Being a gay male is a life ruiner. Reddit post.

[Taralen]

This pretty much nails it

Taralen - Why would or should anybody else love you when you don't even love yourself?

Back in my single days, I would go on dates and sometimes guys would subtly denigrate themselves or do something to show their low self-esteem and it would just be the biggest turn-off.

Confidence is the number one sexiest trait because it makes you look secure in yourself, makes the other person feel safe as well as reinforces the other person's decision to think its worth dating you.

Hey, if you don't even believe in yourself then why should anybody else? That's what most other gay men are probably thinking.

Based on your posts (especially in your other thread), it appears as if your strategy is to guilt men into dating or befriending you and this just doesn't work. The sad truth is that nobody owes you anything. Up your confidence game and you'll see better results in all areas of your life .

It's not that I don't love myself, I feel there is no motivation.

I mean, why show love continually to people who don't love you back.

I just feel I'm permanently scarred now, and it's too late.

When I see a guy my mood immediately changes, and I straighten the fuck up.

Especially if he loves me the same, then I can maybe calm myself down. But there are signs that he doesn't want to proceed, then I go back into that depressing circle.

But if (queer men included) call me a faggot or nigger or reject or ignore me, then it's no use. I then feel unmotivated.

I also feel these guys should understand my situation.

I also understand why other guys are upset and deal with their issues as well.

Being black and gay makes me feel sorry for others easier, and I don't' think it's right to tell people to mask their feelings, or say when they don't mask their feelings, it's low self esteem or complaining or whatever.

I wouldn't say it's trying to guilt trip men.

I would say I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm not motivated enough really, and I feel I'm damned if I do or don't, so might as well do what makes me happy and do things my way.

 

[medic1]

All i keep hearing is "I am black, gay and effeminate", over and over and over again.

Perhaps if you stopped throwing the dolls out of the pram, and take some responsibility, instead of throwing shade at everyone and everything. Your situation may change.

You have to love yourself before you can love another person. You are far too aggressive, telling us all to fuck off and that we don't understand you.

Newsflash: We understand you, the problem is you do not understand yourself.

 

[Cormac135]

 

[rareboy]

It's not that I don't love myself, I feel there is no motivation.

I mean, why show love continually to people who don't love you back.

I just feel I'm permanently scarred now, and it's too late.

When I see a guy my mood immediately changes, and I straighten the fuck up.

Especially if he loves me the same, then I can maybe calm myself down. But there are signs that he doesn't want to proceed, then I go back into that depressing circle.

But if (queer men included) call me a faggot or nigger or reject or ignore me, then it's no use. I then feel unmotivated.

I also feel these guys should understand my situation.

I also understand why other guys are upset and deal with their issues as well.

Being black and gay makes me feel sorry for others easier, and I don't' think it's right to tell people to mask their feelings, or say when they don't mask their feelings, it's low self esteem or complaining or whatever.

I wouldn't say it's trying to guilt trip men.

I would say I'll believe it when I see it.

I'm not motivated enough really, and I feel I'm damned if I do or don't, so might as well do what makes me happy and do things my way.

But you are very unhappy. The miles and miles of text complaining about how unhappy you are is taking up a lot of space.

Once again. You cannot fix yourself without help.

A boyfriend isn't going to fix you.

You seem to be in crisis for the last couple of weeks.

Please seek counselling.

 

[Taralen]

All i keep hearing is "I am black, gay and effeminate", over and over and over again.

Perhaps if you stopped throwing the dolls out of the pram, and take some responsibility, instead of throwing shade at everyone and everything. Your situation may change.

You have to love yourself before you can love another person. You are far too aggressive, telling us all to fuck off and that we don't understand you.

Newsflash: We understand you, the problem is you do not understand yourself.

I'm not telling you guys to fuck off.

I'm saying if you guys aren't willing to at least meet my halfway and understand why I'm mad, then I don't know.

I'm aggressive yes, but I'm still a nice person.

 

[Taralen]

But you are very unhappy. The miles and miles of text complaining about how unhappy you are is taking up a lot of space.

Once again. You cannot fix yourself without help.

A boyfriend isn't going to fix you.

You seem to be in crisis for the last couple of weeks.

Please seek counselling.

I'm unhappy yes, but it's okay to be unhappy.

So you want me to be a robot?

It's okay to be happy, unhappy, sad, indifferent, whatever.

As long as you're not hurting yourself or other people, which I'm not doing either.

I just have bouts of depression from being alone.

I don't want a boyfriend to fix me.

I want a boyfriend, as a test to say that being black and gay isn't bad.

To me a love from another man is the ultimate test, I'm sorry.

When a man is talking to you on the phone or texting whatever the fuck you prefer all night, and wants to kiss, and have sexual relations and sleep with you, that's love. I'm sorry.

 

[luckynumbah7]

I'm not telling you guys to fuck off.

I'm saying if you guys aren't willing to at least meet my halfway and understand why I'm mad, then I don't know.

I'm aggressive yes, but I'm still a nice person.

There is no ".....But but but I'm nice!" after you tell people to fuck off over the many threads and the imagined attacks on your person that you go to exceptional length to defend as the true cause of your misery. You need to take the responsibility.

Your 'halfway' is a full-run where you remain cemented at the starting line doing none of the work while your colleague bolts full circle to what? Kiss your ass when he arrives?

'Nice and aggressive' is an oxymoron when the anger is real.

 

[Taralen]

There is no ".....But but but I'm nice!" after you tell people to fuck off over the many threads and the imagined attacks on your person that you go to exceptional length to defend as the true cause of your misery. You need to take the responsibility.

Your 'halfway' is a full-run where you remain cemented at the starting line doing none of the work while your colleague bolts full circle to what? Kiss your ass when he arrives?

'Nice and aggressive' is an oxymoron when the anger is real.

Using big words doens't make what you said right.

My IQ isn't high enough (I've never done an IQ test, but I shockingly think my IQ is quite low) for that shit. Such complex vocabulary. Ugh.

But I think what you were trying to say, is that I'm being a hypocrite or whatever.

I'm asking more than what I can give pretty much?

All I can say to that is maybe you were misunderstood.

I'm saying let me have the right to have my feelings and be mad.

Until I'm given evidence or reason to be happy.

I also can't do certain things straight guys can do, so it makes it harder.

This community is already divisive as is trying to single guys out by type and group.

It's sad that the type of guys I'm attracted to like the word "bear", that's so sad.

A straight girl being attracted to a bigger man, is just her being attracted to a damn man. Smh.

 

[Dominus]

Why do I think if you were straight you'd be complaining about why girls don't want to date you?

 

[Taralen]

Why do I think if you were straight you'd be complaining about why girls don't want to date you?

Because I wouldn't be.

I already explained the very low gay population, if it wasn't in this thread, it was in another.

That is reason enough for me to be depressed.

It's also because I'm black as well. In addition to being gay.

Black men are supposed to be masculine and have that swagger.

Not to be feminine and homosexual.

Even an atypical straight black man, is still able to have success because he's straight.

Being gay and black just makes it harder.

I feel what I'm attracted to, which are bigger and bear guys, don't like me back.

Whereas straight women love a guy who has swagger or attitude to him.

Fuck there are more options for straight people.

Not only are most queer men racist as fuck. (yes you guys are.)

I just feel gay men aren't attracted to guys like me. Or the type of guys I'm attracted to as well.

Whereas being straight, it's whatever. It's natural for men and women to fall in love with whatever.

However with two men, there has to be exceptions or rules. So.

It's just hard, and I feel hopeless.

I mean if this blog isn't full of actors (which I'm sure it is. Happenis1 who you can see him and his partner featured on it, is also on this blog, is also an actor who's a social media personality. So that's an exception, not the rule.) I'm just unmotivated.

http://colorfulqueers.tumblr.com/archive

 

[Dominus]

^^^ And I have already said I refuse to believe the gay population is as low as you say. I have met and continue to meet too many gay people randomly. I'm an ugly mother fucker. In any other century, I probably would have been in a circus. OK, that was an exaggeration, but know that I absolutely do not fall within the range of what most gay men find as beautiful. Back when, I never had trouble finding a bf. I dated guys left and right long before I found out about dating sites and apps.

Let me bring you in on something. Black fems are a hot item. I love them. I know plenty of guys who love them.

I'm sorry, I just don't experience the gay apocalypse that you say you experience.

Edit.

My husband and I are interracial. We are millenials. And no, we have no desire to post our pics on any website. We just want to live our lives in peace without drawing attention to ourselves. Most gay couples we have run into feel the same way. So, I don't much care for that website. To me, those guys are attention whores. My husband has a hot lean body. I'm more muscle and bulky. We have no desire to post porno pics of ourselves.

 

[Taralen]

^^^ And I have already said I refuse to believe the gay population is as low as you say. I have met and continue to meet too many gay people randomly. I'm an ugly mother fucker. In any other century, I probably would have been in a circus. OK, that was an exaggeration, but know that I absolutely do not fall within the range of what most gay men find as beautiful. Back when, I never had trouble finding a bf. I dated guys left and right long before I found out about dating sites and apps.

Let me bring you in on something. Black fems are a hot item. I love them. I know plenty of guys who love them.

I'm sorry, I just don't experience the gay apocalypse that you say you experience.

Edit.

My husband and I are interracial. We are millenials. And no, we have no desire to post our pics on any website. We just want to live our lives in peace without drawing attention to ourselves. Most gay couples we have run into feel the same way. So, I don't much care for that website. To me, those guys are attention whores. My husband has a hot lean body. I'm more muscle and bulky. We have no desire to post porno pics of ourselves.

I can understand that.

But it's very rare I see gay couples in public due to how complicated being a gay man is in public life.

Or at gay events, it seems I don't see gay guys who look like me with a man, ever.

I don't know.

I wouldn't say they are attention whores, but I think some of those people are genuine, the others are not.

I think the main problem is just motivation.

I'm into more geeky and dorky guys that also are kinda robust and stocky as well. If you want to be technical, a bear I guess. Those guys for the most part seem to be into guys that are like them, and more masculine guys. I don't know any that are attracted to a gay guy like me.

I just don't see any non sexual or non kink motivation towards it.

 

[Dominus]

I can understand that.

But it's very rare I see gay couples in public due to how complicated being a gay man is in public life.

But I've been trying to tell yiu that it is not complicated to be a gay man. If you ever see us in person, you will know instantly that we are a gay couple. Yes, we are that obvious.

Or at gay events, it seems I don't see gay guys who look like me with a man, ever.

PM me an appropriate picture and let me be the judge of that.

I don't know.

I wouldn't say they are attention whores, but I think some of those people are genuine, the others are not.

I think the main problem is just motivation.

I'm into more geeky and dorky guys that also are kinda robust and stocky as well. If you want to be technical, a bear I guess. Those guys for the most part seem to be into guys that are like them, and more masculine guys. I don't know any that are attracted to a gay guy like me.

I just don't see any non sexual or non kink motivation towards it.

Trust me, no matter what you look like there is always someone out there for you.

 

[Taralen]

Nobody here hates you except you. You are still young but you will learn; with age comes self acceptance, respect and peace. I just hope you learn that while you have some life left to enjoy. Remember, like attracts like. Happy people want to be around happy people. Try it.

What if I don't want a happy man though?

What the fuck is happy?

I don't' see myself sadly changing though. I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

I feel I'd rather a guy love me the way I am now, than to conform myself to be better perceived by others.

 

[Cormac135]

What if I don't want a happy man though?

What the fuck is happy?

I don't' see myself sadly changing though. I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

I feel I'd rather a guy love me the way I am now, than to conform myself to be better perceived by others.

But haven't you learnt by now that nobody will love you the way you are now.

You'll get further with a smile than a frown.

 

[rareboy]

What if I don't want a happy man though?

What the fuck is happy?

I don't' see myself sadly changing though. I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

I feel I'd rather a guy love me the way I am now, than to conform myself to be better perceived by others.

The only way that is going to happen is if you end up in a co-dependent, destructive relationship.

You need to change yourself.

Again, please start talking to an actual counsellor who can get you beyond this yawing abyss of negativity that you ahve carved out for yourself.

 

[Sebazz]

I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

Why do you ask for help then?

 

[Dominus]

 

[ballcaphair]

What if I don't want a happy man though?

What the fuck is happy?

I don't' see myself sadly changing though. I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

I feel I'd rather a guy love me the way I am now, than to conform myself to be better perceived by others.

I think life will change us all and perception is such a personal thing. Advice from my personal experience is: don't suppose anything and that will give you a little slack.

 

[mikey3000]

What if I don't want a happy man though?

What the fuck is happy?

I don't' see myself sadly changing though. I still want to keep my attitude and personality like this.

I feel I'd rather a guy love me the way I am now, than to conform myself to be better perceived by others.

Then I suggest you start looking for love (?) in more appropriate places: jail, mental health institutions, grave yards, North Korea...

Wow. Just