Because no one jumps into dating knowing all the ins and outs of a relationship. There's a reason the first one rarely works. There are very basic things we learn about being with another person. There is also the fact that we still have yet to learn what we really want out of one because we have yet to experience it. Some people can hit a home run the first time they get a pitch but it's very rare for a reason.
I'd prefer someone who has browsed around, had his share of successes and mistakes, joys and pains and is ready for something serious but seamless. Would you entrust your car to a mechanic who has never worked on one? Would you get heart surgery by a doctor who has studied it but has never worked in an operating room?
I have a friend who is madly in love with someone he has been together with for 2 years. However, the things he has put up with as his bf learns how to live with someone else, how to always consider someone else, how to communicate feelings, emotions, etc. is something I would have avoided altogether. Emphasis on "I" because this is a personal preference.
Just to clarify, I don't immediately run for the hills as soon as I hear someone's age or their lack of experience. I ask questions, I poke around until my suspicions are confirmed or debunked and so far, I've always been right on the money. I wouldn't mind being proved wrong though.
Well firstly, the comparisons to mechanics and surgeons strike me as odd, but I think that's just because we view relationships differently. There almost seems to be a coldness there in comparing relationships (or potential relationships) to business transactions. People aren't services. I know the purpose of comparisons is to acknowledge the similarities, but I feel like the context of a relationship between two people and a trip to the mechanic is just too different for such a comparison to be valid.
It just seems like you want a relationship but not one that's going to take any sort of work whatsoever. That just isn't a realistic expectation. You can love somebody, but there are going to be times when you disagree, or argue, or lose your temper; there are going to be times when you don't want to be around them. If you're looking for a relationship that's just seamlessly smooth sailing the entire time, I suspect you're going to end up very disappointed.
In regards to your friend and his relationship, I would think that has more to do with his partner's personality than his inexperience. What if somebody has never been in a relationship, but is naturally inclined to be considerate and finds it very easy to express his emotions in a calm and collected way? You seem to state all of these rules and restrictions, but they all go out the window when faced with an individual and not a trend.
If that's the case though, what purpose do they serve?
"I don't want to date somebody who's younger unless they're x and x and x. And I don't want to date somebody who's inexperienced unless they're x and x and x"
Couldn't you simply say "I want to date somebody who is x and x and x" and place the focus on personal characteristics instead?
And if you think a 17 yo has the same chance of emotional maturity (as far as a relationship) as a 27 yo then we just will never see eye to eye.
But since you said you couldn't see yourself dating somebody just three years younger than you, we're not necessarily talking about 17 year olds here, are we?
