Ask the Undertaker!!

[Great Big C]

I'm just curious...

Do you find that families that have a strong "religious" or "faith" base...
deal with death easier than the non-believers?

Yeah, to a degree. It seems that everybody, though, is a lot more comfortable with death than they were just a few years ago.

I can say that working in the south, where there are a lot more religious people, there tends to be more "assurance" of something better. People , like dexyboi said, here seem to have a better acceptance of death than in other places I've worked.

A big change, though, that I've seen in recent years amongst the faithful and the atheistic is an attitude of "disposal". They seem to take the position that "that's not Mama anymore, now how do we get rid of the body?" It's a little strange for me, but I kind of understand it. Then again, funerals are for the living.

That said, I've had families break into fights during the arrangements conference, at visitations and at graveside. So I wouldn't necessarily say that they deal with death very well.

 

[Great Big C]

Flicked through the thread, and I don't think this has been asked before (If it has : my bad, sorry!)

Has the series "Six feet under" changed in any significant way how people regard you?
Where you were the "Black crow" before, are you're now the coolest kid in town (and every guy wants to date you)?
Okay, I'm pulling it into extremes here, but I'm sure you get the gist.

Series like "Forensic Detective" lead to an upsurge in students in Forensics, has a similar thing happened because of the series "Six Foot Under"? (I'm not in the US, so have no way of knowing)

If dexyboi doesn't mind, I'd like to hit this too - Six Feet Under from my perspective, having come from a very similar family / business structure, made people tremendously more aware of what we do and some of how we do it. And like dexyboi said, it gave people an opportunity to ask questions that they may have been afraid to ask. (i.e.: I saw David do such-n-such on SFU, do you do that in real life?)

The funeral business is not a secret society, nor is what we do clandestine - it's just that, at least until recently, people didn't want to know what we did because they didn't want to deal with death. Six Feet Under helped to change that stereotype of secrecy and seemed to give people permission to be curious and ask questions.

In my opinion, it definitely had an impact on young people - like dexyboi, who chose to come into the business. I've seen a lot more younger folks, and older ones too, starting in the business where they probably wouldn't have even considered it a few years ago. There a great new people, young and older, men and women, coming into the business now and it's great for the business, and it's great for anybody who will ever need the services of a funeral director. When I started in this business, those in it were primarily in it because that's what their family had done for generations, like me. Now we're seeing a huge influx of "first gen" funeral directors - people who chose to come into the biz despite not having a familial connection to it.

So, this was a long way of saying yes.

 

[star-warrior]

Have you ever done burials of a non-Christian nature?

 

[Great Big C]

Sorry to get so much into your thread, dexyboi, but I got a question by PM on the topic of "green burial", and since Pretty Pete has brought it up a couple of times, I thought I'd answer in open forum, if you don't mind.

Green burial is nothing new - in fact, it's been practiced for thousands of years. It is still the required method of burial for many religions including Orthodox Jews, many Quakers, Menonites, etc...

Green burial is simply burial without any form of embalming or chemical preservation. Generally it requires a simple burial shroud made of canvass or a simple solid wooden casket. (In the case of Orthodox Jews, the casket has to be made entirely of wood, contain no metal joinery or animal glues so that it may completely return to the earth.)

Many more people are choosing green burial now just because of the simplicity involved, and it's a fine way to be buried if it's your choice. One can have full memorial services with a green burial - because there is no embalming a public viewing may not be possible, but if you choose green burial you can tailor services the same as you would for any other type of funeral or cremation ceremony.

The only "issue" with green burial is finding a place that will allow it to take place. Because of possible underground water source contamination, many cemeteries will only allow green burial inside a grave vault if at all. The best place to find a green burial friendly cemetery is a Jewish cemetery, but if you're not Jewish, they may not allow you to be buried there. If you choose green burial, this is an aspect that needs to be worked out prior to death. There are cemeteries that specialize in green burial, and they are growing in number, but most faiths that bury green have there own church cemeteries and don't allow non-members into them.

 

[Great Big C]

Have you ever done burials of a non-Christian nature?

I routinely work with Jewish families, Christian families, and many, many services for families with no religious affiliation. I have also worked with Hindu, Muslim and Native American / First Nations families.

 

[dexyboi86]

Have you ever done burials of a non-Christian nature?

*gently knocks C off the podium and takes back over*
Haha, just kidding!

Of course I have! We bury anyone. When families come in, we say "what type of service did you have in mind", not "what time would you like your traditional stuffy service".

 

[star-warrior]

I asked because when my dad died, we had a christian chaplain come to our house, even though we weren't christians. He seemed to be the door keeper to the chapel where we attended his funeral, and we sang no hymns or anything.

I like your "We bury anyone" policy. It has a macabre tone to it

 

[dexyboi86]

Dexy's Mortuary

You stab 'em, we slab 'em.

 

[PreTTy PeTe]

is it the law that i have to be emblamed??

i perfer not to

 

[dexyboi86]

is it the law that i have to be emblamed??

i perfer not to

Not sure about Canada. I will try and find out.

I know that it is not law in the USA...however, it is required for many circumstances.

 

[dexyboi86]

Do you ever have a request for a fully open casket? both head and foot?

Do you know anyone that had been fired/arrested/reprimanded/....for necrophilia or strange behavior?

Thanks again.....

I have never heard of anyone getting in trouble for inappropriate behavior. The worst I have seen is us having to stop a casket jumper.

The casket open at the foot...absolutely.

You have your 'half couch':

And your 'full couch':

And for those of you still confused about the casket vs coffin thing, here is a coffin:

 

[JackFTwist]

maybe someday we'll do an ask the pastor thread - not to jump in where not wanted here, we have some excellent morticians posting here, I'd trust you all with my dead remains which will be cremains... i worked with a funeral home that did county funerals (unclaimed bodies) and this guy had been unclaimed for 3 weeks so he was of course cremated and I did a funeral expecting no one there - we just did that as respect for the dead - and lie 40 people show up! As I am doing the service I look at alll the shit they placed around the urn and it was all Nazi and white power shit - and I realized I was doiing a Michigan Militia funeral (ala Tim McVeigh) and I am thinking, if they know who is doing this funeral, they'll kill me -- naturally all these right wingers didn't claim the body so we had to bury the guy on the taxpayers dime

i have worked with a lot of good funeral homes and I appreciate the wisdom shared by them in this thread, you have done a real true service!

 

[wundersteve]

For how long can an embalmed body be viewable?
How long does it take for an embalmed body to decompose relatively thoroughly (or does it?)

 

[dexyboi86]

For how long can an embalmed body be viewable?
How long does it take for an embalmed body to decompose relatively thoroughly (or does it?)

Bodies are typically embalmed to last, and I quote "three to five days".

Embalmed bodies start to 'get a little bit funny' after something like a week or so, depending on the thoroughness of embalming. They do decompose, just slowly. That depends on soil temperature, body mass, and type of vault/casket.

I am unable to give you a time frame...maybe C or someone can help.

 

[Great Big C]

There's no timeframe, like dex said - and embalming is a process meant to retard, not prevent, natural decomposition. Usually, embalming is primarily meant to keep the body fresh for the public rituals, and slow the decomposition process subsequent to that.

There are, as dex pointed out, a number of variables including condition of the body, skill of the embalmer, chemicals and methods used for embalming, grave type (interment vs. mausoleum), acidity of soil, type of casket and vault (which determine elemental intrusion and body exposure to water), etc...

That said, speaking from my own experience, I have seen bodies that have decomposed rather quickly (like within weeks of burial) and, not long ago, I was attending an exhumation for a grave-move after 16 years of interment and the lady was in very good condition.


Thanks for the kind words, Jack. Dexyboi did a good thing with this thread, and has done a great job answering some hard questions.

 

[herenthere]

I would like to thank dexy and C for your time in answering these questions.

The unknown is always scary, and this thread has given us a chance to ask some questions that we have always wondered about.

Thanks guys for your kind compassionate answers!

 

[star-warrior]

Exhumations. When you're asked to do one, is there any special precautions you must take because of decomposition such as disease control etc?

In some traditional Chinese burials, the person is left to decompose for several years, and later exhumed and the bones cleaned. They are then placed in an earthenware jar with the bones placed upright in such as way as to be "sitting". A huge circular structure is placed over the buried urns in the form of a seat. The selection of the position is done by geomancers so that the spirit of the deceased may sit in the circular seat forever. My great grandfather had one built by my mum and dad some decades ago. I remember visiting it once on the top of a hill on a range overlooking a beautiful horse shoe bay. I would love a similar burial myself, but it is impractical nowadays.

Here is a link to a flickr photo with a monstrously huge edifice of a grave.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tastelikegood/80011091/

 

[justjw]

I would like to thank dexy and C for your time in answering these questions.

The unknown is always scary, and this thread has given us a chance to ask some questions that we have always wondered about.

Thanks guys for your kind compassionate answers!

I second that!!
Thanks all for giving us the opportunity of asking all those questions we always wanted to ask, but never knew whó or whére to ask!


Now, how did y'all "roll into" (as we'd call it) this business?
Was "it" there from early on, was there a defining moment in your lives, is there a history of morticians/funeral directors in the family, or did you just réally "roll into" the job?

And got a few questions about cremation:
-Are gold teeth (do they still exist, I wonder?) pulled before cremation?
-Flowers at a cremation are normally dumped in the skip once the ceremony is over here in Holland (On the one hand véry disrespectful, on the other hand: what dó you dó with them once the ceremony is over? Can't give them to a pensioner's home, or a hospital now can you.... ) Same in the US?
- Here in Holland, at a cremation, the coffin (we rarely use "caskets" here, they're a bit "over the top" for us Calvinist Dutch.... . "The Plainer the Better" and such.) either disappears behind a curtain, or is lowered into the ground. How long (in broad terms) does it take from the coffin disappearing from view to the actual cremation?

 

[dexyboi86]

1) My brother died several years ago and if this works I'd like to have him here with me. Is it hard to have someone moved after they've been buried.

It is doable, as long as there was no directives form him or someone with superior kinship otherwise. Assuming you are the next-of-kin or have the permission of them, you can. Be repared though...it may be expensive and there will be a ton of paperwork.

2) When we started the paperwork, the law stipulated that the area couldn't be near any water source (which I under stand) or near or under any electrical line. Any idea why? High tension wires are like 100 feet in the air or more...would they effect a dead body? A casket?

I have ideas, but I am not sure. Let's get C's opinion (he has a lotmore experence than me.)

Exhumations. When you're asked to do one, is there any special precautions you must take because of decomposition such as disease control etc?

Diseases, theoretically the embalming was good enough to render the body clean. You do have to be careful of noxious fumes and gases.

Boys, I have never done an exhumation, so I ama little unsure on the subject.

Now, how did y'all "roll into" (as we'd call it) this business?
Was "it" there from early on, was there a defining moment in your lives, is there a history of morticians/funeral directors in the family, or did you just réally "roll into" the job?

I am a first generation Funeral Director. I was just curious about all of this stuff...started doing some research, and realized that I wanted to do it!

And got a few questions about cremation:
-Are gold teeth (do they still exist, I wonder?) pulled before cremation?

They are removed from the cremains afterwards with a magnet.

-Flowers at a cremation are normally dumped in the skip once the ceremony is over here in Holland (On the one hand véry disrespectful, on the other hand: what dó you dó with them once the ceremony is over? Can't give them to a pensioner's home, or a hospital now can you.... ) Same in the US?

The skip?
After any service, no matter what the disposition, the flowers are under the control of the family. They tell us where to take them, which usually is some combination of: grave, home, church, nursing home, hospital.

-...How long (in broad terms) does it take from the coffin disappearing from view to the actual cremation?

Depeds on the facility. Could be anywhere from 5 minutes to several hours. In certain cases and depending on the time of day, it could even be the next day.

 

[star-warrior]

Does the coroner or the mortician piece back a dismembered body due to an accident or otherwise?