dpnice - Archived Blog Posts

[dpnice]

My afternoon has been spent preparing the menus for the coming week. Admittedly I only have three days during which I must attempt to produce something that is gastronomically worthwhile, even so it is stressful. One wants to do well and surprise with something different whilst pleasing with the taste. At the same time the preparation of the meal must be such that it leaves me free to complete other tasks such as washing the three cars, doing the housework and exercising the dogs.

For example, madame arrives at the airport at 11hr30 where I shall be waiting with the car to bring them back to the villa; yet I still have to produce a meal for the three of them by 13hr. As it is a Monday I also have to do the food shopping before driving to the airport which leaves me not exactly much time to actually prepare the meal.

So here is what I have planned to do: (sounds so much nicer in French so I haven’t translated)

Salade de concombre en sauce à la moutarde et sa tulipe de parmesan.
Nage de Poisson et petits légumes.

The sauce, the parmesan biscuit and the nage for the fish I can prepare quickly before going to the airport leaving just the cucumber to cut up and the fish to cook in the butter at the last minute.

Having solved the organisation of that meal leaves me with a dinner for 14 people Tuesday evening stressing me out. Madame seems to think that I can cope with all and everything; admittedly she can’t take these people out to a restaurant as they are here for just one day and expressed a real desire to eat at the villa.

My solution for this is to do something that I can prepare and cook partially the day before and the rest during the afternoon leaving me relatively free in the evening to lay the table and serve drinks and the aperitif. The recipe that I found seems reasonably simple and as it is one belonging to a renowned French chef I don’t think madame will turn up her nose.

Canapés et petites pizzas.
Salade de crevettes mayonnaise de Meaux et colis de tomates aux olives.
Etuvée de volaille mijotée aux oignons et gratin de macaroni compotés au lait.
Glace au pain d’épice et son beurre d’oranges

For the rest of the week’s meals I have planned to be simple and produce only those recipes that I can reheat at the last moment.

I did, in fact, see the cook today. He has a spinal operation planned for before Christmas and likely to have that followed by two months convalescence. I tried to be sympathetic but in a corner of my mind there was a small voice screaming ‘shit’.

I suppose by the end of two months I should have mastered quite a few of my new recipes. Perhaps I should just change positions and stay on as the chef leaving madame to find someone else to do my job.

 

[dpnice]

Compliments are not exactly frequent in this household. Not that they are really necessary for me to know that everything I do is appreciated. My standards are so much higher than madame’s that I know what has been done correctly and that which is exceptional without needing her to prove that she has noticed my work.

But the cooking is a totally different matter. How to know that the meal you have just slaved over was acceptable? Fortunately I have eaten at sufficient grand tables to recognise when something is worth eating or just acceptable.

I now judge the meal according to my own standards; then I watch closely the expression on the face of monsieur when I place the plate in front of him; and finally there is the evident sign of whether or how much food is left on the plate when I return to clear them away.

Well as compliments are infrequent this entry is a blowing my own trumpet entry. Everything was a great success, the preparation all went smoothly with a complete absence of anxiety, I just seemed to know that it was going to good. I had practiced a few things last night just to make certain it worked, how long it took to do it and whether it was edible.

Obviously the more you cook the more confident in your abilities you become and this must improve the quality seen in the results.

So tonight I did not retreat downstairs shamefully to cry into my pillow. Tomorrow is going to be more difficult but I do have most of the day to prepare the meal and I insisted that the chamber maid remain the evening to help out with the service at table.

Still no idea if madame is going to spend Christmas here or not, panic will be setting in soon if she doesn’t make a decision in the next few days.

 

[dpnice]

I thought that with yesterday’s perfectly sunny winter weather that the climate had returned to normal. Unfortunately whilst strolling around the garden with the dogs this morning I saw ominous clouds rolling in from behind the mountains. Since, the rest of the day has been miserably gloomy which is sapping my moral.

Freedom from the onerous tasks of daily routine in the villa has not really cheered me up, I suppose because I still have menus to prepare for next week. I have yet to experience that exaltation that I have time on my hands to live my own life.

This working for a family cannot really be considered as work but rather, as I am sure I have said in the past, a way of life. You commit yourself to the pleasure and smooth running of someone else’s life and absorb your own quiet life into theirs. Naturally the advantages of living surrounded by luxury, being financially secure, and a quasi-absence of stress makes up a lot for the loss of a private life.

I think that my solitude must be weighing a little heavy tonight. Or perhaps it is just the weather. Or the fact that I have yet to pour my evening glass of whiskey!

I should be overjoyed at this moment as madame finally made the decision to spend the festive season in the Seychelles leaving me free of all commitments for a total of three weeks. So finally I have just four days left in which I must assume the production of gastronomic marvels.

I am certain that once I start thinking about Christmas I will cheer up a little. Nothing like planning for yourself to brighten up life a little.

 

[dpnice]

Well after three days of torrential rain the sun finally put in an appearance late this afternoon just before setting. It managed to remind me why I live here; the cliff side was completely illuminated and the waves scintillating. The beauty of this place is really ethereal.

The cat is now using his dirt tray instead of urinating on the rugs, that I can tell you is a real relief.

All my menus for the next four days are planned and I have a cheese cake, which I have never made before, cooling in the fridge. I am hoping that it is good enough to serve to the whole family on Friday so a practice run was necessary, a practice tasting as well obviously.

The villa is all prepared for madame’s return late this evening so tomorrow I will have time to wash the three cars; assuming we have seen the last of the rain that is. Even I am not masochistic enough to wash the cars in teeming rain.

Finally I treated myself to two new male nude statues. With finances the way they are I should have controlled myself but what the hell if things get tight I will just have to delve into my savings. They are not exactly works of art, more like mass produced ornaments, but look good on my shelves.

If I am lucky madame may hand me an envelope before leaving on holiday, just to show her appreciation of all the extra work I have put in. If she does Christmas will be slightly more cheering.

On the bad side…………well there is nothing, as busy and mundane as life is I am feeling extremely serene and looking forward to several weeks on my own.

There are several members on JUB who I would really like to share this peacefulness, a life with no problems or stress. Sadly, though Internet may open the world it doesn’t provides the means to help people in a concrete way.

 

[dpnice]

That is what I have been doing for the past 30 minutes whilst sitting freezing on my terrace with a glass of whisky at hand. Unfortunately doing it without an audience doesn’t really have the same effect. Subsequently my anger and disappointment have not subsided and I am going to find it difficult to regain sufficient calm to enable me to sleep tonight.

I have just finished my last meal until the 7th of January with madame leaving early tomorrow morning. Even if I do say it myself the food has been nearly perfect, some of the best meals I have ever managed to produce. I really am a competent cook once I am in the routine of doing it regularly. But it takes time doing someone else’s job and still attempting to make certain your own responsibilities don’t suffer.

Now I know that in my situation I should accept that every thing I do extra is for the well being of my employers and that it should be done for the pleasure of doing it and not with the expectation of a monetary reward at the end. But I must admit that I was expecting something to express their appreciation of everything I had done this year.

When madame arrives in the kitchen with a pile of envelopes in her hands and commences to explain to me which members of the staff I should give them to I think anybody’s heart would accelerate awaiting to receive theirs.

Nothing! That is all I got. Not even a bonus for Christmas. Yet tomorrow I will be handing out well packed envelopes to ever person except me. Even the cook whose work I have been doing for two months has one.

I really could spit!

It just makes one feel so guilty bemoaning the fact that something you really should not have expected anyway wasn’t given. Especially when I am well aware that I will not starve or be homeless for the next month and that many people are in dire financial straits.

So I am trying to keep my emotions under control and not turn the situation into a world shattering event.

But honestly I really could spit!

 

[dpnice]

Admittedly I am still extremely pissed off, even so I managed to start attacking the maintenance in the villa, not with much enthusiasm, but at least I have got into the rhythm.

I shed a few tears in the kitchen this evening but perhaps that was because of the onions I was peeling. I have a “Canard et navets confits au vin rouge” bubbling on the stove which will be accompanied by a “gratin de macaroni compôté au lait”. In fact my plan for the next couple of weeks is to try out as many different recipes as I can. I can always freeze the extra quantities.

As I said before I adore my kitchen and find it extremely relaxing cooking in it.

Looking on the bright side, with madame absent, from Monday I have seven day’s holiday with my only commitments being feeding and walking the dogs. Plus I have 18 evenings at home.

There was also a most spectacular sunset this evening which I spent quite some time watching with a glass of decent Bordeaux in hand. Nothing like the miracles of nature to boost the moral!

I suppose the reason for madame’s Scrooge-like behaviour may be due to the fact that she pays me an exorbitant salary as well as all my living expenses. It may well be that she assumes she pays me that in order that I cope with all the possible problems that may arise. Still a Christmas bonus would have been nice. But no point in bemoaning what we haven’t had, better to think about what we have.

 

[dpnice]

In the back of my mind I had more or less decided to give Christmas a miss this year. Being completely on my own here it really seemed a little pointless to go to all the bother.

Yesterday, whilst planning my food shopping for the coming week, I came across a recipe for partridge in a port and redcurrant jelly sauce and suddenly it just seemed so appropriate for Christmas dinner. So from the sublime to the ridiculous I have now planned out lavish meals for the festivities and gone overboard in decorating the flat.

I have placed a few angels here and there; stuck bows on the paintings and lamps; loaded down the mirror with swathes of golden pearl strings and as I haven’t done a tree used all the baubles to decorate the lamps.

I will still be sitting at the table in lonely splendour but it will be much more fun than eating a pizza in front of the television. Need to get out the best china, crystal and silver ware; if we are going to be over the top then we might as well do everything correctly (note the royal “we” creeping in with my delusions of grandeur).

So final shopping tomorrow morning and the rest of the day making sauces and baking, all accompanied with a few glass of champagne. On Boxing Day, weather permitting, I will walk down to the port and spend some time people watching whilst sipping a hot chocolate.

Once the Christmas Spirit takes over I really enjoy this time of year.

 

[dpnice]

The Christmas touches to cheer up this solitary soul.

Have a Happy Christmas everyone.

David.

 

[dpnice]

In front of my computer screen on Christmas Eve, a sure sign that I am spending the holidays on my own.

The meal is finished and everything washed up and cleared away. The venison was tender and the sauce exquisite; the chocolate pudding was a taste of paradise. Yet this time, as pleased as I was to have made the effort, melancholic is the best word to describe my state of mind.

Why do I celebrate Christmas knowing that I am going to be on my own? Perhaps it is knowing that absent friends are sharing a convivial moment; that families the world over are joined in happiness; that friends are just content to be in one another’s company and wishing to share a little of this.

I know that solitude is my own personal choice but occasional it weighs a little heavy. Just like everyone else I would prefer to be sharing my life with someone capable of loving me. Knowing that this is unlikely I continue making sure that life is agreeable yet there is always that desire deeply embedded, often ignored, yet always waiting for moments like Christmas to surge forth.

Perhaps it is the wine talking as the meal was really enjoyable and the recipe a definite to try out on madame.

 

[dpnice]

It was rather disappointing this morning to awake to a grey and leaden sky. Within an hour the weather had deteriorated into steady rain which after continuing all day seems set in for the evening as well.

It is a shame as Christmas under a sunny blue sky has always been one of the pleasures living here. Being the sort of day where no one has the desire to put a foot outside it has spoiled my plans of an afternoon walk along the seafront. I had thought it would be a good idea to mingle with the festive crowds just to affirm that I am not the only soul left alive on earth.

My humour of last night was a perfect match for today’s weather but in fact, today, I feel quite relaxed and at ease with my solitude. I had time to send off Christmas e-mails and chat with friends over the phone. What a life saver Internet is for us single people – I have devoured everything on JUB that I don’t usually have the time to read.

A simple lunch and an afternoon nap split the day in two and now being once again up and about it is time to think about preparing my partridge for tonight’s meal.

 

[dpnice]

I must admit that this day after day of miserable weather is getting slightly depressing. I am accustomed to awaking to sunshine rather than these leaden skies. My stoic British character able to face up to a long spell of bad weather has been eroded during my many years living here on the Côte d’Azur.

I just don’t see the attraction in leaving the comfort and warmth of home to battle against a glacial wind and stroll around under a gloomy cloud filled sky. I presume that I am not the only person whose moods are affected by the weather. Just seeing the sun shining down, lighting up the other side of the bay is enough to raise my spirits and set my moral at high. Naturally the fact that it also encourages all the handsome men to reveal their muscular bodies does not go unnoticed either.

My premier glance at Internet each morning is now that of the weather forecast for the next four days and there doesn’t really seem any improvement in view.

I do have the advantage of being able to juggle about with the few days that remain of my holidays so if I don’t see any sign of a sunny day tomorrow I think I am going to start working again. I at least have the freedom then to decide from day to day, depending on how the weather is shaping up, to take the day off or continue completing all the tasks I have planned before madame’s return.

Due to these adverse metrological conditions my day has been one of tidying up, filling and empty the washing machine and a long afternoon nap. I did manage to go through my finances and plan out my budget for 2009. As long as I have no more exceptionally large unexpected bills to pay things should be alright. I have managed to budget in to cover any small ones.

I always control my finances according to the advice given in “David Copperfield” ………….'My other piece of advice, Copperfield,' said Mr. Micawber, 'you know. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.’

Even after all these years I can still see and hear in my mind W.C.Fields giving that advice, it really made an impression.

 

[dpnice]

Finally the sun put in an appearance so I didn’t have to decide between working and continuing my holidays. Wrapping up warm against the cold I took myself out to experience the new tramway and explore the neighbourhood where I have one of my apartments rented out.

It is only a studio but I have been considering lately that it might be a good choice to move there to live when I retire in seven years. There is a lift, a good thing for old tired legs; a large sunny balcony with a pleasant view; the kitchen is separate and the living area large enough to do something with.

​

As you can see the block is not that attractive and unfortunately neither are any of the other buildings. The area is a concentration of ugly, boring rectangles; it is a dormitory suburb with few shops and no centre. Even the small market with its church is depressing. Calling it a slum gives perhaps the wrong impression but even the most generous of souls would be unable to find a single good side.

Admittedly the tram is amazing and gets you to the centre of Nice in 10 mins but I really don’t think, having explored the place that I could ever live there; not even brilliant sunshine managed to efface some of the ugliness.

Living there would have increased my monthly income as the flat I had originally considered to retire to fetches in a much larger rent. This obviously was the only reason for even thinking about it.

I really have no desire to eat tonight or to touch a sip of alcohol; I suppose many people feel the same way. I think a little cheese and fruit is about all I can manage.

 

[dpnice]

This is becoming a regular metrological bulletin accompanied with a similarity to some woman’s cookery magazine. But then perhaps the predictability of my journal updates is a comfort to others. Possibly the comparison between my solitary life and theirs brings them unexpected hope and realisation of the chances they have in life.

Anyway I awoke once again to dismal skies. Well that is not quiet true (poetic licence); I awoke at 6am and it was still dark outside. But finally when I had got myself together day had dawned and it was drizzling, the sort of rain where you could go out but then perhaps no. Annoyingly the other side of the bay, the Nice side, was bathed in brilliant sunshine.

Deciding that I would work today I dressed appropriately but on returning from a quick shopping trip I changed my mind completely. I have things to do pottering around, a little ironing and some paperwork to do. I also have to start planning my summer holidays. We, yes I still have friends who are willing to be seen in public with me, have tentatively suggested doing a tour of the places in England we have never visited. It was with a certain amount of shame that I realised I didn’t even know where in England to find the majority of the places on my friends’ list. I finally found my atlas and have been searching diligently to find them. I mean who knows where Grantham is if you don’t live there?

Meals are planned and ingredients packed into the once empty fridge. I am having “Kashmir Prawns” tonight and thought that a baby pigeon would be a good idea for New Year’s Eve. The prawns are another tryout for the return of madame.

 

[dpnice]

To all those who have passed through here occasionally......

To all those who have had the generosity to leave comments.........

To all those who have shown they cared............

To all those who have understood...............

May I wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year and express my deepfelt gratitude for your presence here.

David.

 

[dpnice]

Once again it is pouring with rain and goodness is it cold. Much too cold to sit out on my terrace even to smoke a quick cigarette. So yet again I find myself with my head shoved under the extractor fan in the kitchen to get a quick fix of nicotine.

I collapsed into a hot bath at the end of the day just to re-heat my body and now I am all clean and wrapped up in woollens with the evening ahead of me.

Presumably this is my final evening on my own so I have planned doing nothing apart from browsing a few cookery books, having a look at what York has to offer as a holiday destination and slipping a pizza in the oven for dinner.

I had thought of driving into town to see ‘Twilight’. I quite like stories about vampires and as it is the major subject of conversation at the moment I thought why not. But with this atrocious weather there is no way I am putting a foot outside the door unless I really have to. I went to see ‘Australia’ last night – my isn’t Hugh Jackman a handsome man. And that is the only complimentary remark I can find to make about the film.

So the New Year kicks off with the same lack of excitement and senseless activity that it ended with. Something that is not going to change until we once more have a full time cook. Though somehow I doubt that this is going to be one of madame’s priorities when she returns. I should be planning plenty of mediocre meals, yet all my thoughts are on providing exceptional ones.

You see I can’t be anything but excellent in all I do; even when I try.

 

[dpnice]

Despite the miserable, cold and wet weather which continued throughout today I am managing not to let it get me down. Life goes on, even if it becomes a major expedition just to pop out to the local shops. I am not the sort of person who bustles about whatever the weather. If it is raining then I have one desire and that is to curl up inside and not move again until the sun puts in an appearance once again.

Then into every life must fall a little good news. Madame has prolonged her holiday until the 22nd January leaving me largely enough time to complete everything I have yet to do and take a further week off. I am sure you can imagine the smile on my face when she telephoned me with the news.

So tonight, instead of planning menus, I am snuggled down at home with a bolognaise bubbling on the stove and a glass of Merlot close at hand. The cat, always looking for comfort, has managed to stretch himself out on top of the radiator and looks like staying there for the rest of the night.

Who ever said the simple things in life are the best knew what he was talking about.

 

[dpnice]

Being the maniac that I am for ensuring that everything that should be done is done I am obviously someone who makes lists. Not lists that you write to make you feel organised but then ignore completely; my lists are followed and I don’t move on until each task is completed.

There are things that I hate doing and those are always the first on the list to make sure that they are done and out of the way as quickly as possible. Some of my lists are extremely simple with just one item. Today was all the silverware to clean, which will carry over to tomorrow.
All the complicated fiddly candelabras were finished this morning leaving me to comfortably clean all the tableware and serving plates tomorrow.

Don’t I lead an interesting life? Up to my elbows in silver polish all day apart from the occasional break for a cup of coffee.

I am managing to organise my summer holidays with e-mails back and forward between my friends in England and I giving suggestions on hotels.
The dates are fixed as is the programme; the hotels for York and the Lake District are booked leaving us just to find somewhere to stop on the way up and another on the way down.

Grasmere​

A further look at my ‘treats account’ revealed that I have, in fact, already sufficient funds to cover the costs.

I really am quite excited about it all.

I have even planned two days at the end to return to my childhood haunts, visit the cemetery where my grandparents, father and brother are interred and just relive some fond memories.

​

​

HeybridgeBasin​

 

[dpnice]

With madame not in residence at the present moment I can manage to find the time to give more attention to the two dogs. This is something that no one else seems willing to do, even their owners, which annoys me considerably seeing that if you decide to own a dog I do feel you should take some responsibility for it.

So walks around the garden every morning whilst I have the time to allocate to this. It is a chore as I never wanted animals and I could spend my time on something more productive. But I must admit that it does include the great pleasure of being greeted by these views every morning.

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Each evening I have been taking them both out of the property for a walk on a lease but it really isn’t working. Anna pulls constantly and it is proving impossible to train her correctly with my other hand controlling Andromede. Then when we cross the path of another dog or they see a cat in a neighbouring garden pandemonium breaks out and it is impossible to control the two at the same time.

So the only solution I can think of is to start taking them out separately enabling me to control them more easily. This obviously means more of my time taken up training but hopefully it will be more successful and finally I can start walking them both together once more.

 

[dpnice]

Lethargy took over control yesterday and I really spent the day doing nothing apart from sleeping. It honestly doesn’t worry me too much apart from being aware that I have wasted a whole day of my life and just reinforced the lack of excitement and interest in it.

Subsequently this morning has been full of catching up; mind you a residue remains requiring a slight effort not to stretch out on the sofa and repeat the same pattern as yesterday.

Separating the two dogs for their evening walk was a partial success as Anna was so much easier to control. Mind you the poor souls didn’t understand why one was being left behind and spent my absence crying at the gate. The greatest difficulty is, of course, remaining calm; not getting angry when for the 100th time she starts pulling on the lease. You can understand parents when you are in such a situation as the desire to explode is barely controlled just below the surface waiting to burst forth.

I still have ten days in which I can organise my time as I wish so I do think I am going to take them out twice a day now just to reinforce their training. Mind you all this attention they are getting does have a downside. First of all I am getting too attached to them which I had been trying not to do and secondly they are treating me as their master which of course I am not. Finally it gives me more work to try and fit into a day.

I really never wanted the responsibility of pets; I like animals but would prefer not having them myself. Yet I can’t sit here knowing that for days on end those two dogs are just left to themselves in the garden with no attention and no control.

At times I do recognise that I am my own worst enemy.

 

[dpnice]

Morbidity is not one of my character traits but thoughts of my mortality and future have clouded my quiet little universe this evening.

I accepted long ago that I am now on the last leg of my journey and though I am not going to open the door wide and welcome death with open arms I neither fear his knocking nor will I have too many regrets when the time arrives. I have always hoped I would be able to accept it gracefully knowing that finally I could relax, forget all my worries and cease making all that effort required to rend life worthwhile.

I have had my fair share of happiness and suffered disadvantages that others haven’t; in all an ordinary life where I could have done more but have appreciated all that I have done. On the whole I have been luckier than many and recognise that through my own efforts I have provided myself with an enviable life style. My friends accept me for who I am, still value my company and we share memories that would warm any lonely soul.

My withdrawal into solitude has not meant my life has become sterile and worthless but I would be dishonest not to admit that it is a life without aims and with no goal in sight. My problem is that my life no longer requires that searching for those things that enhance the spirit and make life rewarding and worth living. I am surrounded by beauty and all those simple things that seem miraculous, a privilege that I appreciate every single day. Mind you due to my nature I am certain I would find this where ever I was.

Yet I am aware of those things missing from my life and which as I grow older retreat further and further from being even a possibility in my future. I would like to experience once more that sensation of being newly in love; to hold in my arms someone for whom I was special; to share those moments of intimacy that are possible only with someone who loves you as much as you do them.

How to be an incurable romantic and realistic at the same time? The only solution is to fill that void with those aspects of life that recompense us for that which we have no hope of having.

I admit to having become selfish and if my actions cause no distress to others I do as I wish. Even if life continues with the same patterns as now I see no harm but it just seems unfair that the older I get the greater number of things will become impossible to hold on to.

I have come to terms with being on my own for the past eight years, I have been content and enjoyed myself living the way I do. But will I be capable of feeling the same for the next twenty to thirty years? Knowing I am not yet at the end of my journey and that the road could continue far into the distance seems more frightening than being told I will reach the terminus tomorrow.