Wings of A Butterfly
Chapter Thirty:
Sing Me A Lullaby
“I want this one, Mom,” I said, reaching for a box of cereal.
“How much does it cost, Aaron?” Mom asked.
“Three dollars,” I said.
“Okay,” she said, “Put it in the basket.”
With a big smile on my face, I dropped the box of Lucky Charms into the shopping cart and grabbed onto my mom's shirt as she pushed the cart down the aisle. I looked down at my cowboy boots as I was walking, holding on tightly to Mom's shirt like she instructed to make sure I was always right next to her. We made our way up to the deli counter where the nice woman who gave me quarters was slicing a ham to refill the refrigerated display window.
“Aaron!” she exclaimed when she saw me, “How is my favorite little man?”
“Good!” I said with my hands held out.
She let out a laugh and handed me a few quarters which I immediately took to the gumball machines yelling, “Thank you!” behind me.
I was about to stick my quarters in and get a sticker when I noticed the new crane machine they installed. I decided to play that instead of getting a sticker so I stepped over to it and stuck my quarters in the slot. That's when a boy, no younger than seven or eight, came over to me. That boy would turn out to be Henry, the kid I would latch on to in order to survive the rest of my school career. I turned to him just as I was about to hit start and he smiled at me.
“Those are really hard,” he said, “Want me to get something for you?”
I nodded and pointed at the blue bear sitting on top.
“No problem,” he said still smiling.
I was amazed how talented he was. He was very meticulous about his movements and the precision he had was almost like watching an artist at work. When the claw dropped, my eyes widened as it wrapped around the blue bear and lifted it into the air. I had a huge smile on my face when it dropped into the slot and the boy pulled it out. He was smiling just as much when he pulled the bear out and handed it to me.
“Thank you!” I said.
“You're welcome,” he said, “What's your name?”
“Aaron,” I said.
“Well, Aaron,” he said patting me on the back, “You take care of that bear, okay?”
“I will!” I said running off to my mom.
When I showed her the bear and told her about the boy I had just met, she told me how proud she was of me for making a friend. She took my hand and we went through the rest of the store grabbing things that we would need for the rest of the week. I always felt safe when I was with her. It didn't matter where I was; if I was with my mom, she had this quality to make me feel like I never had to worry. Even if we were lost, as long as she was there I was never scared.
* * *
When I woke up from my dream, I had the biggest smile on my face. The memories of my mom hadn't faded at all yet, even though I was afraid that they might. I haven't told Lucas a lot that I remember about my mom because, for some reason, I felt like sharing them would make them less special to me, or that I might forget them if I didn't keep them to myself.
Lucas stirred next to me and noticed the smile on my face. His arms tightened around my back and pulled me closer to him. Our lips lightly touched each other as he teased me by playing hard to kiss. My arm flew up and grabbed his head to pull his lips into mine. My fingers grasped his sandy blonde hair and forced his face into mine. I couldn't find a way to express how everything about Lucas drove my senses crazy. In a way, he was just perfect.
But as everything else goes, even our perfect moments had to end. We both got up and quickly jumped into our morning routine again. Over breakfast Lucas told me that Cherilyn's birthday was in a week and he wanted to throw her a birthday party like she had done for him. I excitedly agreed and wrote down in my planner what I needed to do to get ready for it.
“I'm gonna go buy some stuff after class today then,” I said while washing my dishes, “You wanna come?”
“Actually, Cherilyn and I are going to the library. Our Art project is due in a week so we want to get it done together,” he said as he stood up and came around the counter to put his dishes in the sink.
“Oh, alright,” I said, “Do you need any supplies while I'm at the store?”
“No,” he said, “I'm covered. Thanks though, babe.”
He wrapped his arm around my side and kissed my cheek.
“I'll see you tonight,” he said, “Love you.”
“Love you too,” I said as he left.
* * *
Carly and I were walking around outside. The sun had barely gone down and she was feeling really nauseous and needed to cool off. The air was nice outside; it hadn't gotten too hot out yet and the weather had been perfect lately. She walked particularly close to me but kept relatively silent the entire time. I guess she just wanted a shoulder to lean on in case she broke down again. I let her organize her thoughts and just kept her company as we walked.
“Aaron,” she said in a hushed voice.
“What's up?” I asked.
“Do you really think I can handle this?” she asked.
“Of course,” I said.
“How can you be sure?” she asked.
“Because I know you,” I said, “You're the most maternal and loving person I know. If anyone can handle being a mother, it's you.”
“But, what if you're wrong?” she asked.
“I'm not,” I said, “Trust me.”
“I do trust you,” she said, “I don't know if I trust myself though.”
“Carly,” I said as I stopped next to her, “Do you remember how I was when Lucas kissed me the first time?”
“Yeah,” she said, “You freaked out because you didn't know how to respond to it.”
“And what did you tell me?” I asked.
“I told you that if you liked it then you should go kiss him again,” she said.
“Right,” I said, “And why did you tell me that?”
“Because...” she started, “I knew if I didn't tell you to then you wouldn't do it... and you would make a huge mistake if you didn't kiss him again.”
“Because you knew me so well,” I said, “You gave me advice that made me happier than I've ever been in my life.”
“And you're saying you're doing the same for me, right?” she asked.
“No,” I said, “I'm saying that you've been there to help me so many times... and I can never repay you for everything you've helped me through. But helping you through this would be the closest I can get.”
“I get it, Aaron,” she said, “Even if I can't handle it, you'll be there to make sure I can.”
“Exactly,” I said, “I love you, Car, and I won't let you fail... not at this.”
“Thank you, Aaron,” she said as she gave me a tight hug.
“Why don't you two come to Cherilyn's party next weekend,” I said, “I'll run interference to make sure no one notices you not drinking.”
“Thanks,” she said, giggling, “I'll think about it.”
I walked her back to her apartment when she was feeling better and walked home in the dim streetlights alone. The clouds of the incoming April showers were visible on the horizon from the waning moon in the sky. Two short months were left before Lucas had to leave for Los Angeles. I tried to make myself remember that even though he's leaving, I would still have all of my friends here to keep me busy. But every time I thought about it, it felt like it was the end of something great.
* * *
Unfortunately, Cherilyn spoiled our surprise. Lucas, apparently horrible at keeping secrets, couldn't come up with a good reason for her to stay in town Saturday night. After that, she became the queen of organization. She was born to be a leader; I could tell that right away when I met her. However, after the past three days I felt as though she should have German subtitles with the way she was barking orders at us.
One of the things Cherilyn demanded was to have a Karaoke machine set up. It cost a pretty penny to rent something for the night, but we managed to get it set up in time. Everything was going according to plan. Cherilyn and Lucas would walk in around seven that evening and she would act like she was surprised by the whole thing. I know it's kind of pathetic; but when she told me she was doing it so Lucas wouldn't feel bad about ruining the surprise I went along with it.
The two of us had about an hour and a half between everyone leaving and when he had to go take Cherilyn to dinner. Unfortunately, Sean wouldn't be able to come that night. There had been a family emergency back home so he took the weekend to make sure everything was okay. Usually we would have filled that time with anything we could think of, but instead we just sat on the couch and talked for a bit.
I ended up telling him about my dream and he told me that he didn't need to know everything about my mom if I didn't want to tell him. He said that my memories are there to comfort me at night and to know that somewhere out there, she was watching over me. If I decided to keep them to myself then that was my prerogative.
I don't know how he did it, but Lucas seemed to always know the right thing to say whenever I was feeling down. He always knew how to lift me up from whatever made me trip and fall. Ever since that first day we met, he's always been helping me to my feet and making sure I was stable enough to stand on my own. Even in certain times, he would give me the push I needed to pick myself up when I fell.
Looking at the karaoke machine, I asked him, “Do you sing?”
“Not in public,” he said with a chuckle.
“Sing for me,” I said.
“Maybe later,” he said, blushing.
“Come on!” I said.
“Oh alright,” he said, “How could I resist that face?”
He got up and went into the bedroom. When he came back he had his acoustic guitar in hand. He sat down on the coffee table across from me and held the guitar pick between his fingers. I can't believe after all this time, this was the first time I had heard him play. He strummed the pick across the strings to make sure they were in tune and then started playing a very slow, but haunting tune that I recognized right away. When he finally started singing, I was swept away with how beautiful he sounded.
“All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places,
Worn out face-e-es.
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere,
going nowhe-e-ere.
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles it's a very, very
Mad World...”
When he stopped, he looked sheepishly up at me. When he saw the tear that was falling from my left eye, a smile crossed his face.
“I take it you liked it,” he said.
“Luke,” I said, “That was beautiful.”
He put the guitar on the floor and leaned it against the couch, then leaned forward and gave me a kiss. I threw my arm around his neck and pulled him closer. When I felt satisfied with the kiss, I let him go and he pulled back with dark red cheeks and an embarrassed smile on his face.
“Wow; if you liked it that much,” he said, “I can't wait to see what you do after what I sing tonight.”
“I thought you didn't sing in public,” I said smiling.
“Well, I do now,” he said.
I smiled at him as he moved the guitar and returned to his spot next to me on the couch. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a need to tell him how much he meant to me when he put his feet up on the coffee table and stretched his magnificent body out.
“Hey, Luke?” I said.
“What's up, babe?” he asked.
“I love you,” I said.
“I know,” he said, “But it's still nice to hear. I love you too.”
I giggled and said, “You know you're amazing, right?”
“Well, of course I do,” he said with a smile, “You won't stop reminding me.”
“Good,” I said, “Because when I'm with you, I can barely even remember the person I used to be.”
“I feel the same way, Aaron,” he said, “You brought out a new person in me and it's almost like that old person never existed.”
“Yeah, exactly,” I said.
“You have no idea how happy you make me, Aaron,” he said.
“I do,” I said, “Because you make me just as happy.”
He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me into him. I took in his scent as I pressed the side of my face against his chest. I don't think the smile on my face left once for the next few hours. After Lucas got up to get ready for dinner, I started getting myself ready for the party. Not long after Lucas left, people started showing up. Carly was the first and she looked better than she had in a few days in her silky red dress.
“You know it's not formal right?” I asked.
“I'm not going to be able to wear this in a couple months so I want to use it while I can,” she said.
“That's a good reason, then,” I said smiling, “How are you holding up?”
“Great,” she said, “I'm going to tell Mike tonight.”
“Good,” I said, “Everything will work out, Carly; I just know it.”
“Thank you, Aaron,” she said.
More people showed up shortly after that and within twenty minutes, the apartment was full of people I had never seen before. Cherilyn had a lot more friends than I expected. She definitely put Carly's social butterfly personality to shame. One of the last people to show up though, was Travis. When he walked in, it was almost like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I had been worrying about him for a while and seeing him put those worries to rest.
It wasn't long until people started getting into the alcohol. Mike grabbed a beer with Travis and the two of them started talking while Carly hovered around me as I talked to a few of Cherilyn and Lucas's acquaintances. She had a cup with club soda in it to look like some of the Smirnoff we had for the more party-centric people to drink and lose control. I told her to dump it when I saw it because I knew Mike would never buy her to be the kind to let loose that much.
I looked at the clock; ten minutes to seven. Lucas and Cherilyn should be here soon. I started trying to get everyone's attention, but it was Travis who got everyone to shut up and wait for the door to open. The knob turned and Lucas was the first one through the door. When the lights went on and everyone shouted surprise, you might have believed Cherilyn's performance too. She screamed with delight and grabbed Lucas by the wrist to pull him into a big hug.
When she had made her rounds and hugged everyone in the room, (and, trust me, that was a lot of hugs), she headed straight for the karaoke machine where she sang some crappy pop song but actually managed to make it sound good. When she was done, she went back to socializing and a few more people stepped up to sing crappy renditions of pop songs. Lucas and I stood together near the hallway watching everything happen with smiles on both of our faces.
For me, it was because of how ridiculous people were acting with only one or two beers in them. But I'm pretty sure Lucas was smiling because I was smiling. I always noticed that about him; he was never smiling if I wasn't. It wasn't until the billionth crappy song that Lucas finally decided to go up and sing his own. He was really nervous about it, though; and his hand couldn't stop shaking. He turned to me and looked me in the eyes, obviously looking for strength.
“You'll be fine,” I said.
How many times have I said that today?
“Just go up there and look at me, okay?” I said, “No one else is here. Pretend you're just singing in front of me like earlier.”
“Thanks, Aaron,” he said.
He tried to hang onto my hand for as long as possible as he walked over to the microphone. On his way there, he grabbed the electric guitar I had bought him for his birthday which was leaning against the wall. He plugged it into the amp and pushed the karaoke screen out of the way. He looked over at me as soon as he was set up but the extravagant setup caught half the room's attention. There were a lot of eyes on him, but I knew he was trying to keep his eyes on mine.
With that he started hitting the strings which reverberated through the amp to play the opening chords to a song that brought back a lot of memories for me. His voice was a little shaky at first but once he gathered his courage, he evened out and started smiling as he sang.
“Do you believe in magic?
In a young girl's heart
How the music can free her
whenever it starts.
And it's magic,
if the music is groovy.
It makes you feel happy
like an old time movie.
I'll tell ya bout the magic
and it'll free your soul
but it's like trying to tell a stranger
bout rock and roll.”
I was watching him with pure amazement in my eyes. It was clear how much he loved what he was doing. I dare say, I almost thought he loved the music more than he loved me.
“If you believe in magic,
don't bother to choose;
if it's jug band music
or rhythm and blues.
Just go and listen
it'll start with a smile
It won't wipe off your face
no matter how hard you try.
Your feet start tappin
and you can't seem to find
how you got there
so just blow your mind.”
And that's when he really impressed me and everyone else in the room. The guitar solo was perfect; I was completely awestruck and was put in a trance by it. I almost didn't notice that he had started singing again.
“If you believe in magic
come along with me.
We'll dance until morning
till it's just you and me.
And maybe
if the music is right
I'll meet you tomorrow
so late at night.
We'll go dancing baby
then you'll see,
how the magic's in the music
and the music's in me-e-e-e!”
The amount of people clapping was overwhelming. The smile on his face when he saw how many people loved his voice was so brilliant I could have cried. He stepped down and took me in his arms giving me the biggest kiss ever while everyone patted him on the back and cheered at him for his performance. When he was done, Cherilyn decided that it was time for cake and told Lucas to go get it. Just like Lucas's party, the cake was large enough to accommodate the mass of people and was wheeled out on a tray table from the bedroom, candles already lit while Lucas started singing the happy birthday song.
Cherilyn was quick to blow out the candles. She looked like a twelve-year-old girl with the big excited smile on her face. It was good to see her happy after everything that happened not too long ago. She had her beau, she had her friends, and she had her brother. Most importantly she had Lucas and it made me feel warm inside knowing how much of a difference he made in other people's lives and not just my own. I felt selfish keeping him to myself for so long but I knew he never did anything he didn't want to do.
Our good time didn't last very long however. While everyone was eating their weight in cake and Lucas, Carly, Mike and I were standing around the copious amounts of food spread out on the table, some guy from Cherilyn's Anatomy class decided it was time to light up a cigarette not too far away from Carly. As soon as the smoke reached her she freaked out and started trying to run away. I didn't know if it was a morning sickness thing or the fact that she was terrified of hurting the baby in any possible way, but she was starting to lose it until I got Mike and Lucas to let her go.
She ran off into the bedroom and Mike went after her. I turned to the guy who was smoking and tapped him on the shoulder.
“You can't smoke in here,” I said.
“Says who?” The guy asked as if he owned the place.
“Me,” I said, “It's my apartment.”
“Come on, bro,” he said, “Let me smoke it to the good part.”
“Well, then you can take it outside,” I said.
“Fuck that, man,” he said.
Travis walked up next to me and said, “I don't believe that was a request.”
“And who the fuck are you?” the guy asked.
“Someone you shouldn't fuck with,” Travis said crossing his arms to reveal his muscles.
“Is that a threat?” the guy asked getting more aggravated.
“It's a friendly warning,” Travis said.
“Fuck you, buddy,” the guy said as he took another puff.
“Alright, pal,” Lucas said, “I think it's time for you to leave.”
“Three to one hardly seems fair, bro,” the guy said.
“We won't ask you again,” I said, “Get out.”
It turned out that what I said was the last straw for this guy. Everything almost happened in slow motion after that. He got pissed and swung a punch at me that hit me right on the cheekbone. I stumbled back and pressed my palm against my eye, looking up just in time to see Travis knock that guy off his feet and onto the ground. He didn't move at all afterward; Travis must have knocked him out cold. Lucas turned to me to see if I was okay.
“He got a good swing in, eh?” Lucas asked.
“Yeah,” I said chuckling, “Just a little shine though.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, “I'm gonna go check on Carly. You guys get this fucker out of here.”
I patted Lucas on the shoulder and headed down the hall. I was about to knock when I heard their voices from the other side. I knelt down and held my ear next to the door to hear the conversation better.
“Would you just tell me what's going on?” Mike said.
“It's nothing,” she said, “I'm fine.”
“Carly,” he said, “We're getting married in a couple months. I can tell when you're lying.”
She remained silent.
“Come on,” he said, “Just talk to me.”
“Okay,” she said as she took a deep breath, “I've wanted to tell you this for a while but I didn't know how to say it.”
“So, just say it,” he said.
She took another deep breath, “I'm pregnant.”
There was a brief moment of silence between them. I could only imagine what was going through Mike's mind. With those two words, I knew none of our lives would be the same in about seven or eight months. I listened intently to the other side just in case they had gotten quieter after Carly's admission but didn't hear anything for a few minutes. When he finally spoke, I was surprised to hear what he said.
“Pregnant?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said with a dull voice.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“I took the test five times,” she said, “And my period is two weeks late.”
“So, you're pretty damn sure then,” he said.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Okay?” he asked, “Am I okay?”
I could hear him get to his feet and start pacing around.
“You just told me that we're having a baby,” he said, “I'm so far from okay, Carly.”
“Mike, please,” she said.
“Carly,” he said, “I'm fantastic.”
“What?” she asked.
“I just found out my dreams are about to come true,” he said, “This is incredible.”
A smile crossed my face when I heard how happy he was. His voice told so much more than his words and I could tell he was about to stand up on the roof and shout to the world. I was so focused on what was going on in the bedroom I almost didn't hear the footsteps approaching from behind.
“Aaron!” Lucas whispered loudly.
I nearly jumped out of my skin and whispered back, “What?!”
“What are you doing?” he whispered.
“What does it look like I'm doing? I'm eavesdropping.”
“Well, stop it!” he whispered.
“Spoil sport,” I said as I walked away from the door.
We walked to the end of the hallway together.
“What's going on?” he asked.
“Oh, now you want to know, eh?” I asked.
“Come on, Aaron,” he said, “What happened?”
“Well, I guess it's safe to tell you now,” I said, “Carly's pregnant.”
“WHAT?!” he yelled, “Why didn't you tell me?”
“For the same reason Cherilyn had to fake her surprise an hour ago,” I said glaring at him.
“Oh,” he said, “I guess that's a good reason. But how? When?”
“She told me last week,” I said, “Or actually, I figured it out last week.”
“Is that what's going on in there?” he asked pointing at the bedroom door.
“Yeah,” I said, “She's telling Mike.”
“How was he taking it?” Lucas asked.
“As far as I could tell, he was taking it just fine,” I said.
“So what's going to happen now?” he asked.
“Well I guess you'll find out when you get back in December won't you?” I asked.
“I guess so,” he said smiling.
The party started dying down not too long afterward. After about twenty minutes, everyone but Cherilyn, Nick, Carly and Mike were gone. Lucas and I decided to go crash while the other four started cleanup duty by clearing out the rest of the leftover food. We undressed and climbed into bed next to each other. I hugged him close to me and sighed with relief from the stress of this long day. Moments later, he released a sigh of his own and snuggled his face into his pillow.
“Don't know how many more nights we'll have like this,” I said.
“What do you mean?” he whispered.
“No stress,” I said, “No worries, no secrets. That and you're leaving in less than two months.”
“Aaron,” he said, “You know our deal.”
“I know,” I said.
“You won't even notice I'm gone,” he said.
“Yeah well,” I said, “Still have to go to sleep alone. Haven't done that for a long time.”
“I know,” he said, “Me too.”
I almost wanted to beg him to stay and give up the internship. But I didn't because I knew he would actually do it. Every instinct screamed at me to let him go and keep myself from being too selfish. But that didn't stop me from wanting to be selfish. I lay there for an hour or so after he fell asleep just watching his beautiful face as he dreamed beside me. It was going to be a long six months without him... but I would have to survive it, no matter what.
