Why Do Gays Hate Bisexuals?

[BearMagus]

Thank you for blanket statements and labeling all gay men as bisexual hating twits.

I can't speak for all gay men accurately any more than you can speak about gay men. Each is just the own person's opinion. My opinion, from my own experience, is that bisexuals get back the energy they release into the world. They really don't enjoy being around gay men and don't feel uncomfortable with being around straight men. For a gay man like myself, who has no unction to sleep with women at all, and can't even begin to imagine why anyone would find a woman sexually appealing, bisexuals and heterosexual men are a curios lot.

I think the crux of the issue really boils down to what one wants in life. Most gay men do want a relationship that is mutually fulfilling and honest. I think most people want this whether gay, straight, male or female. From five decades of living, I have yet to find a bisexual person who could deliver. No one wants to feel they can't give their partner what they want, need, and crave. This is true for men, women, gay, lesbian, or straight. Bisexuals, I think many gay men believe, have failed to make a decision on what they want in life. How many members here openly admit to their deceit and dishonesty in cheating on their wives, girlfriends, or boyfriends? You can have your cake and eat it too but eventually the cake dries up and you choke on it. If bisexuality was just about sex and busting your nut, I don't think anyone would really care but sexuality is a very deep part of human nature and bisexuals can't seem to find out where they belong in the big scheme of things. Would I sleep with a bi guy? Yes, and I have. I have slept with curious straight boys too. Would I ever want a bi guy as a partner. Nope. Maybe that is why you think you are the subject of hostility. It's not hostility but distrust.

Time to walk my dogs. Good night Jubbers.......

 

[timnmostud]

Okay, I can get the fustration, just don't paint it so broad as to mean ALL gay men! I have no problem with anyone being bisexual. In fact I love my bi friends! I am gay, but my sexual tastes are probably not like every other gay mans! Why should I care if anyone else is bi?

 

[daydreamer27]

It amazes me that no matter where you go, homosexuals are biased against bisexuals.

Where do you go exactly? Maybe to those "anti-bisexual, we're only let gay guys in" gay clubs and bars? Or do you talk to gay people on the street who wear these anti-bi badges?

Who are you to tell me, a gay man, that I am practicing any form of bigotry towards bisexual men? I am furthermore not at all obsessed with straight men. Why should I? Just because the gay porn industry creates this fantasy of seducing heterosexual males, doesn't mean that I make it to my life philosophy to chase these species for sexual relief.

And of course, I presume that you love women (you referred to them as vaginas, how respectful), otherwise you were not bi, right. So no big deal. Everyone is entitled to search for his/her sexual satisfaction without hurting anyone else.

You will find scumbags and idiots, players and shameless fuckers from any sexual spectrum of human mankind. So please don't take your own personal experience with some ignorant gay men as an example of all of us. By doing so, you show the same insensitivity, you have encountered yourself.

It is the person that matters, not his individual sexual identity. So please stop the generalization of gay men or bisexuals. We have more in common and are more compatible than some people here on the forum like to suggest.

 

[Candyapple]

And of course, I presume that you love women (you referred to them as vaginas, how respectful)

Where does the OP refer to women as 'vaginas'? The only time he mentions the word is in connection with oral sex.

 

[Candyapple]

Thank you for blanket statements and labeling all gay men as bisexual hating twits.

He criticises the OP for making a blanket statement, then makes several sweeping generalisations about bisexual men....oh, the irony....

 

[sonny10305]

I never heard that before, I live in New York, hit a lot of clubs and have a ton of both gay and Bi friends, and I never saw any hatred at all.

 

[daydreamer27]

Thank you, I guess he missed that part due to his anger or something.

yes, I missed that part. Sorry.

However, I didn't miss that you were terribly generalizing gay men's attitudes towards bisexuals. I think you were the one who started ranting and blaming us for your anger and frustration.

So no need to complain anyhow.

 

[sonny10305]

You've been on this forum for almost 2 years and really haven't seen it? hehe

Well no, I mean sure there have been discussions about bi vs gay but I never thought to put hate into the equation.
In my post I was writing about my own personal experiences in life outside JUB.
If it is going on I haven't run into it as yet and hope I never do.

Jezz, has it been 2 years

 

[Something Else]

Interestingly the motivation for most of the disdain that gay men have towards Bi Sexual men is similar to my personal experience of having a guy cheat AND lie to me (while looking me dead in the eyes no less) as their personal proof that Bisexuals are this untrustable, unreliable, confused lot.

I've since learned from my personal experience, with my first gay relationship, that Ididn't take ENOUGH time to discover things about him before falling for him. Perhaps the same, could be said about the gay men who feel Bisexuals are untrustable, unreliable and confused. Perhaps the gay men whom dated Bi men should have had a longer "courtship" before becoming intimate and discovering all the things that create the negative emotions thereafter.

I've also realize that there is quite a lot of projection and splitting when people speak in terms of absolutes (one is either gay or straight).

I sometimes wonder what would they say if someone said that about ambidextrous people. You know, those that write with either hand left or right. It would be as silly as the left-handed community saying "there is no such thing as ambidextrous people. They're just left-handed people that are in denial!"



Or how about this observation that gay men are more familiar with.

The concept of exclusive Tops or exclusive Bottoms. I find it interesting that gay men can conceptualize that there are some men that are versatile within the bedroom despite others referring to themselves exclusively as Tops or Bottoms. But find it so difficult to extrapolate that same thought process for guys that can become attracted to both genders--equally, or unequally (as is the case more often than not Bisexuals lean towards one gender more than the other). It's not always this or that in every instance. And this doesn't even delve into that a large portion of gay men are not into penetrative sex at all. Everyone has their attractions, preferences and opportunities to pursue them.

Basically, at this point, I am able to identify and recognize people who project and participate in the act of projection--courtesy of dealing with my first gay bf, ironically.

Now, when somebody makes the statement of: "If you're Bi, then you're confused."

Well, I realize that now what they're really doing is projecting their confusion onto the person they are unafamiliar with. I now understand that as:

I am not sexually attracted to women at all, and if I were with a woman I'd be faking it. If you like men, then you must share the same attraction towards women as I do--which is none.

Once the men who feel the way they do about Bisexuals are able to integrate concepts that aren't theirs, then I'm sure you'll see a change in the tone of speech.

At this point, I've spent so much time trying to figure out "why I have the attractions I have" until I came to the realization that: it wasn't a problem that demanded an answer to.

It simply is what it is.

I guess like analyzing why some people have hazel eyes?

Unless of course you have brown or blue eyes...then you already know there is no such thing as hazel eyes. They are just blue eyes in denial!

 

[Lube]

It simply is what it is.

I guess like analyzing why some people have hazel eyes?

Unless of course you have brown or blue eyes...then you already know there is no such thing as hazel eyes. They are just blue eyes in denial!

Funny, but disingenuous.

There is no societal backlash (today, anyway) for having hazel eyes or being left-handed or ambidextrous. There is (even today) a significant societal frowning upon being gay. Nothing like it used to be, certainly, but real nonetheless.

So, what often happens is that a man who is really gay will 'come out' to himself by saying that he's bisexual. At least he still likes women, so he can't be all bad, right? He may or may not eventually go down the road of self-acceptance and admit he's gay.

In a nutshell there are two big problems:

1. Many, many gay men start down the road of self-acceptance by telling themselves (and others) that they're bisexual when they are really gay. Many gay men have gone through that phase themselves, so they question other men who claim to be bisexual. It is not fair to true bisexuals; I'm just explaining what I see.

2. Many gay men have been hurt by bisexuals leaving them for women because it's easier to deal with society. This is painful on 2 levels: one, it tells the gay guy that the 'bi' guy agrees (or succumbs, anyway) with societal norms and looks down on gays; two, the gay guy simply can't compete with the women since he doesn't have the same body parts or societal acceptance.

So, yeah, I can see why many (not all) gay guys distrust bisexuals.

Is it deserved? Like any prejudice, you shouldn't judge all people based on the actions of some of them.

 

[confusedboy23]

I call myself bisexual, but I must admit that I am still on the road to really knowing myself. I have thought that I would never fall in love with a guy but I'm thankful that I have experienced a short-lived loving encounter with a guy. I know it's difficult for another guy to accept me because of my insecurities but I am sure that such insecurities occur in straight relationships too. As much as I hate it, I can't blame gays who tend to stay away from bis because if I were in their shoes, I would feel insecure too. As for hating bis, I'm not sure if that's the best way to deal with them but I guess each to their own. It's not easy being bi, and I'm not saying that it's easy being gay too. We all have our own journeys, wherever it leads or however long it takes, we need to walk it!

 

[screwnutty]

I don't have any problems with Bisexuals. Infact one of my friends is bi. Now mind you he does like to use men just for sex and will only settle down and marry a woman BUT that's his choice and I don't take it as a reflection that all Bi's are like this.

When it comes to the real world...nothing is black and white......but shades of grey!!

 

[Lube]

So according to you "almost all" bisexuals are just gays in denial? Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? Sexuality is very complex. You can't just say that because a guy likes dick or sleeps with guys, it makes him "gay". You can't blanket a group of people because "you" called yourself bisexual until you came out as gay.

Reread my post. I have no idea how you got that line of reasoning.

 

[QuothTheRaven]

Wow, actually until I came to this site I had had MAYBE 5 encounters where anyone has suggested that I'm just gay and not admitting it fully, but you guys are really pissy about this.
To the OP, why would you group all gay men together unless you wanted to be attacked? It's pretty obvious what's going to happen.
And not to let anyone who did respond with offence off the hook, you fell right into a trap. He's obviously just an antagonist and rather than putting something short and sweet like, "way to generalize halfwit" you go all out and make your own generalizations, and un-needed attacks.

This is coming from one of the newest members and one of the youngest too... GROW UP!

 

[RRRalph]

In a nutshell there are two big problems:

1. Many gay men start down the road of self-acceptance by telling themselves (and others) that they're bisexual when they are really gay. Many gay men have gone through that phase themselves, so they question other men who claim to be bisexual.

2. Many gay men have been hurt by bisexuals leaving them for women because it's easier to deal with society. This is painful on 2 levels: one, it tells the gay guy that the 'bi' guy agrees with societal norms and looks down on gays; two, the gay guy simply can't compete with the women since he doesn't have the same body parts or societal acceptance.

I don't know about other bisexuals but this is my opinion regarding me:

1.
I have come to my self-acceptance and know who and what I am.
I am a bisexual man who is sexually attracted to men and sexually and romantically attracted to women.

2.
It is only hurt if the bisexual man is lying to the gay man. I do not lie.
I am honest and upfront to them. It is their choice to accept it or not.

 

[gewhite3]

^^ Well done QuothTheRaven...

 

[Lube]

So according to you "almost all" bisexuals are just gays in denial? Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? Sexuality is very complex. You can't just say that because a guy likes dick or sleeps with guys, it makes him "gay". You can't blanket a group of people because "you" called yourself bisexual until you came out as gay.

Youmake 4 claims as to what I said or believe, none of which are true and none of which are supported by my text that you continually quote.

 

[D-Base]

I don't know about other bisexuals but this is my opinion regarding me:

1.
I have come to my self-acceptance and know who and what I am.
I am a bisexual man who is sexually attracted to men and sexually and romantically attracted to women.

2.
It is only hurt if the bisexual man is lying to the gay man. I do not lie.
I am honest and upfront to them. It is their choice to accept it or not.

Apparently we are talking about 2 different types of bisexual men.

1. is men like Ralph. He's a guy who has the decency and respect to gay men and does not look down at them. He's honest and tells from the start that he doesn't want nor need a romantic relationship with a guy.

But there is the other type of a bisexual man as well that is opposite of the ^^^

I truly believe that there is a third type as well, it's the one that doesn't tell you you are doomed but doesn't lie to you either. He basically lets you figure out what you are getting into. I'm seeing a guy like that currently.

 

[D-Base]

You're not exactly in demand for some of us. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind hearing from the masculine, hot, level-headed gay guys as opposed to some of the bitter queens who've been jilted by some asshole bi guy.

Yeah, all guys who ever got through a heartache are bitter queens who are not masculine and definitely not hot. Thus, they should not come to this forum. On the other hand, the guys who don't give a fuck about who they sleep with and where this will lead them are hot and masculine and... yeah...

I soooo agree with you.

 

[Lube]

So according to you

1. "almost all" bisexuals are just gays in denial?
2. Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? Sexuality is very complex.
3. You can't just say that because a guy likes dick or sleeps with guys, it makes him "gay".
4. You can't blanket a group of people because "you" called yourself bisexual until you came out as gay.

OK, Elvin, I took your exact words and changed nothing except put numbers in front of them. Here's where I think there is some misunderstanding between us:

1. Did I say that? If most people are somewhere in the middle in the Kinsey scale (i.e., very few 'pure' heterosexual or homosexuals) then there are far more bi men than gay (or str8) men. So the percentage of bisexuals who are truly gay men would not be the majority, since there are fewer gays than bi's. Besides, how can you quote the words "almost all" when I never used them in my post?
2. Yes I have, and in a number of posts on JUB I've said I think there's a lot of logic to it.
3. Where did I say that? I do talk about many gay men going through the painful process of self-acceptance, but nowhere do I say that anyone who sucks cock is gay.
4. I called myself bisexual? I don't recall that, other than in jest (such as the thread about relative finger lengths, where I have one hand of each type). If I did, perhaps it was a short phase. I do know that once I got around to having sex with men, I never told any of my fb's, dates, or bf that I was bisexual. Nor considered going back to fucking women. On the Kinsey scale I'm a little closer to the hetero side than my boyfriend (who would vomit if he got near a vagina ) and I've mentioned that. But I consider myself gay enough to be gay.

In fact twice I say that gay men claiming that all bi's are really gay is unfair. Here are the literal quotes:

It is not fair to true bisexuals; I'm just explaining what I see.

Is it deserved? Like any prejudice, you shouldn't judge all people based on the actions of some of them.

So I'm not sure why we're disagreeing.