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Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP PLZ)
- Thread starter Jo-thin
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KnightRider
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
It's just that so much of our sexuality is oddly connected to our first real attractions at young ages, I am a big believer in that as well. But for some reason I never thought to apply this particular "fetish" of attraction to straight men the same way. This is not limited to male gays of course, many attractions which manifest later in the lives of heterosexual men have roots in youth/childhood/early memory or early experience. I don't think there is any therapist who would have put this any better than you did, which is why it seemed as though it might have been something you worked out in therapy. I'm a big fan of psychology and it's not often that something insightful clicks with me that I haven't heard or read before. More young gay men need to be told exactly what you wrote above, it's clear based on how generation after generation they face the same issue and the questions on a message board like this from young men all have the same commonalities.
It's just that so much of our sexuality is oddly connected to our first real attractions at young ages, I am a big believer in that as well. But for some reason I never thought to apply this particular "fetish" of attraction to straight men the same way. This is not limited to male gays of course, many attractions which manifest later in the lives of heterosexual men have roots in youth/childhood/early memory or early experience. I don't think there is any therapist who would have put this any better than you did, which is why it seemed as though it might have been something you worked out in therapy. I'm a big fan of psychology and it's not often that something insightful clicks with me that I haven't heard or read before. More young gay men need to be told exactly what you wrote above, it's clear based on how generation after generation they face the same issue and the questions on a message board like this from young men all have the same commonalities.
Jo-thin
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
but yeah I know!!!
To me it ain't only the loox because before i met him in class I didn't really like him I MEAN he was cute! But untill we started to talk thats when I was like OMG that dude is soooo hOT n hes soooo FUNNY! So the fact of him being masculine isn't 100 percent why I like him! I mean I do perfer masculine guys but thats not my main reason! Its their personality!
I mean I think that their is no gay guy that atleast acts like him or any other straight guy I know! Just like retardedly funny, scarcastic sweet!
2 days ago I was suppose to fight someone cause he called me a name across the halls and the guy i like(d) got all tough and rowdy saying "Nuh uh he ain't messin with my homeboy" and that to me was like wow!!!! Turn on! hahaha but I don't know it is harder when you're in the closet ya know?
But yeah he was talking to me about his ex and how she treated him like shit at the end and that he still loves her! And he said he needs a girl that can take care of him as much as he can take care of her! and in my mind I was like "ME ME ME" hahahah but I don't think I like him anymore (kinda) I mean getting over him is hard work!!!!!
but yeah I know!!!
To me it ain't only the loox because before i met him in class I didn't really like him I MEAN he was cute! But untill we started to talk thats when I was like OMG that dude is soooo hOT n hes soooo FUNNY! So the fact of him being masculine isn't 100 percent why I like him! I mean I do perfer masculine guys but thats not my main reason! Its their personality!
I mean I think that their is no gay guy that atleast acts like him or any other straight guy I know! Just like retardedly funny, scarcastic sweet!
2 days ago I was suppose to fight someone cause he called me a name across the halls and the guy i like(d) got all tough and rowdy saying "Nuh uh he ain't messin with my homeboy" and that to me was like wow!!!! Turn on! hahaha but I don't know it is harder when you're in the closet ya know?
But yeah he was talking to me about his ex and how she treated him like shit at the end and that he still loves her! And he said he needs a girl that can take care of him as much as he can take care of her! and in my mind I was like "ME ME ME" hahahah but I don't think I like him anymore (kinda) I mean getting over him is hard work!!!!!
Jo-thin
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
Hi,
just want to verify, you told him that you're bi and he totally accepted you. did yo tell him that you wanted him, that you want to have a relationship with him?[/QUOTE]
No I was afraid I would freak him out! Till this day he doesn't know! I'm not planning to tell him cause it would be embarrassing! He's not that stupid though cause look "I came out to him and only him"! so to me it's obvious that I like him! There was a moment where he did something pretty gay and I told him don't do that cause a gay guy will approach you and be like "HEY ROOM FOR ONE MORE!" and he says "Too late for that I already DO!!!" and he ment me and we started to laugh so hard! so I have an idea he knows but he still hangs out with me alot and the other guys to.
Hi,
just want to verify, you told him that you're bi and he totally accepted you. did yo tell him that you wanted him, that you want to have a relationship with him?[/QUOTE]
No I was afraid I would freak him out! Till this day he doesn't know! I'm not planning to tell him cause it would be embarrassing! He's not that stupid though cause look "I came out to him and only him"! so to me it's obvious that I like him! There was a moment where he did something pretty gay and I told him don't do that cause a gay guy will approach you and be like "HEY ROOM FOR ONE MORE!" and he says "Too late for that I already DO!!!" and he ment me and we started to laugh so hard! so I have an idea he knows but he still hangs out with me alot and the other guys to.
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
Thanks, again, Knight! I will keep talking to people as you say, trying to spare them.
I'm finished with putting myself in the position of pining for a man that I cannot have. It's self-abuse.
And people should also know that when you put yourself out there and find someone who DOES return the love, then you look back on all those guys you couldn't have and you don't CARE about them anymore!
I used to torture myself wondering whatever became of them, where they are, etc.
I barely care now. What a healthy place to be in.
Anybody who does not want me, I don't want!
I'm here to be happy, not somebody's doormat or the object of their petty games.
We as gay men have got to think highly of ourselves enough not to place ourselves in the disgustingly subservient position of being at the feet of a straight man, pining for him.
But I can't make anyone live what I've lived. They'll have to suffer along for enough years, enough experiences, and hopefully at least then they will come to the insight and wake up.
I'm not immune to falling back into old patterns, either. I have to remain vigilant and keep myself happy and healthy.
And setting myself up to be in love with a straight man is not happy and not healthy.
Thanks, again, Knight! I will keep talking to people as you say, trying to spare them.
I'm finished with putting myself in the position of pining for a man that I cannot have. It's self-abuse.
And people should also know that when you put yourself out there and find someone who DOES return the love, then you look back on all those guys you couldn't have and you don't CARE about them anymore!
I used to torture myself wondering whatever became of them, where they are, etc.
I barely care now. What a healthy place to be in.
Anybody who does not want me, I don't want!
I'm here to be happy, not somebody's doormat or the object of their petty games.
We as gay men have got to think highly of ourselves enough not to place ourselves in the disgustingly subservient position of being at the feet of a straight man, pining for him.
But I can't make anyone live what I've lived. They'll have to suffer along for enough years, enough experiences, and hopefully at least then they will come to the insight and wake up.
I'm not immune to falling back into old patterns, either. I have to remain vigilant and keep myself happy and healthy.
And setting myself up to be in love with a straight man is not happy and not healthy.
C
CSI_3Stokes
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
*scoffs* I know plenty of filfthy, dirty straights at work and they are all bastards. I hope I spelt the f word correctly.
*scoffs* I know plenty of filfthy, dirty straights at work and they are all bastards. I hope I spelt the f word correctly.
KnightRider
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
I think at some point in time, young gays will not have to go through this anymore. It's obviously quite a ways off, but there will eventually be enough out, regular guys who are what young gays look at growing up, as opposed to straight guys. We need more people in pop culture. There has to be a gay Tom Cruise. No, not THE Tom Cruise, but somebody who is his equivalent in status and looks, but unashamedly gay. It's just going to take more time.
I think at some point in time, young gays will not have to go through this anymore. It's obviously quite a ways off, but there will eventually be enough out, regular guys who are what young gays look at growing up, as opposed to straight guys. We need more people in pop culture. There has to be a gay Tom Cruise. No, not THE Tom Cruise, but somebody who is his equivalent in status and looks, but unashamedly gay. It's just going to take more time.
954dude
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
We've been down this road...
Just because a straight guy is hot doesn't mean he's for you. Straight guys are allowed to be silly and friendly. What's the harm in it? Just because a guy likes girls doesn't mean he can't be playful.
We've been down this road...
Just because a straight guy is hot doesn't mean he's for you. Straight guys are allowed to be silly and friendly. What's the harm in it? Just because a guy likes girls doesn't mean he can't be playful.
C
CSI_3Stokes
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
Breeders. Can't eff em. Can't live with em. Or something.
Breeders. Can't eff em. Can't live with em. Or something.
Jo-thin
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
I'm thinking about posting a new forum about this one I don't knoe yet! Ok..........
He invited me to go gthe movies with him yesterday and he was taking his chick! N he told me her friends were coming so ya lnow I wont be the 3rd wheel! Well we went to the movies n she arrives it was like awww they're cute together!
So they kept talking n being all huggy well we went into the movie Hancock (GREAT MOVIE)
and I was with a friend and we camr in 1st.... 5 minutes later I see him and his chick walk in the movie and they sat somewhere eslse cause they didn't see us! Well I see them in a distance holding and kissing!!! Why did I get jealous?!?!? I mean I thought I didn't like him any more!!!! It just hit me again! I'm telling u guys why is it so hard to not like sum1 when u know u have no chance in hell with em!!!!!!! 
(
I'm thinking about posting a new forum about this one I don't knoe yet! Ok..........
He invited me to go gthe movies with him yesterday and he was taking his chick! N he told me her friends were coming so ya lnow I wont be the 3rd wheel! Well we went to the movies n she arrives it was like awww they're cute together!
So they kept talking n being all huggy well we went into the movie Hancock (GREAT MOVIE)
and I was with a friend and we camr in 1st.... 5 minutes later I see him and his chick walk in the movie and they sat somewhere eslse cause they didn't see us! Well I see them in a distance holding and kissing!!! Why did I get jealous?!?!? I mean I thought I didn't like him any more!!!! It just hit me again! I'm telling u guys why is it so hard to not like sum1 when u know u have no chance in hell with em!!!!!!! (
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
The same reason you feel jealous when someone drives by in a $100,000 car. You can't have it, and you wonder why they get to.
Keep looking outward. Find your own guy.
>>> I know plenty of filfthy, dirty straights at work and they are all bastards. I hope I spelt the f word correctly.
Sounds like you're right where you need to be, then.
Lex
The same reason you feel jealous when someone drives by in a $100,000 car. You can't have it, and you wonder why they get to.
Keep looking outward. Find your own guy.
>>> I know plenty of filfthy, dirty straights at work and they are all bastards. I hope I spelt the f word correctly.
Sounds like you're right where you need to be, then.
Lex
KnightRider
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
"they sat somewhere eslse cause they didn't see us! Well I see them in a distance holding and kissing!!! Why did I get jealous?!?!? I mean I thought I didn't like him any more!!!! It just hit me again! I'm telling u guys why is it so hard to not like sum1 when u know u have no chance in hell with em!!!!!!! ("
Clearly, you need to spend time away from this guy because you can't deal with this yet. That's all there is to it. Now do it.
"they sat somewhere eslse cause they didn't see us! Well I see them in a distance holding and kissing!!! Why did I get jealous?!?!? I mean I thought I didn't like him any more!!!! It just hit me again! I'm telling u guys why is it so hard to not like sum1 when u know u have no chance in hell with em!!!!!!! ("
Clearly, you need to spend time away from this guy because you can't deal with this yet. That's all there is to it. Now do it.
gameaddict
Slut
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
ahhh man i feel your pain... straight guys can and do play with gay/bi minds... its very annoying and tempting... but then again i love doing it to gays and girls
ahhh man i feel your pain... straight guys can and do play with gay/bi minds... its very annoying and tempting... but then again i love doing it to gays and girls
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
>>>straight guys can and do play with gay/bi minds... its very annoying and tempting... but then again i love doing it to gays and girls
Got that?
When WE do it to THEM, it's just playing.
When THEY do it to US, it's heartless torture.
See the difference?
Lex
>>>straight guys can and do play with gay/bi minds... its very annoying and tempting... but then again i love doing it to gays and girls
Got that?
When WE do it to THEM, it's just playing.
When THEY do it to US, it's heartless torture.
See the difference?
Lex
gameaddict
Slut
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
hmm you gotta point... but when I do it, I make sure the other person joins in and im the sorta guy they could tell if they fell for me... people find it easy to open up to me for some reason...
hmm you gotta point... but when I do it, I make sure the other person joins in and im the sorta guy they could tell if they fell for me... people find it easy to open up to me for some reason...
JournDude18
Virgin
Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
i've had this problem!
but i'm soo over it. now we're just friends and i feel foolish to think i once had those feelings for him. Dont' wrry, time will fix things.
i've had this problem!
but i'm soo over it. now we're just friends and i feel foolish to think i once had those feelings for him. Dont' wrry, time will fix things.
KnightRider
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Re: Why do they have to be straight? (I NEED HELP
"Cause I don't want him to think I'm avoiding him!"
You HAVE to either A)Avoid him until you are no longer obsessing over him regardless of how long that takes or B)Get over it right now and be content just being friends. Either way, stop whining, you have all the answers in the replies. You are being ridiculous now. If you want to be as happy as possible, re-read the replies and follow the advice.
"Cause I don't want him to think I'm avoiding him!"
You HAVE to either A)Avoid him until you are no longer obsessing over him regardless of how long that takes or B)Get over it right now and be content just being friends. Either way, stop whining, you have all the answers in the replies. You are being ridiculous now. If you want to be as happy as possible, re-read the replies and follow the advice.