Why do you think people cheat on their partners?

[wooffy]

Humans are hard-wired for short term rewards, so I think a lot of cheating happens just because the opportunity comes up. That's probably responsible for most of the cheating out there.

For the rest... despite fairy tales of "happily ever after", its common for people to be dissatisfied with in a relationship. It could be temporary, or it could be long term. It could be a fundamental incompatibility, or loneliness, or it could be the result of forcing oneself into a relationship mold that is a bad fit. It can be hard to tell a long-term partner that you need something he/she is not able to offer - and for most people its much easier to "cheat" than to just have an honest talk.

 

[wooffy]

^You're saying the monogamists are the broken ones?

That's an interesting interpretation of what I wrote!

 

[asu1117]

Asu, that poster is gay, not bisexual.

Speaking of the bisexual issue, I tried really hard to see y'all's point of view, and to some extent, I think I can. Being bisexual must be a real curse, because few people would want to trust you enough to take a chance on romance.

The thing was, no one wanted to see my point of view. My point of view might have been obsolete, anyway, because of my age. Times do change.

But anyway, the poster who made the remark above seemed to want to make embarrassingly poor excuses for infidelity.

Say: why don't we ask one of the JUBbers who self-identify as being in an "open relationship"?

Hm. Maybe the lack of trust we get helps turn it into a vicious circle. Just speculation. For the record, I've never left one of my partners for the opposite gender. I've left a woman for another woman though.

I just feel like you judge me because of my sexuality, which is something I had no more control over than you did over yours.

Although, I can see why many would think bisexual men would want to choose the "easier" route, the more accepted. And maybe that is how it plays out. I don't know, I just know myself and I'm nowhere near the type of committed relationships that would even be accounted for in this discussion. So it seems we'll see. I just want to end up happy and in a good, committed relationship (I.E. not an open relationship, those are not for me. If I want to be with one person, I will be, if not I'll continue to be single).

 

[That70sJoe]

Why do you think people cheat on their partners?

Because you get bored at having sex with the same person all the time. It doesn't mean that you don't love the person you cheated on. It's just human nature.

 

[Deandbn]

Because they can!! You teach people how to treat you. It is about respect. If you allow them to disrepect you by cheating and there is no consequence (or they think there will be no consequence) they will do it.

 

[InkOfTruth]

well if you believe in evolutionary psychology, both men and women cheat for genetic survival purposes. other words, cheating provides more opportunities to pass along your genes. According to evolutionary researchers:

Men - more likely to cheat because they are wired to "spread their seed." men can produce millions upon billions of sperm per day, motivating them to seek out partners to mate with. If they have sex with multiple females, it increases the chance of conception. Men also would most likely cheat with a younger, more fertile, female.

Women - cheats, but does so more selectively. since they only produce about 400 eggs in their lifetime, women are very picky in choosing who they sleep with. women typically cheat with younger men to get their "fit and healthy genes," but when time comes to settle down they would probably choose an older man for resources and stability.

so, it's all survival strategy if you believe in this stuff. gay men and gay women are hard-wired similarly, as believed by researchers. gay men would probably cheat with younger men (as hetero men would probably cheat with younger women).

Fun fact 1 - it is believed there are different types of sperms including ones that battles and protects other sperms to ensure they get to the egg.
Fun fact 2 - if a couple is separated for a while and they reunite and do the nasty, men are observed to ejaculate more. this is speculated to be a "flooding" function to flood out another other men's sperm that might have entered the lady's sacred temple (other words, the bitch cheated). also the tip of a man's penis is like a rake in the manner that it pulls out sperm, designed to remove sperm that isn't his.
Fun fact 3 - men's sexual preferences becomes less picky as the night progresses (if he's poaching for a mate at a bar or something). that's because when the end is near, men are wired to want to choose anybody to "impregnate".

Got to love what motives us.

 

[PepaeMango]

Maybe, sometimes, a person may be a [latent] homosexual but, having been born and raised in an old fashioned society, proceeds to do what he [she] is "supposed" to do and leads a heterosexual life. Nature, however, can't be denied and this person might have homosexual relationships outside of the society imposed role.

Just a guess, I don't know.

 

[That70sJoe]

Guy walks into his apartment to find his partner involved in a gravity defying tryst with a dwarf, a tranny, and an amputee.

Guy asks, "What the hell are you doing?"

Partner replies, "I'm loving you!"

Oh!

"You always hurt the one you love..."

 

[That70sJoe]

^ If I were to kick you in the nuts, would that mean we're going together?

No, I meant "hurt" in an emotional way. The bottom line is that sex is so powerful that it can bring out the worst in people (leading them to betray those that they love, that they deeply care for). I know you're kidding but IMO violence has nothing to do with love (though for some folks the aggression is quite a turn-on, haha).

 

[That70sJoe]

^ If you can answer why some people cheat, then you should also be able to answer why other people stay faithful? If one were looking for any kind of meaningful analysis, it'd be the only way to go, no?.

Let's hear it.

Those that choose to be faithful are bound by honor.

Sometimes it's because they're totally committed to their partner and innately believe in the purity of that love (which is strong enough to keep them from straying; it's so strong they will not tarnish it).

In other situations, it's pride (and ego) that keeps them faithful. Their partner really has nothing to do with it. They love (revel in) the status of being the faithful lover and what it says about them (and how it comes across to others in their circle).

Just my opinion, though.

 

[cavedweller]

"Re: Why do you think people cheat on their partners?"

Not enough sex at home.
Not satisfied with the sex at home.
Want more variety than just the sex at home.
Someone is a horn dog.

ding ding ding. I think you got it right on the money!

 

[refujiunderground]

because they're selfish. it's disrespect for someone to blame their partner for why they're cheating. it's also disrespectful to the person that they're cheating on their partner with as well. they're basically fucking over that person that they're involved with and the person that they're trying to get involved in their drama. that's just lame. hell, nowadays, there's people that are cool with open relationships where they allow their partner to fuck other people or get involved with other people while they're already in a relationship with them. if someone is willing to let them do that, they're either secure with their relationship with them or doing the same shit too. if they know that their partner isn't going to like the idea or that their weakness in the commitment department is going to be a problem where they're going to cheat, then they should either deal with it as in don't cheat on their partner or just end the relationship.

nowadays with dating is that there's so many dishonest people outthere that are in relationships that are basically in the dating scene. here they are in the bar, on a dating website, grindr, and even on here trying to still get their dating on, looking for people to drag into their mess and LYING about it too. it's one thing if their partner knows and is cool about it. it's another thing if they don't know.

and if you're somebody that cheated on your partner, they forgave you and they turn around and do the same shit to you. you can spaz on them BUT then again, you cheated too so yeah, you both are fucked up and need to seek some counseling. you two were meant for each other so don't just end things yet. predatory dick having motherfuckers. there's no excuse for cheating. doesn't matter if you're getting beat down by your boyfriend, not getting any sex, not seeing your partner as much as you should, your partner is in a different part of the world, gone off to war or whatever. if you can't handle the responsibilities that comes with being in a relationship, then LEAVE. otherwise, you are held responsible for whatever happens. control your feelings, don't let your feelings control you.

 

[cavedweller]

You have that backwards. Alcohol is used as an excuse, but it is no reason. There is no reason to cheat. If you aren't happy with your partner you should talk to him/her and rectify the issue. If it can't be rectified then you should think about breaking up. But under no circumstance do you break your commitment to the other person, that just destroys any credibility you may have had.

Short, curt and to the point. It still seems a very stereotypical gay response. It's interesting that straight couples seem to put much more thought into ending a relationship while it seems like a simple change of underwear for many gay men.

 

[Lefty]

Probably because they don't buy into that artificial social dictum.
Cheating is to vague a term in 'gay society, unless of course you
define cheating as violating the actual parameters of your specific
relationship. Each couple needs to define what is and what is not
cheating by their mutual consent.

Marital fidelity is/was a maternal concept conceived when women
were chattel and the spouse was the breadwinner, head of house
and she was cook, maid, daily bed companion, nurse and and ones'
personal baby factory. This concept rapidly finished deterioration
with the advent od vasectomies, the pill and the Womens Rights
Movement which sought to erase the delineatory lines between a
man and a woman.

Back to the start so to speak, the 'new' mother churches of the
world endorsed and demanded adherence as it gave them more
control over peoples lives. (kinda like what the system of government
started as and has deteriorated even more quickly.)

Am I cynical? no, just practical. A long term relationship in 20++
bears little resemblance to what it was in the beginning. From
hunter/gatherer groups (interchangable matings and all support all)
to the nuclear family of the man at the family forefront while the
woman was the helpmeet, culture has been evolving.

In todays society it is a toss up as to who straps on the balls (or
both do) and wins the bread for the family. The whole notion of
family and relationships Hetero, Homo and Hermaph have skewed,
Basic human nature is about as monogamous as the average bee
in the garden of delight or a Jack/Jill rabbit in the field...
Distinctions such as celibate, straight, gay, polymorphic or just plain
old polyandrous bear no relevancy.

Sorry Romeos and Juliettes of the world, it is what it is...
of course, this is JMHO. and I am Cynic.

 

[maxpowr9]

It depends and I mean that honestly. If the couple agrees they can each see other people while together then that is their choice. If that isn't the case and someone cheats, well, that is breaking the bond.

I've learned from my friends that the reason most relationships fail is that they do not set up boundaries/rules. It can be quite difficult to talk about them but it is very necessary, particularly in the aspect of money. I've also learned that withholding sex as a means of revenge is the dumbest thing you can do in a relationship.

 

[bankside]

No, it's still pretty straightforward.

If you make a life with someone, you don't do sexual things with someone else unless you have a unique relationship where this turns him on.

In my fantasy life, and in my guy's fantasy life, we have done all kinds of things we've never done before. It's not just harmless, it's fun. But no amount of "discretion" would be acceptable to me. If there would ever be a way for me to be turned on, I'd have to be in the room at the time.

 

[DanikShade]

"Re: Why do you think people cheat on their partners?"

Not enough sex at home.
Not satisfied with the sex at home.
Want more variety than just the sex at home.
Someone is a horn dog.

I added to the list...:

Repeated requests to try something new, rejected.
Repeated requests to leave the house, engage in a social activity, rejected.
Repeated attempts to interrupt computer games, xbox, tv series, have some together time, rejected.

No one is an island. You can be all by yourself in a "solid relationship" and still love the other person and still "Need". It's a crappy place to be.

 

[bankside]

^How long have you and your OH been together?

(If I might ask.)

14 years

 

[diamondstar]

Simple. Some people are selfish and have no loyalty.

 

[sixthson]

There are no reasons. Only excuses.