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Why so many guys in their 40s/50s seek relationships with high school/college boys?

A

aijalon18

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I'm not trying to be rude. But I read so many posts here, where people tell these melodramatic stories that sound like an episode of Laguna Beach or 90210 and then the poster will say btw I'm 47 and the guy is 20. What the hell is that all about? I understand the attraction for someone younger if you are older, for sex or fun but people constantly trying to turn it into something more seems pointless and almost masochistic.

So many of these guys come here with problems about how insecure their relationship is making them and they are taking so much of their money and making them jealous. Most of these problems wouldnt exist if they would just go for someone who wasnt way too young and unsettled.
 
well I'd assume the sex has got to be hot.

and a relationship seems strange for everyone else not in it, but I guess it works for some. I'm not going to judge something like that when I don't understand it.
 
Yeah they're so stupid, they should have chosen a different age range to be attracted to!

Sorry if sarcasm is a little harsh, I may have misunderstood your question, but surely this is obvious enough. If you're attracted to younger guys rather than people your own age then why not try to date them? And why not try to turn it into something more? Not everyone is into simple one night stands.

I can sort of see where you're coming from, it's a very difficult situation when older men try to come on to younger men - not many will reciprocate. But if they do return the attraction, why the heck not?
 
aijalon18 said:
Most of these problems wouldnt exist if they would just go for someone who wasnt way too young and unsettled.
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Most problems wouldn't exist if humans acted 100% rationally.

But we don't, so we're left with the human condition: drama! :D

(BTW, I'm not in any way criticizing these relationships--or attempted ones. Some teenage guys love grampa-types in their 60's. So what? Whatever floats your boat.)
 
Ugh, if I were 40/50, I personally wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a high school or college boy. It would feel strange to me knowing that they're probably at a different point in their lives and want different things.

Some people in that 40/50 age range don't find other people their age that attractive. Our media centers around the young'uns all the time, always being put on the pedestal of desire. Its a fetish. For some, it confirms that they still got some game - "Ha, even though I'm 50, I can still nail a 20 year old."

Some people's sexual tastes doesn't mature with their age, and its not just exclusive to gays.
 
Believe it or not, it's always younger guys that are attracted to me. I'd much rather be with a guy closer to my age. The turbulence of youth is something I'm glad I already passed through, and conversation is so much easier with someone that understands your cultural references and so on. It's the younger guys that seek me out though, and I gotta admit they are hot and fresh, so...
 
You're asking two different things.


Why do older guys go after younger guys?
  • Because the young guys are hot, horny and more likely to do reckless things.



Why do older guys try to date and have relationships with younger guys?
  • It's not always true that older guys have an interest in dating younger guys- it's a preference like anything else.
    But of those older guys who do want to date younger guys, it's because the older guys are hot, horny and more likely to do reckless things.
 
You cant chalk it up to that's what I'm attracted to. We are humans not animals. If your sister was dating guys that treat her like shit you wouldnt say "oh well that's what she's attracted to." You have to think about who you choose to date and not be a slave to "attraction".

I really look up to older gay people and it is so sad and weird when you read all these posts that go: "I'm in love with a guy but he has a girlfriend and is confused about his sexuality. She's a skank and a whore that doesnt appreciate him. BTW I'm 49 and he's 18 and just graduated high school."
 
Turn your question around and ask why do young guys want to date older men.


Because they want to...
 
^ Seriously. No one's forcing them.

Complaining about older/younger men is like straights complaining about gay men: "It's disgusting!".

Well, buddy, nobody's asking you to do it, so stay out of their lives.
 
It's kind of weird isn't it? I can understand why a 50 year old would lust after an 18 year old. I get that - media reinforces images of youth blah blah blah.

But what makes me chuckle is the older man getting his feathers ruffled by some college boy. I mean come on....can you really hope to get into a romantic, equal relationship with someone 30 years younger? Even if you can, there are always tons of obstacles.

And then there's the incredible disrespect that older men give to the young guys. Like they think young guys are just a piece of meat with no brain. It's usually the other way around.
 
^First of all, that is a horrible comparison. Second, I never said it was disgusting. I dont think it's disgusting. I think it is dumb, sad, and just asking for trouble.

As far as younger guys wanting them. Hello? They are younger. The older person should be old enough to know better and have better judgment than someone who is 18-22. What is the point of getting older if you dont learn anything or have any kind of wisdom?

Stay out of their lives? This is a forum where people tell their stories and ask for advice to solve problems. 65% of the threads I have read, my first advice is stop dating people half your age.

I didnt start this thread to insult or attack anyone. I just wanted to point out that it seems a lot of people here were creating their own problems by entering into relationships that seem doomed.
 
>>>I never said it was disgusting. I dont think it's disgusting.

You certainly implied it.

You cant chalk it up to that's what I'm attracted to. We are humans not animals. If your sister was dating guys that treat her like shit you wouldnt say "oh well that's what she's attracted to."

It certainly sounds like you're comparing the two, even if you didn't mean to.

And seriously? 65% of the threads, your advice is "stop dating people half your age"? I can think of a handful of May-December relationship problems posted here in CO&R as of late. I don't think there's anything wrong with relationships with a modest or even great age range. I do believe that as the age gap increases, their "worlds" are liable to become more disparate, and it can mean less common ground. But if both go into the relationship with eyes open, knowing this, and willing to compromise, I think that goes a long way towards making things work. It's those that leap forward with the "age is nothing but a number" routine that causes friction down the road.

Lex
 
aijalon18 said:
As far as younger guys wanting them. Hello? They are younger. The older person should be old enough to know better and have better judgment than someone who is 18-22. What is the point of getting older if you dont learn anything or have any kind of wisdom?
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So the older person should turn down every hot younger guy who wants him? What fantasy world do you live in? :badgrin:

There's a real attraction there. And, like Lex said, there are obstacles. It's up to each individual couple (or 3-some or whatever) to figure what works for them.

I didnt start this thread to insult or attack anyone. I just wanted to point out that it seems a lot of people here were creating their own problems by entering into relationships that seem doomed.
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I see your point, but Lex explains things pretty well, above.
 
TBH I havent read every thread. In fact I just started coming to the CO & R Forum last week for the first time. I've scan through to topics that sounded interesting. And 60% of the threads I have read have been middle aged guys putting themselves through childish drama with teenagers and those not far from teens, then wondering why their relationships arent working.

I do believe you can be in a functional relationship with a person who is not close to your age. But I'm talking about people who come here with problems that seem like would be solved or lessened if they dated guys their own age.

And from the posts I have read personally. It is usually not the younger guy complaining about the 45 year old. It's the 45 year old complaining. I'm sure there are posts where the younger guys has the issues too. But like I said the younger guys have youth and lack of life experience as an excuse for dumb choices.

Lex, you are just being sensitive about me implying anything close to May-December romances being disgusting. I did no such thing. The quote you gave was just reinforcing what I said. That it is not disgusting but generally a bad idea. Plenty of significantly older men are very attractive. But I know a serious relationship with one wouldnt be the best idea.
 
O.K., aijalon18 ...

I see that you're 27, which means you've been "around" a while, but, maybe, not quite long enough, yet. Don't worry. You'll get there, just like I have, at nearly 59! :eek: :help:

I have a "theory" ... Most Guy's self-image freezes around the age of 25, or so. Unless we do something stupid, like look in a mirror, or skip several stairs, we don't "see" ourselves as "Older", even though we Are! ](*,)

Our possible attraction to Younger Guys can also be seen as a desperate desire to re-claim our "lost Youth"! Young Guys still have that Vigor, and, yes, "Innocence" that we've out-lived ourselves. Through them, we can "look back", and re-experience our more "charged" days. Or, at least, we can pretend to!\:/

Just because we've gotten Older doesn't mean we have "Matured"! That Guy that we Used to be is still very much a part of us! Yes! We do KNOW Better! But, willing to admit that is an entirely different story! #-o

Our bodies age. We (might) gain more "Wisdom". But, that doesn't mean what we hold in our Hearts/desires fades away, or becomes anything less than what it was "before".

When I was Young, I resented older guys coming on to me! NOW, however, I more fully understand "why". And, trust me, I'm truly sorry that I do!

Also, we "older" guys have learned, many of the inhibitions, that we harbored before, loose most of their meaning as we've aged. So ... we can tend to be more "forward" than we ever would have been previously. And, that can come across as "rude", or "blatant", when that is not our intent, at all. Being "older" is "new" to us! Sometimes we just forget!

There is no guarantee that getting older will make us "better"! We can only take Life, as it comes our way, and Hope for the best! NOW, I'm truly sorry that I wasn't more understanding when I was Younger! (Then, again, how could I have been? I didn't "know", Yet!)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
Being young is overrated. What ever happened to growing up and becoming responsible? Instead of trying to keep up with the college kids..
 
youngnihilist said:
Being young is overrated. What ever happened to growing up and becoming responsible? Instead of trying to keep up with the college kids..
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"Growing Up" and "Becoming Responsible"?? Who the Heck would want to, purposefully, DO that?? :-<

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz ;)
 
I like to hook up with older guys but its true that they try to make it a lot more than it is. I'd rather date someone my age. I like to have fun with older guys because i think it's hot when they really like younger guys, weird, i know.
 
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