Am I the Only One Annoyed with the "Sexuality is Fluid/No Labels!" Comments?

[kallipolis]

Kallipolis, I understand what you are saying, too, but you must be very unusual in not discussing sexuality issues with your partners. Have you always been this way or has it developed over time.

This whole topic might be too deep for me since it has so little bearing on my life.

Happy Easter. He is risen!!

Hi Dan

I do not discuss my partner's sexual orientation with him knowing that he does not identify as gay. This is where he is today. Tomorrow, or next month........

Our sexual life is highly liberated, as indeed is our affection for one another.

 

[medic1]

^^^^^^^^
In a oner. Responding to yummy long sword

 

[juicyjack]

I get your point to a degree. I seem to see a certain attitude(more often with women) who say they are just open and they like people, whatever the hell that means. And they don't believe in labels and whatnot. I consider myself as bi, even though I am usually more attracted to women. I still like vagina and have been in relationships which were both sexual and emotional, yet I jack off to men a little more often. That may make me an oddball but I would hardly say it's complicated, or I'm somehow deeper or special because of it. It has however made my life more complicated at times. I've always been "too gay" for straight people and "not gay enough" for gay people. I believe from my own experience there is such a thing as being bisexual, with the definition of that being attracted to both sexes. However I have yet to meet someone I honestly believed was 50/50 attracted to both sexes. A lot of people say they are but when you see their preferences, it always leans more one way than the other. I think if you will only have a sexual relationship with the opposite sex, you are straight. If you are only willing to have a sexual relationship with the same sex, you are gay. If you are anything in between, then you are bisexual. I don't know why people are so concerned with labels. I guess everyone wants to be special. I think that's why so many young girls experiment with girls. It's supposed to mean they are special or something. Yet it's still taboo with men. If it wasn't, I think more men would try being with men too. But regardless we kind of need some labels in order to compare anything to anything.

 

[fetaby]

I think that's why so many young girls experiment with girls. It's supposed to mean they are special or something.

Girls gone wild....

 

[Nomenclature]

I hate labelphobia.

 

[clicker]

Thanks for starting this great post, DIAMONDSKIN. So glad you started this. Love the many good comments.

 

[fetaby]

It's always been about the person she was with, not about their genitalia.

And this is where all the confusion comes. As a culture, we have learned to label by appearance. If the dangly bits are between the legs it's a man, and if it has boobs it's a woman.

We define ourselves by sex and can't easily understand those who define us by personality.

 

[Krakenbwool]

There's a huge difference between needing both genders and simply being open to either. This is a disconnect that the term "bisexual" doesn't cover well.

This is probably one of the most profound statements in regards to sexuality that I have ever read.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Like posters above have suggested, I think NaughtyArousal contributions in here have been dazzling.

-d-

 

[paintact]

It is just my guess that a gay man might not feel that they could give a bisexual everything they need in a relationship.

This is something I have thought about... And please, I'm NOT trying to bi-bash here, I am personally open to being with anyone as long as they know who they are and are honest about it.

But this statement does make think... if I do get involved with someone that's bi, is there this sense that perhaps I can't give him things a woman could in a more hetero-normative context... ?
Will that affect the relationship, the choices he can make, etc.... Is the same-sex relationship/feelings only for the moment, but when it's time to settle down, they go for the more hetero-normative route...

Who knows...perhaps it is insecurities playing out...and perhaps it is just part of the reality of the situation that is valid too... but I think it is a legitimate thing to think about it. I've known of quite a few folks who have dealt with this situation...

 

[fetaby]

This is something I have thought about... And please, I'm NOT trying to bi-bash here, I am personally open to being with anyone as long as they know who they are and are honest about it.

But this statement does make think... if I do get involved with someone that's bi, is there this sense that perhaps I can't give him things a woman could in a more hetero-normative context... ?
Will that affect the relationship, the choices he can make, etc.... (Of course, that would all depend on the person).

Who knows...perhaps it is insecurities playing out...and perhaps it is just part of the reality of the situation that is valid too... and I think it is a legitimate thing to think about it. I've known of quite a few folks who have dealt with this situation...

But isn't this type of thinking playing in to the hetero-normative mindscape? You're gay/bi, you don't have to do that.

What I'm saying is that we define our relationships and what they involve. Most every gay couple has reconciled that children will not be part of the picture, yet the relationship remains.

Open couples that have an agreement that their relationship is more than sex.

Of course a relationship is going to be different between a man and a woman, but the point is you do it any way.

Above all is trust, and that is the common denominator gay, straight, or bi.


That is if you're interested in a relationship at all...

 

[EwanSF]

I sucked my first dick at the age of 8, so it's always been pretty much set in stone for me, I've always been sexualy attracted to men. The only reason I've ever had sex with any women is because I grew up in a small town and teenage hormones require that you snake something.

So from a personal perspective, sexuality is not fluid, I think that's a cop-out from bisexuals that jumped the gun and identified as gay before they had shit figured out. But then, that's just my own perspective.

 

[Callum]

So from a personal perspective, sexuality is not fluid, I think that's a cop-out from bisexuals that jumped the gun and identified as gay before they had shit figured out. But then, that's just my own perspective.

Nah. My attraction to the two sexes wanes. It's not concrete. I go back and forth. I would call that 'fluid'.

I just assume a lot of gay men have heterosexual tendencies, they just won't admit it.

 

[EwanSF]

Nah. My attraction to the two sexes wanes. It's not concrete. I go back and forth. I would call that 'fluid'.

I just assume a lot of gay men have heterosexual tendencies, they just won't admit it.

Fair enough man. Although you have to admit, my theory is plausable with regard to a lot of men that make the sexuality is fluid claim.

And I can catagoricaly tell you that I have nooooo heterosexual tendancies. I'm oblivious to women hitting on me, I'm an avid fan of sea food, but the thought of female genetalia often puts me off etc.

I just don't dig chicks.

 

[Callum]

Fair enough man. Although you have to admit, my theory is plausable with regard to a lot of men that make the sexuality is fluid claim.

And I can catagoricaly tell you that I have nooooo heterosexual tendancies. I'm oblivious to women hitting on me, I'm an avid fan of sea food, but the thought of female genetalia often puts me off etc.

I just don't dig chicks.

It's definitely possible...I initially came out as gay because I didn't want the backlash from gay friends/the gay community due to disgustingly rampant biphobia. Just look at this site as an example. But as I've gotten older I've realized I don't give two fucks if I'm disliked or not for being bisexual. The 'To Bisexual JUBBERs' thread one page back has more information/posts.

 

[rahem101]

Sexuality isn't 'fluid,' it's 'fixed'. The idea of "fluid sexuality" is based on men with homosexual tendencies not wanting it to take them away from the more comfortable heterosexual label that they prefer. And in the meantime, gay men who're looking to manipulate dumber straight men into thinking that they can play around with other guys and still be straight will also perpetuate that 'fluid' crap to blur the lines between straight and gay.

Point blank:
Heterosexual men have sex with women.
Homosexual men have sex with men.
Bisexual men are attracted to both enough to have sex with either.

It IS that black and white. Human sexuality ain't fluid.

 

[doctorsun]

If sexuality truly were fluid, it would be that way for everyone. I know mine certainly isn't fluid. I can't flow my way over to being attracted to women. I'm gay. I accept that label. It's what I am. You're sure as hell not going to find many straight people who are willing to give up that label.

I don't get why the bisexual label is so feared and avoided. If you're attracted to people of both sexes (or any combination thereof), you're bisexual. Why avoid the label when it's so all-encompassing? Why cling to made-up terms like "pansexual" when it's unnecessary? Why deny labels all together when all you're doing is drawing attention to the fact that you ARE bisexual and are in denial about it? It doesn't make sense. There's nothing wrong with being bisexual.

Maybe some people are just so slutty that they'll fuck anything and sexual orientation has nothing to do it.

 

[FanofFiction]

I think a lot of people like to think themselves more complicated and interesting than they really are. Not just in regards to sexuality but in many regards. "I vote for X, and I agree with X, and I support X, but I don't see myself as an X supporter". That's just stupid. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

Maybe people are just afraid to be identified by a single label? They don't want to be seen as just "gay" or "bi". Like actors who don't want to be associated with a single role.

 

[doctorsun]

You lost me in one sentence.

Why would a rule have to apply to everyone for it to be able to apply to a small margin of people?

Because "sexuality is fluid" is a blanket statement and, as such, is not true if it doesn't apply to everyone. One person's sexuality may be fluid, but sexuality itself is not. If someone's sexuality is fluid, that person is bisexual.

 

[alli-berri]

OK.

So, sexuality can be fluid.

It can also not be fluid.

Experiences and genetics determine what degree of, or lack of, fluidity more closely reflects ourselves, or with whatever we identify - if we choose to identify.

Done. Discussion over - OP stop being annoyed and GTF over it

let's hold hands