Dad found history on my laptop :|

[marcelloNYC]

I did not know I was bisexual until about 2 years ago, but when I was in my mid twenties my dad approached me with my mom and said, "your my son and I love you, if you are gay it is ok with me."

I replied, "thanks Dad, and on behalf of all my gay friends they thank you also, but I am not gay!" I honestly had no idea or looking back now - Denial lol.

Now years latter I have no idea how to bring this up with him and I am waiting for that opening which I am realizing may never come.

My point is, don't let this opportunity pass you by, you may regret it in the future.

i actually want the world to eat me up lol

i came in from the gym and my dad confronted me about the history on my laptop (should have deleted but forgot) and asked me all about it, and i'm a private person and haven't come out yet to more than 2 or 3 friends and it was so uncomfortable! he said i have no 'gay qualities' at all which makes it strange, which is true as i'm just a lads lad really

it's so weird because i don't even know how to deal with myself nevermind with my parents knowing! i feel like they'll act differently towards me even though they probably wont.


i don't know why i'm posting this, it just helps me deal with a very awkward afternoon.

at 21 years old it's all very hard lol

 

[spencer]

I did not know I was bisexual until about 2 years ago, but when I was in my mid twenties my dad approached me with my mom and said, "your my son and I love you, if you are gay it is ok with me."

I replied, "thanks Dad, and on behalf of all my gay friends they thank you also, but I am not gay!" I honestly had no idea or looking back now - Denial lol.

Now years latter I have no idea how to bring this up with him and I am waiting for that opening which I am realizing may never come.

My point is, don't let this opportunity pass you by, you may regret it in the future.

This one's easy. You say, thank you mom and dad for accepting that I was gay/bisexual before I even accepted that I was. You're not even close to being a kid so you don't have to wait for an opening from them, YOU CREATE that opening. And from the sounds of this, they still already know, so all you just have to do is confirm what they know so that they can have peace of mind. No go tell them

 

[JB3]

Agreed. But on the other hand, living with your parents and being in the closet is something you do when you're 15, not 21...

Uh no, not really. I'm living with my parents and they still don't know. I've never made it overt though. They have no evidence that I'm gay because I haven't given them any, and I haven't had a desire until now to go out with guys while at home and perhaps even introduce them to my parents.

Its remarkably intolerant for you to be saying that someone can't be 21, in the closet, and living at home. He'll come out when he's good and ready, and its not for you to say otherwise.

 

[saymyname]

I'm 41, I am out to my mom but not to my dad. No reason to put either of us through that.

This whole "OUT" thing baffles me, unless you wear it on a Tshirt or ball cap most people will assume you are straight unless you are camp.

That's part of the problem of living in a heteronormative, heterosexist culture. It's certainly no excuse to remain in the closet, but rather, more incentive to actively resist what makes the closet possible.

 

[saymyname]

Uh no, not really. I'm living with my parents and they still don't know. I've never made it overt though. They have no evidence that I'm gay because I haven't given them any, and I haven't had a desire until now to go out with guys while at home and perhaps even introduce them to my parents.

Its remarkably intolerant for you to be saying that someone can't be 21, in the closet, and living at home. He'll come out when he's good and ready, and its not for you to say otherwise.

Sorry, I guess us INTOLERANT gays are tired of living in a world where people fucking ASSUME we're straight. You shouldn't need to provide your parents with fucking evidence that you're gay for them to consider the possibility.

As for living at home when you're 21, I suppose that's a personal choice. But good luck meeting a guy that's going to want to meet your parents after, you know, you tell him you're 21 and live with your parents. What a joke...

 

[luminum]

Uh no, not really. I'm living with my parents and they still don't know. I've never made it overt though. They have no evidence that I'm gay because I haven't given them any, and I haven't had a desire until now to go out with guys while at home and perhaps even introduce them to my parents.

Its remarkably intolerant for you to be saying that someone can't be 21, in the closet, and living at home. He'll come out when he's good and ready, and its not for you to say otherwise.

You live the life you choose. You can full well live at home and be a full adult and choose to stay in the closet from your parents if you want, but between that and finding a job, living independently, meeting guys, and having your own place...I'd choose the latter. It's about the quality of life you want and the quality of life you're willing to accept.

And of course there are extenuating circumstances (maybe you are a grad student and living at home makes fiscal sense) but for anyone else--get a decent job and get your own place! These are your best years, so enjoy your freedom and walk around.

 

[wastingmymind]

^ Not true. Unless you're a business graduate or a rich kid, paying rent at a young age is a tighter shackle than parents. I've seen it happen. I mean, I guess most gay men eventually gain financial freedom, but to the expense of shit ass bachelor apartments that you share with a roommate in Cracktown.

I've had more sex and more sex at home when I was living with my mom than when I moved out.

 

[spencer]

Wait, gay people are offended when the general public assume they are straight? Wow, that's news to me. I have straight friends that aren't offended if someone were to ask them if they were gay.

BTW, I came out to my rents and took them right into the closet with me. They're prayer leaders in their church group and while completely understanding, I figured it was best for them.

Droid, most gay men don't get the personal timeline concept, don't let it upset you too much.

 

[wastingmymind]

^ It's not the rudest thing in the same way that it's rude to tell someone they look tired. But assuming someone's sexuality can be viewed as slightly offensive because it implies a lot of shit.

It's like saying that you can detect someone's sexuality with visual cues, which is, as well all know, bullshit. Or that you're always debugging your gaydar trying to know who everyone is sleeping with. Or that it's your business knowing.

 

[spencer]

I guess I learn something new every day.

convincing trannies must really hate the world.

 

[JB3]

Sorry, I guess us INTOLERANT gays are tired of living in a world where people fucking ASSUME we're straight. You shouldn't need to provide your parents with fucking evidence that you're gay for them to consider the possibility.

As for living at home when you're 21, I suppose that's a personal choice. But good luck meeting a guy that's going to want to meet your parents after, you know, you tell him you're 21 and live with your parents. What a joke...

How is someone not to assume something about you, if you've given them no evidence to the contrary? I mean, you're either straight or you're not; if your parents have no reason to believe you're not, its reasonable for them to assume that you are. I'm having trouble following the logic in your argument...

If I meet a guy and he can't understand that I live at home because I'm almost $100k in debt, still in graduate school, and a year away from being able to start my career, then he's not the guy for me. Its quite simple; I choose to live at home so that I can get the best out of my education, which will then carry over to me being the best at my career as I can be. Any reasonable person would understand that.

 

[luminum]

^That's a "reasonable" assumption is you accept heteronormative and heterosexist beliefs and attitudes. It's an offensive assumption if you are both aware of and against heterosexism.

A personal timeline is great, especially in situations in which a person is subject to the charity of another who could completely leave them without (ex. 16 year-old kids living under their parents' jurisdiction). In that case, both caution and patience may be integral if one's parents are likely to be unaccepting.

But in this case, the OP's parents seem to be both concerned and willing to reach out to him. Perhaps the OP, despite being a fully legal adult well aware of his sexuality, is still somehow uncomfortable with it and therefore unwilling and discomforted by this. But that only means that he is holding himself back from being open and over it. That's fine, and everyone takes their own time ("He'll tell me when he's ready" and all that), but if you've got one major hurdle out of the way that most queer men struggle with, what does it really mean to be your own remaining obstacle when you're 21 and there's a world out there tailored to young queer men? Being 22, I can definitely say that it's a lot nicer on the other side. But to each his own.

 

[marcelloNYC]

This one's easy. You say, thank you mom and dad for accepting that I was gay/bisexual before I even accepted that I was. You're not even close to being a kid so you don't have to wait for an opening from them, YOU CREATE that opening. And from the sounds of this, they still already know, so all you just have to do is confirm what they know so that they can have peace of mind. No go tell them

Thanks! That is pretty much the same advice a few friends have told me. I am telling my sister and brother-in-law friday when we go out to dinner.

Parents: When they get back from vacation. I like the idea of reminding them of that conversation wee years ago lol.

This is something I have been wanting to do for a few months now.

Thanks again.

 

[nsguy2]

Where and why people live as they do is of no concern to us.

Why should we care if a 21 y/o old lives with his parents?

The OP had a serious issue and asked a sensible, straight forward question.

Get the hell off your high horses and judge yourselves before condemning this young man for how he chooses to live.

 

[CtBoyWonder]

Where and why people live as they do is of no concern to us.

Why should we care if a 21 y/o old lives with his parents?

The OP had a serious issue and asked a sensible, straight forward question.

Get the hell off your high horses and judge yourselves before condemning this young man for how he chooses to live.

I lived at home till I was 29, when my parents moved out.

 

[creatus]

Get the hell off your high horses and judge yourselves before condemning this young man for how he chooses to live.

Hmm, exactly what I thought at first

 

[KaraBulut]

So far off topic here...

 

[spencer]

So far off topic here...

there is no topic, the OP would just tell about how yet again he's skated around the subject with either of his rents as they find ways to insert it into the convo and he wiggles out of it.

 

[operafan]

Now that your mom and dad know, I hope that you can have a talk in order to get past the awkward stage. Sounds like things have gone pretty well so far.

 

[luminum]

Where and why people live as they do is of no concern to us.

Why should we care if a 21 y/o old lives with his parents?

The OP had a serious issue and asked a sensible, straight forward question.

Get the hell off your high horses and judge yourselves before condemning this young man for how he chooses to live.

Questions about life and quality, answers about life and the quality of. Just sayin'. You put your life out there, and people put in their two cents. As long as no one's abusive, then take it as some well-tread advice or don't post to begin with.

Luckily, the OP hasn't encountered anything abusive and hasn't reacted with hostility to any of the advice.