Am I the Only One Annoyed with the "Sexuality is Fluid/No Labels!" Comments?

[DiamondSkin]

Minor Rant!

I've ALWAYS been annoyed with people who say "OMGZ human sexuality is so complicated and fluid, ya know!"

Or "OMGZ don't label me! I don't need labels! I'm not gay or straight or bi! I'm SO very complicated!"



Maybe it's because I'm rather secure with sexuality and I'm very introspective, but for the life of me I seriously cannot understand people who say that sexuality is "fluid" or they hate "labels".

These people are usually bisexuals. I can completely empathize if a bisexual is constantly confused on which gender he or she is more or less attracted to or which gender they feel more of emotional attachment to in regards to romance.

It's completely understandable if a bisexual decides to say "FUCK IT! My sexuality is complicated! And fluid! Don't label me, bro!"

That's fine and doody.

But don't say that sexuality is FLUID for the REST OF US by creating this "four-point human sexuality spectrum" bullcrap.

Some of us gay. Some of us are straight. And the rest are bi to lesser or more extent.

If you're a man who has sexual and emotional attraction to men and not women, you're GAY.

If you're man who has sexual and emotional attraction women, you're STRAIGHT.

And if you're a man who has sexual and/or emotional attraction to either gender than you're BI.

It's really that simple.

For those who are bisexual who to much lesser extent (i.e. 80% into men and 20% into women) it's perfectly understandable if you want to identify as "gay"...but you're not. You're bi. You can call yourself a bloody DOLPHIN...but you're still a human.

For those who are bisexual to the extent they have sexual attraction to both genders but only romantic/emotional attraction to one gender, it's perfectly understandable if you want to identify as gay or straight or "fluid"....but you're BI.

Those who say that human sexuality is "fluid" or "complicated" or "not into labels" are usually bisexual people who have trouble understanding their own bisexuality.

The rest of us who are actually gay or straight? Not so much.

 

[fetaby]

Minor rant?

IMO, it's not the sexuality that's fluid, it's the person's willingness that is.

 

[kallipolis]

Getting to know who I am will take me my life time.

Each day I learn a little more of who I am becoming.

I would never presume to know another, better than I know myself.

 

[medic1]

^^^^^^^^
Well said oddkun .

 

[yummylongsword]

Labels provide preconceptions and limit you in what you're "allowed" to do. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and fall in love with a woman. What would I do then? Go around and tell everyone "hey, I'm 99% percent gay except for this one girl!" People would think I was lying to them, people would get offended, people would say I was just pretending to be gay and I was a horrible person. All because of one stupid label.

It works the other way, too. Women let me do things with them that they would never let a straight guy do, and it often makes me uncomfortable. They assume that because I'm gay, I have literally no feelings regarding their boobs, and I OBVIOUSLY want to talk to them about boys ALL THE TIME.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about this fear of mine. I have to say, women don't really do a lot for me... but I can understand why people find them attractive. i certainly find their personalities attractive, and I would consider having sex with a woman. What does that make me? I don't know. For now... I'm gay, because there's not really a more accurate LABEL.

 

[fetaby]

All because of one stupid label.

If anyone did that to you, tell 'em to fuck off cause they are idiots.

I would consider having sex with a woman. What does that make me?

Easy. That would make you easy...

 

[Puckzilla]

In my opinion, it doesn't really matter how anyone thinks of themselves. They can say they are fluid or whatever, why would I care?

I reckon as long as you know the truth about yourself, who cares what everyone else is all about.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Labels provide preconceptions and limit you in what you're "allowed" to do.

Are you a man? Or should I not "label" you a man? Or even a human being. Because as human beings we have "preconceptions" on what we are allowed to do.

Heck, that big blue thing over heads? Let's not "label" it the sky!

Or that four-legged animal in the living room! Why label it a "dog" when perhaps it feels it's more of a cat?

Down with labellllls.

I'm afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and fall in love with a woman. What would I do then? Go around and tell everyone "hey, I'm 99% percent gay except for this one girl!" People would think I was lying to them, people would get offended, people would say I was just pretending to be gay and I was a horrible person. All because of one stupid label.

That's not really a valid "fear" unless you're genuinely attracted to women. If you have genuine sexual or emotional attraction to women, then you're bi.

But if you have NO sexual or emotional attraction to women, then you're gay.

That's like saying one day you'll wake up to find yourself attracted to squirrels, when you have absolutely no predilection of being attracted to bushy tailed rodents....

Anyway, I don't know what I'm going to do about this fear of mine. I have to say, women don't really do a lot for me... but I can understand why people find them attractive. i certainly find their personalities attractive, and I would consider having sex with a woman. What does that make me? I don't know. For now... I'm gay, because there's not really a more accurate LABEL.

You know what this sounds like?

You sound like a bisexual man who self-identifies as a gay man because you are largely attracted to men (i.e. 80% gay / 20% straight) and a little bit attracted to women.

If you'd consider having sex with a woman because you find their qualities attractive then you're NOT gay. If you'd consider having sex with a woman just of the hell of it regardless of no sexual attraction then you're probably gay.

Call yourself gay if you like, but in the scientific/rational sense of the word by it's very definition, you're not gay.

You're a bisexual who's largely attracted to men and sometimes to women. Especially if as you said, you like a girl's boobs.

IF you're genuinely attracted to qualities of women in a physical and/or emotional aspect.

It sounds like you're bisexual but want to identify as 'gay' because you're scared of what other people will think.

Screw them. If you're bi, you're bi.

But don't LIE, and say you're gay. That's the same as 'straight' guy say he likes dick sometimes but he' STRAIGHT BRAH....

 

[DiamondSkin]

this is the same reason i'm annoyed at all the recent "i'm totally straight, but i'm on JUB to learn about gay sex out of curiosity" threads. If you like women and you also want to see guys having sex you are bi. get over it.

AGREED.

There's also 'gay' men who refuse to admit they're bisexual.

If you're attracted to women, no matter how small or how many, and/or boobs and vaginas excite you, and/or you feel emotional/romantic attractions to women, then you're not gay in the strict definition of the word.

If you wanna call yourself gay, then fine.

But in the rational sense, you're really bi even if you're more "gay" than "straight".

Just like a 'straight' guy saying sometimes he likes to suck dick and sometimes he finds men attractive. Straight my ass.

 

[kallipolis]

I would never presume to know another person's sexual life, better than they by attaching a label that satisfies my sense of certitude.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Well, what is ironic about all this is that currently, at 07h38GMT on 21 April 2011, the OP does NOT list his sexual orientation in his profile.

For someone so fond of labels...

-d-

 

[MindBlast]

Categories and labels are useful for humans to organize thoughts. Without them, we'd never get anything done.

Here's the truth. I want to meet men I know would be into me. Men who identify as gay have a much better chance on being clear about what they like sexually than guys whose sexuality is "complicated". Fuck that.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Well, what is ironic about all this is that currently, at 07h38GMT on 21 April 2011, the OP does NOT list his sexual orientation in his profile.

For someone so fond of labels...

-d-

Oh, sweetie, I didn't bother to fill out the entire profile when I first joined.

I think I joined because I wanted to download a porn file but I couldn't as a non-member....

If you must know, I am gay.

As said before, I think people genuinely have problems with 'labels' are either bisexuals with shifting interests or people who are confused with their sexuality. Gay, straight or bi.

Labels become more confusing because bisexuality is such a wide field. You can be 90% into men and 10% into women. One might be tempted to call themselves gay (and they have the right to) but in the purest definition of the word, they're actually bi.

I'm scientific and rational person so, yes I like calling things what they are.

 

[fetaby]

Wait a minute... Is this really just a bi bashing thread?

 

[kallipolis]

Wait a minute... Is this really just a bi bashing thread?

Yep. Number 51/2011.

 

[kallipolis]

I have learnt over many years of sexual experience with men who also have girlfriends that labelling is an imprecise, even vague reference that pretends to pigeon hole people based solely on their choice of sexual partners.

I have bedded many men who prefer the emotional, and sexual company of women but are happy to occasionally engage in sexual relations with other men.

I prefer to enjoy sexual interaction than engage in psycho-analytical examination of my sexual partner's perception of self. By so doing I retain their friendship, and even return matches.

 

[DiamondSkin]

Wait a minute... Is this really just a bi bashing thread?

Hardly.

I think many 'gay' or 'straight' people self-identify as thus are actually bi.

I think many bisexuals are in the closet and either don't want to acknowledge it or think it's not important to acknowledge it.

A 'straight' person who is occasionally attracted to men and has an interest, no matter how small or large, in men isn't really straight. He's bi.

Moreover, in the gay community where bisexuality is unfortunately frowned upon, 'gay' people who have sexual and/or emotional attraction to women hide in the "bi closet" because they're afraid of either backlash from the gay community or they worked so hard accepting themselves as "gay" they don't want to acknowledge their heterosexual attractions.

So they resort to saying "sexuality is fluid" or "complicated" because they don't want to think about it.

It really justs promotes biphobia. Bisexuals need to admit they're bisexual just like a gay person needs to admit they're gay.

 

[DiamondSkin]

I have learnt over many years of sexual experience with men who also have girlfriends that labelling is an imprecise, even vague reference that pretends to pigeon hole people based solely on their choice of sexual partners.

You're underestimating how wide the field of bisexuality is.

It's easier to understand in terms of ratio: 90/10, 80/20, 70/30, etc.

It also varies with sexual and emotional attraction.

A man who prefers men sexually and emotionally 90/10 could be called "gay" but really is bisexual. Unfortunately the term, "bi" implies 50/50 which is rarely the case.

I have bedded many men who prefer the emotional, and sexual company of women but are happy to occasionally engage in sexual relations with other men.

These men may defined themselves as 'straight' but they're actually bisexual. Perhaps they strongly preferred women sexually and emotionally 80% of time and only men in a sexual sense 20% of time. They can call themselves straight but in the strict sense of the word they were bi.

I prefer to enjoy sexual interaction than engage in psycho-analytical examination of my sexual partner's perception of self. By so doing I retain their friendship, and even return matches.

That's all fine and dandy. I have no problem with that.

But I think, as I said before, many people who identify as "gay" or "straight" but are actually bi and don't acknowledge it are just perpetuating biphobia via miscommunication and stereotypes.


Ricky Martin is one example. He went on record on the Oprah Show saying "I'm not the first gay man who has been sexually attracted to women". He says he's gay. But if he really did have sexual attractions to women than he's not gay. He's bisexual who may or may not strongly prefer men.

And now thanks to Ricky Martin, thousands of women watching that Oprah episode think gay men CAN be attracted to women. NEVER LOSE HOPE!

 

[kallipolis]

Categories and labels are useful for humans to organize thoughts. Without them, we'd never get anything done.

Here's the truth. I want to meet men I know would be into me. Men who identify as gay have a much better chance on being clear about what they like sexually than guys whose sexuality is "complicated". Fuck that.

When I bed a man I never ask them whether they are gay, bi, straight or whatever.

All I need to know is that they are willing to share my bed. The rest of the story is unfolded in the bed.

An obsessive, compulsive need to label potential sexual partners speaks much more to the insecurities of people than of any value that might be gained when satisfying oneself that our partner identifies as 100 pct.gay.

Then there are those who identify as all things, to all people depending on their partner's perceptions of self.

 

[kallipolis]

You're underestimating how wide the field of bisexuality is.

I am not the one obsessing over the sexual self identification of my sexual partners. Thus the width, and depth of bisexuality is never a concern for me.