Why Gay?

[jockboy01]

Saying that your sexuality defines you is only common sense and it's not the same as saying that your sexuality is all that you are.

Actually, saying sexuality defines you is the same imo as saying that sexuality is the whole of what you are. I think we agree on the concepts but the wording we differ on our opinions.

Thus, your sexuality defines you, just as your religion defines you, or your level of education, your economic background.

They all HELP to define you, but none does so in and of itself, therefore, none of them define you. They all contribute to who you are but are not (solitarily) defining characteristics. They're contributing factors, but none define a unique individual.

 

[Soilwork]

you know, jockboy, I'm still kinda bugged that you say I live a more gay life than you do.

I still go to work, I still have friends, and go to parites and work out and do laundry like you do.

I have a BF, and if I understand, you're dating a couple guys...

I dont see how I'm more "gay" than you are.

I'm more sexually active, maybe, but I'm always gay.. and so are you.

Even right now as I'm sitting here seething in my rage over not being able to see my brother today, I'm gay, and you're gay right now too, even if you're NOT shagging one of the guys you're dating.

 

[Riverrick]

I guess its all semantics. I tend to agree that I am gay all of the time and that it "helps" to define my life by affecting the choices that I make.

One thing that we all have in common right now is that we are on a gay forum reading and posting and relating to each other. So at this very moment, unless someone is getting a blowjob at the same time, we are all equally expressing our gayness don't you think?

 

[gewhite3]

The meaning of any word is determined by those who use it. Whether or not you use it to mean something positive does not eliminate the fact that the majority of people in this world use it to mean something negative.

I have no use for a word whose popular definition does not represent me and no desire for the connotations of the popularized "gay lifestyle" to be associated with me.

I am a very independent person, comfortable in my sexuality and pursing romance with other men. To me, "gay" no longer means just that, so I don't use it.

It seems to me that you are really over-reacting about this whole "Gay" thing. It's really no big deal. Everyone is always going to use labels, some in a positive conotation and some not. The fact that you let it bother you to this degree is what's disturbing.

BTW.... There is a label for this also, it's called "Drama Queen".

 

[jockboy01]

Hey Soilwork, sorry you're still bugged. I sent you a PM to answer why I see it that way b/c I felt otherwise we would kind of hijack the thread. It's not whether we are more gay or not, rather a matter of how much we express our gayness (and I don't necessarily mean flaminess by that either).

I agree Riverrick, that while here, we're all equally expressing it.... well, at least O2 and I are equally expressing it

 

[Riverrick]

I agree Riverrick, that while here, we're all equally expressing it.... well, at least O2 and I are equally expressing it

Damn! I miss out on everything!

 

[Rick18]

Personally i think that idea is awesome. You are right the word "gay" has so many negative connotations that people dont even think about what you are saying to them. You may say, "I'm Gay", and they automatically think, "Oh nasty fuckin queer nasty mother fucker get away form me" (obviously not everyone but some people). It is because of a reaction like this that i dont come out to my family or friends i would have noone left in my life. If i told them , "I'm pon (made up obviously) " they would say what was that and not automatically thnk oh my god your gonna get AIDS. The word gay is just so over used (i am guilty too) and means so manyy bad things.My thought may be a little scramnbled im sorry but does n e 1 seen where im ciming from? I mean for people who are in the closet it is hard for them to come out, just because of the reaction they will get.

For example i was in the mall with my brother and our neighboor. We were in a store that said 25% of all of their profits went to AIDS research. My bro said, "Isnt that the gay disease that gay people get?" (he isnt exactly the brightest bulb in the town)

But things like this, these negative connotations are what make it so hard for people to express themselves. I would love to go to the mall and say out loud, "Wow hes hot as hell" (thats even wierd for me to type!) it just isnt possible. The only way i feel i could even try to start to say something like this was if i was in a different country or something. I dont know. But i do see where he is coming from.

Anybody else se where im coming from?

While the thought is nice, it doesn't matter what label someone uses. If people are going to have a problem with you, they're going to have a problem whether you say you're gay, g0y, or any other term. Straight people don't say, "Oh I'm str@!t, not straight. It's the same thing except I don't live the straight lifestyle of going to bars, having one night stands, or having vaginal intercourse with a woman."

 

[Rick18]

i see whee you are coming from but straight is a whole different story, (bear with me this idea just popped into my head) Think of all of the connotations attached to the words gay, homosexual, fag, homo, etc. Now think of the ones attached to straight(oooh, gasp! "You said straight oh my god!). See what i mean there really isnt any connotations attached to being straight(in the eyes of the majority of the population.) and you cannot admit that there is no connotation to gay i dont care how secure you are with your sexuality you know what i mean.


anyways do you see what i mean rick?

I see what you mean, but I'm trying to tell you, it's not the word gay that carries those connotations. It's the act of homosexuality. To me, gay doesn't carry the connotation of wild sex with strangers in a back room of some sauna. The only thing gay about me is I like men, every mannerism or quirk I have is in no way related to my sexuality. Before I came out, of course I had this image of gay being nelly boys and butch lesbians, but once I came out, that really went away fairly quickly. If you don't want to act like a queen, then don't, there's plenty of gay guys that don't, but creating a label specifically to get away from that is pretty dumb. Would I date an effeminate guy? Not typically, but if the right guy came along, I sure would. Just don't turn your nose up at those who are feminine. Since g0y is still consisting of homosexual activity, the majority of people are still going to view it the way that gay is viewed.

 

[Rick18]

ok sorry i didnt mean it like that...i dont think like that like when i think gay i dont think in my head nasty grosss you know i am talking about other people like my family (crappy but ill deal with it) you know i dont think that. What i am saying is that those images of "fags" (which in australia means cigarette) make it hard for closeted people...it is hard for me as a person to function sexually without having to worry about my family finding out and saying your dirty and you will get AIDS. I agree with you that they will still see it as being gay but not GAY you know what i mean? For example, say we as a "gay" community got rid of the word gay and instead we called ourselves pon (dont know where i got that form lol) If a straight actig "pon" guy was asked for his number from a girl he could say sorry im pon and they wouldnt think oh nasty he fucks guys up the ass and spreads AIDS..you know what i mean it is hard to put it into words, but i dont know...i think it is hard for people to accept a "pon" person just because they think of them as gay. If gay wasnt thought of as a "bad word" (which if you go into any high school teachers will chastise people for saying gay) would we be more easily accepted into society???

I get what you're saying, but those people that put gay and AIDS together are the same people that are going to call you a fag no matter what you call yourself. The truly open minded people do not associate gay with the only people that have AIDS, so they're really not going to care what you call yourself, they'll just see you as you, a guy that likes guys. If your family says that you're going to get AIDS, they're going to say that no matter what you classify yourself as because they're saying that only because you partake in homosexual activity. My dad told me the same thing, you have to learn just to let it roll off like water on a duck's back and live your life for you.

 

[Rick18]

good point but if they open their mind to "pon" lol then maybe you can jump in and hold the door open for "having sex with men" (gasp!) lol

If you say, "Mom and Dad, I'm pon," the first thing they're going to say is, "What is pon?" Then you're going to have to explain and they're going to figure it's the same thing as gay. Meanwhile, you're going to limit your potential pool of guys that will date you because they're going to wonder why you're so scared of calling yourself gay.

 

[Rick18]

lol i wouldnt say that but i was just trying to prove the point that by having the negative connotations it does the word gay makes it hard for people to understand you and who you are...do you agree with that?

No, not really. I knew that my dad would instantly think, "So you take it up the ass?" And he did. He would have had the same reaction no matter what I said. There is no sugar-coating your sexuality, people are either going to accept it when you tell them, it's going going to take time for the to accept it, or they're not going to ever accept it. Would you rather be miserable and make them happy or be happy and not give a crap what they think?

 

[gewhite3]

Who gives a shit what anyone calls themselves? Gay, pansy, fruitcake, homo...... This thread sucks. You all want to know something? It doesn't matter what word you use, the people that think negatively of gay people are still going to think negatively, it's the image itself that needs to change not the freakin' word you use to Label it. Change will occur over time and is already happening. That's why all of these far-right wingers are all up in arms over the whole gay issue. Please God let this thread die a quick death!!!

In a nutshell, if you sleep with men you're fucking GAY!!! Holy Crap!! Get some balls people and just be freakin GAY!!!

This BS pisses me off.

 

[Spensed]

Who gives a shit what anyone calls themselves? Gay, pansy, fruitcake, homo...... This thread sucks. You all want to know something? It doesn't matter what word you use, the people that think negatively of gay people are still going to think negatively, it's the image itself that needs to change not the freakin' word you use to Label it. Change will occur over time and is already happening. That's why all of these far-right wingers are all up in arms over the whole gay issue. Please God let this thread die a quick death!!!

In a nutshell, if you sleep with men you're fucking GAY!!! Holy Crap!! Get some balls people and just be freakin GAY!!!

This BS pisses me off.

I agree with you. Some of the postings on this thread sound like pure trolling.