Do you get offended when people say "That's gay"??

[rwerwerwe]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

Why should we????

 

[dairyking469]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

Yes, I do......because I'm VERY closeted......I guess I get paranoid.

 

[jslvr05]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

Why should we????

Wow.That says a lot.

 

[Críostóir]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

My buddies have been great. Nothing has changed and I still hang and do the same things we did before I came out. But the other day for the first time I felt out of place. My friend had a bbq for the innaguration it was a boys night out. There was beer drinking, smoking from the hookah, and the usual. We were watching tv when an esurance commercial came on, it was some guy with cheesy acting. One of my friends said, " that's so gay". I guess everyone realized what he had said, everyone got quiet and well to break the akwardness I said, " that's an insult even to gay people, I don't think we are capable of such bad acting". Everybody started laughing and things went back to normal.

So do guys get offended when people say, "that's gay" or my favorite "no homo" Ive been countering that one buy saying "no hetero", people seek to get a kick out of that one.

I think you handled it perfectly.

I am offended by it, but it's more disturbing than just offensive. It comes from the idea that gay people are lame and underaccomplished, and that's what people are implying when they say it. It has the worst effect on gay people who are very young and/or haven't come out yet.

Think about it: Saying "that's gay" about 100 things you think are lame and stupid; then looking in the mirror and saying "I'm gay." The "lameness" meaning bleeds over. If you think you can keep them entirely separate, let me tell you this from long experience: you're wrong.

So keep making a joke of it whenever it comes up. The same joke every time would be good. Be absolutely consistent; that way they might stop doing it, if only to avoid hearing the same joke again.

Words matter. They shape how we feel, and even how we think.

 

[Críostóir]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

all derogatory terms for minorities were at one point socially acceptable. Don't believe me bring a black guy into an intolerant grannies house for supper.

As for me I find it offensive and when I was in school I punched my friends for saying it. Not too hard but not to gentle. Left a bruise on one of my friends, she bruised easy though. Touch her for a few seconds and she'd be bruised from head to toe the next day Also one of my friends was talking to some of their friends and didn't notice me walk in the classroom, they said 'That's so gay' or 'what a fag' something like that I punched them in the shoulder and they fell off the desk in surprise But hey I told them when I came out I wasn't going to tolerate that kinda bullshit, told them what would happen if they said it in my presence and followed through. Now a days though, I hear someone say it, I ask them to repeat themselves, (strangely enough not a single person has ever caught on to the fact that it bugged me by me asking them to repeat it) I tell them I'm gay it offends me please don't use that language around me in a derogatory since again. They usually apologize and tell me they didn't know I was gay to which I respond "My being gay shouldn't matter, belittling gay people by contributing to the social acceptance of gay/queer/fag/homo as an insult towards another person/object, should be wrong regardless of whether or not a gay person is within ear shot. In the same way that if someone said the n word within ear shot of most people it would be socially unacceptable." Then they apologize again and tell me what they meant by saying 'that's so gay' and I tell them "Good next time say what you mean." Since I rarely leave my house except for work, hearing it at work from the same person twice means that they get reported.

Hear hear! And good on you for taking action!

 

[DVM26uk]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

This kind of thing rarely bothers me, but if someone were to direct it at me in a derogatory manner then I would likely take offence.

Words can take on so many meanings these days and by saying something is "Gay" to me doesn't really come across as nasty or hateful.

 

[vegetaishott2003]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

That which does not kill me, makes me stronger

Yes...There just words...don't pay too much attention to it. I have a lot of Str8 friends that use that quite a bit...and at times it's just plain rude. They do know I'm Bi and I have used that phrase myself at times...but with my GF's. Just brush it off and live life to the fullest.

 

[mpdan]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I hear a lot of this from my teenagers and their friends sitting in the back of my mini-van. They know I am gay, have met my partner, and as children born during the enlightened "gay 90's" they could not care less about sexual orientation - at least where we live....

I try to dissect what they mean: it's usually in reference to the girl who wore different colored socks and sneakers to class, or the guy who wore workboots and gym shorts. (Everybody knows sneakers are the norm). So I am not offended, for it was gays who have bucked the system and excelled in theater, the arts and design. We are an eclectic bunch.

Will I stop the truck and give a lecture should the "n-word" or another offensive or racist term be used? Absolutely. But I'm not offended by "That's Gay".

So I'm a construction contractor who puts crocheted doilies on all the tables in the condo. Even my partner says it: That's Gay!

 

[Críostóir]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I dunno. Maybe it's because wheren I grew up, being thought gay was enough to make someone lie in wait for you and plan to beat you up, but I don't think this is remotely OK.

Yes...There just words...don't pay too much attention to it. I have a lot of Str8 friends that use that quite a bit...and at times it's just plain rude. They do know I'm Bi and I have used that phrase myself at times...but with my GF's. Just brush it off and live life to the fullest.

Soooo, you do it when there are no gay guys around, huh? You use it when you're being straight, but not when you're being gay (in terms of behavior--I know being bi is not the same as switching back and forth)? That sounds an awful lot like "identification with the oppressor" to me.

So I'm a construction contractor who puts crocheted doilies on all the tables in the condo. Even my partner says it: That's Gay!

It's cementing a relationship between gayness and being bad. Say "that's straight" when you mean "that's bland and boring." See how they react.

Crocheted doilies ARE actually gay though. They could be really nice, but no one would mistake your condo for one inhabited by a straight guy. Different usage.

 

[bluepheonix]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I do get offended, especially by the casual way in which most people use it, not ever having bothered to consider its meaning. It didn't always get to me though, I used to just mentally mark people down as wankers.

I recently came out, and what you would call my best friend consistently continues to use it, and i'm not the only one that notices, now i get uncertain looks from other friends whenever he says it, and I get the almost overwhelming urge to punch him in the face.

 

[inlovewithblair]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I do get offended, especially by the casual way in which most people use it, not ever having bothered to consider its meaning. It didn't always get to me though, I used to just mentally mark people down as wankers.

I recently came out, and what you would call my best friend consistently continues to use it, and i'm not the only one that notices, now i get uncertain looks from other friends whenever he says it, and I get the almost overwhelming urge to punch him in the face.

Oh, that's lovely. LOL. Duff is so cute.

 

[vegetaishott2003]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I dunno. Maybe it's because wheren I grew up, being thought gay was enough to make someone lie in wait for you and plan to beat you up, but I don't think this is remotely OK.



Soooo, you do it when there are no gay guys around, huh? You use it when you're being straight, but not when you're being gay (in terms of behavior--I know being bi is not the same as switching back and forth)? That sounds an awful lot like "identification with the oppressor" to me.



It's cementing a relationship between gayness and being bad. Say "that's straight" when you mean "that's bland and boring." See how they react.

Crocheted doilies ARE actually gay though. They could be really nice, but no one would mistake your condo for one inhabited by a straight guy. Different usage.

Hmmmm......I never thought it like that...huh....now I gotta think some more.

 

[mbamike]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

Not really. I rarely hear the phrase myself.

 

[Críostóir]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I do get offended, especially by the casual way in which most people use it, not ever having bothered to consider its meaning. It didn't always get to me though, I used to just mentally mark people down as wankers.

I recently came out, and what you would call my best friend consistently continues to use it, and i'm not the only one that notices, now i get uncertain looks from other friends whenever he says it, and I get the almost overwhelming urge to punch him in the face.

While I wouldn't encourage you to give in to that urge, you might tell him (privately) that you have it. After telling him that you find it totally unacceptable, it's time to start breaking him of the habit. Phrases like "watch your mouth, straight boy!" are not without their uses.

And if he won't stop doing it, it's time to walk away. At first, just from his presence on that occasion, and if he doesn't get it, from the friendship.

And thank you for posting that video clip! I was unaware that such a thing existed.

Hmmmm......I never thought it like that...huh....now I gotta think some more.

Good for you. That's all I ask.

 

[mpdan]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

Crocheted doilies ARE actually gay though. They could be really nice, but no one would mistake your condo for one inhabited by a straight guy. Different usage.

And here I thought I was honoring the memory of a 95 year old wheelchair bound woman who first employed me three years ago to do general repairs on her house. As time progressed I found myself on call to do things like lifting her into her bed. In the end it was only her aide and I who were the last to hold her hand before she died.

Nothing is black and white, and my day job consists of managing a small condo complex. Some owners know I'm gay, some do not - perhaps because of naivety; (my partner lives in Philly) but all have been in my condo at one time or another. Hey I'm gay - deal with it.

Interesting thread though, especially that clip. It was just tonight that I told my 17 yr old daughter that by adorning the jeep with pink hearts on the seat covers is making the car "too Gay" for her 16 yr old brother to borrow while he has a learners permit. She said that was her purpose.

We'll have a talk. It might not bother me but this can be disrespectful to others. Then I'll send them the clip. Thanks, Guys.

 

[bluepheonix]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

While I wouldn't encourage you to give in to that urge, you might tell him (privately) that you have it. After telling him that you find it totally unacceptable, it's time to start breaking him of the habit. Phrases like "watch your mouth, straight boy!" are not without their uses.

And if he won't stop doing it, it's time to walk away. At first, just from his presence on that occasion, and if he doesn't get it, from the friendship.

And thank you for posting that video clip! I was unaware that such a thing existed.

lol thanks criostoir, im definitely going to start using the watch your mouth line its awesome

I loved the clips too, there are 3 all up I think, one with wanda sykes too, I thought they were going to be TV ads in america but I wasnt sure, the rest are here if anyone wants to see them:

http://www.thinkb4youspeak.com/

 

[bluepheonix]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

lol ok so I really like the Wanda one, so ill post the actual clip here too if thats ok;

 

[Críostóir]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

That's one of my niece's favorite phrases. Really it just means something is lame. It kinda bothers me sometimes and I might say something ridiculous to counter it. She knows I'm gay and she has bi tendencies. Overall it's no big deal, it's just a saying.

Didn't read the thread before posting, did you?

I like the Cashiers one the best:

​

 

[asian87]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

It doesn't bother me but if they mean it... I don't appreciate.

 

[rjimbob]

Re: Do you get offended when people say "That's ga

I have never liked anyone using those words. Most of the time they are refering to something bad or disgusting when they say them and Gays are not either. I work as a Lead cook supervisor in a casino and several times I have heard this come out of many of my associates. I find a need to corect them and tell them we can go up to human resources and they can find you better words to use. Most of them stop. I did have one asscoiate which always used it and one time he was listening to a song and he said thats so gay. I came out of the office and asked what he meant by that. He said its bad song and it sucked. I said so you are saying to be gay is a bad thing. He just looked at me and I told him to come and sign his calendar because he will not talk that way in my kitchen. All my ascoiates know I gay and things that slip out do not bother me since i have heard it all. I find it neccesary to say something because i do work with other GLBT people and they dont have to hear this. No matter straight or gay you cannot say things like that in the work place because you can offend someone.