On Topic Discussion Being Out and Proud offers little in return

[bankside]

(btw... my face is 1/4 paralyzed which explains what you call the "constipated look" on my face. Yeah, it sucks, but meh... if life was easy, everybody would have one.)

¼ paralyzed?

No such thing. The other ¾ of your face is just too chicken to come out of the closet.

You could run for PM, and win. How's your French? Sure, people might question your work experience but you just make films about fucking, while the current guy has been actually fucking us for almost 10 years.

 

[IamNoah]

Good point! But while being out can serve to help those who come behind me, doing so requires a bit of martyrdom I'm not sure I can afford.

None of us must do anything in particular. For me being out is a moral necessity.

 

[Soilwork]

I didn't mean any disrespect.

none was taken. hurting my feelings is impossible. I've been called every name you could imagine.... and... nothing. I was born with an iron skin.

 

[Soilwork]

How's your French?

when I was in college, I used to use "Tomorrow morning I want your pants on my floor" as a pickup line in Montreal. I used very bad French.

Worked every time.

 

[Soilwork]

I disagree with you. Vehemently. And will ignore your weird personalization and anecdotes here. I have no response to them.

So... don't tell you that my experience is different than yours because that would... confuse you?

I will say, however, that the spaces I move in are almost entirely affluent and white. I find relatively few spaces that do not fit this description comfortable. But I do not speak of the ephemera of personal experiences--which excepting a very rough period of time in my late teens has not been particularly unpleasant.

Please do not diagnose me as needing better taste in friends or not looking in the right places because I disagree with you. Otherwise I might be tempted to use you as a proxy for persons you oughtn't serve as a proxy for.

I've tried to be very careful in this response.

So careful that I have no idea what you said whatsoever. like really... I can't figure out what you mean.

You can be a dick to me, if you have to... I honestly don't get what you're saying here.

 

[IamNoah]

So... don't tell you that my experience is different than yours because that would... confuse you?



So careful that I have no idea what you said whatsoever. like really... I can't figure out what you mean.

You can be a dick to me, if you have to... I honestly don't get what you're saying here.

I'm explicitly trying not to be a dick, which does not come naturally to me.

Your first response, the one ending "confuse you" is not representative of a way in which you will ever speak to me again and receive a civil response--I know how that must sound, but really, I can do no better. On a more petty level your response, ignoring what I just complained of, makes no sense to me--I haven't done anything nearly so vulgar and sloppy as attempt to argue from "my experience." My assumption was that most adults here would be very careful not to attempt to form opinions about such matters on their experience, or if they have done so, certainly not to be so unformed and infantile as to argue from their experience. Which I'll say plainly is not something I'd ever do.

As for the portion ending "I honestly don't get what you're saying here." if you are unable to understand your words, followed by my best attempt at responding to them, then there's little I can do. We use language in different ways. Which is fine.

 

[88Jockstraps]

I'm sorry people have hurt you or neglected you. Everyone's experience is different and diverse, negative and positive.

Some are more negative than others based on setting, timing, and just plain dumb luck.

But being out just means being comfortable with yourself and having a lot less stressful life from fear or anger.

 

[Soilwork]

if you are unable to understand your words, followed by my best attempt at responding to them,

Oh I can understand my words. It's yours that make no sense at all.

 

[IamNoah]

Oh I can understand my words. It's yours that make no sense at all.

Then for the second time I must conclude that you are a fool. You may have the last word if you need it.

 

[Soilwork]

Then for the second time I must conclude that you are a fool. You may have the last word if you need it.

You can conclude anything you want... it doesn't change the fact that you make no sense at all and clearly aren't capable of forming words into sentences that make sense and say... things.

 

[zoltanspawn]

I know there are mainstream and popular gay communities that are racist. But I don't like the idea that there's somehow one 'gay culture' that is by nature racist.

There are, rather, multiple gay communities.

And I think many of them are not racist.

Is there not a community of non-racist gays here on JUB?

 

[Soilwork]

I know there are mainstream and popular gay communities that are racist. But I don't like the idea that there's somehow one 'gay culture' that is by nature racist.

There are, rather, multiple gay communities.

And I think many of them are not racist.

Well and thats really it. It's like saying "Straight people are all racist and I know because I have to deal with straight people all the time."

Maybe you just know a bunch of assholes who are also straight.

But it's easier to sit at home and complain for some people... and it's apparently also possible to try so hard to come across as some sort of pseudo-intellctual that nothing you say makes any sense at all.

 

[IamNoah]

Well and thats really it. It's like saying "Straight people are all racist and I know because I have to deal with straight people all the time."

Maybe you just know a bunch of assholes who are also straight.

But it's easier to sit at home and complain for some people... and it's apparently also possible to try so hard to come across as some sort of pseudo-intellctual that nothing you say makes any sense at all.

This is directed at me. Mayhap I do not make sense to you. Obviously I do not as every response I've made to you on this thread has been an attempt at de-escalating or flatly avoiding a flame war with you, excepting only when I called you a fool, that is my honest opinion, and has been since our first interaction, elsewhere, but was needlessly confrontational.

If you fail to understand what I've said, the failure might be on account of: 1) one of us not being very smart (my belief that you are stupid and do not understand how to form opinions/make arguments about serious matters) 2) Us differing vastly in communication style. 3) One or both of us paying too little attention to the words being written by the other party.

You seem to desire this sordid and coarse public exchange to continue, I do not. I find it vulgar and ungentlemanly. But sadly, I cannot exercise self-control when being baited, I'm just not made that way, we have misunderstood one another I assume. Please as my elder I ask you to help me avoid some futile and endless argument on the internet. I shan't be able to do it on my own. Pity me for my pseudo-intellectual posturing, etc, and leave off mentioning it.

 

[Soilwork]

I'm starting to think the reason you have no friends has nothing to do with your race, Bae.

 

[Soilwork]

And of course... you don't really think I'm stupid. You're trying (unsuccessfully) to hurt my feelings. It's how people like you tend to operate.

 

[72-Jay]

Being in the closet is extremely detrimental to your outlook on life and on your personal well being.

For some people that might be true, but for myself I don't see it that way.

I've admitted to myself/accepted the fact that I ain't straight, and as far as I'm concerned ... myself is the only one who needs to know.
(there was a time when I disliked the fact & even wanted to erase any gay thoughts/feelings I had..but with time I got past that )

Do I see being closeted as lessening the chance of ever finding a boyfriend? To that one I'd have to admit 'likely yes' ...but ... "lessening the chance" really doesn't mean much because there's so many other things that make that chance so slim-to-none anyway.

Yeah, I have to say that that part of his answer to me was the most confusing. One of his biggest problems was that gay people all just center around sex and only make friends after they have sex first...

I told him that no.. if you meet your friends through shared interests like joining a gay baseball team or joining a political action group or a hiking club... that's a great way to meet other gay men and make friends that doesn't start with sex....

I did join a gay hiking meetup group (a suggestion I actually got here on jub) & was looking forward to maybe going on a few of their hikes this summer (rather than always going hiking by myself) .. ofcourse my old age & bad knees had other plans for me.

I have heard things along his lines of "gay people all just center around sex" thing
To me the keyword there is all . yeah I'm sure some gay guys do fit that stereotype, but not all. lol

 

[zombiekiller]

Wow, and I thought I was immature.

 

[Soilwork]

I did join a gay hiking meetup group (a suggestion I actually got here on jub) & was looking forward to maybe going on a few of their hikes this summer (rather than always going hiking by myself) .. ofcourse my old age & bad knees had other plans for me.

I got invited to join a group of gay guys who like to play board games on the weekends. That actually sounded like a blast, but I'm seldom in the same city every weekend so wasn't able to join up. Still... might be something you might want to even try to start. Call a few friends, get a couple board games... let the martinis flow. Sounds like fun to me...

 

[JayQueer]

I got invited to join a group of gay guys who like to play board games on the weekends. That actually sounded like a blast, but I'm seldom in the same city every weekend so wasn't able to join up. Still... might be something you might want to even try to start. Call a few friends, get a couple board games... let the martinis flow. Sounds like fun to me...

How do you get invited to those clubs? I want to meet other gay men (not for sex) but I don't know if they have clubs like that in Orange county.

 

[Soilwork]

How do you get invited to those clubs? I want to meet other gay men (not for sex) but I don't know if they have clubs like that in Orange county.

Honestly? I put myself out there. The guy who invited me was introduced to me at BentCon last December... the guy who introduced us was the guy who directed the gay comedy movie I edited last year. It turned out that the guy who invited me knew one of my friends from my motorcycle club through work and he and I friended each other on Facebook... and when he decided to start those game nights, he invited me since he and I have had some nice interactions there... (amazingly enough I'm not always an aggressive a-hole online).

So... I guess the answer is "I get out and try to make friends and meet people and make myself available... friends will introduce you to more friends and eventually you find your own niche"

Good luck... it's not always easy to find your place but it's worth it.