Would this bother you?

[secondmonkey]

My best friend is getting married in about a month. Him and his girlfriend are both from the east coast, but have lived here in Oregon for a few years now. They're going back east to have a big wedding. I would say that I am pretty good friends with his girlfriend also.

I didn't get invited. Let me be honest, I didn't want to go, nor could I afford to. I don't like weddings and I don't like traveling. And I don't know anybody else over there.

But it still bothers me a WHOLE LOT that I didn't get invited. It's my best friend's wedding. We had a bit of a fight about it, and he said it was because he knew I couldn't afford the plane ticket. I didn't like that answer but I accepted it. Shouldn't he have invited me anyway?

Come to find out, he invited several other friends that live over here. Even worse I find out the plane ticket he is talking about is only about $350. Do I have $350 laying around? No. Would I come up with it if my best friend wanted me at his wedding? Abso-fucking-lutely. These other friends he invited might be doing a little better than me financially, but they aren't rich either.

I thought he considered me his best friend also, but after this I have a lot of trouble believing that anymore. We've gone through a lot of serious shit together, we are more than just friends. I don't ever plan on having a wedding but I'd like to think if I wanted him at some big life event he would be there, without even having to ask.

Would you be upset about this? Am I over reacting? Would you get him a gift anyway? I heard there was going to be some kind of party here afterwards for the friends who didn't get to go, but I don't think I want to go. As of yet, I haven't been invited to that either....

 

[Kyanimal]

This might sound odd, but in a way, he might feel that he's being quite considerate, knowing your financial situation, and not wanting to put you in a "tight spot", and possibly having to refuse his invitation, just because of the bucks involved. He doesn't know what you just told "Us".

I, too, have friends that now have kids getting married that consider me an "Uncle" of theirs. When my buddy's daughter was getting married, in California, he kindly asked if I could afford to make that trip, and asked, quite nicely, if I wanted to be invited, or not.

I didn't take that as a "slight", in any way, and was grateful for his approach to the situation.

Of course, I'm only guessing at your friend's intentions. The question is ... what would YOU like to do, and is there a way you can let him know about it?

Something along the lines of, "Though I can't really afford it, I definitely want to be there for You anyway?"

Just a thought. It's up to You to let him Know that you're putting him above the money question.

He might Think he's doing you a favor. There must be a way to let him Know that YOU are willing to do Him the favor!

Wishing You all the Very Best!

And, quite Seriously ... No Matter What ...

Keep Smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[secondmonkey]

This might sound odd, but in a way, he might feel that he's being quite considerate, knowing your financial situation, and not wanting to put you in a "tight spot", and possibly having to refuse his invitation, just because of the bucks involved.

That is what he basically tried to tell me, but I have trouble accepting it. I may not have extra money laying around but I'm getting by ok, he's seen me blow more than $350 on things that are much less important. When he tried to explain that to me I thought the ticket was more like $600-700, which would hurt a lot more financially. Just as an example, his other friend who he did invite, was unemployed at the time of invitation, (Has a new job now) and is currently having some financial issues after getting a DUI. He still lives with his parents at 24. But he's got money for a plane ticket...

I am very conflicted because I don't want to be mad if that really was the reason he didn't invite me, it just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. He's stirring up other issues that I have regarding the fact that I don't think I'd ever be doing anything like getting married, but I can't blame him for that.

I appreciate your response.

 

[KaraBulut]

Would you be upset about this?

No.

Am I over reacting?

Yes.

Would you get him a gift anyway?

Yes.

 

[hairbway207]

I went through this same thing with my friends getting married and didn't get invited. I was upset about it just like you are, especially because I was the one who essentially got them together in the first place. After a few weeks or so I just got over it and said they weren't as good friends as I thought and probably didn't have enough money to pay for a lot of people at their wedding.

 

[HunterM]

Let me be honest, I didn't want to go, nor could I afford to. I don't like weddings and I don't like traveling. And I don't know anybody else over there.

Because of all these reasons...I would be jumping for joy for not being invited if I were you. He is considerate enough of not forcing you to do things that you wouldn't want to do. If he had invited you, you would say no to him anyway.

 

[racer2438]

I would not make a big deal of it, just let it go. I sure you have more important things to deal with than this.

And I would suggest you send him a modest gift within your budget, be the better man over this. In the end you will feel better on how you handled it and a better person in the end. He will be left thinking if he made a mistake in the end.

So congratulatory card and a gift card of $50.00---$100.00 should be enough.


The more you dwell on this the more it's going to stew and make it worse..

Be a good human and let it go.....

 

[Seasoned]

It's difficult not making something of this. An invite is not a summons and it's not up to the host to determine who is and is not financially able to attend an event. For the host, it's merely the cost of the invite and a stamp to let someone know that they're important. If other friends were invited and I was not, I'd make the assumption that I wasn't welcomed to attend. I'm curious to know if this was discussed with you before or after the invitations were sent.

Invitation etiquette aside, it's up to you to let this go and more on. If you have lingering feelings they ought to be dealt with and not stuffed, which will just lead to future resentments. In the end, it's not about us; it's about you. Some people let everything roll off their backs; some let nothing escape them.

I'd be hurt more than angry. I'd let my friend know that and I'd move on. I'd send a respectable, not an over the top gift.

I'd be pissed if I wasn't invited to the local reception and question if my friend still wished to remain friends.

Is homophobia on his part or her part playing a role here? If so, dump him.

 

[TX-Beau]

Maybe it's a Texas thing, but it's really kind of rude not to invite a good friend to your wedding. Even if you know they can't or don't want to attend, you just say "of course we want you there but don't feel obligated if you'd rather not..."

I don't see how it's being considerate not to say some variant of that and just not invite your friend, then not mention it until he brings it up. To me that would appear like he didn't want me there, and didn't want to tell me why especially since the other friends got invited.

If he's so worried that you can't afford airfare, then he can't be upset when you send him a nice $2.00 card and not fine china.

 

[TX-Beau]

...Is homophobia on his part or her part playing a role here? If so, dump him.

This was what I was wondering also, maybe he doesn't want a big ole' MO at the wedding? What are his family and friends like?

 

[Special K]

My best friend is getting married in about a month. Him and his girlfriend are both from the east coast, but have lived here in Oregon for a few years now. They're going back east to have a big wedding. I would say that I am pretty good friends with his girlfriend also.

I didn't get invited. Let me be honest, I didn't want to go, nor could I afford to. I don't like weddings and I don't like traveling. And I don't know anybody else over there.

But it still bothers me a WHOLE LOT that I didn't get invited. It's my best friend's wedding. We had a bit of a fight about it, and he said it was because he knew I couldn't afford the plane ticket. I didn't like that answer but I accepted it. Shouldn't he have invited me anyway?

Come to find out, he invited several other friends that live over here. Even worse I find out the plane ticket he is talking about is only about $350. Do I have $350 laying around? No. Would I come up with it if my best friend wanted me at his wedding? Abso-fucking-lutely. These other friends he invited might be doing a little better than me financially, but they aren't rich either.

I thought he considered me his best friend also, but after this I have a lot of trouble believing that anymore. We've gone through a lot of serious shit together, we are more than just friends. I don't ever plan on having a wedding but I'd like to think if I wanted him at some big life event he would be there, without even having to ask.

Would you be upset about this? Am I over reacting? Would you get him a gift anyway? I heard there was going to be some kind of party here afterwards for the friends who didn't get to go, but I don't think I want to go. As of yet, I haven't been invited to that either....

I'm sorry but he doesn't sound like a best friend to me. What kind of friend, let alone a best friend, doesn't invite his fellow best friend to his wedding. I don't think you're over-reacting at all, because I too would be offended and upset at this obvious insult. If it were me, I would ignore him until he realised the error of his ways, and if he failed to respond to that gesture, then I think it would be time to end the friendship altogether, or whatever remains of it at this point.

 

[Maklaar13]

I would be upset too. If you are considered a good friend by him, then, at the very least, they should have sent you an invitation. Whether you can attend or not is not their problem. I feel that the gesture of an invitation would have been the reasonable thing to do in their part even if they knew that you may not be able to attend. They most certainly, in my opinion, drop the ball on this matter.

 

[Adrusek81]

I agree with all the people who have said that you do have legitimate reasons to be upset, or even angry.

Even if your so-called friend knows that you are not in the best financial position imaginable, inviting you wouldn't have cost him anything. Unless his invitations were made out of solid gold, he didn't have any reasons to exclude you, especially since, as you have said, people who are in a very similar financial situation as you have been invited. That is a matter of elementary courtesy, and not inviting you was not just atrociously rude, but downright unkind - especially if the one excluding you from the event is your "best friend".

Moreover, the fact that he has tried to deviously turn everything around and convince you that he has done it in your best interest, shows that he doesn't really care that much for you. Is he so sensitive that he could not take a "thank you very much for inviting me, but sadly I cannot attend. Nevertheless, I wish for your wedding to be a very happy event. Congratulations!"? I seriously doubt it, given his treatment of you.

I agree with Seasoned - send them a moderately priced gift as an act of decency, and move on. And, by move on, I mean distance yourself from these "friends" and look for somebody better. Or at least somebody who is considerate enough to treat you like a person whose feelings matter, even if they know that your circumstances might not make it possible for you to attend very important moments in their lives, which they would normally want to share with their loved ones - including their best friend.

Finally, I am sorry that this has happened to you. It must be painful and no one deserves to be made to feel deliberately rejected by someone they trust.

 

[G-Lexington]

No.

This.

Yes.

This.

Yes.

This.

If it would make you feel any better, you might just say "I do feel a bit slighted by not being invited, but I get what you were trying to do. Hope you have a good time."

Lex

 

[sixthson]

There is more to this than meets the eye, I think.

 

[Kyanimal]

Now I'm wondering just how much "Push" the fiance has had in this mess.

 

[spooky]

It would indeed upset me but then I would just send them a gift anyway, nothing expensive just something practical for the home, like a toaster or coffee maker.

 

[dereperez]

I can see where you're coming from and it would definitely bother me as well, but I would wish them well and get them a modest gift anyway. I don't like going tit-for-tat. I'd say rise above it all and see how he responds...the ball would be in his court. If he has repeated "offenses" in the future...you'll have your answer.

 

[TX-Beau]

There is more to this than meets the eye, I think.

I know, there's got to be something more to this, whoever said it might have to do with the Wife, might be on to something.

I had a straight friend who's girlfriend hated him hanging out with me. Nothing was ever "going on" between the two of us, he was nothing I'd ever want to date, but she just couldn't accept that I didn't want him like she did. I think that's a kind of homophobia, he tried to get us to get along, but she just wouldn't have it.

I backed off, he eventually married her, and I didn't get invited either, then they drifted off to suburbia, and I don't ever see them anymore.

 

[dereperez]

I know, there's got to be something more to this, whoever said it might have to do with the Wife, might be on to something.

I had a straight friend who's girlfriend hated him hanging out with me. Nothing was ever "going on" between the two of us, he was nothing I'd ever want to date, but she just couldn't accept that I didn't want him like she did. I think that's a kind of homophobia, he tried to get us to get along, but she just wouldn't have it.

I backed off, he eventually married her, and I didn't get invited either, then they drifted off to suburbia, and I don't ever see them anymore.

That's pretty messed up. I don't know why there is this stereotypical ignorance that all gays want to hump any guy they see.