WTF do i do now???

[isuckmen]

I am so friggin confused on one hand and have never been more pissed off in my life on the other...

Today I was riding along with my dad in my new car who has no clue that i am gay and we were listening to the radio and they were talking about teenagers and how at aboujt 14 we became monsters and all that shit (I'm 18 ). So no biggie it was kinda funny. Then this really nice good mother came on and she was talking about how her son was xtremely pissed from the time he was about 13 to when he was 15 or 16. Finally after talking to him and using frases like "bicuriouse" and other things ( she thought he was in the closet) and discreetly letting him know that she was okay with it he came out to her at the age of 15. And this was why he had spent so much time being pissed was because he was struggling holding hs secret and well you know the rest.

Finally after a smirk my dad changed the channel and said... "Thank god you weretn gay. I probably would have snipped a few things" I said nothing then he proceeded to talkabout red hot pokers and other shit to "fix people.

I swear I wanted to kill him or atleast kick him out of the car...somehow I held my tongue and walked around pissed for the rest of the day.

So here I am, living still under his roof (dammit). With both parents divorced (havent seen mom since I was 12 even though she lives 3mi away, we had a major semiviolent falling out then when she was with her 3rd hubby and now on to #5) and my grandparents live here,

Everyone in my family on both sides feel the same way as my dad and I dont know what to do!!! My grandma once said the muslims had it right when they killed that poor 14 yr old who had gay sex!

I'm a senior this year and fell trapped more than ever. I really want to finish hs so I have to stay... which means I cant come out cuz i'll be kicked out or worse killed ( I am actually semi affraid of that one).

Any suggestions?
God damn I dont have a friggin clue what to do... do you?

 

[SilverRRCloud]

You do nothing but count your blessings.

Your Dad has just outed himself as an aggressive and potentially dangerous homophobe. No one knows, how he may react to your admission of being gay and, I'd say, no one in his sound mind would ever want to try either.

So, WTH do you do now?

#1
Watch yourself carefully. Protect your computer and make sure you do not leave gay porn for anyone in the family to find and let the shit hit the fan. You just do not want that.

#2
Take your life very seriously and prepare for the possibly big shit coming your way. Yeah, your Dad may stop short of using a red poker to fix you, unless he really wants to make friends with some nasty motherfuckers in the federal penitentiary but he can easily kick your sorry ass out of HIS house; he can disown you and he can put an end to your college career, if he wishes to do so and there is precious little, you can do to stop him.

#3
You can excel at school and you can start to learn skills that can be quickly used to make some cash, if needed. You can also start to network and meet up with people, who may be in the position and willing to help you, if the going gets rough. And you can try to do everything within your power to make sure that you get out of his dependency as soon as possible.

The good things about the homophobes is that they feel very strong about both their rhetoric and actions for as long as they can get away with those at no cost for themselves. The moment this changes, they quickly discover their opportunistic side and start re-thinking their positions. In other words, such guys are more likely than not to be a big pain, for as long as they can, but will stop at a drop of the hat, if they see that this does not affect you.

Just make sure you start calling your own shots ASAP. The rest will take care of itself.

SC

 

[Smitho]

Hi, I am sorry to read your story and welcome to JUB.

My advise would be to last out this year, as best you can, staying in the closet and then make sure next year you get right away, either move away to work or to college, not sure about you future plans, but there are loads of gay friendly cities out there, where, hopefully, while you are still young you can make a good life. Good luck surviving this year, but it is essecial to finish HS, so please stick it out.

 

[isuckmen]

Thanks... I really appreciate it...

As for #1 I already do. Everything is multi-leveled protection. No hard evidence (ex. mags)

#2 He isnt going to help me with college... ( hes one of Jehovahs witnesses)

and #3 I'm workin on it.

My goal is graduate and move somewhere way far away from Portland

 

[lonnie1]

I agree with the guy above--try to stick it out and finish high school. Then, get the hell away from them. I'm not sure how big your city is, but you might check out gay counselors to help you through this.

 

[LeoMikey]

Situations like yours always piss me off. These so-called "Christians" don't have a clue about human nature or love. When i get pissed at my family for whatever reason (who does'nt?) i remind myself that they always accepted me as gay. I would take the advice of the others, just wait this year out until you can escape. Then move to a gay friendly area, which will be like heaven. It's unlikely your family will change soon, if ever. People this brainwashed with hatred for their fellow man seldom do. If i were you, i'd either lie about where i was moving to, or just split without telling them you're leaving. I'd make a clean break forever, leave them in your past and step into a bright future. I know that sounds harsh, but if they find out where you live they will no doubt track you down. And then they will see what you're really up to, which might be dangerous. It sux, but it's the truth.
You said you live in Portland. Maine or Oregon? If Maine, might i suggest moving to Toronto. You won't need a passport until 2009 if you drive up. It's a gay paradise far beyond any US cities. You can be VERY open and gay marriage is legal! If you live in Oregon, Vancouver is another great option. Moving to another country will also make it very hard for your family to find you.
Wherever you go, just GO! Don't let them bring you down, no matter what. Good luck with the time you have left, it won't be easy. The other gay people you meet (as well as cool str8's) will be an even better family! Love, acceptance, and support are what makes a family. I don't give a fuck what those "family values" assholes say.

 

[spreadeagle]

I think the best you can do at the moment is keep a low profile. Luckily you have your own vehicle so that gives you a measure of freedom and independence. You need to keep reminding yourself (by listening to media like the radio show or logging on here) that there are a lot of people in the real world who have different and more balanced perspectives than your immediate family.

Clearly your father has issues and the fact that we can't choose our families doesn't mean we have to buy into their belief systems. The whole point of an education is in learning how to make up your own mind rather than having your mindset predetermined for you.

If the danger seems real then put your own physical safety first and get out. An education can always be completed at a later stage but that's not possible if you're dead.

 

[FabFairy]

I agree keep to yourself and bide your time then when the time is right move as far away as soon as possible.

 

[rareboy]

Everything that Silverrcloud said. Turn your anger into a plan for revenge through success.

As soon as you finish the year, go to school as far away as you can and make your father and grandmother pay for it.

When you finish college or uni, have a party and have lots of rainbow decorations.

..........and then tell them all to bite you.

 

[kevin23]

Great advice from Silver Cloud. But maybe you shouldn't hate your dad so much. You can not agree with his thoughts, but you are dependent on him for food, shelter, clothing, school and apperantly the new car. You have any idea how many deadbeat dads there are that does none of this. Your dad will probably never understand you, but right now it sounds like he is doing a great job of providing for your needs and wants ( the car). Much more than the average kid gets. So as long as you are totally dependant on him, best to be a nice boy and not ruin a good thing.

 

[rareboy]

Oh by the way, I do know of a kid that had a father and a brother who were major homophobes.

When he came out, they became his biggest supporters and defenders.

 

[Eagle653]

Sorry to hear about your family.

If you're ever tempted to come out to them...don't. They aren't worth it. People have to earn other's trust and respect, and they haven't earned yours and, thus, deserve neither.

As soon as you're able, get out of there and establish your own life and live on your own. That way, that will have to accept you on your terms if they want to have any kind of relationship with you.

Good luck. Keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.

 

[backpacker]

I'm so sorry that you family is so closed minded and you have to live in that environment. Finishing high school is very important so I suggest you need to stay in the closet for now. Sad to say, but you just can't risk your well being by coming out. What you can do is start making a plans to move out after high school. Hopefully that will be part of going away to college, but I realize that not everyone can do that. You should work hard to save money now so that you can afford a place when you are out of school.

I wish I could offer more encouraging words, but I do know things will get better with time.

 

[isuckmen]

Great advice from Silver Cloud. But maybe you shouldn't hate your dad so much. You can not agree with his thoughts, but you are dependent on him for food, shelter, clothing, school and apperantly the new car. You have any idea how many deadbeat dads there are that does none of this. Your dad will probably never understand you, but right now it sounds like he is doing a great job of providing for your needs and wants ( the car). Much more than the average kid gets. So as long as you are totally dependant on him, best to be a nice boy and not ruin a good thing.

Just to let you know...

I bought all my own school clothes this year...
I bought the car with my money... I guess I misrepresented that by saying new. I meant new to me. ( Its a '93 Subaru Legacy Turbo)
He does make dinner and that kind of stuff but other than that not much.

When I was little he never payed a dime of child support to my mom which led up to the incedent with here 3rd husband because she kept getting hooked up with guys to keep two feet on the ground.

So I am not totally dependant on him anymore.

And I never said I hated him. More than anything I am pissed at the situation. He had those values instilled from birht by my grandparents.

I really appreciate the advice from everyone... It definitly helps... I am working on trying to get an apartment by myself but I'm not sure that I can handle the rent and gas money ( I dont have a car payment). So if that cant work out than I am staying with dad until next year.

Oh well I guess after holding this for 6 years what is one more?

 

[Spiff]

I can't believe how a parent could be so senseless about saying something so stupid (unless you've always been talking like your dad with him).

 

[strataboy19]

Maybe this shouldn't be seen in quite such a negative light. Your dad said that because he thinks you aren't gay. It was a harsh and careless thing to say but maybe he would have rethought that statement if he knew you were. It's kind of like the time when my dad said: "Thank god you're not a trouble-maker like your sister. I would've lost my mind." I'm not a trouble maker (or at least he thinks so) so that's why he said it.

Before I came out to my parents they used to say some pretty mean things about gay people in general: calling them fairies, sissies and such. After I came out to them, they took it incredibly well, stopped the name calling, and we even had a long talk where they admitted they were wrong and narrow-minded for saying such things. I'm hoping that once your dad finds out (if he ever does) about you that he will instantly regret all the things he said.

 

[isuckmen]

Update Guys...

I am doing that running start program at Clark College and on thursday my teacher, Tiffanie ( AKA the best Prof in the world), was discussing homosexuality and the bibles flawed view on it ( She is about 37 with a 16yr old daughter and married) and so after class we were talking and I told her htat I was one of Jehovahs Witnesses but I have a really hard time accepting some of our doctrines and she said " Oh really? If you dont mind me asking, like what?"

I just blurted it out, "well, I'm gay!"

She screamed and gave me, like, the worlds biggest hug! And blah blah blah... So then she proceeds to tell me that this other guy in my ENGL class is gay but majorly in the closet. BTW He has got to be one of the hottest guys ( Blond hair blue dreamy eyes and hot bod) I have ever had the pleasure to meet ( Unforunatley probably wayyyy out of my league, I am 5"10 and about 220).

So he is the first gay guy I have met. But he doesnt know that I am gay ( nor does anyone outside of Tiffanie) and he doesnt know that I know that he is gay. So how do I go about talking to him and tell him I am gay or what do I do?

 

[isuckmen]

^^^ Good Point.

But I wasnt plannin on walkin up to him and sayin " Im Gay how are you?" lol

 

[glorificus]

That's scary, that's horrible. Like everyone else said, just be careful.

Luckily for me my parents aren't that horrible. I thought my mum was open to it, she said she had a lot of gay friends and when we watch tv and my brothers make fun of the gays she's like "there's nothing wrong with it"

Then I over heard a conversation she was having with her boyfriend about his son. "You might want to watch it, he's very artsy at the moment, he could turn out gay." And I was thinking 'ouch, I'm artsy, I'm in art school, I can play musical instruments' - So just when I thought I was ready, push me back in further.

 

[isuckmen]

WHOOOOOO

What a day!!!!

So basically I have been talking with him for the last few days and we have kind'of gotten to know each other.

Our conversation today started with what we were talking about in class, religion.

Which is totally fine with me, I found out he was raised a mormon and lives on his own now but no longer goes to church. He said he couldnt accept everything the church said. So I agreed with him and said yeah me niether. I was raised a JW and over the past few years have been trying to distance my self from them since I cant accept a huge part of what they say.

So then I said, " If you dont mind me asking, what do you have a hard time believing?"

Just to let ya know this was after class and in the art building while drinking Jamba Juices waiting to split to our next class we were sitting at one of the tables and there wasnt anyone else in the building.

So he said, " Oh I believe quite a bit it is just a few little things that ruin it for me."

Well I figured I better not push it so I didnt say anything until he spoke up..

" What do JW's 'proclaim' that you cant believe?"

I said

" It is kinda hard to go to meeting 3 times a week just to here how you are condemed." ( I think you see where this is leading)

He asked what I meant. And finally I replied, " Well being gay isnt exactly looked upon as a wonderful thing..."

He had a look that was almost shock.

Finally ( I was kinda lookin down) he touched my neck so I looked up and then he KISSED ME!!!

It lasted like atleast a minute. Finally he heard someone walking down the hall and he let go.

Damn he a good kisser!

Next he said, " I guess you have the same problem with your religion as me."

I said I guess so.

Unfortunatly it was time to go. So I grabbed his number and we parted.

Wow this is a major turn around from my first post here!

Things are looking Up ^^^^^

He just txted me and told me to call him so I did and he asked where we were goin to dinner tommarrow! I told him we should talk about that tommarrow so I can come up with an allaby to tell my dad.

Whoa this has been a spectacular day!