On Topic Discussion Why do so many gay men come out as bi first?

[sokker]

Seriously, why? I don't get it. Why not say you're gay right away?

 

[luckynumbah7]

Seriously, why? I don't get it. Why not say you're gay right away?

I could say something similar about insisting you're gay and then divulging eventual bisexual status later.

It's because there's often an actual learning curve when realizing/learnin' things about yourself.

Then add a general 'must save societal face' for whatever group you fear/feel you do or should belong with, goes in all sorts of directions if y'squint a little.

Gold Star Gay, anyone.

Quite a few people take stupid shit like that seriously. Not fucking somebody isn't much of an achievment if you didn't wanna do it in the first place.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

If I were a gamblin gal I would venture a guess that it's a soften the blow type of deal? teeheehee. blow. compromise. "Yeah, I'm a faggot but vagina is pretty neat." A friend of mine recently fessed that he has no sexual desire for women whatsoever but got married and had a child for no other reason than to fulfill some pseudo-religious obligation about fruit. teeheehee. fruit.

 

[PipeDream]

Sometimes it can take a lot of time for us to discover our identities. Sometimes we need to revisit our discoveries.

It can be difficult to differentiate between what we truly want and what we've been conditioned to want, and it can become confusing when those two things are at odds with each other. Placing ourselves somewhere in the middle so that both can seem attainable is a useful mechanism for making an intimidating transition seem more acceptable to ourselves and our loved ones.

Unfortunately, in the minds of many this serves to reinforce the idea that bisexuality does not exist, and it can also result in animosity towards those who were just trying to explore themselves and their identity. I do understand the frustrations of bisexual people who feel it contributes to their erasure, but I do think their grievances would be better directed at the people making the assumptions rather than those trying to understand themselves.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Oh shit, Cruela de Vil has awakened from her slumber, I hope she woke up on the right side of the crypt this morning.

 

[Telstra]

Seriously, why? I don't get it. Why not say you're gay right away?

Because not comfortable with the word "gay" yet.
It is that simple.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Because not comfortable with the word "gay" yet.
It is that simple.

When TELLY can break it down, the concept couldn't possibly be any simpler if it were done in crayon and fingerpaint

 

[Telstra]

When TELLY can break it down, the concept couldn't possibly be any simpler if it were done in crayon and fingerpaint

you are a borderline stalker or unstable lol

 

[Charon]

I always assumed that it's because they want their families to think "Well he likes cock, but at least he likes pussy, too."

 

[rareboy]

It is the soft landing.

And as long as guys project that they might still be banging women, they get to cling to the idea that they aren't fags.

And of course in the sports and entertainment world it is crucial for many guys to keep their female fan base...so they either have to be bearded all the time...or they can get cut a little bit of slack by confessing to being a little bi...if they are edgy enough.

 

[PipeDream]

Oh shit, Cruela de Vil has awakened from her slumber, I hope she woke up on the right side of the crypt this morning.

So wait, was this directed at me? Do we have history or are you just worried Harke might be on the lookout for an upgrade?

 

[gsdx]

Baby steps.

 

[G-Lexington]

I always assumed that it's because they want their families to think "Well he likes cock, but at least he likes pussy, too."

This. My brother, way back before I came out (and before I even knew I was gay), said "I dont' understand gay guys. How can you not like titties?"

Lex

 

[Zeno Lorea]

Bi now, gay later.

I've noticed it too. Most of my queer friends in school claimed to be bisexual, and have not fucked a single woman yet.

 

[eastofeden]

I insist on defining myself and I also like to evolve..and how I define myself changes as I do...

...and I let other people do the same...

...so I suspect there are as many reasons as there are people. Whatever any of us guess is probably correct for at least some of them.

 

[Sebazz]

Probably because at first attraction is exclusively sexual, the thought of a same-sex romantic relationship doesn't even cross our minds

 

[Alistair]

It is the soft landing.

And as long as guys project that they might still be banging women, they get to cling to the idea that they aren't fags.

And of course in the sports and entertainment world it is crucial for many guys to keep their female fan base...so they either have to be bearded all the time...or they can get cut a little bit of slack by confessing to being a little bi...if they are edgy enough.

This.....

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

you are a borderline stalker or unstable lol

From you I'll take that as a Nobel prize

 

[Latimer]

My own history:

Straight
Straight/Gay for Pay
Bi/Gay for Pay
Bi
Gay

A natural progression. Now it all seems inevitable; at the time it didn't. I might have taken other paths, but I'm happy I followed this one.

 

[Latimer]

^
In answer to your specific question, because I was still enjoying sex with women, and still imagined that heterosex was the main course.