimes makes meeting people more difficult. But you may need to learn to be a little more outgoing.
Make an adventure for yourself, in a situation which will allow
you to meet other people.
Shep+

 

[will_zeis23]

Hey like everyone has said you're not alone, I've been the same myself I don't have any friends close by, and have only my friends I've made online. Just start out slow make a few friends online that will get you to build up making friends locally.

 

[Soilwork]

DonDon knows what he's talking about.

He also taught me how to tie knots.

 

[DonDon]

DonDon knows what he's talking about.

He also taught me how to tie knots.

Hee hee, you cheeky monkey.

 

[andyspete]

FlyingGoats, I have learned two very valuable things in my life that I would like to share with you.

The first one I learned when I took a class on cruising. Yes, only in LA can you find someone who will teach you how to cruise. LOL! We had our little class in a bar and this guy said, "Look around at all the people here. Nobody comes to a bar to be alone." (repeat that last part to yourself a few times anytime you go to a bar or other social meeting place) He also said to think about how we felt going there alone. I thought about how I go and sort of sit in the corner, probably looking lonely, just hoping for someone to walk up and talk to me. The truth is that there are a lot of other people doing the same thing, so you have a room full of people all standing alone hoping for someone to talk to them, so if you walk around and say hello to people you'll find some that are so happy you just said hello to them. Some won't care, some will be so caught up in their own misery they won't respond, and some won't like you. But you know what? Sometimes someone will say hi to you that you don't care for. It happens. You just move on. But if you don't say hi to someone you'll never know. He also said, "you came here alone and if you don't talk to people you'll definitely leave along. If you make an attempt then you might make a friend or meet a potential mate. So what do you have to lose?"

One other thing I've learned is that like attracts like. Happy people attract other happy people. I know it's hard to try and be happy when you are depressed but people have enough problems in their lives that they don't want to pick up the problems of people they don't even know. A shoulder to cry on is really only going to come from a close friend, or people on message boards like JUB. So, for now, use this board to vent, yell, and cry. Then go out and be happy. It's like when you go shopping. You look at the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff, right? That's how people choose friends. Go out and show people that you can be a good friend. Get to know people well and have fun. Then sometimes when you really need a shoulder to cry on they will be there. But if you do nothing but cry, people get tired of it. So save the crying for here, or write poetry, or stories or paint or sing. I write songs when I'm depressed. I have dozens of them. I really should do something constructive with them but for now it just makes me feel good to get something constructive out of my pain. If you cry on someone's shoulders they have to carry that burdon, but if you cry into a song and you play it for someone they can enjoy it. Your sadness can turn into something beautiful.

And lastly, you have friends here. It's not the same as physical friends but here you have a lot of people who like you and who want to talk to you.

Good luck. I hope things work out for you. Let us know how things are going.

I agree with this post. Don, you said it very well.

 

[DonDon]

I agree with this post. Don, you said it very well.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

[rareboy]

I also think that you need to review the effectiveness of your medications with the Doctor. The idea is that you shouldn't be clinically depressed if you're taking them. So this tells me something is wrong. It may be diet, sleep, exercise, but something is not right if you are still feeling this much anxiety on an ongoing basis.

BTW, cut out msg totally along with most refined sugars and sucrose. they can wreak havoc with meds.

Once you are more relaxed, you will find your way out to meet new friends.