Why do they stop chatting when...

[strataboy19]

1. When they find out I'm black?

2. When they find I'm not built like a football player?

It's pretty difficult to find a normal person online to chat with. But in the rare instances when I do, the conversation goes great until they describe themselves (usually including the words tall and built almost every time) and then ask me to do the same. As soon as I mention that I'm black or I'm 5'5" i usually get a "sorry, I'm not into black guys" or a "sorry, I'm not into small guys." More often than those responses, I usually don't get anymore responses at that point...and I guess I wouldn't want them anyhow. No need in carrying on a convo w/ someone who doesn't want to.

I think I'm going to change my username to: "warningimnotwhiteandimnotbigandbuff" just to save myself the trouble.

So sue me. I'm black and I'm a pretty small guy. Is it me or is every guy online a 6' tall 200lb jock? Where are my normal guys hiding?

Oh well, in the mean time I'm beginning to have a little fun with it. A guy IM'ed me earlier with a "hi." I simply responded with "hi. I'm black." then he said "ok. sorry. later." hilarious.

 

[gotdimples77]

maybe they are intimidated by your inherent black manliness....or something...
hehe...yeah I dont get people either...its not like regular people dont outnumber underwear models by about 1,000,000 to 1.
So, got any interesting hobbies?

 

[Eagle653]

Back before I was partnered, I chatted with people online occasionally. One thing I learned was that I was a little thin-skinned for that (although the skin did toughen up with time).

One way I found to get around rejections on superficial can't-help-it traits was to be specific about body-stuff in my bio or description section. That way, I figured anyone who bothered to talk to me did so knowing I wasn't an Adonis. It saved a lot of time and rejection (and heartache).

When I've seen ads that say [fill in the blank...like, race, age, height] aren't important, I'm heartened. There are still people out there who value the person over the body and are willing to get to know people on a people-level and not just a sexual level (OK, the cynical side of us will say Wait! They're just horny as hell and are willing to hump anything, they're so desperate! LOL).

Anyhow, you only want the people who are interested in/attracted to you anyway. The others are a waste of your time--and their loss to boot.

 

[DonDon]

Do you have a pic in your profile? That might be a good way to let people know right away who they are talking to. When I'm on a hookup site I have it very plainly put that I've got a bearish build and don't lie about my weight. One time I had in my profile that I was 180 and over a period of months I gained about 15 lbs. I hooked up with this guy and one of the first things he said was "well, you're a lot heavier than your pics and your profile". I didn't mean to mislead anyone I just hadn't updated my info, and my pics were all from the chest up. I have a big belly so I don't look as heavy as I am from my chest up. I was really taken aback by that statement, so from then on I put pics of me where you can see my full body and made it a point to say that I'm a bearish boy and if you don't like it then don't bother. My bf likes me just the way I am and even though I've been working out at the gym I'm happy with my size. It's just a matter of putting yourself out there so people who aren't attracted to you won't waste your time and the people who are attracted to your type will be able to find you easier.

 

[DonDon]

When I've seen ads that say [fill in the blank...like, race, age, height] aren't important, I'm heartened. There are still people out there who value the person over the body and are willing to get to know people on a people-level and not just a sexual level

There was a guy I used to know who got hit on all the time. He often used people and was really self-centered, so to me he wasn't attractive at all. A lot of people fawned all over him because of his physical beauty but to me he wasn't even good looking because I knew what he was like deep down.

(OK, the cynical side of us will say Wait! They're just horny as hell and are willing to hump anything, they're so desperate! LOL).

My bf likes all types and believe me, he's hardly desperate. He's utterly adorable both on the inside and the outside. I really lucked out.

 

[stormofswords921]

well certainly there has to be other short black men out there. where are they hiding? the above advice is good. lay it out so freakshows don't message u to begin with. apparently us short guys don't know how to fuk or something, although i haven't really run into a height issue. perhaps it's the stereotype that all black men are 6'5", idk.

 

[Horschallen]

I am deaf, fat and aging... and I do not withhold any of these info in my profile... so what! I just live with it and be thankful for every little blessing and for the sweet heart and soul I have in me! So whenever someone approaches me nicely, I know that this person is really someone who cares enough to spend some time with me.

 

[Ninja108]

Because too many people are shallow and are hung up on looks vs. personality. Very sad state of affairs

 

[Boogerqueesha]

People chat, keep chatting once they see photos, keep chatting WITH WEBCAM...

and then stop, when they find out who they're talking to is Mexican (not me).

's just the way people are. It's okay. Don't let the fact, that you're better than and above the average internetter, get to you.

I get the same exact thing for being Asian, on the internet. Either total and sudden lack of interest, or guys who are excited at the concept of something 'exotic'. *barf* @ both.

Real life is usually a lot better about it

 

[KentuckyPython]

Hmm, you need to find a better crowd to hang out with. I don't care what your race is. I prefer guys shorter than me; I'm 5'9". I'd date a guy who's 6'. Doesn't matter.

Can you carry on a conversation? Do you know who's the current Prime Minister of...well anyplace? Those are the things I'm looking for.

 

[loppyears]

I'm 5'5" as well and I'd always get the "sorry not into small guys" response, but it didn't really bother me. Guys who want perfection are gonna have a hard time looking. I tend to find that most guys your chatting to on the internet are lying anyway so if they say their 6ft built Brad Pitt lookalike and provide a picture they got from Google, chances are their probably not. You can usually tell if they lie when they exaggerate their description. Besides at least your honest.

 

[J_Nite]

sadly, many of the younger gays mostly care about looks. i noticed too how superficial it can be, and yeah, there is this whole unspoken bit of racial tension in the gay community. i notice also that on most gay websites (porn or dating), that there seems to be a lack of not only black men, but of other ethnic backgrounds as well. its like some weird propaganda that only masculine white guys are gay or so it appears some times. but sometimes people arent really being racist (though it does really appear to be that way), sometimes people only like a certain type of guy (again, the tall strong white guys). but you should look at it this way, you are more unique then some cookie-cutter image, and im sure that somewhere you are going to find someone who thinks you are their perfect type. yeah, it can be frustrating to be judged on something so superficial, but at some point we have to realize that is the reality of being young and gay. i have accepted that im not the hottest guy, but there are guys out there who have told me that i am exactly what they are looking for. sometimes if you are looking for someone specific, then go to a website catering to your needs. and dont worry about those "tall and built" guys, they are a dime a dozen. i would much rather have someone interesting to date, then someone "hot". maybe you are like this, maybe you arent. when you are looking through profiles and see someone who is looking for what fits your personal discription, then start a conversation with that person. dont let superficial assholes get in your way. and trust me, there are plenty of normal guys out there. just look for people who are your type, who also think that you are there type. and try being really discriptive about what you look like on your profile if u dont have a pic, that way there wont be this awkward confusion. hope this helps.

 

[Riverrick]

I think I'm going to change my username to: "warningimnotwhiteandimnotbigandbuff" just to save myself the trouble.

I think this is actually a great idea. Imagine how secure you'd feel when someone started chatting with you.

You might want to shorten the name a little, though.

 

[Fiorino]

When I was in Seattle for a 4 day seminar that I also turned into a vacation, I met a guy on the chat line. We chatted a couple of times then decided we were compatable, made a date for him to come to my hotel room that night. About 5 minutes later the phone rang, he said I just wanted to tell you one thing, what I said, thinking he maybe wasa married, he said, I am black, never came up in our converstion and I didn't give a damn, and told him so. He came over and the next 4 days were fantastic. Hesaid that he had doors closed in his face when he showed up. I'll never get used to Gays being prejudiced or bigots.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

If this particular chat site does not really work for you, move on. No biggie. Try web sites with profiles, where you can post your pix and all upfront. If someone doesn't like your race or anything, they won't chat you up...

And never limit your options to the net only. There is so much going out there and there are so many guys looking for a friend, buddy, partner, whatever in the real world... You don't want to miss on those.

If your environment is shitty, change the environment.

SC

 

[moonybig]

cos there fuckin assholes no other word for them i get it to when ppl find out im chubby and not a stud

 

[BrandonSBCA]

I had the same problem because I was chubby and young.

 

[RicanDAB]

What's wrong with some guys? They just don't know what they are missing ... you'll find the right guys when you least expect it, trust me.

 

[tallguy297]

hey Strata,

Mate... if the guys that are talking to you are that shallow and superficial, then they don't deserve you.

Anyone who wont take the time or make the effort to look past the exterior and into the soul of who they're talking too - regardless of whether they are an Adonis or not - is not interested in finding out who you are.

So they miss out. Their loss mate...not yours! Its hard to see it that way at times...any sort of rejection - justified or not - hurts. But you are way more than your looks, height, skin color or the language you speak.

And your love is too important to waste on someone who can't appreciate it!

 

[unclaimedblessing]

I've never chatted in a chat room, but I have read many personals and two things always come to mind when I read choices in men.
The first is the guy is being honest (perhaps racist or elitist too) and I wouldn't waste my time.
The second is I wonder what he looks like (undoubtedly not Mr Perfection either). I visualize a demented freak who I would want to be bothered with anyway.
Don't be concerned about someone elses selection criteria, just be who you are.