Why do I fall for STRAIGHT GUYS

[REALWILDARKIEHERE]

Do any of you guys seem to fall for ONLY straight guys ?? WHY ??? I have this one friend that is James Marsden HOT and of course, he's STRAIGHT.. I would love to hook up, he's always hooking up with girls...

I won't give up though, you never know..

Am I searching for heart break ??

Tootles..

 

[BrandonSBCA]

Straight guys don't turn me on, when I see a hot guy and they have a wife right beside them I turn the other way.

To answer your question. I'm afraid so.

 

[gaz1978]

I know that feeling. It really sucks, but there's nothing you can do because you have no control over who you fall in love with!

 

[REALWILDARKIEHERE]

Both of the guys that I have been TOTALLY in love with are STRAIGHT. I wish they would just try something different !!

I act like I'm interested in their "GIRLS" when really I just want them to do me ??

Make since ?

 

[Soilwork]

OK.... first... if you're in the closet and pretending to like girls, that's going to chase away the bulk of the gay men who might be interested.

you'll also find that once you maybe venture out and make a few gay friends that you'll stop crushing on what you can't have and find interest in what you do.

I find that I meet some amazing gay men in my motorcycle club, but you can meet guys in a lot of ways like gay sports teams, social clubs and political activism groups. and on top of the face that they're gay, you'll have something in common with them which is a much better place to start.

 

[hermanding]

what to tell you? you know that - if they are really straight - you have no chance
ding

 

[colemanshs]

Yeah, I'm in the same position. I think the problem is only hanging out with straight guys. I'm not out so that's why I'm afraid of being seen with someone that is. However, I am in the process of coming out so hopefully I'll have more gay friends to hang out with and I'll start falling for ones that will actually fall for me.

 

[Andross]

The two times I've really fallen in love for someone was with 2 straight guys. One in highschool and another at my workplace. It always ends in a broken heart because the love will never be returned, if they are real straights. Since then, I've started going to the scene and found that real gay men are not so bad either - if they don't want to eat you alive at the first evening.

 

[treanir]

I think there are two kinds of 'falling for straight guys':
1) You find out someone's straight and fall for him.
2) You see/meet a guy you like and then find out he's straight.

The first will definitely set you up for heartbreak. The second one is more or less unavoidable. In that case, it all depends on how you deal with it. Do you still fall in love with him and try everything you can to get as close (physically) as possible, or do you accept the fact that it's never to be and move on?

 

[jetsonboy]

I know that feeling. It really sucks, but there's nothing you can do because you have no control over who you fall in love with!

I disagree. If you fall for someone who does not stand a chance of reciprocating your interest you are a glutton for punishment. There are plenty of fish in the water, many who would love to share their romantic lives with someone. Unless you plan to or enjoy the challenge of changing someone's sexuality in order to satisfy your desires, going after or wasting emotional resources on someone who does not share your sexual preference is like throwing your money away; it causes nothing but trouble and suffering. Personally, I never go where I am not wanted.

 

[KentuckyPython]

Going for the confirmed straight guy is going to cause you heart ache. You might just like gay men who don't fit traditional stereotypes. We're singing from the same hymnal.

What are you going to do about it? Find some places where you can meet gay men, learn that we come in a huge variety, and find your own gay Mr. Wonderful.

BTW: Converting straight guys only happens in fiction.

 

[REALWILDARKIEHERE]

My friends do know I'm gay.. I've known all of them through the process of coming out to them. Well, the first guy never knew I was gay, or at least I never just told him or discussed it with him. But, he was just so straight and so closed minded, I knew he would not want to be around me. The second guy totally knew I was gay when we first meet ( business meeting ) and is "ok" with it, he's never been around anyone like me in the fact that I'm so open to discuss my personal life. He is so HOT and I have at times felt like he "might" try something. But that feeling is always short lived. I know he does know how I feel about him, I've done everything but tell him.

Your right about hanging out more with gay men, I have a couple close friends here, and hopefully I'll meet many more on JUB ???

Long storey short, I think I'm attracted to straight guys ??

Tootles..

 

[D-Base]

That's because straight men are so much better than gay men and because being gay is a sin and God punishes all gay people making them ugly and all. Also, straight guys work out and have abs and stuff and nice chests. They are strong and masculine and not whiney and sissy like gay guys are.






NOT!

LOL, I guess it's cuz straight men are a larger percentage over gay men. Thus there is a better chance for a guy who likes guys to fall in love with a straight guy.

I don't see how anyone falls in love for straightness.

 

[VICTORIADON]

OK.... first... if you're in the closet and pretending to like girls, that's going to chase away the bulk of the gay men who might be interested.

Bingo! .

 

[Swellegant]

There are four theories on the phenomenon (yes, you are not alone with this problem) that I have developed; you may fall into one or more of them:

1. The Numbers Game: As D-Base points out above, there are simply a lot more straight guys out there than there are gay or bi guys. This is simple statistical fact. If you are living a lifestyle that brings you into contact with ten times more straight guys than gay guys, you are ten times more likely to become infatuated with a straight guy. However, you do not "fall in love" with these guys, you are merely attracted and/or infatuated; there is nothing in the surface interchange on which to base love.
   
   
2. The Impossible Dream: There's this inescapable urge in the human animal that always reaches for that which is out of reach. Sometimes it's a good thing, for this urge is what inspires our science and philosophy, our explorations and our understanding; on the other hand, it also sparks envy, unhealthy fantasy, and the useless beating of heads against brick walls of impossibility.
   
   I think this is what largely fuels the "straight guys" in gay porn... we like to think of converting straights because it's impossible... if they convert, they weren't really all that straight in the first place, were they? And we become infatuated with straight guys and dream of making them fall in love with us because that's simply ridiculous, it's the Golden Apple of the Hesperides, a chimera that can never be reached and can therefore be indulged as a fantasy without ever having to do anything about it.
   
   
3. Romantic Self-Sabotage: This is the one with which I am most familiar, the one that led me to opt out of the dating scene altogether some years ago; I had an infallible sense of unavailability, and unavailability was the most attractive thing I could ever find in a man. Of all the men I ever fell for, two were straight and three were gay, but all of them were unavailable to me; see, it's not the guy's sexuality that puts him out of the running, it's the simple fact that he's not attracted to you.
   
   Those who say there's nothing worse than falling in love with a straight guy don't know the half of it: it's much worse to fall in love with a gay guy who isn't attracted to you... with the former, he's not into me because I don't have a vagina or boobs, things that I'd really rather not have at all; but with the latter, he's not into me because I'm not attractive enough to him. And boy, does that realization twist the knife.
   
   That of course leaves you with the Why... and unfortunately I don't know you well enough to answer that. Hell, I can't even answer it for myself. I recommend taking it up with a head-shrinker of some kind.
   
   
4. Internalized Homophobia: This is an unfortunately common problem in our tribe... we start to believe on a subconscious level that we're unworthy, that we're less-than, that straights are better than us. We internalize what people say and think about us because we don't want to believe that our families are hateful, that our teachers are ignorant, that our leaders are evil... therefore, there must be some truth to what they're saying about homosexuality.
   
   And that plays out in how we relate to other gays: using them for sex while at the same time aping (and falling in love with) our straight friends. And it's another case for the psychiatric community, for it is well-established that you cannot be happy if you hate what you are, even on the mildest of subconscious levels. If you don't love yourself, you're not really human.

My thoughts on the issue, for what they are worth. As far as advice goes, yeah, you just need to get a few more gay guys in your life to even out the numbers game, you need to think about what it is you want out of life (romance, friendship, partnership, freedom), and you need to set about creating a life in which that happens for you.

Good luck!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

see, it's not the guy's sexuality that puts him out of the running, it's the simple fact that he's not attracted to you.

Great response by R-M. Chapeau in every sense.

Read it and read it as long as you don't get the message loud and clear.

SC

 

[Soilwork]

That's very true.

I have two friends who always go home alone.

We'll go to the Abbey, and one of them spends the whole night flirting with the straight bartenders. He knows he's going it and says he can't stop himself. He just wants straight guys.

The other will only hit on guys who are NEVER going to be interested in him. He's mid 40s, a bit over weight, not a snappy dresser and just average in the looks department. He only goes for beautiful 21 year old scene queens.

 

[irydion]

Do any of you guys seem to fall for ONLY straight guys ?? WHY ??? I have this one friend that is James Marsden HOT and of course, he's STRAIGHT.. I would love to hook up, he's always hooking up with girls...

I have the same problem, but the reason in my case is that simply, I do not hang around gay places. I don't have friends that are gay.
I think I should go to some gay club oneday... or whatever. Or meet more people over the net - but it takes so much time I don't have, and yet all of my attempts were bigger or smaller failures.

 

[Andross]

I have the same problem, but the reason in my case is that simply, I do not hang around gay places. I don't have friends that are gay.
I think I should go to some gay club oneday... or whatever. Or meet more people over the net - but it takes so much time I don't have, and yet all of my attempts were bigger or smaller failures.

Just be aware that going to gay clubs is not an instant guarantee to make gay friends. The people there are very fixated on looks. If you look good, you'll have no problem meeting guys (primarily for sex), even if you don't want to. If you look average, you need to be lucky to meet other people who are past the "looks are all that counts" stage in life. If you are past a certain age and/or overweight or have some other physical problem, you might stay alone at the club the entire time. And I can imagine that this feeling probably sucks big time.

 

[Soilwork]

I never suggest anyone meet a BF or even friends at a gay bar.

Join a gay softball team or bowling league or motorcycle club (or something.. you get the idea) and THAT's where you'll meet gay friends who have something in common with you.

THEN you go to the gay clubs with your friends and get laid.