Why don't gay men try to settle down?

[refujiunderground]

you know what i think is funny. most of the guys complaining about not being able to find somebody to be in a relationship are either...

-guys that aren't willing to stay committed to one partner and are busy trying to fuck every guy they can get at.

-my favorite one, guys that basically narrow down what they want to the point where they're looking for someone who is 1 out of a million and basically shoot down every single potential candidate that possibly might be a perfect fit for them. you can try to find that dream guy but chances are you're looking into a black hole. good luck in finding him. i also think it's funny that those same guys aren't perfect themselves so why do they think they're entitled to that perfect guy? i've noticed the same shit with women as well. they want the perfect man that is pretty much flawless but wants them to accept their imperfections. it's like you want a model looking guy, with a nice job, who is friendly, is going to stay committed to you, isn't going to cheat on you despite being hit on by other guys and cares about you. yet you have NOTHING or LITTLE to offer them to begin with besides your ass. i just think it's funny hearing some of the guys that basically are either superficial as all hell or extremely picky to the point where they inspect every single detail to see if that guy they're with is perfect crying about their failed relationships. don't blame the next person. blame yourself.

and these guys are the ones complaining about not being able to find somebody. hilarious.

 

[G-Lexington]

...my favorite one, guys that basically narrow down what they want to the point where they're looking for someone who is 1 out of a million...

Oh, I definitely see this a lot. Almost always with somebody who hasn't dated (much). I don't know whether it's because they just have exceptionally unrealistic expectations, or they feel they can't be happy with anything less than "perfection" (whatever that entails to them), or if they intentionally set their standards so high so they can avoid actually trying to date somebody. Maybe some of each for some people.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

Hey, if you want to insist on having nothing to do with a guy who isn't supermodel hot, packing at least eight (or ten) inches, and pulling in at least a cool million a year, that's your call. But I don't think at that point, you can complain that "there's nobody to date". You should be well-aware how you've priced yourself out of the running.

Lex

 

[bankside]

That's Turing.

Oh! I'm loosing my edge. Often, you and I but heads, but in this case your quite write. I shall differ to your judgment and tow the line as you set it down.

Turing.

 

[ibill1]

I also hear how they need to find a relationship so they are not alone and won't die alone. Well, here is a news flash, it doesn't work that way. I had a husband for 33 yrs, all my adult life, then gone. They were the best years of my life, but you know what? I'm now alone anyhow and will probably die alone, except for family and friends and I have come to terms with that. I am greatful for what I have had, career and financial success. But in the end, there is nothing else than to love and be loved, even if it is taken from us too early. It is at the very top of my list for what truly defines success in life.

 

[refujiunderground]

I also hear how they need to find a relationship so they are not alone and won't die alone. Well, here is a news flash, it doesn't work that way. I had a husband for 33 yrs, all my adult life, then gone. They were the best years of my life, but you know what? I'm now alone anyhow and will probably die alone, except for family and friends and I have come to terms with that. I am greatful for what I have had, career and financial success. But in the end, there is nothing else than to love and be loved, even if it is taken from us too early. It is at the very top of my list for what truly defines success in life.

don't mind me asking but uhhhhh..... with all respect to your relationship and your loyalty to your late husband, but have you ever wondered about still going out to persue something new with another man? you know, you don't have to be alone for the rest of your life if you don't want to. i think your late husband wouldn't mind seeing you move on. it's not like you're disrespecting him by doing that. he knows that you love him a lot by what you're doing already. i don't think you need to prove anything any further. you've been together with since 1979.

that's my opinion on it though but do what you think is best.

 

[ibill1]

don't mind me asking but uhhhhh..... with all respect to your relationship and your loyalty to your late husband, but have you ever wondered about still going out to persue something new with another man? you know, you don't have to be alone for the rest of your life if you don't want to. i think your late husband wouldn't mind seeing you move on. it's not like you're disrespecting him by doing that. he knows that you love him a lot by what you're doing already. i don't think you need to prove anything any further. you've been together with since 1979.

that's my opinion on it though but do what you think is best.

Thanks for your kind words. Of course I have thought of this. I do know he would want me to find someone else, and I am open to that, just don't think it is likely. I had to first come to the realization I probably won't find someone that I would love that deeply but you never know. I also realize now that it doesn't have to be the same. It could happen, I'm just not holding my breath.

 

[Kulindahr]

I bumped the thread to say that even people who are coupled have hinted that being in a relationship hinders freedom, as a response to those who say that I only say that because I'm not in one. Bait harder, dude.

Picking out one supporting view and ignoring the rest is closer to baiting, so... bait away, dude.

 

[bankside]

Mhmm. And there are lots of single people who do not feel a relationship would curtail their freedom.

What isn't convincing at all is being told i must be lackin freedom because I'm in a relationship. If it came from someone who said "I tried it for three years and I couldn't adjust" I would at least hear it out. But when that comes from someone who has never even wanted a relationship, it hugely reduces the convincingness.

It's true that some people are happy being single. I have also been single and happy, so I have some insight into how that experience worked for me, and how a relationship changed that. Of all the things that have crossed my mind in the last 15 years, a lack of freedom has failed to arise as a problem.

 

[Kulindahr]

No one sees freedom differently. You are ignoring the point that if someone feels like they have a loss of freedom in a relationship, it is not a healthy relationship.

Using a non healthy relationship doesnt really do anything for the point your trying to make.

He's also ignoring that there are people who say that being in a relationship increases their freedom.

 

[bankside]

I doubt we're arguing over the meaning of freedom. I could go on a holiday by myself or fuck a stranger or decide to sell the house or pick a hobby that he hates but I felt like doing for purely selfish reasons, or if not selfish, at least for reasons that have nothing to do with him. After 14 years i still don't want to. There is no forced marriage and divorce is legal. Every day in my relationship is a choice.

I encourage you to hold out for that. And I agree that nobody should get into a relationship if they already see obstacles that would guarantee you would choose for it to end. But neither should anyone close themselves to the possibility.

 

[Britguy]

Gay men don't "settle down" (neither do "straight" men for that matter either). Resign yourself - if you're with a guy you are on a hiding to nothing!

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

^Be quiet. ...............

 

[Musik2400]

I bumped the thread to say that even people who are coupled have hinted that being in a relationship hinders freedom, as a response to those who say that I only say that because I'm not in one. Bait harder, dude.

I wasn't trying to say that view is a summation of what's "right." I'm saying it's not the same for everyone and that my point of view is not only defined by my own inexperience, but by others experiences IN relationships as well.

I definitely understand that others see freedom differently than I do and that's awesome. I just didn't appreciate the suggestion that this opinion came only from inexperience with relationships, when people in them (read: some, far from all) have voiced similar sentiments.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I've seen a large majority of this thread is you arguing with people who "misinterpret" or "don't understand" your posts/point of view.....

So my question is, why would you bother opening that argument back up when it was clear that Lex had finally helped you to close it, and the discussion had moved in a completely different direction? It seems like you just want to turn this thread into a fight.

 

[mark73]

Me and my BF celebrated our 10TH aniversary last Sunday, I am 38 and he is 37, We have lotts of friends (gay and straight, and some somewhere inbetween ) some are single some have been in relationships longer than us and some are just at the start. each to their own.

Take care

Mark
XXXX

 

[DigitalFudge]

Not really afraid to 'jump on' anyone. But it's not really ideal when it comes to someone who tends to try and dismiss your points with sarcasm.

He does it so effortlessly too.



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