Working With Will

[Just_Believe18]

Sorry I haven't posted anything. I've just been sort of lurking around the site, keeping behind the scenes lately. I started to write something a few times and just decided I didn't feel like it. It's not so much that I'm hurt, because we're still friends and hanging out, but more sad I guess. I was afraid things would be awkward or different, but it's really about the same, minus the sexual activity. I should be happy, right? I am. But it's hard not to look at all the great things about him and cry. I guess I tend to go for the closet cases because I relate so much better with your average straight guy than your average gay guy. I like Madden and Halo and I like to go fishing and I love 4-wheeling and mudding.

On the bright side, I called Kyle and we've been talking on the phone a little bit. He really seems to like me, which is nice. I need to get over this and give him a chance. It's healthier. And Shae keeps giving me a hard time for not going out with him yet. He's asked me out several times and I keep turning him down. What is wrong with me??

Trust me, you need this. Go out with Kyle.

 

[JarodA]

Nice to hear from you James. I think you should also give Kyle a try and just go on one date or something to see how it goes.

 

[GL]

Sorry I haven't posted anything. I've just been sort of lurking around the site, keeping behind the scenes lately. I started to write something a few times and just decided I didn't feel like it. It's not so much that I'm hurt, because we're still friends and hanging out, but more sad I guess. I was afraid things would be awkward or different, but it's really about the same, minus the sexual activity. I should be happy, right? I am. But it's hard not to look at all the great things about him and cry. I guess I tend to go for the closet cases because I relate so much better with your average straight guy than your average gay guy. I like Madden and Halo and I like to go fishing and I love 4-wheeling and mudding.

On the bright side, I called Kyle and we've been talking on the phone a little bit. He really seems to like me, which is nice. I need to get over this and give him a chance. It's healthier. And Shae keeps giving me a hard time for not going out with him yet. He's asked me out several times and I keep turning him down. What is wrong with me??

there isn't anything wrong with you. but you really ought to give kyle a chance. he sounds like a nice guy. who knows? this may be something worthwhile. but you'll never know unless you give it a shot.

 

[inlovewithblair]

I'm not really sure how to explain how I feel. It's weird. I just got my hopes up a litte higher than I expected. And then I met Kyle and thought I could control things and get past Will but Will got past me and it blindsided me. I am ready for his last week to be over at work so I can see him a little less. I think that will make things easier. He asked me today if he should date this girl he likes and it was like someone punched me in the gut. Of course, I played it off and let myself be hurt later when he was gone. Which only goes to show that I need to move on. I need to be doing things and go out with Kyle and make new friends and carry on. I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself. So when I got home today, I called Kyle and we talked for a while. He wants to come down tomorrow and see our house. I told him I'd let him know in the morning if it was ok. In all honesty, I just wanted a little time to think about it. I'm going out with a few friends tonight to the gay bars. It's the first time I've gone to the gay bars in a long time. I'm ready to act like a single guy again and flirt and maybe make a few mistakes and have some fun. It's the only way I can get past this ridiculousness.

Irrelevant, but I just looked at your pictures, and you're adorable.

 

[JarodA]

Ok, I just texted Kyle as I posted that last post and told him to come down tomorrow. What the hell, why not?

Good for you. Great to hear. I know you've described him a little bit earlier, but what does Kyle look like?

 

[Laststraw21]

Well, even if it seems pointless, I'm on Team Will.

I know I said you always have Kyle if it doesn't work out but I'm still holding out hope...

 

[ontheroad]

Ok, I just texted Kyle as I posted that last post and told him to come down tomorrow. What the hell, why not?

Go for it, James. It's about time to move on. You know I'm always rooting for you.

 

[Ninja108]

Go for it James. I know it's painful and it hurt likes hell loving/having a crush on someone who doesn't return those feelings. But Will made it clear with you where he stood and waiting aroud will only make yourself miserable. At the most, it sounds like you'd be someone he'd have on the side. On the other hand, you have someone who is comfortable with their sexuality and has shown an intrest in you. Go for that and see where it leads you but don't wait around for Will. He's made his choice and the only person that will be hurt if you keep waiting is you.

 

[ichorinmyveins2]

In many if not most cases it's because people that find them in this situation repeatedly is because they keep wanting unattainable men so they really never have to risk it all. Whether subconsciously or otherwise, by trying to date unattainable men they never have to deal with the realities of a real relationship. They never have to face the hard decisions and emotional connection and possible risks and heartbreak that come with it either. In many instances they are also closeted men. It means they would have to at some point also announce to the world they are gay.

Is this your case? Only you can know, but it is something to think about.

Lurker's observation:

Case 1: Josh, not sure of sexual orientation; pursued; turned out gay; James
decided to be just a mentor, but can't see Josh with anyone;decided
to pursue relationship; rejected.

another gay guy (Branden?) came into picture, but didn't have the same passion like he had with Josh.

Case 2: Will, thought straight; pursued; turned out okay to play gay; decided
to be just a mentor; decided to pursue relationship; rejected.

another gay guy (Kyle) came into picture. Interested or not?

I highlighted those lines because I like you to think what triggered or (catalyst) for your decision to pursue a relationship? I thought with Josh it was when you thought you'd lose him to another? What about Will? And think about it, do you even want to have relationship with them or you just don't like being rejected?

 

[hummer7979]

I think I can kind of relate to you James. I've had close (straight) friends whom I've had crushes for but not even gone so far as doing anything sexual, knowing it would probably end a great friendship. But even then, I often come to realize that the great friendship I thought I had was, at least, partially in my head and was never really mutual -- that something I assumed to be as pure as friendship was still ultimately complicated by sexual attraction. And that to me is like the worst feeling in the world, because I want to believe pure friendship. I think I find myself attracted to closet-cases because I can relate to the loneliness of actually being gay but never really feeling like a part of the gay community. Or maybe it's just relating to the feeling of being out-of-place in general and not necessarily gay-related.

 

[Kyanimal]

James ...

I was catching up with your saga, and then had to run some errands. THIS was the first song that popped up on my car's radio!

It's only a little about You and Will, because you're still good friends! Rather, it's more for You and Your "Inner Guy".

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX-fcRy86EQ[/ame]


Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[amyleeisjesus]

Hmm idk if there's room for two superboys in this thread...

Interesting "coincidence"...

 

[Magician]

Haha. Poor James. I really hope that's a coincidence. : x

 

[Blueboy369]

James,
Has Will finally left work? Is he still coming over to your place? Did you have a good time hanging with Kyle?

 

[Laststraw21]

Aw, I hope this isn't the end of James and Will.

 

[Ninja108]

I'm in a minority here... but I think you should focus on Kyle and jsut accept that Will either is straight or can't or won't come out. Either way, he made it clear to you there won't be anything out of trying to date him, it isn't going to happen. You say you like Kyle a lot but your thoughts keep going back to Will, which to me means, with all due respect, that you would toss Kyle aside in a minute if Will showed interest. It isn't fair to Kyle to show interest in him if you're still hung up on Will. He deserves better than that. Once again this is just how I feel but I can't join others in rooting for something to happen with Will while you leave this other boy who at the very least has shown an interest in you as Plan B.

 

[colemanshs]

 

[krfflyer]

James - I've lurked and read both of your discussion threads, and now would just like to offer a comment. But first of all, let me say that your photo looks great. You are a good looking man.

I am sorry things didn't sort of continue with Will. He sounds like a great guy who was really in to you. I was a bit confused by the playful sex that was happening, because I don't believe that was typical behavior of straight men, and Will's willingness to engage in it kind of led me to believe he could identify as gay. Because of that I had great hopes for the two of you. But now that that has receded, and he is straight again (uhm, okay), I can completely understand your sense of loss. I get that you don't want to move quickly in to something with Kyle, assuming that is in the cards.

Mostly I want to agree with most guys here and say you have great instincts, so take your time and go at your own speed, you seem to be doing just fine.

Sorry the opportunity for something more with Will slipped by, but I hope you work to maintain the friendship. You mean alot to him, too.

 

[homemadehuman]

call me crazy,as if this thread wasn't enough,i felt the curiosity about that josh's story everyone mentioned so i did go and read the whole thread,it's been a hell of a ride just reading it,i cannot possibly imagine how it must have been for you James..i don't think i have anything to say that it wasn't said by now,just that your friends and family are very lucky to have you in their lifes,it's a dream of mine to one day meet friends like you,because i see so much of myself in your experiences.
ok enough.

 

[cityboi]

How is it that you keep looking hotter and hotter all the time? You are absolutely amazing.