Why so many guys in their 40s/50s seek relationships with high school/college boys?

[AngelFromAbove]

We are humans not animals.

Actually, we are animals. We may be a different kind of animal than other species, but we are animals nonetheless.

If your sister was dating guys that treat her like shit you wouldnt say "oh well that's what she's attracted to."

Personally, I would say that about my sister, if that were the case. Wondering why she chooses to date men who behave in such a manner is another issue. However, if she likes jerks or rude men, that's what she likes.

You have to think about who you choose to date and not be a slave to "attraction".

This statement is ideal. The reality is that many people are a slave to their attractions. Everyone does not rationalize who they date.

 

[KaraBulut]

TBH I havent read every thread. In fact I just started coming to the CO & R Forum last week for the first time. I've scan through to topics that sounded interesting. And 60% of the threads I have read have been middle aged guys putting themselves through childish drama with teenagers and those not far from teens, then wondering why their relationships arent working.

You need to go back and reread those posts. Most of us would argue that the 60% of posts to which you refer are posts by 18-24 year olds who are in love with their straight best friend.

There's only one post that comes to mind that features someone with a signficant age difference. In that post, the OP has gotten taken to the woodshed by the regulars for his attitude and obvious drinking problem.

You are correct that a lot of younger guys come with "childish drama". But that, in itself, would be a valid argument for why someone would want to date an older guy- less drama.

 

[Mirage]

I don't know what the problem is with these people. If they're looking for each other (mature <--> young) than respect the difference in your relationship.
When you're having one you'll always have problems and solve them together. If not or they're to big, stop the relationship and move on. Everybody does that so why don't you do the same? Or are you that blind that you can't see the failure?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>But I know a serious relationship with one wouldnt be the best idea.

I know several people in relationships with a good-to-great age range. Are they wrong? Have they been deluding themselves the last six months, two years, and five years? Should they break it off because something's bound to go wrong eventually?

If you're not interested in dating outside your immediate age range, that's totally cool. I'm not sure I'd ever be, either. But that doesn't make it wrong - it just makes it wrong for me. Different strokes.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

Hey OP.

Slap the attitude out of yourself.

If you don't want to fuck an older dude, then don't.

But this forum isn't about pitching pejorative comments about relationships based on ageism or any other bias.

Got it? Now about your problem.

Stop generalising. Stop equating age spread with someone dating your sister. And spend more time thinking before you offer an opinion.

 

[Titanic]

This statement is ideal. The reality is that many people are a slave to their attractions. Everyone does not rationalize who they date.

What's all this "slave to your attractions" business? It's one of the silliest things I've heard of late. Obviously you can't date the first sexy man you see, but you sure as heck have to be attracted to the person that you do date. If not for the fact that you wouldn't be as happy with your boyfriend, think of it from his perspective - what could be worse than finding out that your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive, and never did.

If you ask me, dating someone you don't find attractive would lead to a far more doomed relationship than simply dating out of your age range.

 

[Lube]

Hey OP.

Slap the attitude out of yourself.

If you don't want to fuck an older dude, then don't.

Ah, but it sounds like he does:

Plenty of significantly older men are very attractive. But I know a serious relationship with one wouldn't be the best idea.

Have you had bad experiences? Are you afraid of what people might say? Are you afraid of having a bad experience with an older guy? Seems like there's some denial here.

You need to go back and reread those posts. Most of us would argue that the 60% of posts to which you refer are posts by 18-24 year olds who are in love with their straight best friend.

Yeah, it's almost as if he's selectively reading the thread(s) about older guys. Maybe because he's so interested in them. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[Titanic]

^
You know Lube, you just might be onto something here...

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

I can somewhat understand how older guys would be attracted to younger guys, the same way I'm attracted to (some) older guys. Not sure why, but some older men I'm always found hot. I don't know if it's the age, looks, or just the possibility that they have more experience in the sex department. I"m not sure....not sure at all, on either accounts

 

[aijalon18]

>>>But I know a serious relationship with one wouldnt be the best idea.

I know several people in relationships with a good-to-great age range. Are they wrong? Have they been deluding themselves the last six months, two years, and five years? Should they break it off because something's bound to go wrong eventually?

If you're not interested in dating outside your immediate age range, that's totally cool. I'm not sure I'd ever be, either. But that doesn't make it wrong - it just makes it wrong for me. Different strokes.

Lex

I may have not made it clear but I meant that I personally would not try to make a relationship with someone like that. I think it is entirely possible for those types of relationships to be great for some people. I was referreing to people who come here with problems.

Hey OP.

Slap the attitude out of yourself.

If you don't want to fuck an older dude, then don't.

But this forum isn't about pitching pejorative comments about relationships based on ageism or any other bias.

Got it? Now about your problem.

Stop generalising. Stop equating age spread with someone dating your sister. And spend more time thinking before you offer an opinion.

While I can appreciate your comments, there's no need for your attitude. You have no business to tell me what I should or shouldnt post. It's not necessary to be so abrasive ALL the time.

 

[aijalon18]

Have you had bad experiences? Are you afraid of what people might say? Are you afraid of having a bad experience with an older guy? Seems like there's some denial here.

No it's nothing like that. I dont care too much about what people say. I have been with older guys and there's just nothing in my mind that considers having a real relationship with a future. But I'm always very upfront about it. They usually want the same thing. there's nothing wrong with knowing yourself and choosing partners that are more than just what you want but also what you need. For example, I was with someone who had a child. He wasnt much older but I was 19 and not at all ready for anything serious with someone who had a child. No matter how great he was, I did not need to be dealing with children and children's mothers.

Yeah, it's almost as if he's selectively reading the thread(s) about older guys. Maybe because he's so interested in them. Nothing wrong with that.

I'm not selective reading anything. The threads dont have titles like "I'm 57 and my bf is 22". It'll be something like "I'm in love with a guy who has a pregnant gf", "I'm in love with someone but can't tell if they're straight"or "I think my bf is cheating on me." It isnt until I read the post that I find out the ages.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

What's all this "slave to your attractions" business? It's one of the silliest things I've heard of late. Obviously you can't date the first sexy man you see, but you sure as heck have to be attracted to the person that you do date. If not for the fact that you wouldn't be as happy with your boyfriend, think of it from his perspective - what could be worse than finding out that your boyfriend doesn't find you attractive, and never did.

If you ask me, dating someone you don't find attractive would lead to a far more doomed relationship than simply dating out of your age range.

Basically, you are stating that everyone who is in a relationship has actually taken the time to contemplate the person as a whole? Am I correct?

If that is what you are assuming, plenty of people enter relationships for different reasons. Some enter relationships for financial gain, co-dependency issues, escapism from another aspect of their lives, social gain, and some enter solely based off of lust. Yes, some people enter relationships based on the fact that they are completely and utterly hot for another person; it happens.

Back to my original statement, your beliefs are ideal and do not match the reality of human beings. People have different reasons for dating, ultimately.

 

[Titanic]

Basically, you are stating that everyone who is in a relationship has actually taken the time to contemplate the person as a whole? Am I correct?

If that is what you are assuming, plenty of people enter relationships for different reasons. Some enter relationships for financial gain, co-dependency issues, escapism from another aspect of their lives, social gain, and some enter solely based off of lust. Yes, some people enter relationships based on the fact that they are completely and utterly hot for another person; it happens.

Back to my original statement, your beliefs are ideal and do not match the reality of human beings. People have different reasons for dating, ultimately.

Either I'm missing something here or this doesn't really concern what I was talking about.

You and the OP were saying that one shouldn't let attraction determine a relationship. What I'm saying is that, on the contrary, it is my opinion that in the most successful relationships one should use attraction as the very basis for the relationship. Unless you're looking for a purely emotional relationship (which is a little sad), why would you go out with someone that you don't even find attractive? It's almost lying to yourself.

Of course I understand that some people use ulterior motives for dating, but those aren't really what I'd call successful relationships. What I am talking about are relationships that last a good few years at least.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I was referreing to people who come here with problems.

If someone is in a relationship of disparate years comes here with a problem, saying "date someone your own age" is about as helpful as telling a gay couple on the rocks "date the opposite gender". The problem isn't the age gap, necessarily. It can contribute to the problem - as I said above in my "different worlds" bit - but that doesn't mean dating in your age range will solve that problem. Or that the next younger/older guy you date won't avoid the problem altogether.

If you're talking about someone posting "I'm 48, and I want to hot high schooler to date, but I can't find one interested in me", then yeah, I'd suggest thinking about somebody a bit closer to their age range. But I can't recall seeing a thread like that here in CO&R in the last, oh, twelve months at least.

>>>What I'm saying is that, on the contrary, it is my opinion that in the most successful relationships one should use attraction as the very basis for the relationship. Unless you're looking for a purely emotional relationship (which is a little sad), why would you go out with someone that you don't even find attractive? It's almost lying to yourself.

The thing is - one can follow from the other. Before I met my partner, I'da said my type was tall, somewhat muscular, long-haired, clean-shaven guys. And now I'm partnered...to a shortish, roundish, bald guy with a goatee. I didn't "settle". I fell in love. I'm more attracted to my partner than to anyone. No, when I go look at porn, I don't seek out shortish roundish guys. That's strictly eye-candy. But my partner is three-dimensional, whereas the guys on the screen are two at best. My partner might not be attractive, in the standard sense of the term, but I AM attracted to him. Greatly.

Lex

 

[Titanic]

The thing is - one can follow from the other. Before I met my partner, I'da said my type was tall, somewhat muscular, long-haired, clean-shaven guys. And now I'm partnered...to a shortish, roundish, bald guy with a goatee. I didn't "settle". I fell in love. I'm more attracted to my partner than to anyone. No, when I go look at porn, I don't seek out shortish roundish guys. That's strictly eye-candy. But my partner is three-dimensional, whereas the guys on the screen are two at best. My partner might not be attractive, in the standard sense of the term, but I AM attracted to him. Greatly.

Lex

Oh I know what you mean, I'm not trying to generalise attraction, what I'm saying is that a good relationship will begin with attraction, which may grow into love. I struggle to see how you can grow attracted to someone over time - I think this would have to be present for you to even approach someone.

Note that I'm no relationship guru (quite the opposite in fact!) - this is just me theorising.

 

[G-Lexington]

I met my partner online. 11 years back. The days of camming, and even "lemme take a picture and e-mail it to you" were still in the future. So I got to know his personality before I ever knew what he looked like. He told me what he looked like, of course, and when he finally managed to send me a photo, I thought "so that's what he looks like". I sent him a videotape of me on a local TV show, so that was his first time seeing me.

Lex

 

[saymyname]

This is ageist.

 

[Titanic]

I met my partner online. 11 years back. The days of camming, and even "lemme take a picture and e-mail it to you" were still in the future. So I got to know his personality before I ever knew what he looked like. He told me what he looked like, of course, and when he finally managed to send me a photo, I thought "so that's what he looks like". I sent him a videotape of me on a local TV show, so that was his first time seeing me.

Lex

Touche Lex, I hadn't thought of online dating. Ok, well otherwise my statement still stands.
(Feel free to share your video by the way, I'm intrigued )

 

[hotatlboi]

The whole daddy issue cuts both ways. It's just as ridiculous as the 19 year old floozy on the arm of some 50 or 60 year old guy. Are they doing anything illegal? No. Is it a recipe of happy relationships? Fuck no.

I'll have to agree with this. I've hooked up with a few teens because they were hot and all, but I can't even see myself in a real relationship with a teen even now in my mid-20s. I just haven't met many that I felt were on the same wavelength as myself enough for that.

I can't even imagine the magnitude of the differences between a teen and someone 30 or 40 years older. Unless its just for sex, I don't see how it could work out very well.

 

[youngnihilist]

hotatlboi, I'll go even further , I'm 23 and while I could see myself hooking up with a hot 18 year old (and have done so) I have yet to meet an 18 year old I would connect with enough to date, even the so called mature ones. And I've thought that way at least since I was 21.

So really what are a 50... or 30 year old and an 18 year old gonna have in a relationship. Besides the money/sex factor.