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Does it make me gay if I want to have sex with guys, but cannot love one?

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whoa2whoa

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????


I have 100% sexual desire for men, but I cannot love a man. I have 0% sexual attraction to women, but can see myself loving and marrying a woman. Am I gay?
 
whoa2whoa said:
????

I have 100% sexual desire for men, but I cannot love a man. I have 0% sexual attraction to women, but can see myself loving and marrying a woman. Am I gay?
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I'm not trying to be mean, but I think that's something you should talk to a therapist about.

There are different definitions of gay, but really, that shouldn't be your main concern. Instead I would focus on why you can't have an attraction and an emotional connection to the same person.
 
Sounds like you are somewhere on the scale of bi. You either haven't found the right man to love yet, or the right woman to be sexually attracted to yet.

Question: when you picture your ideal life down the road with another person, do you see it with a guy or a girl?
 
I think that you think that you can't love a man because of omnipresent hetero normative influence. You can love anyone, ie. a straight man can love another man (dad-obvs not sexually) so there's no reason you can't "love" another man.. I may be wrong, but a psych is the way to go IMHO.
 
This is actually very common. Trust me, if your physical attractions to men are that strong, you will love them. You just need some time. Best of luck to you.
 
You're not too different from the many gay men in Atlanta that are so desperate to get some dick, but perish the thought that they leave their girlfriends... and actually live openly(or at the least, honestly).
 
Or you're one of those (very rare) bisexuals who can be summed up with the pithy "men to bed, but a woman to wed". Just hook up with guys for the time being.

Lex
 
In my opinion your sexual orientation stems from who you are sexually attracted to.Basically,if you never have sexual feelings for the opposite sex you are not straight or bi,but if you do have sexual feelings for the same sex only then you are gay.

Now for the hard part,you need to accept who you are and become comfortable with yourself.A good way of becoming comfortable with yourself is to join a glbt organisation,or finding ways to mix with other gay guys,this will let you see that you can be gay and happy and possibly partnered.

As lex has said before,the only difference to your dreams are that your future wife will have a penis.

Im quite sure, with time and acceptance that things will come together and your feelings will change somewhat so that you feel both a connection and sexual feelings towards one sex or the other,possibly both.I would expect in your case,those feelings are going to be for another man so now is a good time to become comfortable with the idea that you might be gay.

If you are gay then you need to sort things out in your mind,even if you need counciling of some sort to help you.one thing you posted worried me,you said you could basicly marry a women minus the sex,this would not work and is deffinately not fair to her,plus you would always have your sexual urges for gay sex.

Good luck
 
I felt the same way before I came out. I was young, and couldn't figure out why I would masturbate and think about guys, but always liked girls. Then I had a crush on a guy. And was like " Oooooooooh. I'm gay. Got it." Give it some time and don't worry about it
 
whoa2whoa said:
????


I have 100% sexual desire for men, but I cannot love a man. I have 0% sexual attraction to women, but can see myself loving and marrying a woman. Am I gay?
Click to expand...

Yes, you are gay, I think. What is it that makes you say you cannot love a man?
 
>>>But he says he has 0% sexual attraction to women??

But he says he can picture settling down with one.

As I said above, I've met a couple of bisexual men who (to distill things down to the basics) feel they're physically attracted to men, but emotionally attracted to women. And the general advice they get from gay men is "oh, you're just gay - you'll eventually form an emotional attraction to a guy". And that certainly might be the case. But nobody seems to think that these guys might someday grow a physical attraction to a woman from their emotional attraction. And I think that's possible, too.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
>>>But he says he has 0% sexual attraction to women??

But he says he can picture settling down with one.

As I said above, I've met a couple of bisexual men who (to distill things down to the basics) feel they're physically attracted to men, but emotionally attracted to women. And the general advice they get from gay men is "oh, you're just gay - you'll eventually form an emotional attraction to a guy". And that certainly might be the case. But nobody seems to think that these guys might someday grow a physical attraction to a woman from their emotional attraction. And I think that's possible, too.

Lex
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Well, lets just hope this 0% sexual attraction to women thing is sorted out before Whoa gets married. Otherwise there's going to be a lot of secret cheating going on.
 
>>>Well, lets just hope this 0% sexual attraction thing to women thing is sorted out before Whoa gets married. Otherwise there's going to be a lot of secret cheating going on.

I would hope that he'd form an emotional bond with a man before dating him...and he'd form a sexual bond with the woman before marrying her. Which is why I suggested continuing to hook up with men for the time being.

Lex
 
elvin1 said:
That's an assumption. There's no evidence that he will cheat on her. Especially if he loves her.

We are all attracted sexually to more than one person. Not many of us have sex with everyone they find sexually attractive. We'd all be sluts.

I say his situation is not easily characterized.
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I reckon if he's got 0% sexual attraction to women now, there's little chance he's going to have much, if any, % increase any time in the future. I've been there.

It's not a matter of being sexually attracted to more than one person, because there's a high chance he's not going to be sexually attracted to the woman he marries. He's going to have to get his kicks somewhere else. That's what I reckon would happen anyway.
 
You are gay.

You are the most normal guy around here. Billiards of guys like you.

Marry a woman and have a BF or BF's on the site. Nothing against it.

I am not an American. So my advice is very serious. I mean every part of it. Wonder what would be against it. Only Americans advise a therapist or say this could be....whatever. I don't understand the American mono-obsession. There is NO reason whatsoever to limit a guy to one sex. It is even immoral. So, go your way as suits you.
 
whoa2whoa said:
????


I have 100% sexual desire for men, but I cannot love a man. I have 0% sexual attraction to women, but can see myself loving and marrying a woman. Am I gay?
Click to expand...

Yes you are gay, you have some kind of block that is preventing you from forming a relationship with a man, probably familial or societal.
 
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