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    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Would you date an Indian guy?

navigaytion said:
Yes, dear, hot guys are hot.

And if that was really the case, a thread like this, started by JayQueer, wouldn't exist, and JayQueer's own expressed preferences wouldn't even register. But clearly that isn't the case.
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I was, in answering the OP's question, talking about MY preferences. TO ME, hot guys are hot. And they would stand a chance with me no matter their ethnicity.

I'm not saying it's like that for everyone.

I'm not saying that culturally-imbibed racism doesn't exist, and that ethnic minority gay men are not marginalized because of it. And I'm not saying that this racism doesn't affect the gay community's ideals of what traits are desirable and undesirable. But for you to say that 99% of gay men's dating patterns reflect this racism is a bit of a stretch.

My thinking that hot guys are hot regardless of ethnicity does not put me in a 1% minority, I don't think.

Another thing: the OP asked "do you guys honestly think that I might someday be able to find a man who will love me for who I am?" And you're essentially telling him no, "I doubt your situation will improve."
I didn't mean to be rude by rolling my eyes at you, but seriously. You REALLY don't think the OP will EVER find someone willing to date an Indian? Really???
There's not a single gay white man in America who would be willing to date an Indian? Not even one? Really?
Shit, if nothing else he might be able to find another Indian.
Meanwhile, there are bunch of people in this thread who say, hell yeah I would date an Indian guy. Sure, maybe some of them favor white guys. Maybe some of them are just trying to make the OP feel better.
But you don't think EVEN ONE of us is just being honest? You think EVERY SINGLE ONE of us is lying or self-deluded? Really?
 
mapiyu said:
I was, in answering the OP's question, talking about MY preferences. TO ME, hot guys are hot. And they would stand a chance with me no matter their ethnicity.

I'm not saying it's like that for everyone.

I'm not saying that culturally-imbibed racism doesn't exist, and that ethnic minority gay men are not marginalized because of it. And I'm not saying that this racism doesn't affect the gay community's ideals of what traits are desirable and undesirable. But for you to say that 99% of gay men's dating patterns reflect this racism is a bit of a stretch.

My thinking that hot guys are hot regardless of ethnicity does not put me in a 1% minority, I don't think.

Another thing: the OP asked "do you guys honestly think that I might someday be able to find a man who will love me for who I am?" And you're essentially telling him no, "I doubt your situation will improve."
I didn't mean to be rude by rolling my eyes at you, but seriously. You REALLY don't think the OP will EVER find someone willing to date an Indian? Really???
There's not a single gay white man in America who would be willing to date an Indian? Not even one? Really?
Shit, if nothing else he might be able to find another Indian.
Meanwhile, there are bunch of people in this thread who say, hell yeah I would date an Indian guy. Sure, maybe some of them favor white guys. Maybe some of them are just trying to make the OP feel better.
But you don't think EVEN ONE of us is just being honest? You think EVERY SINGLE ONE of us is lying or self-deluded? Really?
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My comment really referred to him chasing his ideal white man, and in that sense, yes, I doubt his situation will improve if he's applying the same racial standards to others that he's complaining about.
 
Guys...

offtopic:

This section of JUB is a support forum -not a debate forum. Address your comments to the original poster's question not to each other.

It's also part of the no-flame zone - squabbles from other forums are will not be allowed to continue here.
 
In response to a few of the posts above, I asked the question in the OP "Would you date an Indian guy?" because in general, gay Asian Indians (South Asians) are not very visible at all in the LGBT community in the U.S. I don't know of any well-known or prominent Indian-Americans who are "out" in the U.S. or Canada.

Furthermore, I had made an observation that on gay dating websites like match.com, Indians are listed the least in terms of ethnicity preferences by other gay men.

That is why I asked the question to get your opinion if you would be open to hypothetically dating an Asian Indian (South Asian) guy.
 
JayQueer said:
Furthermore, I had made an observation that on gay dating websites like match.com, Indians are listed the least in terms of ethnicity preferences by other gay men.
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Honestly, it's because south Asians and middle eastern people haven't been very visible in the US until very recent times. And the communities have been very insular- not associating outside their own communities.

It doesn't help that we get confused between Indian (American Indian), Indian (south Asian) and Indian (from the West Indies).

A lot of Indians came to the US on temporary work visas in the period 1970-1990 and left after their visa expired. Most people in the US only encountered people from India in stereotypical ways- at Indian restaurants, in hospitals or at gas stations. If you ask the average American gay guy if he'd date an Indian guy, most would say, "I never thought about it".

The tech boom has changed how we view Indians. And many Indian tech workers have gotten permanent resident visas, so they don't have to leave after 6 years. And more importantly, their children are US citizens and are staying in the US, so there will probably be more visibility in the future.
 
One of my best friends is gay and Indian and I honestly never realized how much he struggles with the idea until recently. He's very happy as a gay man but its something that his family doesn't agree with but they're not the type to disown him.

The thing that I admire about him the most is that he is going to live his live the way he wants to and even though things may bother him from an ethnicity standpoint, he accepts himself for who he is. I've never seen someone so unapologetic about who they are and all in a non-threatening way.

He and I dated a long time ago and due to circumstances beyond our control, he stopped seeing each other. We reconnected a few years later and he's never had a shortage of men knocking down his door. In my opinion, its his personality and confidence that shine through even more than his infectious smile.

My point is that I would definitely date an Indian man. I think its quite silly to turn someone away based on ethnicity alone.
 
flechaverde said:
One of my best friends is gay and Indian and I honestly never realized how much he struggles with the idea until recently. He's very happy as a gay man but its something that his family doesn't agree with but they're not the type to disown him.

The thing that I admire about him the most is that he is going to live his live the way he wants to and even though things may bother him from an ethnicity standpoint, he accepts himself for who he is. I've never seen someone so unapologetic about who they are and all in a non-threatening way.

He and I dated a long time ago and due to circumstances beyond our control, he stopped seeing each other. We reconnected a few years later and he's never had a shortage of men knocking down his door. In my opinion, its his personality and confidence that shine through even more than his infectious smile.

My point is that I would definitely date an Indian man. I think its quite silly to turn someone away based on ethnicity alone.
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Flechaverde,

Thank you for your nice post. Are you from the Washington DC area (as in Woodbridge, VA?)

I have a lot of admiration & respect for that Indian guy you described. I hope I can become more like him.
 
Ethnicity can't ever be a pretext for a lesser standard of freedom. We're all equal, and all free, no matter where our parents or grandparents come from.

Though, I've heard more than once, sometimes quite boldly, that somehow "It's different...family is more important in my culture." Which actually I find really presumptuous that someone would assume my family and I are less important to each other, or anyone else's family, simply because they are more respectful of my personhood.

There are some cultures which may leave some people feeling ill-equipped to treat others equally. But ultimately, that is their problem. Putting up with it for a minute is a favour. But it's a favour we can't extend forever if it gets in the way of our adult relationships and our path to happiness.
 
JayQ, after reading some of your posts on the other forums, personally I feel you need to work on your self-esteem. From one Indian to another, sometimes you think your race/color of skin is the problem to your love/sex life.

I didn't really read the posts answering to your questions. I know you are only looking for positive validation from white guys but I will just share my experience as an Indian fellow.

I have met people who are willing to date... well, people regardless of race. So yeah, there are guys who are willing to date Indians. The gay community can be race-centric and as a person of ethnic minority, you should use it to your advantage. Hey, it repels racists (trust me you dont want to date them) and people with crazy ass fetishes.

I use my Indianness and brown skin to my advantage. It makes you unique as a person, it's a great conversation starter and the best part of it all, if you know how to cook your ethnic dishes, you can win a guy with his stomach.

I am willingly to date Indian men. I need guys who can withstand the onslaught of 3 hour long musicals. I just love Bollywood.
 
flechaverde said:
I am in the DC area...good deducing!
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Nice.......I lived in Fairfax County, VA, for a few years............there are a lot of Asian Indians in the DC area, particularly in Fairfax County.

I miss shopping at Tysons Corner Galleria.............we have South Coast Plaza here, but I miss Tysons :(
 
JayQueer said:
Nice.......I lived in Fairfax County, VA, for a few years............there are a lot of Asian Indians in the DC area, particularly in Fairfax County.

I miss shopping at Tysons Corner Galleria.............we have South Coast Plaza here, but I miss Tysons :(
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My friend lived here a few years back but is now in New Jersey where there is a decent Indian population! I wouldn't have guessed!
 
It sounds to me like

1) you need validation because all of the guys seem to be into white guys, etc

2) you need a change of scenery and to move

I would date anyone, as long as he's in shape to a degree, honest, comfortable with himself and knows how to have fun to answer your question. I'm good friends with many Indians and the one I'm closest to, have a crush on, if you needed further confirmation.
 
Like Ram, I really haven't been following these threads all that closely, but I agree with the main gist of his sage advice to you.

It may help to ask yourself if you would date someone like yourself. Would you date someone who complained about the things that you complain about? Would you date someone who feels as if he is incapable of self-actualization in the way that you've described yourself being? Would you date someone who is that dependent on the validation of (certain) others in order to feel good about himself?

You might want to look at your situation a bit differently. Rather than "Would you date me even though I am _____," think about how you would make some crucial life transformations so that you would be the type of person that you, yourself, would find attractive. How do you expect others to feel good about you when you don't even feel good about yourself?
 
Cedric said:
You might want to look at your situation a bit differently. Rather than "Would you date me even though I am _____," think about how you would make some crucial life transformations so that you would be the type of person that you, yourself, would find attractive. How do you expect others to feel good about you when you don't even feel good about yourself?
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Thanks, Cedric.

I know I'm not ready to date, because frankly, I wouldn't even date myself right now.

I will try to take your advice to heart.
 
I live in a university town with a lot of asian, indian, and middle eastern students (mostly engineering students). Most of them are closeted and are way to co-dependent to their parents. The indian guy I was briefly seeing at that time was gorgeous but his folks found out about his sexuality and he had moved after he was done with school. :(
 
I would definitely date an indian guy and you ?
 
Well I am a female but I would love to date an Indian guy. Indian men are sexy!
 
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