Age restrictions: for sex, dating, friends

[LuckysRevenge]

wall of text.

Difference of opinion.
For me, "love" is not nearly enough to have a relationship. I could fall in love with a lot of people. I could date a lot of people. However I'd rather narrow my parameters to have the optimal chance of success and enjoyment.

Life experience does have an effect Someone who is 20 is not the same as someone who is 30. Of course the 30 year old might be immature but the older you are, the more mature you naturally are as well. You've had more time to accumulate life experiences and learn from them.

Age is not the determining factor but is a variable that has an effect on other determining factors such as maturity, interests, relatability (making that word up) relationship experience, etc.
And again, it's just personal preference and it is not a hard and fast restriction at all times.
And like darden said as well, for me personally, I tend to get along with older.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

I wasn't in a relationship before my boyfriend and now we've been together for 8 and half years. I still don't see how most of that has to do with age. I will also disagree with the point that maturity comes naturally.

 

[darden]

I wasn't in a relationship before my boyfriend and now we've been together for 8 and half years. I still don't see how most of that has to do with age. I will also disagree with the point that maturity comes naturally.

exceptions apply, but I think that, broadly speaking, people of the same age range are most likely to be at the same stage of their life.

at 32, I've got no interest in dating a 20 year-old who's in a very transitory part of his life, between school and starting off a career... on the other hand, I'm still young enough that I enjoy partying and hanging out at the bar until last call once in awhile, so I'm not sure I'd have much in common with a senior citizen in retirement either.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I honestly don't think I have any that are set in stone. Sure, it's possible for someone to be old enough that I can't regard them sexually or romantically, but that's less a function of age as how someone carries themselves overall.. some people just give off that "fatherly/grandfatherly" feel and that would put them out of the dating pool. But I have gone on dates with people significantly older -- no good reason not to, as I don't regard any date as needing to lead to "spending the rest of our lives together", and you never know when or with whom that will end up happening anyway. I went on a date once with a guy over 50 and it wasn't uncomfortable at all. We agreed it probably wouldn't work out (with his job he travels about 40 weeks out of a year) but we actually had a lot in common and stayed in touch via e-mail, and still are, as friends. I suppose if I'd been seriously thinking along the lines of "okay, what's the 30 year future between me and this person", age might have to become part of that consideration, but for the purposes of meeting someone or going out to dinner and just seeing how things go, there is no set in stone dealbreaker for me. I've made good friends on dates too, as silly as that sounds.

 

[Willie Boy]

For sex: Gotta be a legal adult.

For dating: no set limits, but it has to be someone I can enjoy spending time with, someone I have at least a few things in common with.

For friends: ....... I've learned a long time ago..... you don't put arbitrary limits on friendship.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

I wasn't in a relationship before my boyfriend and now we've been together for 8 and half years. I still don't see how most of that has to do with age. I will also disagree with the point that maturity comes naturally.

Again, personal preference.
I have no patience to work through the trials and stumbling blocks of learning how relationships work, being with another person, etc.
I'm also ready for a serious career and settling down. If someone at the age of 20 is ready to settle down and knows what he wants in life, that's actually more of a turnoff. I would prefer a guy to explore and discover himself and what he wants in those early stages.

That's all me. I'm not commenting on anyone else's preferences. For some people, all they need is love.

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Well there is stumbling and work involved in a relationship regardless of someone needing to "learn how a relationship works." Knowing how a relationship works is not the hard part, it is whether or not people are actually willing to put work in and for a relationship. Which is what most people have a hard time with.

Im not trying to change anyones mind but to me it is not surprising to see some people single a lot of their life because they rather run down a check list over someone then just getting to know people regardless of age and other factors.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

Well there is stumbling and work involved in a relationship regardless of someone needing to "learn how a relationship works." Knowing how a relationship works is not the hard part, it is whether or not people are actually willing to put work in and for a relationship. Which is what most people have a hard time with.

Im not trying to change anyones mind but to me it is not surprising to see some people single a lot of their life because they rather run down a check list over someone then just getting to know people regardless of age and other factors.

And on the opposite side of the spectrum there are people who are desperate to be in a relationship.

Of course a relationship is hard work. However it's harder with some people than it is with others. This becomes obvious through experience. And through experience the younger someone is and the less experience they have(all other things being equal and that is a point that is VERY important), the more work you are likely to have to put in.

I don't mean to argue. I just have a terrible habit of being devils advocate.

 

[eastofeden]

I get a comfort level that I need with my own age group....it isn't about any of the usual reasons I hear or whether or not someone is or isn't mature. I would prefer someone also watched Watergate unfold...and knows who Angela Davis is....and remembers rotary phones and typewriters...and knows what it was like to be gay in the 70s.

 

[geloge]

and remembers rotary phones and typewriters...

I loved to play with my grandmother's rotary phone, I used to mark 0 just to watch the roulette makes the complete circle and I have a typewriter in my bedroom

 

[borg69unimatrix]

... it is not surprising to see some people single a lot of their life because they rather run down a check list over someone then just getting to know people regardless of age and other factors.

I agree with this.

 

[xbuzzerx]

And on the opposite side of the spectrum there are people who are desperate to be in a relationship.

Of course a relationship is hard work. However it's harder with some people than it is with others. This becomes obvious through experience. And through experience the younger someone is and the less experience they have(all other things being equal and that is a point that is VERY important), the more work you are likely to have to put in.

I don't mean to argue. I just have a terrible habit of being devils advocate.

I think the younger people are the pickier they are in the dating scene. And excluding the microscopic minority of people who settle down with their "first love" for life, most people connect with someone somewhat radically different to finally settle down with than what their checklist would have been at 19 or 21.

The lazy explanation for that would be "as people get older, they have to get less picky", and certainly that's probably what young people think. The more realistic explanation is that through the actual experience of trying to make relationships work over the course of your life you realize how little of it has to do with some arbitrary list of "the person must have x color hair, be under x pounds and be between the ages of x and y."

 

[LuckysRevenge]

I think the younger people are the pickier they are in the dating scene. And excluding the microscopic minority of people who settle down with their "first love" for life, most people connect with someone somewhat radically different to finally settle down with than what their checklist would have been at 19 or 21.

The lazy explanation for that would be "as people get older, they have to get less picky", and certainly that's probably what young people think. The more realistic explanation is that through the actual experience of trying to make relationships work over the course of your life you realize how little of it has to do with some arbitrary list of "the person must have x color hair, be under x pounds and be between the ages of x and y."

I think people get less picky on looks and more picky on personality as they learn what works for them.

 

[xbuzzerx]

I think people get less picky on looks and more picky on personality as they learn what works for them.

Yeah, I agree. And it's because personality has fantastically more to do with making a relationship work long-term than looks do. No matter how hot someone is their looks get old and they can actually look ugly to you if they have a shit personality and you live with them for 3 years.

 

[G-Lexington]

I think the younger people are the pickier they are in the dating scene. And excluding the microscopic minority of people who settle down with their "first love" for life, most people connect with someone somewhat radically different to finally settle down with than what their checklist would have been at 19 or 21.

The lazy explanation for that would be "as people get older, they have to get less picky", and certainly that's probably what young people think. The more realistic explanation is that through the actual experience of trying to make relationships work over the course of your life you realize how little of it has to do with some arbitrary list of "the person must have x color hair, be under x pounds and be between the ages of x and y."

A sixteen-year-old wants a car that looks cool.
A thirty-year-old asks about gas mileage.

Lex

 

[Pianist]

I don't date anyone between the ages of 0-150. Saves a LOT of hassle.

 

[maxpowr9]

Yeah, I agree. And it's because personality has fantastically more to do with making a relationship work long-term than looks do. No matter how hot someone is their looks get old and they can actually look ugly to you if they have a shit personality and you live with them for 3 years.

Looks to some extent still matter as you age but far less than in your "youth". How many straight couples leave their SO after the spouse "lets themselves go". They basically devolve from a couple into "roommates". An emotional bond may keep them together but there is very little attraction.

 

[Anders123]

Life experience does have an effect Someone who is 20 is not the same as someone who is 30. Of course the 30 year old might be immature but the older you are, the more mature you naturally are as well. You've had more time to accumulate life experiences and learn from them.

I'm not sure I can agree with this. Perhaps we should establish just exactly what these life experiences are. What sort of things does a person have to go through for you to be able to see them as a potential partner? You mentioned above that part of it has to do with relationship experience, but if a person is the same age as you and hasn't had a lot of experience with relationships, is that a deal breaker too? Or is it just assumed that because they're older they'll have an intuitive understanding of how to make a relationship work?

Also, I can't help but wonder why it would be a turn off for a young person to know what he wants. If the purpose of exploration is discovery and there's not much to be discovered in that area, I'd imagine that they're simply a 'step ahead' and would think it'd be more of a turn on than anything else. It seems that perhaps you're stuck on the idea that people are supposed to be doing certain things at certain ages, but that's just not the way life works. We have a tendency to project our younger selves onto others, but different people develop at different rates, they view the world in different ways, and they respond differently to the experiences they have. It's not fair for you to suggest that a younger person should be exploring what he wants if it's something he already knows. If you're both ready to settle down in a relationship and both know what you want, why is his age even relevant?

If young people being immature and not knowing what they want is a turn off, but being mature and knowing what they want is a turn off too, how can they possibly win? Why say all of this stuff about relatability, who a person is, how they behave, or their maturity level if all of it is invalidated by the number on their birth certificate?

 

[HunterM]

For friends, I welcome people of all ages as long as we have some common interests. The younger crowd is more spontaneous and fun to hang out with. The older crowd is so full of wisdom and interesting life stories and fun in a different sense.

For sex...must be 21 and above but not on life support.

 

[72-Jay]

I don't date period. at this point, but I did date these would be mine:

Ideal age range would be 5 years younger than me to 1 year older.
I might consider up to 10 years younger, but thats a pretty big difference.

Friends only...I don't see that age would really matter.



Sex...That would require many restrictions beyond just 'age for dating'. .um. .well lets just say with those, it'd probably never end up happening......