Embarrassed about looks and body-need help!

[JasunStrikesBack]

Thats a great RuPaul quote, but not everyone has the same level of self esteem




They kill themselves

http://www.google.ca/#hl=en&&sa=X&e...ysmorphic+suicide&spell=1&fp=b4c7358475a3f6af

I think the fact that he's posted pictures of himself in the "Post yourself" forum and that he's willing to give himself credit for getting his body at least kinda close to how he wants it is an indication that he isn't suicidal. I think it's more likely that he's going through the same issues that many of us went through at some point... some of us worse than others... many of us in our mid 30s... Being reminded that we all go through it and that we're usually able to just learn to accept that we're not perfect and that nobody is and that we're happy anyway... He seems to be wanting to take that step and knowing that it's possible..

 

[altlover85]

I think Cowboy Bob is coming from a good place. The issue is he's trying to use logic on a problem that stems from irrationality.

 

[altlover85]

@atllover: the thing is, CowboyBob's crowd (that includes you, Ravenstar) is trying to apply logic from the viewpoint of a healthy brain; if the OP has dysmorphia, he has an ill brain. The human brain is an organ that can get ill, just like a kidney, a liver, or a heart.

No amount of browbeating done by Cowboybob is going to help him, in fact, it could make him a whole lot worse.

I thought that's what I said in my last post Johann?

 

[teadrinker]

I was going to recommend counselling until I came to the comment made by your psychiatrist. Unfortunately, as in all medical specialities, there are good psychiatrists and bad, and the bad ones can do immense damage.

I still think some kind of counselling, or, as others have suggested, a support group, may be of great value.

I think you're very brave posting here, and it seems to me that you may be stronger than you give yourself credit for.

-T.

 

[altlover85]

Altlover, we looked at it through a similar, but not identical point of view.

You deem it illogical—which it may be—but I see it as an actual physical illness. In a way, it's a reflection of the old psychology vs. psychiatry argument.

Either way, we both agree with the fact that CowboyBob has a most mistaken approach.

I was thinking of it as irrationality caused by the disease. I should have communicated better, but it's late and I should be in bed.

What is the psychology vs. psychiatry argument?

 

[birddog7]

I'm getting the feeling you're bluffing. You're looking for compliments and really don't want advice.

Here's my advice to you: stop whining and accept yourself for who and what you are. Thank God you have your arms legs, eyes, jaw....

There are people who are blind, legless, missing an arm or two, There are people with cancer scars on their faces. People who have been burned and scarred for life.

I've seen kids laying in the hospital near death. I've seen injured young men thanking God they're still alive. And you're whining you have a "small penis". Your tummy is too large.

Right now in the town you live in there are people dying in the hospital. There are soldiers being killed and maimed in wars. Kids starving.

For fuck sake, stop whining and be happy with who you are.

There's my advice.

There is truth in what you say, in that, I do need to "get over it", and get on with what I have left of my life. I won't argue with that.

I'm not making this up to fish for compliments. What good are compliments if they aren't real? Just like what good is sex with prostitute that you pay to do it?

I'm telling the truth about how I feel, and how my life has gone. Yes, most of it is my fault. I had some help from others who picked at, and degraded me. Nobody can do anything to you mentally unless you allow them to. Physically, yes, if they overpower you, but not mentally. I wasn't physically abused, just mentally. Still, that's no excuse for me allowing myself to get in this shape.

Also, I think most who post pictures is indeed looking for compliments, or at least acceptance. It's human nature, and I see nothing really wrong with that.

 

[birddog7]

Body dysmorphia is a recognised, psychiatric disorder.

This is something I've only heard of in the last few years. From what I've read, I have a lot of the symptoms.

 

[birddog7]

I'm 295 lbs with a smaller-than-average penis, and the first thing that comes out of my mouth if people don't like me is "Kiss my fat ass," because I love myself, and nobody can ever take that away from me. Flesh is flesh, it comes in all shapes, colors, and sizes; the only true measure of a person is purely mental.

Fuck everybody else; if you don't love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to?

You are fortunate to be able to feel that way. I hope I can one day.

 

[birddog7]

Go ahead and call me insensitive, maybe I am, but I have very little time for people like this. Sometimes I want to pick them up and shake them and tell them no matter how bad you think you have it, there's hundreds of thousands much worse off than you. I don't enable people and refuse to throw a pity party.

I've taken care of people in hospitals, taken care of people recuperating in nursing homes after having major disfiguring accidents. My Godson was born without a hand and never once did I hear him wallow in self pity about it. He's now 26 and a steady young man.

I've had a kidney transplant and some major medical issues, but never once complained or whined "why me?". If the OP needs some self-esteem lessons, go volunteer at a Vet's hospital. The reality of life will come down hard on you.

The OP's problem is NOT his appearance.... it's his mind. He needs a sharp dose of reality then he will discover he doesn't have it so bad. He needs to appreciate what he has and not lament over what he doesn't have. Chrissakes, I want a Bentley, I'll never have one, but I don't suffer over not having it.

Tough love. How does he expect things to change if he doesn't change?

Like I said before, a lot of truth in this. It is my burden, and I alone can change it.
I do often feel ashamed for complaining when I see others so much worse off than I am. That only does so much to make me feel better about myself though.

I don't fault you for what you've said. Most of it is correct. You may be a bit harsh, but that doesn't change the truth...

 

[CowboyBob]

Like I said before, a lot of truth in this. It is my burden, and I alone can change it.
I do often feel ashamed for complaining when I see others so much worse off than I am. That only does so much to make me feel better about myself though.

I don't fault you for what you've said. Most of it is correct. You may be a bit harsh, but that doesn't change the truth...

Okay Dude, I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you have to realize that there's NOTHING wrong with your body..... as they say, it's all in your head. You have to realize that you're just fine the way you are, and most likely someone out there wishes they looked like you. Looks are irrelevant anyway. I'd rather date someone who is called by others as "plain" rather than an Abercrombie model anyway. I hate shallowness and vanity.

Sex with prostitutes? That's a ridiculous idea from a lousy shrink.

You have to accept yourself.... and how to do it? To Hell with shrinks..... they can make matters worse. If you're pushing 50 (you and I are close to the same age..... I'm a few years older than you anyway) and you still can't accept yourself, I don't know.....

You have to change your mindset. Life is so short but you still have many years remaining and do you really want to spent it like that? You going to have to throw off that self pity and focus on things you actually enjoy. Once others see you as a confident person everything will fall in it's place.

I almost died when I was 26. I was on kidney dialysis for 2 years. I refused to let that drag me down and live life depressed. This is what I was handed and I'm going to make the best of it. So when you realize this is what was given to you and make the best of what you have your life will change dramatically. Yes, it's a cliché, but it's true. When I was at my lowest I always remembered no matter how bad I had it someone always had it worse.

One of the reasons I'm harsh and impatient about this is I see someone like yourself who has nothing wrong physically and can't accept the fact there isn't anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with you, pal. Keep thinking that, keep telling yourself that. If anyone has belittled you or made derogatory comments about you, THEY'RE the ones with the problem, not you.

Hang in there......

 

[CowboyBob]

Hey Johann, I see where you're coming from, but I don't think you get my point.

Regarding to your comments about a weight issue.....If I sit and lament about a weight problem to the extent where it distracts me from living a full and happy life, then it's my problem. If I make posts telling everyone how dissatisfied I am and wishing I wasn't fat and why does it have to be this way.... then I hope to God someone would tell me to get off my ass, eat less and exercise more. If I start making posts complaining about why aren't I gorgeous, hung and muscular, then please tell me to accept myself for what I am and thank God I have all my parts.

But for the record, I don't have a weight problem. It's the way my shirt is hanging gives the impression of being overweight. But even if I was, that's just more of me to love. I don't have any body issues. I like myself the way I am. If someone doesn't like the way I look, then that's their problem, not mine.

The point of my liturgy is to accept yourself for who and what you are. The OP's problem is his mind, not his body. You can sympathize to a point, but the longer you do it then it becomes enabling and that's not helping the patient. Allowing a person to wallow in self pity for a while is one thing, but then it's time to react and fix the situation. Apparently the OP has allowed this to consume his life.

This doesn't make sense here..... What you're saying here is everyone says "if I can do it, then you should be able to". No, that's not my point. My point is to be glad for who you are, love yourself.

The smoking analogy I don't understand how it applies here. Yes, I sympathize with people who are undergoing problems. I'm not made of stone. I also used to be a smoker and feel compassion for someone who is trying to quit and can't. If the smoker wants to be an exsmoker then he has to react, not just sit there wishing it was different. He actually has to do something about it. However, this analogy is comparing oranges to apples.

Compassion? I have plenty of it. I can sympathize with someone who has lost their home, their loved one, their eyes, limbs, etc. I've opened my home to people who needed a place to stay, I've loaned money out to those who needed it. I've volunteered in hospitals and helped people who really need the help. But allowing them to go for years indulging in self pity only damages them further. My point to the OP was his issues.... small penis, tummy........ is trivial to problems many others face. He doesn't have it as bad as he thinks. No one does.

 

[Red Storm]

I understand that all too well. I've always been very hard on myself. Nothing is ever good enough, there's always the need for better.

Yep, sitting around thinking about it makes it much worse.

I have come to the conclusion that Psychiatrists, therapists, counselors, etc., can't really help, and I'll probably not see any in the future. I don't know of any I have seen doing me any real good.

Psychiatrists, therapists, counselors won't be able to help you because your worst enemy is yourself. You have to come to terms with it ( and from the comments I read, it isnt bad), a lot of other guys have it worse.
Penis size? features etc, you can't change those. unfortunately its the hand you were dealt, make the best out of it.

And like others have mentioned above, there is always someone in a much worse situation. All the best to you.

 

[Red Storm]

Birddog
Just saw your pictures, my honest opinion? you look good.

 

[GamerBear]

Birddog
Just saw your pictures, my honest opinion? you look good.

I agree you definitely look good for your age, I don't know why you worry. You look like 100% better than me that's for sure.

 

[Kronoan]

I've got some symptoms of this as well ... I'm working on what I can & I'm trying to deal with my negative feelings as best as I can ... GamerBear, do you have an any pics in the show yourself gallery? to birddog7, I think you look good too man! I'd do something with you anytime! I just made a new topic showing my dick & face pic ... anyone interested go check it out ... Thanks!

 

[GamerBear]

I've got some symptoms of this as well ... I'm working on what I can & I'm trying to deal with my negative feelings as best as I can ... GamerBear, do you have an any pics in the show yourself gallery? to birddog7, I think you look good too man! I'd do something with you anytime! I just made a new topic showing my dick & face pic ... anyone interested go check it out ... Thanks!

Nope not that I know of, I think I had an old picture under my older screen names but I think I had an admin delete it. I'd never post a picture of myself here.

 

[Kronoan]

Why not? I really want to see what you look like man!

 

[gmoney]

I was going to recommend counselling until I came to the comment made by your psychiatrist. Unfortunately, as in all medical specialities, there are good psychiatrists and bad, and the bad ones can do immense damage.

I still think some kind of counselling, or, as others have suggested, a support group, may be of great value.

I think you're very brave posting here, and it seems to me that you may be stronger than you give yourself credit for.

-T.

I have to agree with Teadrinker here.

Jasun has given you some good advice, as well as many others.

What you do with this advice is up to you. I've seen your pics, and I think you are a handsome guy.

You have allowed your insecurities to set themselves rather deeply. I'm not sure if overcoming your low self-esteem can be accomplished without somegood professional counseling.

You seem like a guy who has a lot to offer. I sincerely hope you reach a point where you realize this and can let go of the physical imperfections you (as 99.9 % of us have) think would make someone not like you as a lover or a friend.

 

[birddog7]

I have posted pics on other boards, and the results were about the same. I got a handful of favorable comments, and a couple of negative ones. Most people won't say anything bad about someone's pic's, if they don't see anything they like, they don't make a comment. I do it that way too, I won't make a bad comment about someone's looks.

When I look at the number of views on my pics, as compared to those of someone who is young, and truly good looking, that's what tells the story. I really don't see that gay men are much different that straight men, or women, in that respect. Most all people are drawn to youth and beauty. Women may look at potential relationships with something other than looks in mind, at a different pace than men, but on an internet photo board, there's not much difference. When women say men are "male chauvinist pigs", I have to agree. Myself included.

Just like women who say "size doesn't matter". I've heard too many of them say that once they had a well hung lover, they learned to appreciate size rather quickly.

I may try pics at another board cold turkey, just to see what will happen, but I'd expect it to go about the same.

I don't know why, but when some good looking guy, with a great body, and well hung, post pics, and gets 500 views, and 100 comments in a day, it just makes me feel bad about myself. Everybody says "it doesn't matter", but on every board I've browsed, it's always the same. Actions speak louder than words, so I'd say it does matter. I don't know for sure if real life mirrors the internet or not, but I suspect it does to some extent.

 

[CowboyBob]

I don't know why, but when some good looking guy, with a great body, and well hung, post pics, and gets 500 views, and 100 comments in a day, it just makes me feel bad about myself. Everybody says "it doesn't matter", but on every board I've browsed, it's always the same. Actions speak louder than words, so I'd say it does matter. I don't know for sure if real life mirrors the internet or not, but I suspect it does to some extent.

DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS!!!!!

I'll never be an Abercrombie model in their catalog, and I don't give a rats ass about it. Focus on what you like about yourself. And for God's sake, get over the outward physical appearance thing. Looks fade and are superficial and all you're doing is torturing yourself.