I disagree I suggest you read dwight mcbride book why I hate ambercrombie and Fitch. Mcbride talks about the sexual organization of the city and how it relates to gay black men. WHITENESS IS ON CONSIDERED THE APEX OF THE GAY COMMUNITY. The white guys not saying all but plenty treat black gay men as a sexual fetish. The hard part is meeting other openly gay black men who are willing and able to date another black guy. It is not easy. Next you got the black gay men who are out yet have an attitude and prefer only white men.
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On Topic Discussion Being Out and Proud offers little in return
- Thread starter -Kane-
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It isn't fair that you know everything about him and he know nothing about you.
How can there be a fair debate if he know nothing about you ?
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It's called being selective to who you come out to, but if that's considered "in the closet" by your standards then so be it.
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Not trying to get involved in this but to me, this sounds like a way for you to gain sympathy and make the thread about you... again. Your facial expression in your avatar has nothing to do with facial paralysis. You were trying to look like you're screaming and like you're tough on purpose and it actually made you look constipated to some people.
You don't need to be the star of every topic... just saying.
For me, I hang out with life long friends who I met in college. A couple of them are my ex's. I think you're better off finding very good friends from some kind of same background, like school or work. There's a lot of self-important drama queens out there. The grass may look like it's greener on the other side, but in fact it's not.
S
Soilwork
Guest
I honestly don't know if he was referring to my avatar or not. That picture was originally from a thread we had here years ago called "Post your current mood" and I was in a very shitty one.
I've talked about my facial paralysis here before. It was due to a botched wisdom tooth removal. The only reason I bring it up is that it looks... weird. When I talk, when I smile and when I'm just standing there and am worried I'm drooling without knowing it. I was saying that one doesn't have to be a hot man that everyone wants to sleep with to have friends. And who wants that kind of "friend" anyway?
Taz
JUB Addict
Another thread turned into "my personal experience trumps yours and should be considered global."
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Years ago on JUB, I asked what my role was when it came to race threads, as part of the oppressive majority.
I shouldn't give advice in them, naturally. What advice could I give? "Speaking as someone who has never encountered this, and is in fact is probably utterly incapable of understanding the scope and the severity of the problem, my advice to you would be..."
No need to give my personal views. Unless you need another voice adding to the choir of mainstream media depiction of male homosexuality, I guess.
I can't ignore the threads - to do so is to ignore the problem, yes?
I don't recall who finally said it, but it was short and to the point.
Shut up.
Read.
And try to learn.
Ends up I suck at all three. But most of you figured that out from the outset.
Lex
I shouldn't give advice in them, naturally. What advice could I give? "Speaking as someone who has never encountered this, and is in fact is probably utterly incapable of understanding the scope and the severity of the problem, my advice to you would be..."
No need to give my personal views. Unless you need another voice adding to the choir of mainstream media depiction of male homosexuality, I guess.
I can't ignore the threads - to do so is to ignore the problem, yes?
I don't recall who finally said it, but it was short and to the point.
Shut up.
Read.
And try to learn.
Ends up I suck at all three. But most of you figured that out from the outset.
Lex
Mitchymo
Porn Star
I really wish out and proud was changed to out and happy, since the pride part only exists in the beginning.....then its like "can we shut up about me being gay, cos thats just a part of me, i'm more than that" which is how it should be. Being gay is only a problem when you treat it as a problem.....or when other people do....but then it is just their problem, no skin off your nose.
In that respect being out and proud does offer little, you've got to put the effort in to reap rewards. Its not like the heavens are gonna bestow a gift of happiness upon you simply because you achieved a proud moment in your life.
In that respect being out and proud does offer little, you've got to put the effort in to reap rewards. Its not like the heavens are gonna bestow a gift of happiness upon you simply because you achieved a proud moment in your life.
Vitamin
Perpetual Misspeeler
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I noticed that too. I thought that Pride was about the "we" not the "I". I didn't know it was an appropriate place to bring up how you grew up in the country, learned to fight, and beat up your entire high school football team after one of them called you a faggot. I thought it was about coming together and supporting one another. Just my take-away from Stonewall. Silly me.
S
Soilwork
Guest
to be fair... it's your life and your business who you tell.
But that's "in the closet" by pretty much everyone's standards.
xbuzzerx
CE&P Secret Police
That can't possibly be true, because everyone's threshold for where it will (or even should) come up as a topic or point of conversational interest with everyone you encounter in life is going to vary.
If he doesn't tell his waiter at a restaurant "I need a gay table for 1', is he in the closet? By your definition, he is. Actually you said it was "everyone's standards."
S
Soilwork
Guest
Yes. I said if you don't come out to your waiter even if they don't ask, that's "in the closet." That's what I "actually" said.
And monkeys flew out of my butt.
What I ACTUALLY said (and you know this, so stop pretending otherwise) is that unless you're out to everyone in your life (which doesn't have to include the water at Chili's), you're technically in the closet. Yes, everyone can make up their own decisions on that and blah blah blah this is so fucking boring I'm glad I have a spine. But if the people at your job aren't aware that you're gay because you've lead them to believe otherwise or gone out of your way to avoid the topic...it's your choice and business... but you're still in the closet at work. If your mom doesn't know because you don't think it's "her business who I'm fucking," again... it's your business but you ARE in the closet within your own family.
If you have "gay friends" who know and "straight friends" who don't... you're in the closet.
If the reason for not telling people is that "they'd see me differently," it's your choice.. I don't really care... but I do think it's sad that you live your own life on someone else's standards and not your own.
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... again you're bring way too much to the table. We don't all need to know about something that happened in your life in every post. You're giving way too much information that nobody asked for.
more information that nobody asked for... and this is your opinion. Being out to every single person in your life isn't necessary and that doesn't mean someone is "in the closet". This is especially true in a work environment. Not everyone works in gay porn.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
My definition (which seems to work) of "out" is
1. Those closest to me know.
2. I don't care who else knows.
It's that last part that people get hung up on. I don't know if my butcher or the guy three doors down or (yes) the waiter at Chili's knows I'm gay. But my point is - I don't CARE if they know. I don't mind bringing up my boyfriend or my attraction to guys to these people. Quite often, it doesn't come up. But if it does, I won't bother playing pronoun games under the guise of "it's none of their business".
Lex
1. Those closest to me know.
2. I don't care who else knows.
It's that last part that people get hung up on. I don't know if my butcher or the guy three doors down or (yes) the waiter at Chili's knows I'm gay. But my point is - I don't CARE if they know. I don't mind bringing up my boyfriend or my attraction to guys to these people. Quite often, it doesn't come up. But if it does, I won't bother playing pronoun games under the guise of "it's none of their business".
Lex
luckynumbah7
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Agree with the definitions but I'd modify number 2. There's being honest and then there's being stupid in potentially dangerous situations. Like being alone on the subway with some aggressive cis prick whose bitching about all the trans people around due to a conference but he'd really like to help your disabled ass get where it's going - as a for-instance. Dunno how many problematically physically painful situations openly gay men get in, my roomie is generally pretty safe even though his presence screams twink. When read as trans the danger needle tends to skyrocket so when out at night in a musical bar, say, we usually stay in groups. And if one of us is passing as cis we usually keep quite since alcohol + drunk people often equals at the minimum, harassment.
But I wouldn't call that the closet since the closet has heavy connotations of shame about it. There's a distinct lack of shame with my people when we're saving our ass. That and it's damned tiring to get labelled as 'that tranny' wherever you're going. It's easier to get people acclimated to your presence first and then you can let your hair down with some history, ease people into it if possible.
Aha! It isn't so much caring what others think of you because "he might not like me" as caring what others think of you when they have clear power over you. I'm not going to say "yes I'm bi/trans" when some bigot demands an answer and is clearly looking for an arguement. I'll still be a fucking dick to him because I 'won't fit his parameters', and hopefully the extreme rudeness plus overall aggression will get him to shut the fuck up the next time he wants to ask a question. But I sure as shit aren't going to say "yes" because socially trans people are fair game and fuck knows the cops don't like us.