Does it make me gay if I want to have sex with guys, but cannot love one?

[justaguy]

Whoa,
After reading more about your feelings, I think people on both sides of the debate will probably agree that you are gay.
I can understand what you mean about the dating side of things. At first, you will probably feel that everyone's looking at you and your date, but then you'll realise that they aren't. Although, personally I think if you kiss, they will look. But if it's going to be a self conscience thing, then there's no requirement for you to hold hands in public etc, until you get more comfortable with the idea of just dating. You could be just friends, for all anybody else knows.

Good luck with the decisions you will need to make. But you are gay.

 

[hughmc]

Before this thread became a pissing contest, I thought and I still think, that some of the advice from Elvin back on page 1 was some of the best and well expressed I have seen on this subject. Unfortunately, it has been almost lost in the ensuing diatribe. Elvin - you rock in my book - keep it up because I think some of the young newbies (and not so newbies, like me) can really benefit from what you say. Just my personal opinion guys

 

[justaguy]

Unfortunately, it has been almost lost in the ensuing diatribe.

I agree. Elvin always has a lot of good points and he does rock. But I hope having a different opinion or viewpoint isn't just seen as diatribe. You can have a debate in good faith and still think the other person is cool. Surely?

 

[justaguy]

Now that I thought about why I can't love a man, maybe it has something to do with being scared to be with a guy in public. With a women you can go anywhere, but me and a guy can't go to dinner or anywhere without getting insulted or looks. I never even thought of this till now. Maybe this is the reaosn why I can't picture myself getting married to a guy.

I've just been thinking (always a dangerous thing for JUB), because there's a lot of similarity between you and how I felt at your age. You say you can't see yourself kissing a guy in public. Well, do you see yourself kissing a guy in private, with no one watching? Or do you think you are interested in just the act of sex itself?

 

[hughmc]

And Elvin, I stand by what you said originally particularly about loving ones self, because I believe if we can't do that we can't really love another - be they male, female, bi, str8 or gay.
I have absolutely no problems with differing opinions; that is a right we all have. Some are better than others at explaining their opinions and emotions.
All I was trying to get across is that I feel (my opinion) that this important thread got derailed along the way and that is a pity. I think it is critical on most threads to keep in mind what the OP asked. OK? Love all you guys and JUB has become a vital part of my life, having recently lost my life partner of 56+ years. Yeah, amazing isn't it?

 

[Adrock-JD]

????


I have 100% sexual desire for men, but I cannot love a man. I have 0% sexual attraction to women, but can see myself loving and marrying a woman. Am I gay?

Ah, the rare "Lesbian trapped in a gay man's brain" syndrome.



Seriously. Don't worry about it. Why does it matter. Do what makes you happy.

 

[justaguy]

Seriously. Don't worry about it. Why does it matter. Do what makes you happy.

Perhaps Whoa is trying to get happy, and is seeking opinions and ideas.

 

[justaguy]

Love all you guys and JUB has become a vital part of my life, having recently lost my life partner of 56+ years. Yeah, amazing isn't it?

Wow. That's amazing. It's too late for me to notch up those kind of years with someone. Let's hope Whoa can do something similar though.

 

[kayman23]

You're not too different from the many gay men in Atlanta that are so desperate to get some dick, but perish the thought that they leave their girlfriends... and actually live openly(or at the least, honestly).

Scary, but so damn true! Atlanta is fully of thirsty whores whom want to have their cake and eat it too. Then some of them wonder why they either wind up with a STI or alone well into their 40s and 50s...

 

[Adrock-JD]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

[mbamike]

Your are gay. You will fall in love in due time. Been there myself. Now, get out there and enjoy life!

 

[Adrock-JD]

Now that I thought about why I can't love a man, maybe it has something to do with being scared to be with a guy in public. With a women you can go anywhere, but me and a guy can't go to dinner or anywhere without getting insulted or looks. I never even thought of this till now. Maybe this is the reaosn why I can't picture myself getting married to a guy.

I may have misunderstood your short original post.

It sounds like you're saying you can't love a man because society doesn't approve of it. Not that you actually can't fall in love with one.

You also say that you haven't had any experience with any of it yet. You're just pondering the outcomes and the possibilities.

We all have issues with society in regards to being gay/bisexual. For some, it gets better with time and experience.

My only advice is that true happiness comes from within.

I wish you all the best on your long road ahead.