Why do some gays put up with SO much sh!t just to stay in a relationship??

[gaystorm]

Re: Why do gays put up with SO much sh!t just to stay in a relationship??

Can we get an example. This still is not that clear.

 

[refujiunderground]

Re: Why do gays put up with SO much sh!t just to stay in a relationship??

Why do some (a larger amount than I thought) gays put up with so much to stay in a relationship?

Now before anyone gets started, I'm singling out gays because there is not the excuse of the traditional nuclear family or a number of other reasons that limit straight couples but not gay men.

Also, I am not talking about physical abuse or anything similarly severe. Neither am I talking about gays who have been together for years and years, have a family or have moved in together and merged their lives. In THOSE situations, I can understand reasons to stay together even when things have soured.

However, I've met a lot of guys who have told me about their relationships and the first question that comes to mind is "Why the hell are you still together??"
I'm talking about guys with bf's who are liars, cheaters who are disrespectful, ambivalent, jerks, etc.

So if you have nothing holding you to this person... why are you staying? Love? Does love make people stupid? Is there some kind of psycho-social reason beyond one's control?

And sorry for the rant.. I'm just frustrated that some friends who are very smart people continue to make poor relationship decisions (in my eyes).

it's called love. love makes people do crazy shit. the question is why do people still look to fall in love when they know that they'll end up doing crazy shit to stay in it?

 

[gaystorm]

I do not see why anyone should be forced out.

 

[refujiunderground]

For example, dating someone who refuses to come out of the closet despite that being a major roadblock in the relationship.

I've actually seen several of these situations where the Out gay just puts up with it despite causing a lof of emotional pain.

I do not see why anyone should be forced out.

basically. why should someone come out just to please someone who knowing got with them knowing what they're going through? it's your friends that are the ones with the problem, op. sounds like they're selfish, self centered douchebags trying to are abusive, control freaks.

 

[gaystorm]

Why did they do that in the first place?

I don't know. I do not think this is always a case, but there is a limit on gay people.

 

[mikey3000]

Maybe we, WHOOPS! I mean they, put up with sh!t because they don't think they deserve any better. Maybe the lies, the name calling and the unkept promises that they undure are better than being alone.

 

[sixthson]

I'm willing to bet these bfs who are liars, cheaters, disrespectful and ambivalent jerks were always that way, they didn't become that way after the relationship started. Some people are so desperate for a relationship, that they are willing to look the other way because they are "in love". Once they are in the relationship, they are miserable but don't have enough self respect to get out. It's easier for them to live in a prison then to go on without a relationship. Relationship has become a god. The relationship trumps everything else including love, reason or dignity. Despite what many want to believe, love is not always enough.
I think too many people believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship.

 

[refujiunderground]

Hmm.. I wonder if there's any way to help people in these situations.
There are so many great guys out there who make or will make great boyfriends. It sucks to see really nice guys stuck in bad situations when there are other nice guys out there they could be with.

there is no way. don't save them, they don't want to be saved. worry about yourself.

 

[DigitalFudge]

I don't know sis.


When NaughtyArousal and I get married I'll let you know

 

[blackbeltninja]

basically. why should someone come out just to please someone who knowing got with them knowing what they're going through? it's your friends that are the ones with the problem, op. sounds like they're selfish, self centered douchebags trying to are abusive, control freaks.

I think you're missing the point.

It's very difficult to date someone who is not out, especially if they can't be seen with you in certain places or doing certain things, or won't even walk in public with your very-out/loud'n'proud gay friends because they're terrified of being found out or having rumours started about them. I don't think Lucky is trying to force anyone out; I suspect rather that this is what he was getting at.

-d-

 

[HunterM]

Why do I put up with such bull shit??? Because the pay is good. You'll feel differently too if you land yourself a sugar daddy!

 

[chrisw87]

I'm confused.

I don't see how this is uniquely gay apart from the coming out part. This just sounds like common shit from heterosexual and homosexual partnerships.

 

[Corny]

I might confuse you with somebody else. But didn't you put up with quite a lot, until you quit it with your last partner?

 

[refujiunderground]

Ugh...no. just no. When you love someone, you aren't ashamed of loving them. And only a coward would consider someone a control freak for wanting them to liberate themselves.

uhhhhh... i think you're confused. it's the other way around. if you really love somebody, you would accept and respect the circumstances that they're coming from and what NOT you WANT you them to be. if you can't do that, don't get with them. how are you going to get with someone that you know is in the closet and then be all upset when they tell you that they're closeted and they don't want to come out. that's on you. you do not know what that person is going through or for that matter, what he might lose by coming out. if you really cared about the person, you would be supportive towards them helping them with being comfortable with themselves. this whole self centered, selfish individual shit has got to stop. it's not all about what you want when you get involved with someone else.

 

[refujiunderground]

I think you're missing the point.

It's very difficult to date someone who is not out, especially if they can't be seen with you in certain places or doing certain things, or won't even walk in public with your very-out/loud'n'proud gay friends because they're terrified of being found out or having rumours started about them. I don't think Lucky is trying to force anyone out; I suspect rather that this is what he was getting at.

-d-

no, i think you're missing the point.

if they're openly gay, why are they going to get with someone that they KNOW is closeted in the first place? that's what most closeted people do since they're not out, they're basically hiding. what did those people expect? who's fault is that? don't blame the closet case for their bad decision. you're acting like those openly gay guys were forced to hook up with the closet case as if they had a gun to their head or something.

you know, when people think with their dicks instead of their brains, they get themselves into problems. you want to get with a guy that isn't ashamed with walking around with you in public, don't get involved with a closet case. it's that simple. why you guys acting like that's difficult is beyond me.

and another thing, the only reason why i could see why a openly gay guy could get with a closet case is either because he wants to be in control of someone else to the point where he uses someone's fear of coming out against them so he basically has them at his will or he's pretty damn desperate. you can't complain about something that you signed yourself into. did you think that the guy in the closet is suddenly going to be comfortable with himself where he's going to "come out"? it doesn't work like that. coming out of one's closet is a decision involving one's self because they're comfortable with who they are to the point where they can let others know and are strong enough to deal with the reactions others give them. i myself am in the closet and i would straight up tell anybody that even thinks of trying to take it there with me that i'm in the closet, i'm still learning how to accept myself and that if you ever decide to get involved with me, i'm not going to "come out" unless I feel ike it. either respect it or leave me alone.

this is one thing that i noticed about the gay community, it's too damn predatory. even when you're deep in the closet, you have to watch your back because there's always a gay guy outthere that is lurking in the shadows just waiting, watching and ready to strike.

 

[refujiunderground]

but i think the theme of this thread should be why are guys so desperate or think with their dicks to the point where they get themselves in issues trying to make problematic relationships work? what's wrong with waiting or just having fun even or even masturbating? sometimes, i think you guys really do like to argue or make something out of nothing. oh well.

 

[refujiunderground]

Uh-huh.

You keep on defending that closet.

I'll agree with you on one things, though. I think it's stupid to get involved with a closet case.

yeah, i'll do that and there's nothing wrong with being in the closet.

you know what i find to be VERY annoying. i like how there's guys which are like "come out the closet, come out the closet, we'll accept you for who you are. come out the closet." yet if i were to come out the closet today to my parents and they kick me out the house, you think these same guys telling me to come out would be willing to open the door to their place and let me in or would be supportive towards my situation? the answer would be NO. in fact, these same people would be just as cold and distant as the people that rejected me so fuck them too. do you think these same gay guys would suddenly want to hang around me as if they're my friends if i told them that i was gay and came out? NO. what i'm learning is that the gay community is NOT as accepting as some people would like to believe. it's one big lie. i don't have that many gay friends at all, dude and honestly, it's hard to find a friend that wants to be just a friend and not fuck you or whatever. just because so and so is gay doesn't change the type of person they are to begin with. them and me are not going to suddenly be friends or be cool because we're gay.

and you know, i bet these same dudes that are saying all that shit will be the same guys that wouldn't want to have anything to do with me because a. they don't like my personality for whatever reason. b. i'm not attractive enough to be their friend (yeah, they are that superficial) c. some other shit that i can't figure out. but i do know one thing, it's that there seems to be more phonies, self centered users, and assholes in the gay community more so than people that are cool though and that's my observation. so with that said, i'm playing my cards wisely and not how a lot of these guys are telling me because i know from how they are already that they don't have my back. they geniunely don't give a fuck about me so fuck them. i can see why there's a lot of gay guys that have female friends because it seems really difficult to have other gay guys that are friends. it's really messed up. i might have to stay in the closet for another 10 years or whatever the case until everything goes right but you know what, i'll do that if it comes down to it.

 

[HunterM]

 

[blackbeltninja]

Wow, kinda defensive there, sport.

no, i think you're missing the point.

if they're openly gay, why are they going to get with someone that they KNOW is closeted in the first place? that's what most closeted people do since they're not out, they're basically hiding. what did those people expect? who's fault is that? don't blame the closet case for their bad decision. you're acting like those openly gay guys were forced to hook up with the closet case as if they had a gun to their head or something.

you know, when people think with their dicks instead of their brains, they get themselves into problems. you want to get with a guy that isn't ashamed with walking around with you in public, don't get involved with a closet case. it's that simple. why you guys acting like that's difficult is beyond me.

and another thing, the only reason why i could see why a openly gay guy could get with a closet case is either because he wants to be in control of someone else to the point where he uses someone's fear of coming out against them so he basically has them at his will or he's pretty damn desperate. you can't complain about something that you signed yourself into. did you think that the guy in the closet is suddenly going to be comfortable with himself where he's going to "come out"? it doesn't work like that. coming out of one's closet is a decision involving one's self because they're comfortable with who they are to the point where they can let others know and are strong enough to deal with the reactions others give them. i myself am in the closet and i would straight up tell anybody that even thinks of trying to take it there with me that i'm in the closet, i'm still learning how to accept myself and that if you ever decide to get involved with me, i'm not going to "come out" unless I feel ike it. either respect it or leave me alone.

this is one thing that i noticed about the gay community, it's too damn predatory. even when you're deep in the closet, you have to watch your back because there's always a gay guy outthere that is lurking in the shadows just waiting, watching and ready to strike.

Wow, I don't even know where to start. I'd suggest cutting back on the judging, though for your own sake.

-d-

 

[maxpowr9]

I wouldn't date a closeted guy either. "You can't love anyone else until you love yourself". For me, a guy in the closet is not someone who loves their self.