Ask the Undertaker!!

[operafan]

Have you ever been caught in the middle of a situation where a gay man's family had wishes different from what the man or his partner requested?

 

[dexyboi86]

Hve you ever done it with a corpse?
Shep+

No. Nonononononono.
Never.

Have you ever been caught in the middle of a situation where a gay man's family had wishes different from what the man or his partner requested?

I have not been in the situation. The only way the gay man would have control is if he was in a state where gay marriage was recognized. Order for Right of Disposition is a big thing...here it is for Ohio:

(a) The decedent, as evidenced in a written document executed during his lifetime;
(b) The decedent’s spouse;<--a legally recognized marriage
(c) The decedent’s adult children;
(d) The decedent’s parents;
(e) The decedent’s brothers or sisters;
(f) The guardian of the person of the decedent at the time of death;
(g) Any other person authorized or under obligation to dispose of the body.
​

I don't make the rules, I just have to know and follow them. We woudl try to work things out, but the law is the law, and I am bound.

 

[dexyboi86]

Is the thread dead? Do we need to make arrangements?

 

[dexyboi86]

Embalming is finished, now time for a response.

Are you a comedian as well? LOL

I try...

Ok...a couple of questions about cremation,that maybe you or Big C can give your thoughts on.

A body don't need a coffin to be cremated ...correct?

The body must be in some container, whether it be in a wood casket or a cardboard box.

When a loved one takes the deceased ashes home.....who is to stop them from scattering the ashes,anywhere the deceased person wanted them scattered?

Can't a person scatter ashes anywhere ?And know one would know?

Legally speaking, you can scatter anywhere on your own private property. Scattering somewhere else is not legal, but just like speeding, a lot of people do it and never get caught.

Also....If a cemetery don't have a full sized plot for sale,next to a loved one....would a cemetery consider burying the ashes with a loved one? Because only a tiny space would be needed....not a full size coffin space....

Every cemetery has different rules for this. Some will allow the cremains to be buried in the ground above the existing vault, but they will still charge.

Thanks again guys.....

 

[Endlight]

Are you a comedian? Dexiboi; " I try"

and you do a great job of it too. So in the spirit of comedy, here is one for you......

An old lady was very upset because her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertakers to have one last look at her dear departed husband. The instant she saw him she started to cry.

One of the undertakers came to provide comfort in this sombre moment. Through her tears she explained that she was upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his last wish to be buried in a blue suit. The undertaker apologized and explained that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he said he will see what he can arrange.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. As the undertaker pulled back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as she saw Albert, lying there resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She said to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the undertaker.

He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads."

 

[dexyboi86]

What kind of jokes have you heard so many times you could just ralf? I'm sure you've heard this one: "I hear business is dead." What other ones?

The one Endlight posted a couple of frames up is one of my favorites.

Business is dead.
You will be the last person to let me down.
Working with a stiffy?
You are running your business into the ground.
​

There are tons of them. I like them all, but everyone that tells them think that they are the first person to come up with it.

 

[dexyboi86]

What made you pick this line of work? (sorry if this has been asked before).

Death is one of the hardest things a family will go through. I want to be the person who makes that experience as pleasant as possible.

Plus, I like the combination of suit and tie professionalism and medical/surgical type stuff.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

Death is one of the hardest things a family will go through. I want to be the person who makes that experience as pleasant as possible.

sorry i dealt with you people
straight answer never got one................

i put my parents in a mausoleum
stayed there until it was it was closed


my grandmother was buried by a funeral home who in later years was charged with taking back the coffins. i don't know the official charge

should i have my grandmother exhumed?
to make sure she's ok

 

[dexyboi86]

So, do you guys offer other than funeral services, something like counseling or workshops for bereavement, thanatology courses and the like after the funeral proper?...I don't know much about it, but I find it fascinating that a funeral home will go the extra mile for their costumers (by the way, the counseling, etc, is free).

Most funeral homes will offer some ofrt of "aftercare" as we call it. Often we will do grief support sessions, while some places will go as far as to hire counselors.

We do like to go the extra mile. Some do it so you will come back and use us again, some (myself included) do it because it is the whole reason we got into the business.

sorry i dealt with you people
straight answer never got one................

i put my parents in a mausoleum
stayed there until it was it was closed

my grandmother was buried by a funeral home who in later years was charged with taking back the coffins. i don't know the official charge

should i have my grandmother exhumed?
to make sure she's ok

Some firms are unethical, and I am sorry that you went to one of them. Most of us are not that way. I always give straight answers and deal honestly with people.

Your grandmother...really can't tell you whether to exhume or not. Exhumation is a long and complicated and expensive process. How long ago was she buried? And did you have a vault?

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

is the vault the cement coffin
she had that
but i remember we left before they put the lid on

i was only ten and really distressed at the time

 

[JackFTwist]

Death is one of the hardest things a family will go through. I want to be the person who makes that experience as pleasant as possible.

Plus, I like the combination of suit and tie professionalism and medical/surgical type stuff.

right on, thank you for that comment, that means something positive to me

Not a question so much but a comment, and wondering your thoughts -

there are basically three types of funeral directors I have encountered in my role as clergy:

1. the ones who try to take over my service with wanting to show their "life story" stuff and other commercial gimmicks - I keep saying, do it during the wake, do it during the post funeral meal/gathering, but not in my funeral service - and they won't take no for an answer, keep asking over and over again. Do these guys realize that I have some ability to direct where future funerals go?

2. the ones who are always so serious about death and always have their super professional attitude - come on, when we get in the hearse to go to the cemetery, when I in private am trying to discuss arrangements, these guys don't need to be so funeral with me - I'm a death professional too - lets get real and talk like adults

3. the funeral directors when we get in the hearse talk about sports, or amusing stories from the wake, or the business, we talk like real people at a time when I need some reality as I transition from funeral to committal - those are they guys I love, and that is where I influence funerals to go as well as where mine is going.

along with your comments, I ask a question: what is the right length funeral/memorial to you? Mine clock in at 30-35 minutes minimum/maximum - enough for the mourners to feel like they had a real service and not so much they start looking at their watches.

 

[dexyboi86]

is the vault the cement coffin
she had that
but i remember we left before they put the lid on

i was only ten and really distressed at the time

Yes, that is a vault. If she was in one of those, I wold not recommend you exhume. It will have afforded enough protection for her, in or out of casket.

...1. the ones who try to take over my service with wanting to show their "life story" stuff and other commercial gimmicks - I keep saying, do it during the wake, do it during the post funeral meal/gathering, but not in my funeral service - and they won't take no for an answer, keep asking over and over again. Do these guys realize that I have some ability to direct where future funerals go?

These guys are in it just for the business.

2. the ones who are always so serious about death and always have their super professional attitude - come on, when we get in the hearse to go to the cemetery, when I in private am trying to discuss arrangements, these guys don't need to be so funeral with me - I'm a death professional too - lets get real and talk like adults.

You can't fault these guys, but they are gonna die an early death from a stress induced heart attack.

3. the funeral directors when we get in the hearse talk about sports, or amusing stories from the wake, or the business, we talk like real people at a time when I need some reality as I transition from funeral to committal - those are they guys I love, and that is where I influence funerals to go as well as where mine is going.

Depending on the clergy, this is how I like it. You figure out who is up for joke, and who is up for casual conversation, and who wants to be somber and quiet.

...what is the right length funeral/memorial to you?

Anywhere from 20-45 minutes is generally appropriate. Less feels like it is lacking, and more seems like it is boring on.

...For crying out loud (pun intended) it's a JOB.....MAYBE a calling......but STILL a job that needs to be done...

My friend, it is most certainly a calling. I wouldn't do this if it was just a job. Too much stress and heartache for it to simply be a job.

 

[Great Big C]

Here's a picture I took while making a delivery to a funeral home...

I love that.

 

[dexyboi86]

By popular demand, I'm bringing the "Ask The Undertaker" back to life, per se.

I encourage everyone to read back through the previous posts, but I will be more than happy to re-answer questions.

I have completed my schooling for this, and I am in my final training. If you came into the funeral home, you wouldn't be able to tell me apart from everyone else. But legally and technically, I am still in training.

With that, ask away. Nothing is too strange, stupid, or off-color.

 

[dexyboi86]

Oh, I don’t know. I’ll bet if we watched long enough we’d see you move.

 

[star-warrior]

If you came into the funeral home, you wouldn't be able to tell me apart from everyone else.

With that, ask away. Nothing is too strange, stupid, or off-color.

Even the stiffs?




(You had that coming )