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Confused

Well, I don't think those dreams/feelings will ever go away. But eventually you won't want them to anymore and it will be much better. And by all means keep posting, I like the updates and if people don't, they don't have to open the thread.

And please tell me that isnt' you in your avatar, if so....well you would be in my thoughts more often
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Haha, ditto. That's a great pic... so keep posting and we can see it more often.
 
Hey, Jock -- been a while!

Jordan, he's right -- odds are the feelings won't go away. If they do, be happy and move on -- if they don't, well... be happy, and move on.
If that sounds contradictory, there's no help for it. But it's like this: those dreams and desires are part of you, like it or not. To be whole, you have to welcome them -- not just accept, but welcome. That doesn't mean you have to act them out, just that you let them be a part of you as much as anything else, and be glad about it.

If you still can't grasp that... well, if you're a sci-fi / fantasy fan at all, read Ursula K. LeGuinn's Wizard of Earthsea trilogy, which is basically a commentary on the concept.
 
Hey guys havent had time to post lately because i started a new job. And i have been working really long hours. Nothing much as changed but my job. My gf is still looking like she has a watermelon tucked under her shirt and she is doing the waddle now so i am thinking wont be long. Other than that everything is the same. Thought i would stop in and say hi to everyone. Jordan
 
axeman_jordan said:
Hi guys this is my first post and i am already asking advice from you. I am 22 and been seeing a girl for bout 2 years ( who is also now pregnant with my kid), and lately my eyes have been wondering to the guys, and i am finding myself wanting to explore things further. But i still love my girlfriend and after all she is having my kid so i dont just want to up and leave. I dont know what to do and my head is totally confused. I am always having gay dreams and thinking about being with a guy. I like being with my girlfriend but feel something is missing. Does this sound stupid?? So i guess i am asking for your feedback and opinions on what i should do. Thanks :help:
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Personally I have no idea. Because I am not in a situation like that. Except that we are the same age.

I would explain to her what is going on, and what both of you can do about it? What your comfort zones are? Cause in a loving relationship, you goota be able to talk about things. No mater what the outcome? But, maybe slowly go into it and explore it a little more and gradually blurt out little comments about something that you like or are attracted to. Thats how I did it. But i didn't come out with a girlfriend. I have only had one, and that was the biginning of my senior year and lasted only four months. Before! i started coming out. So it may be a challenging thing to do now that you are in a relationship and a child is on the way.

Since you aren't married though, you don't have the whole divorce thing straining you down. So thats a good thing. Don't think about the things that are coming your way though. 'Cause that makes things more difficult to discuss or think about.
 
Hey Jordan,
Mate....I have just sat here glued to the screen - read this whole forum...couldnt stop! If it is a soap opera or a drama like you say then mate we have the perfect leading man in the role...strong, honest, upstanding, loyal. I'm a little in awe of you mate...to stand strong in the face of whats been going on...well its something you should be really really proud of.

My only thoughts are this. You have carried this massive burden around by yourself now... the parents, gf, baby, bi thing, the previous expereiment at work, dreams...all of it. Sooner or later it will get heavier than you can bear. The councellor thing was a wash...and it doesnt surprise me because you feel you need answers now...not when it suits them to arrive at them. Dont blame you at all there!!!!!

To me you have the perfect support mechanism by your side. Your gf. Mate...you guys obviously have more that just a baby in common. You have a connection and and a new found trust in each other to support each other. You have stood side by side up until now through all this...and you said you love her and thats obvious too by your actions.

But part of that love and trust means you have to be completely honest with her....everyday. And its funny...its only the first few days that it seems hard...after that its part of life. Tell her every day about your dreams. Your fanatsies. Your worries about this part of your life. In the same way that you have supported each other...the underlying reason this has all happened is still there...unresolved. I'm not saying act on it right now but you need to find a way to share the load. And really mate...she knows whats going on. Shes not stupid...why are you guys in the position you are? The resturant senario earlier was the greatest chance to be honest with her and show her how even though you are confused and scared...above all right now you are loyal, loving kind and considerate of her and the situation that you find yourselves in. And thats not going to change.

You have a whole lot of pressure about to arrive on your doorstep in the form of a baby...and the relationship will change again. It will be the greatest thing and it will just reinforce your bonds...but your thoughts will not change. Its who you are and both of you guys need to accept that. You can be the greatest father in the world (and I think you'll go bloody close by your actions up until now!) regardless of who you are attracted to.

You and your gf above all things need to be freinds. Its what makes str8 relationships work and gay ones to. And part of that is honesty - complete honesty. Helping each other in any way...be it changing a dirt nappy (diaper...?????spelling...sorry mate not a word we use here!) to sharing your innermost secrets and fears. You need a long term relationship with this girl no matter what unfolds with the other aspects of your life...and the bonds of freindship are the strongest ones there are. And by sharing your thoughts and fears you reinforce those bonds. The greatest relationships no matter what form they take are based on truth...its just too hard to lie and hide forever. Be honest with her mate...and let her be there for you a little. You need that...and more importantly deserve it. I'm sure she will understand.

You need to be happy in yourself so you can be all you have to be for her...and your child. Its a two way street.

God I wish you well!!!! You guys deserve so much joy and happiness! Good luck Jordan...you are in my thoughts now!!! Please look after yourself....and let us know how you are going!!!
 
Just call me dad now, :D :D :D :D :D :D :D as of Tuesday morning at 7:30 i am the proud dad of a baby boy!!!!!!!! 8lbs 5 oz 21 inches long with a head full of hair. Everyone is now home and HAPPY. Her parents still arent talking to us or havent even seen the baby, but quite frankly i really dont care right now. My parents are helping us and right now i am on top of the world. Talk to ya all later, if i was in front of you all in person i would give ya all a cigar ..| Jordan
 
Congrats Axeman! I'm afraid I've come late to the party but after reading your story...wow. You've a Hero in my books man! You've held up under pressure like nobody's business and I truly hope that you find what your looking for. Your young and it's not easy trying to figure out your place in this world. Wow....the stress you have had to face..I don't think....scratch that....I know I could not do what you have done. You truly are a man. Good luck to you and please keep us posted! I for one will be check back here now that I know of this post!

Good luck!
 
:wow: That's great! :hurray:

Sounds like big healthy baby. Now the real fun begins, right?

Guarantee you that gf's parents will come around. And when they do, maybe that would be a good time to wipe the slate clean. Don't hold the past against them if they're willing to treat you decent now.

Your kid will really benefit from two sets of loving grandparents and it's worth swallowing your pride a little to make that happen. Just don't let them give you too much shit....
 
Gongratualtions daddy! I have read this entire thread and you are awesome. I am still married AJ and I wish I had the strength that you do. I am out to my wife now but I don't have any outside relationships because I love her and she is a great friend. I just don't feel that I can make changes in my life.

You on the other hand are being honest with your gf and there is no reason to feel you have to be married. You can be friends and you can be a great father, which I suspect you will be. Just be honest always with her AJ, she is the mother of your son. You are so awesome!
 
Just read through this and sympathise with your situation.

I note you said that you and your g/f had agreed to remain non-sexual until there's more clarity. That's a good idea, but it touches on what had been bugging me since I began to read. I assume the pregnancy was unplanned and this makes me wonder if you'd been practising safe sex and using condoms?

Should you decide to follow up on your attraction towards men then it's even more imperative that you get yourself fully informed about safe sex and how to use condoms correctly.
 
CONGRATULATIONS JORDAN!!!

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YOU'LL MAKE A GREAT DAD!​
 
spreadeagle said:
Just read through this and sympathise with your situation.

I note you said that you and your g/f had agreed to remain non-sexual until there's more clarity. That's a good idea, but it touches on what had been bugging me since I began to read. I assume the pregnancy was unplanned and this makes me wonder if you'd been practising safe sex and using condoms?

Should you decide to follow up on your attraction towards men then it's even more imperative that you get yourself fully informed about safe sex and how to use condoms correctly.
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Yes the pregnancy was unplanned, but on the other hand the last week as been the best week of my life and i wouldnt change anything at all if i had to choose again. And on the note of safe sex , condoms are not 100% effective. yes they are pretty close but there are some people (women and men) who are allergic to the latex. Also with other forms of birthcontrol such as the pill , there are medicines that decrease the effect of them. So there are many circumstances that might come in play. I am not trying to be pissy or an asshole just trying to state my case and that there are other circumstances that come into to play. I am well informed on practicing safe sex. I also believe that things happen for a reason and that it was meant to be that i am now a dad. My girlfirend and I have drawn closer than we ever have been the last week. And my son is the BEST thing that has ever happened in my life and already has his dad wrapped around his finger. As for my gf's parents i tried to be the better man and call them and invite them over to see the baby and they hung up on me and havent bothered to call and check on us so i figure its their loss. My parents are great and been helping as much as they can. My new job that i mentioned in a previous post is actually working for my fathers business. So things are going good. LOL i dont even mind changing the dirty diapers.:eek: well guys just wanted to let ya know that things are going ok. Talk to ya all later and thanks for being supportive of me. Jordan
 
I am so glad that you are doing well. Love has many manifestations. You feel a deep love for your gf and your son. It is so awesome. I have 5 girls. I wish however that I had been true to myself becasue I am sad that I have no sexual relationship in my life and have always felt a certain emptyness. Good luck to you. and Choose well.
 
Great news Jordan! Congrats on your new son! Glad that things are going well for you. Thanks for the update!
 
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