Ask the Undertaker!!

[Great Big C]

1) My brother died several years ago and if this works I'd like to have him here with me. Is it hard to have someone moved after they've been buried. (I mean legally...none of that Pet Semetary stuff)

Grave moves are really more common than you might think. I've attended two in the last three months. The best way to start is to contact an attorney and your brother's cemetery to get the process started. Barring local ordinance prohibitions, it should be pretty straight forward, but like dex said, it could get pricey. Also, as Dex stated, you'll either need to be the Executor, or have the Executor's permission to institute a grave move.

2) When we started the paperwork, the law stipulated that the area couldn't be near any water source (which I under stand) or near or under any electrical line. Any idea why? High tension wires are like 100 feet in the air or more...would they effect a dead body? A casket?

The lines won't affect the body or the casket, but the hydro / power company maintains a right of way of a set distance from each particular line type. Since they need to dig in this right of way, and a grave would prevent them from being able to, cemetery space is coordinated with utility companies to ensure that they have their right of way without having to disturb graves.



Star-Warrior -

I've participated in exhumations for ME/Coroner inquest and for grave moves and generally wear a biohazard suit, heavy rubber gloves, rubber boots (Wellies), a face shield and a rebreather. Once the condition of the remains and the casket are confirmed, then I wear whatever I deem necessary for the situation. The biggest concern of an exhumation for me personally is water that may have penetrated the grave/vault/casket, and trust me when I say you don't want that water anywhere near you.

Aside from that, although caskets are designed to vent gases out, sometimes there could be, as dex pointed out residual gas that's neither pleasant or healthy to breathe. Human remains, being organic, can also host post-mort parasites (like mold) that can present problems if you're not careful to limit exposure.

JustJW -

I'm fourth generation. My great-grandfather was a furniture maker / undertaker, my grandfather was a mortician, my Mum is a funeral director / embalmer, as am I. (Note the changes of titles as technology improved.) I grew up in a family funeral home business, so there was no defining moment for me, I just grew into the business and love(d) taking care of people. It's not a job for everyone, and it's certainly not glamorous, it requires a lot of work (most of which no one ever sees to appreciate), but it is a wonderful business full of caring people.

So, for me, the business is in my blood and in my heart - I can't really imagine being in another business. Two of my brothers, and two cousins have also chosen to stay in this business.

I'll say publicly too, that seeing young first-gens like dexyboi makes me proud. Although I'm far from old (hush, twinks ) I feel good that the business will continue to be in good, capable hands, like dexyboi's, for years to come.



Now if you'll excuse me, I have to meet with the family of a 5 year old who passed away yesterday. Meeting with the family of a young person is, by far, the hardest part of this job, and really the only part that I thoroughly dread. I didn't sleep last night knowing that they were coming in this morning. I'll embalm her later. I hate crying for and personally mourning someone I didn't know, but with a child I can't seem to help it.

 

[dexyboi86]

Does the coroner or the mortician piece back a dismembered body due to an accident or otherwise?

Yes, as best as we can.

And from C...
...I feel good that the business will continue to be in good, capable hands, like dexyboi's, for years to come.
...Meeting with the family of a young person is, by far, the hardest part of this job,...I hate crying for and personally mourning someone I didn't know, but with a child I can't seem to help it.

The Funeral Director's Prayer:​

Lord, give me the patience needed to serve everyone as mine own;
The wisdom to understand other's feelings;
The knowledge to learn as well as to instruct;
The kindness to treat everyone equally at all times;
The strength to endure long hours and hard work;
The desire to serve others as I would my own family;
The humility to accept words of thanks and praise;
The compassion to touch another's soul;
The pride and the right to smile when I have served a family well;
and, Lord, most importantly the right to shed an honest tear when my heart is touched;
Lord, make me thankful that I am a Funeral Director.
​

Well, as is customary, I am crying now. I have never made it through this without shedding a few tears. Somebody give me a tissue!​

 

[Great Big C]

Thanks for posting that, dexyboi.

And in case you wanted a follow-up: I was able to set her features in a slight smile. She looks so sweet.

 

[dexyboi86]

*shameless bump*

Or is it time for this thread to be loaded into the hearse?

 

[star-warrior]

I suspect it'd be more like Shaun of the Dead...

 

[justjw]

And a gratuitous *bump* to áll!
(Hehehe, feels like I'm back in the '80's, in the disco, with "the bump" an' stuff !

Okayyy, so we have 4th generation (Wow!) and new kids on the block (Excellent!) here.

What I was wondering is : do you need a special license/certificate/schooling to be called mortician/undertaker?
Is there an exam to take?
Or can just anyone start a funerary business ?

Also, sorry if it has been asked before, but what's the dfifference (if any) between a mortician/undertaker/funerary director (or is it all different words for the same thing?)

Where do the bearers come from? Who are they?
Funny thing to ask maybe, but at my mother's funeral we had six bearers, with the youngest being just shy of 20, and the oldest 60 or thereabouts. Eversince I've just been wondering: is this something they do part-time, full-time, are they morticians etc in training, is this "volunteer" work?

 

[dexyboi86]

...What I was wondering is : do you need a special license/certificate/schooling to be called mortician/undertaker?
Is there an exam to take?
Or can just anyone start a funerary business ?

Let me save a LOT of typing and refer you to http://www.theconferenceonline.org/
International Conference of Funeral Service Examination Boards.

Also, sorry if it has been asked before, but what's the dfifference (if any) between a mortician/undertaker/funerary director (or is it all different words for the same thing?)

Same thing. I have never heard of 'funerary', only 'funeral director'.

Where do the bearers come from? Who are they?

Generally the family selects them here in the US. Often it is siblings, children, granchildren, nephews, etc.
In the event there are no bearers, we just recruit people...or do it ourselves.

keep it coming bois!!!

 

[Endlight]

What a great thread gentlemen.

I don't believe I have ever learned so much in a single thread on JUB.

Thanks for taking the time and responding with such care. As we will all go through your hands at some time or other, it sure feels nice to know that our last contacts will be with caring individuals.

Kudos to all three or is it four of you.

 

[dexyboi86]

...it sure feels nice to know that our last contacts will be with caring individuals...

There are a few bad FDs out there...but they are not very prevalent. Most of us are great guys...the kind of stuff that you like to see in your Mortician is the traits that make us want to do this job.

...What if someone is burned pretty bad?

I was once drinking with a funeral director, and he said that fire victims are not that big a deal, they just use a wax to give the appearance of natural skin...

Burns are a problem, especially if they are charring burns. Embalming is more difficult and requires more/stronger preservative. There is also an odor issue to deal with.

...He said that if black people are burned , they tend to be easier to work on than white burn victims, something in the wax for black skin tones gives a more natural appearance...

Wax and opaque cosmetics are what we use to cover the burns. A talented restorative artist can do this with great skill.
As for the black skin tones...
please forgive me, I don't mean for this to be racist...
but the skin is already dark, so burns are not a totally drastic color change as it is in fairer skinned people. Also, black people tend to be a little more...shiny, for lack of a better term. The wax reflects light naturally in a similar manner. We have to tone it down for white people.

Guys, I think I am enjoying this more than you. Keep it coming! I shall soon be King of JUB!!!!

*goes back to his cage*

 

[herenthere]

This is really morbid....and I'm sorry for it..

Is a possible for two people to be buried in one casket?
For instance a mother and an infant child?

 

[Endlight]

Ok here goes,

My mother requested that a rather large crucifix be cremated with her. Were our chances pretty good that it was. It was turned over to the Funeral Director as there was no viewing per her will. We wonder sometimes if her last wishes were followed.

The crucifix was pretty nice and of great sentimental value to her.

My four sisters wanted me to secure permission to be at the cremation. Thats was too weird for me, and something I would not have survived. Being lowered in the ground is one thing, but cremated???? So I asked for one of them to volunteer.

Would they have left one of us ? A sister, I mean.

ps no reason to question the Funeral Parlor, just normal human inquisition, that is all.

 

[dexyboi86]

...Is a possible for two people to be buried in one casket?
For instance a mother and an infant child?

Although it is not too common, it is possible. Lots of considerations to be made though.

...My mother requested that a rather large crucifix be cremated with her. Were our chances pretty good that it was. It was turned over to the Funeral Director as there was no viewing per her will. We wonder sometimes if her last wishes were followed...

Speaking for ethical funeral directors everywhere, yes.
Any metal bits (or if it was metal itself) would be unrecognizable after the process and removed and discarded after the cremation.

...Would they have left one of us ? A sister, I mean...

Yes. You would have probably had to sign a paper, but it is just a formality.
This happens a lot, and you can see as much or as little of the process as you would like. Having seen it myself, I can tell you it is very dignified and not creepy. Except if they open the door...

Cremation...I have a feeling some of you might be interested in the process. Should I explain it?

 

[Endlight]

Yes please do, including amount of time for the process

 

[dexyboi86]

I'm very familiar with the cremation process but I say go for it.......

On another note though, a quite popular idea not that long ago was the "rent a casket"...
...[C]ame up with so many regulations and ridiculous requirements regarding the re-use of said "rent a casket" it became such a burden and added so much expense the whole thing went down the tubes.......
What's your take on this is?......

First, I hate rental caskets. It just seems dirty to me. Would you rent a wedding dress? Would you rent a matress? (okay ignore hotels) There are cheap cremation caskets. Use one of them. Also, the rules do make it hard on us. They get horrible lookign after a while, and storing the liners is a beast, and you have no matress control.


Cremation: the reduction of a corpse to its simplest elements by use of fire & heat.

The retort (cremation oven) is preheated to 600-800 degrees F. This sets up turbulence in the afterburner chamber. The operator confirms the identity of the body, and slides the encased body in, feet first.
As he closes the door, the container/body catches fire. Things are automated from there. The main burner (aimed at the chest) cycles on and off, maintaining the burn at about 1600 degrees F. The exhaust goes through the afterburner chamber, where it is scrubbed - it heats the exhaust such that there is no smoke or ash coming out the stack. When the body is totally burnt, the chamber goes through a cool down period. THis whole thing has taken about 2-3 hours, more or less.
The cremains (NOT ashes) are swept out with a long metal rake. Any metal pieces are removed with a magnet, and the cremains are put into a machine much like a food processor that reduces them to a sand-like consistency.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

about pictures

do a lot people take them?

when i went my aunts funeral in NYC my cousin gave me a camera at the cemetery.
to take pictures of the event
who would want pictures of that?
i was so distressed, but i did what he wanted because it was mom eh!

i walked around taking pictures of people and that damn hole in the ground
and that casket.

his wife came took the camera away from me at the end
asked if i was uncomfortable doing it
you think

then a month later they sent me the pictures
i shredded them without even looking at them

do a lot of people take pictures at funerals??

 

[dexyboi86]

...do a lot of people take pictures at funerals??

It happens, but not often, at least from my experience.

To some it seems a little tacky.

I know I don't want the 'last picture of mom' to be a funeral picture. Give me a picture of a birthday party or something.

 

[justjw]

Ever done a "white funeral" , white hearse, white clothes etc. ? (Do you háve a white hearse?? )

Suppose a Dutchie dies, and the body "turns up" at your place. The family back home wants the body to be transported back to the Netherlands for burial there. What do you do? Is there a special treatment of the body? Special casket/coffin ? Any Governmental red tape to cut through?

(I'm asking because a cousin of mine went missing in Spain, on a trek through the Pyrenees. His body/his remains were found about a year later, and the family had big troubles getting the remains back to Holland for a proper burial. According to Spanish law that was not allowed, and he hád to be cremated in Spain. Only then were his ashes/cremains "released" to the family)

 

[dexyboi86]

...The cool thing is, he's the only guy over the sheriff.

One of the perks of being coroner. You have power.

Ever done a "white funeral" , white hearse, white clothes etc. ? (Do you háve a white hearse?? )

I have never done one, but I like the idea. In fact, I was talking earlier today about the fact that I woudl liek a white funeral.
We don't have a white hearse, but we can (and have) borrow one from that funeral home over there *points across town*

Suppose a Dutchie dies, and the body "turns up" at your place. The family back home wants the body to be transported back to the Netherlands for burial there. What do you do? Is there a special treatment of the body? Special casket/coffin ? Any Governmental red tape to cut through?

According to Spanish law that was not allowed, and he hád to be cremated in Spain. Only then were his ashes/cremains "released" to the family)

I really don't have 'shipping regulatins' memorized. I use them so rarely, I just look them up in that book *points again* when I need to know.
Speaking in general terms, a body that is to be shipped should be embalmed strongly, and there are special shipping containers. Red Tape? Not really as much as you would think. Hoops, yes. Red Tape? No.

Sorry for the simple answer, but it is really situation-specific.

 

[NineOfClubs]

I've responded to an ad wanting help in a crematorium. Basically learning the trade.

I didn't get called in for an interview that time.

A few months later I answered the same ad again and appeared in person. Again, with no results.

So, are they looking for big, burly guys? Or what?

What does it take to break into this field?

 

[dexyboi86]

I've responded to an ad wanting help in a crematorium. Basically learning the trade.

I didn't get called in for an interview that time.

A few months later I answered the same ad again and appeared in person. Again, with no results.

So, are they looking for big, burly guys? Or what?

What does it take to break into this field?

What was the particular position they were hiring for? I need to know more. You can pm me if you want.