EasyRory
JUB Addict
Oops. Sorry for the double post in the last chapter. Maybe some kind moderator will fix it. 
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Feet on the Ground
- Thread starter EasyRory
- Start date
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Nine - Mac
It seemed like a perfectly normal morning at work. I was reading the Financial Times. Euie was drinking some special kind of Ceylon tea he likes and eating a pain au chocolat. Hollis was looking ravenously at Euie's snack while making do with a Power Bar. Richard was doing some kind of dance in the hall waiting for George to finish a phone call. It was a while before all the invisible moving pieces came to light; but in fact everyone of us was facing an inner turmoil. The violence of our personal storms varied, but even a sunny day can turn nasty.
I couldn't help myself; I had to cry out, “This headline is written in iambic heptameter! Listen! Invéstors Bráced for Bánk's Retréat from Bόnd Portfόliόs. It begs for another line to finish the couplet.”
Hollis scowled at my interruption of his thought. Richard looked at me as if I were nuts. Euie crumpled up the wrapper of his pain au chocolat and headed for me mimicking my meter saying, “And Nό One hás Advίsed us yét on Hόw Much tό Disclόse.” He came right at me as if he was going to kiss me but at the last minute veered off and kissed my forehead. “And that's why we all love you, Mac. You're a fruitcake heavy on the nuts.” Personally, I think there is something sweet about a morning kiss even if it's sugary and on the forehead.
Richard growled from the hall, “Is that a reference to the size of his balls? 'Cause if it is, my balls are bigger than his. Tommy Lynn said so,” as if mentioning our late founder ended any debate.
“Oh, for fuck sake!” Hollis groaned. Hollis is not a morning person even when he has had terrific sex the night before. It's a safe guess that last night wasn't one of those nights.
“Just saying … it sounds like an incomplete couplet,” I put the paper down and turned to Mr. Penwood's 1099. So why am I doing it instead of Hollis? The answer to that is my personal tempest and sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Hollis about it.
George stuck his head out of his office. It's the only one with a real door; it used to be a bathroom. “Come on in Richard. Sorry to keep you waiting. Whatcha got for us?” They disappeared into the office and the door closed. Euie left to see if he could work out a deal for one of our smaller customers to let a bank do his payroll. That left me and my secret alone with Hollis the Pissed-Off-Already-Coworker.
“Hollis,” I eased into it. “I did you a favor.”
“Yeah, what's that?”
“I fixed the problem with Penwood's 1099.”
“What problem with his 1099? I took it to him last week and I jacked off with his yardboy. He had nothing to complain about. The form was on his desk and our cum was drying on his sofa when I left. And where's that Candied Chestnut intern anyway?”
“Maron,” I used Maron's preferred pronunciation, “is at County Records gtting a supply of forms. He should be back in … maybe an hour. He asked if he could help you.” Minor grumbling noises came from Hollis so I decided to plow ahead. “Anyway, it was just one small omission and an addition error. Not hard to fix at all.” I waited for his reaction; there wasn't one. “Penwood was pleased.” I paused again.
“Did he fuck you?” Hollis asked.
“No, but … um … the yard boy, Carlos, was there … and Penwood wanted some distraction. Tax forms are fairly dull business.” Still no reaction. “So, Carlos and I, we put on a little show and Penwood liked it … he wants us back again.” That got a reaction.
“Are you trying to steal my account?” A seriously pissed-off Hollis is a sight to behold.
“No, no! You'll still do the monthly investments. He just wants me to double check his taxes and maybe fool around with Carlos some more … um … tomorrow.”
“I do the investments,” Hollis said. I nodded. “I get the commission.” I said of course. “I keep the account.”
“Yes, I'm just sort of your assistant for special matters, like taxes.”
“And messing with the yardboy?”
“I think so; I'm not sure.” I could have said I hope so, but that would give Hollis leverage.
“Do I still have to pay the yardboy?” a mollified Hollis asked.
“What? I don't know anything about that, but I saw Penwood give him some cash.” Penwood gave me some cash, too; but I don't need to tell Hollis everything.
“Good. I'm cuttin' him off. Him and his money-grubbing wife.”
“Penwood's wife?”
“No, idiot. Who would marry Penwood? Carlos's wife.” That was a curve ball. I didn't know Carlos had a wife. “She's the one who made Carlos ask for more money the second time.”
Well, he's got a daughter. I saw her on the tax worksheet. Somebody must have married him.”
“Carlos?”
“No, Penwood,” I clarified.
“Fuck it. I'm keeping the account. You can have Penwood, Carlos, and the daughter! And maybe tomorrow you could show me exactly where I fucked up the 1099?”
He left to meet a prospective client just as Euie came in. I could hear them in the doorway downstairs. Hollis must not have been bothered by what I told him because he sounded cordial with Euie, which isn't always what you expect and Euie sounded like a robot, which isn't what you expect from him, either. I called down to him,
“Euie, are you eating in or out today? I'm going to that new deli. You can come or I can bring stuff back if you want.”
I returned about 20 minutes later carrying lunch and feeling good. I think the guy at the sandwich board was checkin' me out. Nothing happened, but the possibility keeps hopes alive. And in Middleburg! Ten years ago there wasn't a gay guy for miles. Lately the Shenandoah Plain is getting more and more interesting. Just the other day I said to Hollis, “You know James Madison has a gay student organization now?” And he said, “We used to call them fraternities.”
I grabbed Euie went to the break room. We waited while he made tea, which he is quite good at. Mine is always bitter. Eventually we sat to eat and I had to tell him. “You know Hollis's client Penwood? And that business with the yard boy? So yesterday I had sex with the yard boy! And Hollis doesn't care.”
“About you or the yard boy?”
Well … either one I guess. He's ok with my helping with the account and he doesn't care at all what the yard boy does. He doesn't seem to like the yard boy.”
“Whereas you …?”
“... think the yard boy is hot. You know my little fondness for testicles? He is well-testicled young hombre. And maybe, just maybe, Carlos, that's his name, is a more willing participant than Hollis thinks.”
“You say 'sex' … how much can you get up to at Penwood's place?”
“Anything we want, I guess, as long as Penwood gets to watch.”
“Creepy,” Euie said in his politely non-judgemental way which means he actually thinks it's certifiably creepy to the core.
“No, it's not what you think. It's more personal between Carlos and me. Penwood is just sort of a voice in your head. Anyway, we went into Penwood's office and he said we could leave our clothes on a day bed. I was not sure what was going on so I followed Carlos's lead. He took off his clothes and waited for me. Euie, he's so cute! Warm and cuddly. You want to touch him. And his balls are nice, big enough the make his dick stick out a little and it looks like he has a semi all the time.” I was feeling that tingliness in my own dick at the memory. “Anyway, I got my clothes off and he took a look. 'Ay!' he said and gave me a little grin. 'Sexy Maxi.' He thinks my name is Max and he added the sexy part.”
“That's a very friendly approach, considering he's doing it for the money.”
“Euie, he's a poor immigrant! With a wife! Don't begrudge him a few dollars.”
“How few?”
“Two hundred. Penwood gave him a hundred and I gave him what Penwood gave me.”
“Two hundred just for jackin' off? I may need to reconsider my career choices.”
“It was more than jackin' off. At first it was going to be a simple jack off, but I was watching him and he was into it. Carlos was spurting after about ten seconds. Probably more than ten, but it seemed quick. Penwood was annoyed and wanted more.”
“Short fuse, huh?”
“Poor Carlos! He was embarrassed and made kind of a mess on what looked like expensive upholstery. So we, mostly me, cleaned it up and he even let me wipe his dick dry.”
“Seriously? He just lay back and you cleaned him up?”
“Mmm … more like he didn't have a chance to complain, I just charged right into it. Plus I had his balls in my other hand. He was wide-eyed, but otherwise docile as a puppy.”
“A puppy with big balls.” Euie's sly grin got bigger.
“ Ok, Eustis, a bit of testicle fettish is NOT that uncommon. At which point Penwood said something about being short-changed; he looked pointedly at Carlos and said 'No dinero,' which is clear English to most folks in this hemisphere. So Carlos on his own helped me jack off ... Don't even say it, Euie! By helped I mean he jacked me off. And he was very gentle and thorough, and pleased when I came.”
“How do you know he was pleased? Maybe he was glad it was over.”
“Because when it was over, he gave me a nice warm smile and, now that I think of it, he was still holding my dick. So I tried to return the favor; but, you know, he had just come and wasn't really ready to come again.” Euie was attentive but didn't comment.
“So, I stepped it up a little, giving him an anal massage. Pushing everywhere but in.” I saw Euie's eyebrows go up. “Just with my hand! That's all! And he seemed to like it a little but still he wasn't getting hard. So I asked Penwood if he had any lube, which he did, of course. I should have known. He had several kinds in his desk. I picked coconut. I put a little on a finger and penetrated just a little. That's got a 'No, no' and then a “Oooow!” out of Carlos. Penwood, you're right, it was creepy. Penwood pulled his chair up closer while I jacked Carlos's cock and fingered him. Penwood said, 'He likes it!' ”
“I told you ... mega-creepy!”
“You did. And then Penwood said, 'Look how he's squirming! He backing up on your finger.' Carlos was actually breathing heavily and playing with himself. 'You could fuck him. He's ready for it. Go ahead, Mac, put it in!' Carlos looked a little panicked; I think he understands 'put it in' as clearly as no dinero. I said, 'His body may be ready, but his head isn't.' And at that point, Carlos came. And he was so cute, looking right in my eyes, he sighed, 'Maxi, Maxi' and then he tried to hug me.”
“I'm full of admiration. The boy has talent, Maxi.”
“Then we went to get dressed and before we even picked up our underwear, Carlos grabbed me and kissed me. Full on the mouth. I was surprised and opened my eyes. I caught sight of us reflected in a big mirror across the room. Euie, it was a really hot picture. He was leaning into me, a beautiful arch to his back, sweet butt. Really, I wish I had a picture. It wasn't porn at all; it was human nature and trust and love and ...”
“Wow. Nice. No wonder you gave him your hundred.”
“I don't know if you can really appreciate that, Euie; but thanks for pretending.”
“What's the plan for tomorrow? I mean where do you go from here with Penwood?”
I didn't answer. Something wasn't right. I looked hard at Euie. Something … Yes! I got it. “Euie … why are you wearing the same clothes three days in a row?” Our Euie is not exactly a fashionista , but he does know enough to change his clothes. He mumbled something. “Three days, Euie?”
It seemed like a perfectly normal morning at work. I was reading the Financial Times. Euie was drinking some special kind of Ceylon tea he likes and eating a pain au chocolat. Hollis was looking ravenously at Euie's snack while making do with a Power Bar. Richard was doing some kind of dance in the hall waiting for George to finish a phone call. It was a while before all the invisible moving pieces came to light; but in fact everyone of us was facing an inner turmoil. The violence of our personal storms varied, but even a sunny day can turn nasty.
I couldn't help myself; I had to cry out, “This headline is written in iambic heptameter! Listen! Invéstors Bráced for Bánk's Retréat from Bόnd Portfόliόs. It begs for another line to finish the couplet.”
Hollis scowled at my interruption of his thought. Richard looked at me as if I were nuts. Euie crumpled up the wrapper of his pain au chocolat and headed for me mimicking my meter saying, “And Nό One hás Advίsed us yét on Hόw Much tό Disclόse.” He came right at me as if he was going to kiss me but at the last minute veered off and kissed my forehead. “And that's why we all love you, Mac. You're a fruitcake heavy on the nuts.” Personally, I think there is something sweet about a morning kiss even if it's sugary and on the forehead.
Richard growled from the hall, “Is that a reference to the size of his balls? 'Cause if it is, my balls are bigger than his. Tommy Lynn said so,” as if mentioning our late founder ended any debate.
“Oh, for fuck sake!” Hollis groaned. Hollis is not a morning person even when he has had terrific sex the night before. It's a safe guess that last night wasn't one of those nights.
“Just saying … it sounds like an incomplete couplet,” I put the paper down and turned to Mr. Penwood's 1099. So why am I doing it instead of Hollis? The answer to that is my personal tempest and sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Hollis about it.
George stuck his head out of his office. It's the only one with a real door; it used to be a bathroom. “Come on in Richard. Sorry to keep you waiting. Whatcha got for us?” They disappeared into the office and the door closed. Euie left to see if he could work out a deal for one of our smaller customers to let a bank do his payroll. That left me and my secret alone with Hollis the Pissed-Off-Already-Coworker.
“Hollis,” I eased into it. “I did you a favor.”
“Yeah, what's that?”
“I fixed the problem with Penwood's 1099.”
“What problem with his 1099? I took it to him last week and I jacked off with his yardboy. He had nothing to complain about. The form was on his desk and our cum was drying on his sofa when I left. And where's that Candied Chestnut intern anyway?”
“Maron,” I used Maron's preferred pronunciation, “is at County Records gtting a supply of forms. He should be back in … maybe an hour. He asked if he could help you.” Minor grumbling noises came from Hollis so I decided to plow ahead. “Anyway, it was just one small omission and an addition error. Not hard to fix at all.” I waited for his reaction; there wasn't one. “Penwood was pleased.” I paused again.
“Did he fuck you?” Hollis asked.
“No, but … um … the yard boy, Carlos, was there … and Penwood wanted some distraction. Tax forms are fairly dull business.” Still no reaction. “So, Carlos and I, we put on a little show and Penwood liked it … he wants us back again.” That got a reaction.
“Are you trying to steal my account?” A seriously pissed-off Hollis is a sight to behold.
“No, no! You'll still do the monthly investments. He just wants me to double check his taxes and maybe fool around with Carlos some more … um … tomorrow.”
“I do the investments,” Hollis said. I nodded. “I get the commission.” I said of course. “I keep the account.”
“Yes, I'm just sort of your assistant for special matters, like taxes.”
“And messing with the yardboy?”
“I think so; I'm not sure.” I could have said I hope so, but that would give Hollis leverage.
“Do I still have to pay the yardboy?” a mollified Hollis asked.
“What? I don't know anything about that, but I saw Penwood give him some cash.” Penwood gave me some cash, too; but I don't need to tell Hollis everything.
“Good. I'm cuttin' him off. Him and his money-grubbing wife.”
“Penwood's wife?”
“No, idiot. Who would marry Penwood? Carlos's wife.” That was a curve ball. I didn't know Carlos had a wife. “She's the one who made Carlos ask for more money the second time.”
Well, he's got a daughter. I saw her on the tax worksheet. Somebody must have married him.”
“Carlos?”
“No, Penwood,” I clarified.
“Fuck it. I'm keeping the account. You can have Penwood, Carlos, and the daughter! And maybe tomorrow you could show me exactly where I fucked up the 1099?”
He left to meet a prospective client just as Euie came in. I could hear them in the doorway downstairs. Hollis must not have been bothered by what I told him because he sounded cordial with Euie, which isn't always what you expect and Euie sounded like a robot, which isn't what you expect from him, either. I called down to him,
“Euie, are you eating in or out today? I'm going to that new deli. You can come or I can bring stuff back if you want.”
I returned about 20 minutes later carrying lunch and feeling good. I think the guy at the sandwich board was checkin' me out. Nothing happened, but the possibility keeps hopes alive. And in Middleburg! Ten years ago there wasn't a gay guy for miles. Lately the Shenandoah Plain is getting more and more interesting. Just the other day I said to Hollis, “You know James Madison has a gay student organization now?” And he said, “We used to call them fraternities.”
I grabbed Euie went to the break room. We waited while he made tea, which he is quite good at. Mine is always bitter. Eventually we sat to eat and I had to tell him. “You know Hollis's client Penwood? And that business with the yard boy? So yesterday I had sex with the yard boy! And Hollis doesn't care.”
“About you or the yard boy?”
Well … either one I guess. He's ok with my helping with the account and he doesn't care at all what the yard boy does. He doesn't seem to like the yard boy.”
“Whereas you …?”
“... think the yard boy is hot. You know my little fondness for testicles? He is well-testicled young hombre. And maybe, just maybe, Carlos, that's his name, is a more willing participant than Hollis thinks.”
“You say 'sex' … how much can you get up to at Penwood's place?”
“Anything we want, I guess, as long as Penwood gets to watch.”
“Creepy,” Euie said in his politely non-judgemental way which means he actually thinks it's certifiably creepy to the core.
“No, it's not what you think. It's more personal between Carlos and me. Penwood is just sort of a voice in your head. Anyway, we went into Penwood's office and he said we could leave our clothes on a day bed. I was not sure what was going on so I followed Carlos's lead. He took off his clothes and waited for me. Euie, he's so cute! Warm and cuddly. You want to touch him. And his balls are nice, big enough the make his dick stick out a little and it looks like he has a semi all the time.” I was feeling that tingliness in my own dick at the memory. “Anyway, I got my clothes off and he took a look. 'Ay!' he said and gave me a little grin. 'Sexy Maxi.' He thinks my name is Max and he added the sexy part.”
“That's a very friendly approach, considering he's doing it for the money.”
“Euie, he's a poor immigrant! With a wife! Don't begrudge him a few dollars.”
“How few?”
“Two hundred. Penwood gave him a hundred and I gave him what Penwood gave me.”
“Two hundred just for jackin' off? I may need to reconsider my career choices.”
“It was more than jackin' off. At first it was going to be a simple jack off, but I was watching him and he was into it. Carlos was spurting after about ten seconds. Probably more than ten, but it seemed quick. Penwood was annoyed and wanted more.”
“Short fuse, huh?”
“Poor Carlos! He was embarrassed and made kind of a mess on what looked like expensive upholstery. So we, mostly me, cleaned it up and he even let me wipe his dick dry.”
“Seriously? He just lay back and you cleaned him up?”
“Mmm … more like he didn't have a chance to complain, I just charged right into it. Plus I had his balls in my other hand. He was wide-eyed, but otherwise docile as a puppy.”
“A puppy with big balls.” Euie's sly grin got bigger.
“ Ok, Eustis, a bit of testicle fettish is NOT that uncommon. At which point Penwood said something about being short-changed; he looked pointedly at Carlos and said 'No dinero,' which is clear English to most folks in this hemisphere. So Carlos on his own helped me jack off ... Don't even say it, Euie! By helped I mean he jacked me off. And he was very gentle and thorough, and pleased when I came.”
“How do you know he was pleased? Maybe he was glad it was over.”
“Because when it was over, he gave me a nice warm smile and, now that I think of it, he was still holding my dick. So I tried to return the favor; but, you know, he had just come and wasn't really ready to come again.” Euie was attentive but didn't comment.
“So, I stepped it up a little, giving him an anal massage. Pushing everywhere but in.” I saw Euie's eyebrows go up. “Just with my hand! That's all! And he seemed to like it a little but still he wasn't getting hard. So I asked Penwood if he had any lube, which he did, of course. I should have known. He had several kinds in his desk. I picked coconut. I put a little on a finger and penetrated just a little. That's got a 'No, no' and then a “Oooow!” out of Carlos. Penwood, you're right, it was creepy. Penwood pulled his chair up closer while I jacked Carlos's cock and fingered him. Penwood said, 'He likes it!' ”
“I told you ... mega-creepy!”
“You did. And then Penwood said, 'Look how he's squirming! He backing up on your finger.' Carlos was actually breathing heavily and playing with himself. 'You could fuck him. He's ready for it. Go ahead, Mac, put it in!' Carlos looked a little panicked; I think he understands 'put it in' as clearly as no dinero. I said, 'His body may be ready, but his head isn't.' And at that point, Carlos came. And he was so cute, looking right in my eyes, he sighed, 'Maxi, Maxi' and then he tried to hug me.”
“I'm full of admiration. The boy has talent, Maxi.”
“Then we went to get dressed and before we even picked up our underwear, Carlos grabbed me and kissed me. Full on the mouth. I was surprised and opened my eyes. I caught sight of us reflected in a big mirror across the room. Euie, it was a really hot picture. He was leaning into me, a beautiful arch to his back, sweet butt. Really, I wish I had a picture. It wasn't porn at all; it was human nature and trust and love and ...”
“Wow. Nice. No wonder you gave him your hundred.”
“I don't know if you can really appreciate that, Euie; but thanks for pretending.”
“What's the plan for tomorrow? I mean where do you go from here with Penwood?”
I didn't answer. Something wasn't right. I looked hard at Euie. Something … Yes! I got it. “Euie … why are you wearing the same clothes three days in a row?” Our Euie is not exactly a fashionista , but he does know enough to change his clothes. He mumbled something. “Three days, Euie?”
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Nine - Mac
It seemed like a perfectly normal morning at work. I was reading the Financial Times. Euie was drinking some special kind of Ceylon tea he likes and eating a pain au chocolat. Hollis was looking ravenously at Euie's snack while making do with a Power Bar. Richard was doing some kind of dance in the hall waiting for George to finish a phone call. It was a while before all the invisible moving pieces came to light; but in fact everyone of us was facing an inner turmoil. The violence of our personal storms varied, but even a sunny day can turn nasty.
I couldn't help myself; I had to cry out, “This headline is written in iambic heptameter! Listen! Invéstors Bráced for Bánk's Retréat from Bόnd Portfόliόs. It begs for another line to finish the couplet.”
Hollis scowled at my interruption of his thought. Richard looked at me as if I were nuts. Euie crumpled up the wrapper of his pain au chocolat and headed for me mimicking my meter saying, “And Nό One hás Advίsed us yét on Hόw Much tό Disclόse.” He came right at me as if he was going to kiss me but at the last minute veered off and kissed my forehead. “And that's why we all love you, Mac. You're a fruitcake heavy on the nuts.” Personally, I think there is something sweet about a morning kiss even if it's sugary and on the forehead.
Richard growled from the hall, “Is that a reference to the size of his balls? 'Cause if it is, my balls are bigger than his. Tommy Lynn said so,” as if mentioning our late founder ended any debate.
“Oh, for fuck sake!” Hollis groaned. Hollis is not a morning person even when he has had terrific sex the night before. It's a safe guess that last night wasn't one of those nights.
“Just saying … it sounds like an incomplete couplet,” I put the paper down and turned to Mr. Penwood's 1099. So why am I doing it instead of Hollis? The answer to that is my personal tempest and sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Hollis about it.
George stuck his head out of his office. It's the only one with a real door; it used to be a bathroom. “Come on in Richard. Sorry to keep you waiting. Whatcha got for us?” They disappeared into the office and the door closed. Euie left to see if he could work out a deal for one of our smaller customers to let a bank do his payroll. That left me and my secret alone with Hollis the Pissed-Off-Already-Coworker.
“Hollis,” I eased into it. “I did you a favor.”
“Yeah, what's that?”
“I fixed the problem with Penwood's 1099.”
“What problem with his 1099? I took it to him last week and I jacked off with his yardboy. He had nothing to complain about. The form was on his desk and our cum was drying on his sofa when I left. And where's that Candied Chestnut intern anyway?”
“Maron,” I used Maron's preferred pronunciation, “is at County Records gtting a supply of forms. He should be back in … maybe an hour. He asked if he could help you.” Minor grumbling noises came from Hollis so I decided to plow ahead. “Anyway, it was just one small omission and an addition error. Not hard to fix at all.” I waited for his reaction; there wasn't one. “Penwood was pleased.” I paused again.
“Did he fuck you?” Hollis asked.
“No, but … um … the yard boy, Carlos, was there … and Penwood wanted some distraction. Tax forms are fairly dull business.” Still no reaction. “So, Carlos and I, we put on a little show and Penwood liked it … he wants us back again.” That got a reaction.
“Are you trying to steal my account?” A seriously pissed-off Hollis is a sight to behold.
“No, no! You'll still do the monthly investments. He just wants me to double check his taxes and maybe fool around with Carlos some more … um … tomorrow.”
“I do the investments,” Hollis said. I nodded. “I get the commission.” I said of course. “I keep the account.”
“Yes, I'm just sort of your assistant for special matters, like taxes.”
“And messing with the yardboy?”
“I think so; I'm not sure.” I could have said I hope so, but that would give Hollis leverage.
“Do I still have to pay the yardboy?” a mollified Hollis asked.
“What? I don't know anything about that, but I saw Penwood give him some cash.” Penwood gave me some cash, too; but I don't need to tell Hollis everything.
“Good. I'm cuttin' him off. Him and his money-grubbing wife.”
“Penwood's wife?”
“No, idiot. Who would marry Penwood? Carlos's wife.” That was a curve ball. I didn't know Carlos had a wife. “She's the one who made Carlos ask for more money the second time.”
Well, he's got a daughter. I saw her on the tax worksheet. Somebody must have married him.”
“Carlos?”
“No, Penwood,” I clarified.
“Fuck it. I'm keeping the account. You can have Penwood, Carlos, and the daughter! And maybe tomorrow you could show me exactly where I fucked up the 1099?”
He left to meet a prospective client just as Euie came in. I could hear them in the doorway downstairs. Hollis must not have been bothered by what I told him because he sounded cordial with Euie, which isn't always what you expect and Euie sounded like a robot, which isn't what you expect from him, either. I called down to him,
“Euie, are you eating in or out today? I'm going to that new deli. You can come or I can bring stuff back if you want.”
I returned about 20 minutes later carrying lunch and feeling good. I think the guy at the sandwich board was checkin' me out. Nothing happened, but the possibility keeps hopes alive. And in Middleburg! Ten years ago there wasn't a gay guy for miles. Lately the Shenandoah Plain is getting more and more interesting. Just the other day I said to Hollis, “You know James Madison has a gay student organization now?” And he said, “We used to call them fraternities.”
I grabbed Euie went to the break room. We waited while he made tea, something he is quite good at. Mine is always bitter. Eventually we sat to eat and I had to tell him. “You know Hollis's client Penwood? And that business with the yard boy? So yesterday I had sex with the yard boy! And Hollis doesn't care.”
“About you or the yard boy?”
Well … either one I guess. He's ok with my helping with the account and he doesn't care at all what the yard boy does. He doesn't seem to like the yard boy.”
“Whereas you …?”
“... think the yard boy is hot. You know my little fondness for testicles? He is a well-testicled young hombre. And maybe, just maybe, Carlos, that's his name, is a more willing participant than Hollis thinks.”
“You say 'sex' … how much can you get up to at Penwood's place?”
“Anything we want, I guess, as long as Penwood gets to watch.”
“Creepy,” Euie said in his politely non-judgemental way which means he actually thinks it's certifiably creepy to the core.
“No, it's not what you think. It's more personal between Carlos and me. Penwood is just sort of a voice in your head. Anyway, we went into Penwood's office and he said we could leave our clothes on a day bed. I was not sure what was going on so I followed Carlos's lead. He took off his clothes and waited for me. Euie, he's so cute! Warm and cuddly. You want to touch him. And his balls are nice, big enough they make his dick stick out a little and it looks like he has a semi all the time.” I was feeling that tingliness in my own dick at the memory. “Anyway, I got my clothes off and he took a look. 'Ay!' he said and gave me a little grin. 'Sexy Maxi.' He thinks my name is Max and he added the sexy part.”
“That's a very friendly approach, considering he's doing it for the money.”
“Euie, he's a poor immigrant! With a wife! Don't begrudge him a few dollars.”
“How few?”
“Two hundred. Penwood gave him a hundred and I gave him what Penwood gave me.”
“Two hundred just for jackin' off? I may need to reconsider my career choices.”
“It was more than jackin' off. At first it was going to be a simple jack off, but I was watching him and he was into it. Carlos was spurting after about ten seconds. Probably more than ten, but it seemed quick. Penwood was annoyed and wanted more.”
“Short fuse, huh?”
“Poor Carlos! He was embarrassed and made kind of a mess on what looked like expensive upholstery. So we, mostly me, cleaned it up and he even let me wipe his dick dry.”
“Seriously? He just lay back and you cleaned him up?”
“Mmm … more like he didn't have a chance to complain, I just charged right into it. Plus I had his balls in my other hand. He was wide-eyed, but otherwise docile as a puppy.”
“A puppy with big balls.” Euie's sly grin got bigger.
“ Ok, Eustis, a bit of testicle fettish is NOT that uncommon. At which point Penwood said something about being short-changed; he looked pointedly at Carlos and said 'No dinero,' which is clear English to most folks in this hemisphere. So Carlos on his own helped me jack off ... Don't even say it, Euie! By helped I mean he jacked me off. And he was very gentle and thorough, and pleased when I came.”
“How do you know he was pleased? Maybe he was glad it was over.”
“Because when it was over, he gave me a nice warm smile and, now that I think of it, he was still holding my dick. So I tried to return the favor; but, you know, he had just come and wasn't really ready to come again.” Euie was attentive but didn't comment.
“So, I stepped it up a little, giving him an anal massage. Pushing everywhere but in.” I saw Euie's eyebrows go up. “Just with my hand! That's all! And he seemed to like it a little but still he wasn't getting hard. So I asked Penwood if he had any lube, which he did, of course. I should have known. He had several kinds in his desk. I picked coconut. I put a little on a finger and penetrated just a little. That's got a 'No, no' and then a “Oooow!” out of Carlos. Penwood, you're right, it was creepy. Penwood pulled his chair up closer while I jacked Carlos's cock and fingered him. Penwood said, 'He likes it!' ”
“I told you ... mega-creepy!”
“You did. And then Penwood said, 'Look how he's squirming! He backing up on your finger.' Carlos was actually breathing heavily and playing with himself. 'You could fuck him. He's ready for it. Go ahead, Mac, put it in!' Carlos looked a little panicked; I think he understands 'put it in' as clearly as no dinero. I said, 'His body may be ready, but his head isn't.' And at that point, Carlos came. And he was so cute, looking right in my eyes, he sighed, 'Maxi, Maxi' and then he tried to hug me.”
“I'm full of admiration. The boy has talent, Maxi.”
“Then we went to get dressed and before we even picked up our underwear, Carlos grabbed me and kissed me. Full on the mouth. I was surprised and opened my eyes. I caught sight of us reflected in a big mirror across the room. Euie, it was a really hot picture. He was leaning into me, a beautiful arch to his back, sweet butt. Really, I wish I had a picture. It wasn't porn at all; it was human nature and trust and love and ...”
“Wow. Nice. No wonder you gave him your hundred.”
“I don't know if you can really appreciate that, Euie; but thanks for pretending.”
“What's the plan for tomorrow? I mean where do you go from here with Penwood?”
I didn't answer. Something wasn't right. I looked hard at Euie. Something … Yes! I got it. “Euie … why are you wearing the same clothes three days in a row?” Our Euie is not exactly a fashionista , but he does know enough to change his clothes. He mumbled something. “Three days, Euie?”
It seemed like a perfectly normal morning at work. I was reading the Financial Times. Euie was drinking some special kind of Ceylon tea he likes and eating a pain au chocolat. Hollis was looking ravenously at Euie's snack while making do with a Power Bar. Richard was doing some kind of dance in the hall waiting for George to finish a phone call. It was a while before all the invisible moving pieces came to light; but in fact everyone of us was facing an inner turmoil. The violence of our personal storms varied, but even a sunny day can turn nasty.
I couldn't help myself; I had to cry out, “This headline is written in iambic heptameter! Listen! Invéstors Bráced for Bánk's Retréat from Bόnd Portfόliόs. It begs for another line to finish the couplet.”
Hollis scowled at my interruption of his thought. Richard looked at me as if I were nuts. Euie crumpled up the wrapper of his pain au chocolat and headed for me mimicking my meter saying, “And Nό One hás Advίsed us yét on Hόw Much tό Disclόse.” He came right at me as if he was going to kiss me but at the last minute veered off and kissed my forehead. “And that's why we all love you, Mac. You're a fruitcake heavy on the nuts.” Personally, I think there is something sweet about a morning kiss even if it's sugary and on the forehead.
Richard growled from the hall, “Is that a reference to the size of his balls? 'Cause if it is, my balls are bigger than his. Tommy Lynn said so,” as if mentioning our late founder ended any debate.
“Oh, for fuck sake!” Hollis groaned. Hollis is not a morning person even when he has had terrific sex the night before. It's a safe guess that last night wasn't one of those nights.
“Just saying … it sounds like an incomplete couplet,” I put the paper down and turned to Mr. Penwood's 1099. So why am I doing it instead of Hollis? The answer to that is my personal tempest and sooner or later I'm going to have to tell Hollis about it.
George stuck his head out of his office. It's the only one with a real door; it used to be a bathroom. “Come on in Richard. Sorry to keep you waiting. Whatcha got for us?” They disappeared into the office and the door closed. Euie left to see if he could work out a deal for one of our smaller customers to let a bank do his payroll. That left me and my secret alone with Hollis the Pissed-Off-Already-Coworker.
“Hollis,” I eased into it. “I did you a favor.”
“Yeah, what's that?”
“I fixed the problem with Penwood's 1099.”
“What problem with his 1099? I took it to him last week and I jacked off with his yardboy. He had nothing to complain about. The form was on his desk and our cum was drying on his sofa when I left. And where's that Candied Chestnut intern anyway?”
“Maron,” I used Maron's preferred pronunciation, “is at County Records gtting a supply of forms. He should be back in … maybe an hour. He asked if he could help you.” Minor grumbling noises came from Hollis so I decided to plow ahead. “Anyway, it was just one small omission and an addition error. Not hard to fix at all.” I waited for his reaction; there wasn't one. “Penwood was pleased.” I paused again.
“Did he fuck you?” Hollis asked.
“No, but … um … the yard boy, Carlos, was there … and Penwood wanted some distraction. Tax forms are fairly dull business.” Still no reaction. “So, Carlos and I, we put on a little show and Penwood liked it … he wants us back again.” That got a reaction.
“Are you trying to steal my account?” A seriously pissed-off Hollis is a sight to behold.
“No, no! You'll still do the monthly investments. He just wants me to double check his taxes and maybe fool around with Carlos some more … um … tomorrow.”
“I do the investments,” Hollis said. I nodded. “I get the commission.” I said of course. “I keep the account.”
“Yes, I'm just sort of your assistant for special matters, like taxes.”
“And messing with the yardboy?”
“I think so; I'm not sure.” I could have said I hope so, but that would give Hollis leverage.
“Do I still have to pay the yardboy?” a mollified Hollis asked.
“What? I don't know anything about that, but I saw Penwood give him some cash.” Penwood gave me some cash, too; but I don't need to tell Hollis everything.
“Good. I'm cuttin' him off. Him and his money-grubbing wife.”
“Penwood's wife?”
“No, idiot. Who would marry Penwood? Carlos's wife.” That was a curve ball. I didn't know Carlos had a wife. “She's the one who made Carlos ask for more money the second time.”
Well, he's got a daughter. I saw her on the tax worksheet. Somebody must have married him.”
“Carlos?”
“No, Penwood,” I clarified.
“Fuck it. I'm keeping the account. You can have Penwood, Carlos, and the daughter! And maybe tomorrow you could show me exactly where I fucked up the 1099?”
He left to meet a prospective client just as Euie came in. I could hear them in the doorway downstairs. Hollis must not have been bothered by what I told him because he sounded cordial with Euie, which isn't always what you expect and Euie sounded like a robot, which isn't what you expect from him, either. I called down to him,
“Euie, are you eating in or out today? I'm going to that new deli. You can come or I can bring stuff back if you want.”
I returned about 20 minutes later carrying lunch and feeling good. I think the guy at the sandwich board was checkin' me out. Nothing happened, but the possibility keeps hopes alive. And in Middleburg! Ten years ago there wasn't a gay guy for miles. Lately the Shenandoah Plain is getting more and more interesting. Just the other day I said to Hollis, “You know James Madison has a gay student organization now?” And he said, “We used to call them fraternities.”
I grabbed Euie went to the break room. We waited while he made tea, something he is quite good at. Mine is always bitter. Eventually we sat to eat and I had to tell him. “You know Hollis's client Penwood? And that business with the yard boy? So yesterday I had sex with the yard boy! And Hollis doesn't care.”
“About you or the yard boy?”
Well … either one I guess. He's ok with my helping with the account and he doesn't care at all what the yard boy does. He doesn't seem to like the yard boy.”
“Whereas you …?”
“... think the yard boy is hot. You know my little fondness for testicles? He is a well-testicled young hombre. And maybe, just maybe, Carlos, that's his name, is a more willing participant than Hollis thinks.”
“You say 'sex' … how much can you get up to at Penwood's place?”
“Anything we want, I guess, as long as Penwood gets to watch.”
“Creepy,” Euie said in his politely non-judgemental way which means he actually thinks it's certifiably creepy to the core.
“No, it's not what you think. It's more personal between Carlos and me. Penwood is just sort of a voice in your head. Anyway, we went into Penwood's office and he said we could leave our clothes on a day bed. I was not sure what was going on so I followed Carlos's lead. He took off his clothes and waited for me. Euie, he's so cute! Warm and cuddly. You want to touch him. And his balls are nice, big enough they make his dick stick out a little and it looks like he has a semi all the time.” I was feeling that tingliness in my own dick at the memory. “Anyway, I got my clothes off and he took a look. 'Ay!' he said and gave me a little grin. 'Sexy Maxi.' He thinks my name is Max and he added the sexy part.”
“That's a very friendly approach, considering he's doing it for the money.”
“Euie, he's a poor immigrant! With a wife! Don't begrudge him a few dollars.”
“How few?”
“Two hundred. Penwood gave him a hundred and I gave him what Penwood gave me.”
“Two hundred just for jackin' off? I may need to reconsider my career choices.”
“It was more than jackin' off. At first it was going to be a simple jack off, but I was watching him and he was into it. Carlos was spurting after about ten seconds. Probably more than ten, but it seemed quick. Penwood was annoyed and wanted more.”
“Short fuse, huh?”
“Poor Carlos! He was embarrassed and made kind of a mess on what looked like expensive upholstery. So we, mostly me, cleaned it up and he even let me wipe his dick dry.”
“Seriously? He just lay back and you cleaned him up?”
“Mmm … more like he didn't have a chance to complain, I just charged right into it. Plus I had his balls in my other hand. He was wide-eyed, but otherwise docile as a puppy.”
“A puppy with big balls.” Euie's sly grin got bigger.
“ Ok, Eustis, a bit of testicle fettish is NOT that uncommon. At which point Penwood said something about being short-changed; he looked pointedly at Carlos and said 'No dinero,' which is clear English to most folks in this hemisphere. So Carlos on his own helped me jack off ... Don't even say it, Euie! By helped I mean he jacked me off. And he was very gentle and thorough, and pleased when I came.”
“How do you know he was pleased? Maybe he was glad it was over.”
“Because when it was over, he gave me a nice warm smile and, now that I think of it, he was still holding my dick. So I tried to return the favor; but, you know, he had just come and wasn't really ready to come again.” Euie was attentive but didn't comment.
“So, I stepped it up a little, giving him an anal massage. Pushing everywhere but in.” I saw Euie's eyebrows go up. “Just with my hand! That's all! And he seemed to like it a little but still he wasn't getting hard. So I asked Penwood if he had any lube, which he did, of course. I should have known. He had several kinds in his desk. I picked coconut. I put a little on a finger and penetrated just a little. That's got a 'No, no' and then a “Oooow!” out of Carlos. Penwood, you're right, it was creepy. Penwood pulled his chair up closer while I jacked Carlos's cock and fingered him. Penwood said, 'He likes it!' ”
“I told you ... mega-creepy!”
“You did. And then Penwood said, 'Look how he's squirming! He backing up on your finger.' Carlos was actually breathing heavily and playing with himself. 'You could fuck him. He's ready for it. Go ahead, Mac, put it in!' Carlos looked a little panicked; I think he understands 'put it in' as clearly as no dinero. I said, 'His body may be ready, but his head isn't.' And at that point, Carlos came. And he was so cute, looking right in my eyes, he sighed, 'Maxi, Maxi' and then he tried to hug me.”
“I'm full of admiration. The boy has talent, Maxi.”
“Then we went to get dressed and before we even picked up our underwear, Carlos grabbed me and kissed me. Full on the mouth. I was surprised and opened my eyes. I caught sight of us reflected in a big mirror across the room. Euie, it was a really hot picture. He was leaning into me, a beautiful arch to his back, sweet butt. Really, I wish I had a picture. It wasn't porn at all; it was human nature and trust and love and ...”
“Wow. Nice. No wonder you gave him your hundred.”
“I don't know if you can really appreciate that, Euie; but thanks for pretending.”
“What's the plan for tomorrow? I mean where do you go from here with Penwood?”
I didn't answer. Something wasn't right. I looked hard at Euie. Something … Yes! I got it. “Euie … why are you wearing the same clothes three days in a row?” Our Euie is not exactly a fashionista , but he does know enough to change his clothes. He mumbled something. “Three days, Euie?”
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Ten – Sleuthing and Counter-sleuthing
“Three days in the same clothes, Euie!”
“Um … Uh … Well ...”
“You didn't go home last night, did you?” Pause. “Or the night before?” I could see he was weighing what to tell me.
“I stayed with a friend who is going through a rough patch. More than a rough patch really. He's being preyed on by a sexual predator. Maybe. He might be. We think. It's weird and I didn't want to leave him alone.”
“Uh-huh. And did you sleep with him?”
Euie answered in a flood of words, “He only has one bed. And his other furniture is really basic. It's a big bed. Well, pretty big; and we didn't have sex.”
“Easy! I'm not accusing you of anything. Total truth: I'd be happy for you if you were ...”
“But we're not.” This time Euie looked down at his work, not meeting my eye.
“Can I ask who it is?”
“...mumble ...”
“Who?”
“Vince.”
“Viking Vince? Two doors away?” He nodded yes. “What else aren't you telling me?”
“Nothing. We're working on his problem. Really.”
“It's hard to believe he has a problem. Tell me more.”
“There's nothing more to tell.”
“Yes, there is. You 're not fooling me, Euie.”
“Ok, there is, But I'm not ready to talk about it.”
“Say one thing about him.”
“Uh ...” Euie's brow wrinkled and then he smiled at a memory. “The first time I went to his apartment I knocked and he called out 'Come on in.' So I did and he was sitting on … I can't lie … a pretty ratty looking sofa reading a book. 'What are you reading?' I asked and he said, 'Constitutive Panpsychism.' My face must have asked the next question. 'It's a theory of universal consciousness – that everything is conscious, people, animals, rocks, maybe even atomic particles.' And I said that's kind of New Age-y.' and he said 'Yes, except it is the best explanation for quantum field theory, and QFT is one hundred percent scientific. Well, except for the people who don't believe it. They say it's bullshit.' Mac, how many butchers do you know who can discuss panpsychism and quantum field theory?”
“One, now that you have told me about him. Vincent the scientific butcher, huh. Are you a little smitten, Euie?”
“His name's not Vincent. It's Vincennes.” Euie pronounced it the French way. “It's a suburb of Paris. His parents conceived him there. They think. He says it's better than being called Le Havre, where they were the night before.”
“So what's his big problem. Sex predator, you said?”
“Maybe I'm exaggerating. I don't know. Maybe the dude's just a stalker. I told him to go to the police, but he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.”
“Police? Lonnie's still has connections. You could talk to him without committing to anything.”
“As in Lonnie and Donnie? The guys who used to live next to Vince? They're still together?”
“I'm pretty sure. They live near Purcellville now, since all that voyeur business went public.”
“Maybe that would work. Vince's truck is out there. I'm gonna go talk to him right now. Be back soon.”
My good deed for the day. I started on another set of tax returns when much to my relief Maron returned with a fresh supply of forms. “Maron, how'd you like to learn all about the mysteries of the Form 8949, Sale of Capital Assets.”
“Yeah, we learned all about that in my Tax Prep class.”
“Not this woman's house you didn't. First of all it's not clear when she acquired it. Or what it was worth assuming she did acquire it. Or if the person she sold it to was a bona fide buyer. Or whether she has liability for the fire that burned only the side porch that she wanted to replace anyway.”
“When in doubt, go with the government regulations. That's what the prof said.” Maron sat and opened the second button of his plaid flannel shirt. “How does Euie wear these things and look so fresh all the time?”
“He won't wear them until they've been washed a couple dozen times and he doesn't wear an undershirt. Now the thing about the property is all the value is in the land. The house is trivial. The buyer is going to tear it down. It's three hundred fifty-seven beautiful acres in prime hunt country. The barn alone is worth more than the house. And everything about the house is fucked up to a fare-thee-well. I told her to get it appraised and donate it to the fire department for training. Then we wouldn't have to mess with all the history. But she says, 'Mac, Thomas Jefferson copied the curve of the west bannister; we can't just …' And I tell her, 'The buyer is going to TEAR IT DOWN and nobody can prove Thomas Jefferson ever set foot on the property.” I paused out of breath.
Maron said, “If the house is near the road, she could carve off the house and a bit of the property and donate it to some historical society. All you'd need is a current appraised value; the cost basis wouldn't be challenged and the other problems become irrelevant.”
“Maron, sweetie, are you good with little old ladies? Maybe you could sell her on the idea.”
“Mac, I realize you're gay, but please don't call me sweetie.”
I detected a hint of superiority in his youthful voice, which was annoying, but it was a reasonable request politely delivered. “Sorry, it's a sloppy habit.”
“It's not you. It reminded me of this accounting professor I had. You wouldn't believe the stuff he tried on me, calling me sweetie being the least of them.”
“Oh my God. Do you mean Professor Inglis or is there a new one?”
“Yes! Inglis! How do you know?”
“Maron, he has been having his way with boys since shortly after the school went coed.”
“Which was in 1946. I don't think he's THAT old.”
“Richard knows the most about him, if you want to know more.” Maron went silent on the subject and we went back to work on Marlee Perry's house sale.
“The picture of industry,” Hollis remarked when he came back. “This is what made us cross mountains, settle prairies, discover the fountain of youth.”
“You're cheery. Did you get the account?”
“No, but I got a lead on something better. A group medical practice, administered by a woman.”
“Maron and I were just going over life at JMU. Things have changed so much in just a few years. Not just that gay student association, the whole attitude.” Hollis didn't bite, so I prodded. “Hollis, you remember Professor Inglis?” That got him.
“Inglis … jeez! If you think he was bad you need to meet more of my clients. Like the guy I just called on. He's forty and successful, by which I mean somewhere in the five to ten million range – not all of it liquid, and so entitled. Ten years ago he was probably semi-hot; today not at all. And he acts like I should drop to my knees and start suckin' when he comes through the door.”
I looked at Maron; he was bug-eyed. “So did you?” I asked Hollis.
“No, but I made a show of checking him out. He loved that. Speaking of the randy professor, it turned out he was good training for dealing with our customers ... You know, maybe we should look for a straighter clientele ... This guy today was playing with his dick all the time I was there the way Inglis used to in his office.”
“Never close the office door. That was my motto,” I laughed.
Hollis laughed, too. “I closed the door. I needed an A.”
“Did you get the A?” Maron croaked.
“Bet you ass. With honors.” Hollis turned back to me. “So fuckface thinks he doesn't NEED a financial advisor; but, as I said, he did tell me about a medical group practice that's about to incorporate. I'm going to see them tomorrow.”
“What did you have to do to get that bit of 411?”
“Took a piss at the urinal next to him, Let him look.”
Poor Maron looked green. Welcome to the real world, babykins.
“Three days in the same clothes, Euie!”
“Um … Uh … Well ...”
“You didn't go home last night, did you?” Pause. “Or the night before?” I could see he was weighing what to tell me.
“I stayed with a friend who is going through a rough patch. More than a rough patch really. He's being preyed on by a sexual predator. Maybe. He might be. We think. It's weird and I didn't want to leave him alone.”
“Uh-huh. And did you sleep with him?”
Euie answered in a flood of words, “He only has one bed. And his other furniture is really basic. It's a big bed. Well, pretty big; and we didn't have sex.”
“Easy! I'm not accusing you of anything. Total truth: I'd be happy for you if you were ...”
“But we're not.” This time Euie looked down at his work, not meeting my eye.
“Can I ask who it is?”
“...mumble ...”
“Who?”
“Vince.”
“Viking Vince? Two doors away?” He nodded yes. “What else aren't you telling me?”
“Nothing. We're working on his problem. Really.”
“It's hard to believe he has a problem. Tell me more.”
“There's nothing more to tell.”
“Yes, there is. You 're not fooling me, Euie.”
“Ok, there is, But I'm not ready to talk about it.”
“Say one thing about him.”
“Uh ...” Euie's brow wrinkled and then he smiled at a memory. “The first time I went to his apartment I knocked and he called out 'Come on in.' So I did and he was sitting on … I can't lie … a pretty ratty looking sofa reading a book. 'What are you reading?' I asked and he said, 'Constitutive Panpsychism.' My face must have asked the next question. 'It's a theory of universal consciousness – that everything is conscious, people, animals, rocks, maybe even atomic particles.' And I said that's kind of New Age-y.' and he said 'Yes, except it is the best explanation for quantum field theory, and QFT is one hundred percent scientific. Well, except for the people who don't believe it. They say it's bullshit.' Mac, how many butchers do you know who can discuss panpsychism and quantum field theory?”
“One, now that you have told me about him. Vincent the scientific butcher, huh. Are you a little smitten, Euie?”
“His name's not Vincent. It's Vincennes.” Euie pronounced it the French way. “It's a suburb of Paris. His parents conceived him there. They think. He says it's better than being called Le Havre, where they were the night before.”
“So what's his big problem. Sex predator, you said?”
“Maybe I'm exaggerating. I don't know. Maybe the dude's just a stalker. I told him to go to the police, but he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.”
“Police? Lonnie's still has connections. You could talk to him without committing to anything.”
“As in Lonnie and Donnie? The guys who used to live next to Vince? They're still together?”
“I'm pretty sure. They live near Purcellville now, since all that voyeur business went public.”
“Maybe that would work. Vince's truck is out there. I'm gonna go talk to him right now. Be back soon.”
My good deed for the day. I started on another set of tax returns when much to my relief Maron returned with a fresh supply of forms. “Maron, how'd you like to learn all about the mysteries of the Form 8949, Sale of Capital Assets.”
“Yeah, we learned all about that in my Tax Prep class.”
“Not this woman's house you didn't. First of all it's not clear when she acquired it. Or what it was worth assuming she did acquire it. Or if the person she sold it to was a bona fide buyer. Or whether she has liability for the fire that burned only the side porch that she wanted to replace anyway.”
“When in doubt, go with the government regulations. That's what the prof said.” Maron sat and opened the second button of his plaid flannel shirt. “How does Euie wear these things and look so fresh all the time?”
“He won't wear them until they've been washed a couple dozen times and he doesn't wear an undershirt. Now the thing about the property is all the value is in the land. The house is trivial. The buyer is going to tear it down. It's three hundred fifty-seven beautiful acres in prime hunt country. The barn alone is worth more than the house. And everything about the house is fucked up to a fare-thee-well. I told her to get it appraised and donate it to the fire department for training. Then we wouldn't have to mess with all the history. But she says, 'Mac, Thomas Jefferson copied the curve of the west bannister; we can't just …' And I tell her, 'The buyer is going to TEAR IT DOWN and nobody can prove Thomas Jefferson ever set foot on the property.” I paused out of breath.
Maron said, “If the house is near the road, she could carve off the house and a bit of the property and donate it to some historical society. All you'd need is a current appraised value; the cost basis wouldn't be challenged and the other problems become irrelevant.”
“Maron, sweetie, are you good with little old ladies? Maybe you could sell her on the idea.”
“Mac, I realize you're gay, but please don't call me sweetie.”
I detected a hint of superiority in his youthful voice, which was annoying, but it was a reasonable request politely delivered. “Sorry, it's a sloppy habit.”
“It's not you. It reminded me of this accounting professor I had. You wouldn't believe the stuff he tried on me, calling me sweetie being the least of them.”
“Oh my God. Do you mean Professor Inglis or is there a new one?”
“Yes! Inglis! How do you know?”
“Maron, he has been having his way with boys since shortly after the school went coed.”
“Which was in 1946. I don't think he's THAT old.”
“Richard knows the most about him, if you want to know more.” Maron went silent on the subject and we went back to work on Marlee Perry's house sale.
“The picture of industry,” Hollis remarked when he came back. “This is what made us cross mountains, settle prairies, discover the fountain of youth.”
“You're cheery. Did you get the account?”
“No, but I got a lead on something better. A group medical practice, administered by a woman.”
“Maron and I were just going over life at JMU. Things have changed so much in just a few years. Not just that gay student association, the whole attitude.” Hollis didn't bite, so I prodded. “Hollis, you remember Professor Inglis?” That got him.
“Inglis … jeez! If you think he was bad you need to meet more of my clients. Like the guy I just called on. He's forty and successful, by which I mean somewhere in the five to ten million range – not all of it liquid, and so entitled. Ten years ago he was probably semi-hot; today not at all. And he acts like I should drop to my knees and start suckin' when he comes through the door.”
I looked at Maron; he was bug-eyed. “So did you?” I asked Hollis.
“No, but I made a show of checking him out. He loved that. Speaking of the randy professor, it turned out he was good training for dealing with our customers ... You know, maybe we should look for a straighter clientele ... This guy today was playing with his dick all the time I was there the way Inglis used to in his office.”
“Never close the office door. That was my motto,” I laughed.
Hollis laughed, too. “I closed the door. I needed an A.”
“Did you get the A?” Maron croaked.
“Bet you ass. With honors.” Hollis turned back to me. “So fuckface thinks he doesn't NEED a financial advisor; but, as I said, he did tell me about a medical group practice that's about to incorporate. I'm going to see them tomorrow.”
“What did you have to do to get that bit of 411?”
“Took a piss at the urinal next to him, Let him look.”
Poor Maron looked green. Welcome to the real world, babykins.
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"Babykins". HA! Poor Maron ... Seems his education is only just beginning.
SO ... Euie hasn't bothered to swing by his own place just to grab a fresh shirt? Then again, flannel doesn't exactly wrinkle, per se, and if he is washing his torso, and borrowing Vince's deodorant ... I 'spose ...
Where do you come up with all the little nuggets that you sprinkle throughout your chapters? I'm a proponent of panpsychism. I just didn't know the term for it ...
Though I seem to be the only one commenting, the numbers say there are many reading.
Looking forward to MORE!
SO ... Euie hasn't bothered to swing by his own place just to grab a fresh shirt? Then again, flannel doesn't exactly wrinkle, per se, and if he is washing his torso, and borrowing Vince's deodorant ... I 'spose ...
Where do you come up with all the little nuggets that you sprinkle throughout your chapters? I'm a proponent of panpsychism. I just didn't know the term for it ...
Though I seem to be the only one commenting, the numbers say there are many reading.
Looking forward to MORE!
I'm reading. And enjoying. The interplay between the characters is fascinating and fun. And I'm keen for more.
Last edited:
EasyRory
JUB Addict
If you like panpsychism read Bernardo Kastrup. He likes a version of it and is pretty widely published.
Readers but no stars.
Oops. An oversight. I've added my rating now.
EasyRory
JUB Addict
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Eleven - Hollis
Is my hair getting darker? Or is it the bad lighting in this bathroom? It definitely looks darker. It was never blond, but kind of a mousy light brown that gets sun-streaked with highlights in the summer. Maybe I need a little help with the streaks? Of course it's not even summer yet, but still … Waist and hips look ok, but have I gained a few pounds in the upper body? Or just lost some definition? I took a deep breath; that didn't seem to help.
George stepped out of the shower and began drying himself. He looks the same as ever; turning thirty didn't mean a thing to him. He's not as attactive as I used to think, but I'm the only one who thinks that way. He still gets glances from all kinds and ages.
“George, we should get a scale. Do you think I've gained a few pounds?”
“You look great to me,” he said. He came up behind me, put his arms around me and nibbled my neck. I could feel damp bits that had eluded his towel. And then I could feel his cock stir. He hugged me tighter and pressed his body against me.
“I have an appointment at nine, George.”
“We have time, Hollie. I'll be quick. You like a little bathroom sex, don't you.”
I used to. Lately I hate bathroom sex. Why would you do that? It's uncomfortable; it's unsafe; it's probably unhygenic. Beds are so accommodating and ours is just about ten feet away. Too late. He's putting the body conditioner on his dick. I reached behind me and found his dick in erection stage two.
George's dick has four states of readiness. One, limp and modest in size. Two, quite a bit bigger but not rock solid. Three, when he ready to put it in, rock solid and maybe another ten percent bigger. Four, right before he comes I swear I can feel it expand in me even more. If I'm not primed, it can hurt; but last night he primed me good. George likes it every night. He says we'll get out of practice if we don't. Unngh! He slid right in. I bent forward and hoped he would be as quick as his prediction.
“On your back, ok? I want to watch you come.” I banged my elbow on the stone counter top getting into his preferred position. “You're not even hard,” he complained. “I'll fix that,” he chuckled.
No, no, don't fix anything. Just come and get it over with. That's what I hoped. And that's what I got. He was stroking my dick and slow fuckin' me when suddenly he thrust hard and came. He disengaged.
“Damn, Hollie. You are so hot. I'll make it up to you tonight.”
He popped back in the shower and rinsed any evidence of sex away, dried himself off and gave me a perfunctory kiss. I looked in the mirror again and saw the same sight. Mousy brown hair and a couple of extra pounds. I dressed in a suit but no tie, looking like a real investment banker. And drove east to meet Dr. E. G. Tucker, MD, FACP. A half an hour later I parked at what looked like a converted motel and entered the waiting room. Behind the desk was a young man whose name tag said Ruslan. My daddy always said flattery matters.
“Excuse me, Dr. Ruslan?”
He turned. “Just Ruslan,” and pronounced it ROOS-lan. “Only the doctors use last names.”
“How can you tell the difference?”
He smiled, “Their names have 'Doctor' in front.”
“Er, I'm here to see Doctor Tucker. My name is Hollis Harris. I have a nine o'clock appointment.”
“I don't see you in the appointment schedule. Do you prefer Hollis or Mr. Harris?”
“Hollis is fine. I'm not a patient. It's a business appointment.”
“Great. Do you need help setting up lunch?”
“What? No, I'm an investment banker.”
“Oh, sorry. The pharmaceutical reps usually bring food.” He bent over to get another appointment book out of a drawer and the thin white acetate of his uniform trousers pulled tight across his ass. That's when I saw it. Spiderman!
“My God! You're wearing Spiderman underwear!” He blushed and said yes. “Where did you get them? My nephew has a birthday coming up. He's eight and loves everything Spiderman.”
He was flustered. Well, I thought, don't wear Spiderman skivvies if you don't want attention. “Uh, they were a Christmas gift at the clinic party. Dr. Tucker gave then to me. Three pairs. Came in a plastic tube. I don't know where she got them.”
And you're wearing them under your almost see-through plastic uniform to impress her. Not too dumb a move, Ruslan. Of course I didn't tell him that. I'm trying to make a sale and want everybody on my side. He took me to Dr. Tucker's office and knocked. “Mr. Harris to see you, Doctor.”
A good-looking woman, I don't know how old, older than George probably, invited me to sit. After preliminaries, I made my pitch. Personnel records, payroll, patient accounts, billing, reimbursement, property and equipment management, partnership and stockholder records – available as a package or in pieces. She nodded sagely, but I got the sense that she couldn't have cared less. So after wrapping up I went for a little light humor. “Ruslan said you gave him Spiderman underwear for Christmas. Can you tell me where you got it? I'm in the market.”
“How did you get on that subject?”
Truth is best. “He bent over and I could read Spiderman across his … uh, backside.”
She surprised me with a total change of subject. “When did you have your last physical?” I thought back and told her probably when I was eighteen and wanted to play Freshmen soccer. “I'm guessing you're not more than twenty-eight ...” I interrupted with twenty-six. “Even at that age, you should get a physical every five years. Current practice is quite good at finding things early, when they'r easily curable.”
A thought occurred to me. “Is there a specific reason you're asking me this? Do you see something?”
“Just some fatigue, It could be nothing, but it might be worth having a check up. Are you married?”
“No. I'm gay.” Again, truth is best. She paused and I thought I night have shocked her. I was wrong.
“Uh-huh. That explains your interest in Ruslan's underwear. Still, Mr. Harris, gay men have even more reason to pay attention to their health.”
“My company doesn't offer health benefits beyond urgent care and doctors are expensive.”
Tell you what. We'll sign up for the property and equipment management module and I'll offer you a deal on a physical.”
“I'd rather know where you got the underwear.”
She laughed. “In DC. Kidde's World on upper Connecticut Avenue near one of our other offices. Here's my deal; we'll give you a free physical if you sign up to participate in a research protocol. It's a baseline study about gay guys. We even pay you a little for your time.” To tell the absolute truth the payment was what convinced me. I like having a little pocket change that George doesn't know about. “Excellent, Mr. Harris. Ruslan will make the appointment and give you the enrollment paperwork.”
Ruslan was efficient and professional. I watched carefully to see if he showed the tiniest spark of sexual interest, but he didn't. Nice looking, though, with a sexy voice. Black hair and blue eyes, one of my favorite combos. One trouble with luxuriant black hair on the head, though, is it can mean luxuriant black hair on the back and butt. I checked Ruslan's collar to see if he had a hairy neck, but there were no hints of the gorilla about him.
I got back to work in a better mood than I had been at home. I know the other guys at work have their little problems but they are little. Richard is maybe the exception. His problems are little but he makes the most of them. A tiny disappointment to him is soul-crushing. And I'll admit I like to see him suffer. I guess it goes back to that not-totally-consensual afternoon he fucked me. I laughed it off at the time, but since then I love to see him suffer. And this Jiminy Crickets dude is torturing him. Alright, paperwork time.
Mac was positively glowing, must have a new squeeze. Intern Maron looked wary, a little jumpy even, which is good in somebody new. At the old place Tommy Lynn probably would have fucked him by now. And Euie came out of George's office looking pleased about something. Euie … my first love. I wonder how things would be if I had stuck with him. I can't say a bad word about him and I've tried.
“Euie, I sold a client that property management system of yours. Do I need to talk to the subcontractor first before we sign anything.”
“Wow. Nice going, Hollis.” He high-fived me. “I'll get in touch and see when they can come over. When are you free?”
“All afternoon and all of tomorrow if that works.” I sat down and started on Dr. Tucker's paperwork. Lots of physical questions, medical history, allergies. Should I tell her latex condoms make my dick itch? Page four got more interesting, a lot of have-you-evers. Accepted oral sex. Check. Given oral sex. Check. Engaged in public masturbation. Check. Mutual masturbation. Check. Anal intercourse (passive). Check. (active) Check. Had a 'one-nighter'. Check. Had a long-term affair. Check. How long? Two years. Heterosexual relations. Check.
“That's a huge grin, Hollis. What are you doing? Filling out a Grindr profile?”
“Almost. It's a medical protocol for some research project.”
Mac looked more closely over my shoulder. “All the yes boxes checked I see.”
“Nothing you haven't done,” I countered.
“Mmm. I'd have to say no to some of those heterosexual acrobatics.”
“Do you have to donate sperm?” Maron asked.
“Hmm. We didn't talk about that. Maybe. Probably, for testing anyway.”
“Once I went to a clinic near Tyson's with some other guys and tried to sell some sperm. They told us we were too young.”
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen.”
“The government complains all the time about teenage unemployment and they won't even let you make an honest dollar when the chance comes along.” I tried to sound sympathetic. I rummaged around my desk drawer and found an old plastic bottle for alligator clips. “Here, Maron. Fill this up and I'll sell it for you tomorrow.”
He took the bottle and blushed furiously. “Hollis ...” Mac said in a warning tone. “Do not scare off the intern. We need him.”
Is my hair getting darker? Or is it the bad lighting in this bathroom? It definitely looks darker. It was never blond, but kind of a mousy light brown that gets sun-streaked with highlights in the summer. Maybe I need a little help with the streaks? Of course it's not even summer yet, but still … Waist and hips look ok, but have I gained a few pounds in the upper body? Or just lost some definition? I took a deep breath; that didn't seem to help.
George stepped out of the shower and began drying himself. He looks the same as ever; turning thirty didn't mean a thing to him. He's not as attactive as I used to think, but I'm the only one who thinks that way. He still gets glances from all kinds and ages.
“George, we should get a scale. Do you think I've gained a few pounds?”
“You look great to me,” he said. He came up behind me, put his arms around me and nibbled my neck. I could feel damp bits that had eluded his towel. And then I could feel his cock stir. He hugged me tighter and pressed his body against me.
“I have an appointment at nine, George.”
“We have time, Hollie. I'll be quick. You like a little bathroom sex, don't you.”
I used to. Lately I hate bathroom sex. Why would you do that? It's uncomfortable; it's unsafe; it's probably unhygenic. Beds are so accommodating and ours is just about ten feet away. Too late. He's putting the body conditioner on his dick. I reached behind me and found his dick in erection stage two.
George's dick has four states of readiness. One, limp and modest in size. Two, quite a bit bigger but not rock solid. Three, when he ready to put it in, rock solid and maybe another ten percent bigger. Four, right before he comes I swear I can feel it expand in me even more. If I'm not primed, it can hurt; but last night he primed me good. George likes it every night. He says we'll get out of practice if we don't. Unngh! He slid right in. I bent forward and hoped he would be as quick as his prediction.
“On your back, ok? I want to watch you come.” I banged my elbow on the stone counter top getting into his preferred position. “You're not even hard,” he complained. “I'll fix that,” he chuckled.
No, no, don't fix anything. Just come and get it over with. That's what I hoped. And that's what I got. He was stroking my dick and slow fuckin' me when suddenly he thrust hard and came. He disengaged.
“Damn, Hollie. You are so hot. I'll make it up to you tonight.”
He popped back in the shower and rinsed any evidence of sex away, dried himself off and gave me a perfunctory kiss. I looked in the mirror again and saw the same sight. Mousy brown hair and a couple of extra pounds. I dressed in a suit but no tie, looking like a real investment banker. And drove east to meet Dr. E. G. Tucker, MD, FACP. A half an hour later I parked at what looked like a converted motel and entered the waiting room. Behind the desk was a young man whose name tag said Ruslan. My daddy always said flattery matters.
“Excuse me, Dr. Ruslan?”
He turned. “Just Ruslan,” and pronounced it ROOS-lan. “Only the doctors use last names.”
“How can you tell the difference?”
He smiled, “Their names have 'Doctor' in front.”
“Er, I'm here to see Doctor Tucker. My name is Hollis Harris. I have a nine o'clock appointment.”
“I don't see you in the appointment schedule. Do you prefer Hollis or Mr. Harris?”
“Hollis is fine. I'm not a patient. It's a business appointment.”
“Great. Do you need help setting up lunch?”
“What? No, I'm an investment banker.”
“Oh, sorry. The pharmaceutical reps usually bring food.” He bent over to get another appointment book out of a drawer and the thin white acetate of his uniform trousers pulled tight across his ass. That's when I saw it. Spiderman!
“My God! You're wearing Spiderman underwear!” He blushed and said yes. “Where did you get them? My nephew has a birthday coming up. He's eight and loves everything Spiderman.”
He was flustered. Well, I thought, don't wear Spiderman skivvies if you don't want attention. “Uh, they were a Christmas gift at the clinic party. Dr. Tucker gave then to me. Three pairs. Came in a plastic tube. I don't know where she got them.”
And you're wearing them under your almost see-through plastic uniform to impress her. Not too dumb a move, Ruslan. Of course I didn't tell him that. I'm trying to make a sale and want everybody on my side. He took me to Dr. Tucker's office and knocked. “Mr. Harris to see you, Doctor.”
A good-looking woman, I don't know how old, older than George probably, invited me to sit. After preliminaries, I made my pitch. Personnel records, payroll, patient accounts, billing, reimbursement, property and equipment management, partnership and stockholder records – available as a package or in pieces. She nodded sagely, but I got the sense that she couldn't have cared less. So after wrapping up I went for a little light humor. “Ruslan said you gave him Spiderman underwear for Christmas. Can you tell me where you got it? I'm in the market.”
“How did you get on that subject?”
Truth is best. “He bent over and I could read Spiderman across his … uh, backside.”
She surprised me with a total change of subject. “When did you have your last physical?” I thought back and told her probably when I was eighteen and wanted to play Freshmen soccer. “I'm guessing you're not more than twenty-eight ...” I interrupted with twenty-six. “Even at that age, you should get a physical every five years. Current practice is quite good at finding things early, when they'r easily curable.”
A thought occurred to me. “Is there a specific reason you're asking me this? Do you see something?”
“Just some fatigue, It could be nothing, but it might be worth having a check up. Are you married?”
“No. I'm gay.” Again, truth is best. She paused and I thought I night have shocked her. I was wrong.
“Uh-huh. That explains your interest in Ruslan's underwear. Still, Mr. Harris, gay men have even more reason to pay attention to their health.”
“My company doesn't offer health benefits beyond urgent care and doctors are expensive.”
Tell you what. We'll sign up for the property and equipment management module and I'll offer you a deal on a physical.”
“I'd rather know where you got the underwear.”
She laughed. “In DC. Kidde's World on upper Connecticut Avenue near one of our other offices. Here's my deal; we'll give you a free physical if you sign up to participate in a research protocol. It's a baseline study about gay guys. We even pay you a little for your time.” To tell the absolute truth the payment was what convinced me. I like having a little pocket change that George doesn't know about. “Excellent, Mr. Harris. Ruslan will make the appointment and give you the enrollment paperwork.”
Ruslan was efficient and professional. I watched carefully to see if he showed the tiniest spark of sexual interest, but he didn't. Nice looking, though, with a sexy voice. Black hair and blue eyes, one of my favorite combos. One trouble with luxuriant black hair on the head, though, is it can mean luxuriant black hair on the back and butt. I checked Ruslan's collar to see if he had a hairy neck, but there were no hints of the gorilla about him.
I got back to work in a better mood than I had been at home. I know the other guys at work have their little problems but they are little. Richard is maybe the exception. His problems are little but he makes the most of them. A tiny disappointment to him is soul-crushing. And I'll admit I like to see him suffer. I guess it goes back to that not-totally-consensual afternoon he fucked me. I laughed it off at the time, but since then I love to see him suffer. And this Jiminy Crickets dude is torturing him. Alright, paperwork time.
Mac was positively glowing, must have a new squeeze. Intern Maron looked wary, a little jumpy even, which is good in somebody new. At the old place Tommy Lynn probably would have fucked him by now. And Euie came out of George's office looking pleased about something. Euie … my first love. I wonder how things would be if I had stuck with him. I can't say a bad word about him and I've tried.
“Euie, I sold a client that property management system of yours. Do I need to talk to the subcontractor first before we sign anything.”
“Wow. Nice going, Hollis.” He high-fived me. “I'll get in touch and see when they can come over. When are you free?”
“All afternoon and all of tomorrow if that works.” I sat down and started on Dr. Tucker's paperwork. Lots of physical questions, medical history, allergies. Should I tell her latex condoms make my dick itch? Page four got more interesting, a lot of have-you-evers. Accepted oral sex. Check. Given oral sex. Check. Engaged in public masturbation. Check. Mutual masturbation. Check. Anal intercourse (passive). Check. (active) Check. Had a 'one-nighter'. Check. Had a long-term affair. Check. How long? Two years. Heterosexual relations. Check.
“That's a huge grin, Hollis. What are you doing? Filling out a Grindr profile?”
“Almost. It's a medical protocol for some research project.”
Mac looked more closely over my shoulder. “All the yes boxes checked I see.”
“Nothing you haven't done,” I countered.
“Mmm. I'd have to say no to some of those heterosexual acrobatics.”
“Do you have to donate sperm?” Maron asked.
“Hmm. We didn't talk about that. Maybe. Probably, for testing anyway.”
“Once I went to a clinic near Tyson's with some other guys and tried to sell some sperm. They told us we were too young.”
“How old were you?”
“Sixteen.”
“The government complains all the time about teenage unemployment and they won't even let you make an honest dollar when the chance comes along.” I tried to sound sympathetic. I rummaged around my desk drawer and found an old plastic bottle for alligator clips. “Here, Maron. Fill this up and I'll sell it for you tomorrow.”
He took the bottle and blushed furiously. “Hollis ...” Mac said in a warning tone. “Do not scare off the intern. We need him.”
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Twelve - Sterile Surroundings
“Hollis, you look like you won the lottery!” Mac noted with a level of disapproval.
“You didn't! Did you?” the awestruck Maron asked. He placed the plastic bottle I had given him yesterday on my desk. It was completely full of some light colored fluid.
“Can't a person have a little fun? I bought some novelty underwear and I'm wearing them. It's exciting in a way I can explain. You want to see?” I stood and pulled down the nylon warmup pants I was wearing.
Mac laughed and I think I won Maron's heart in that minute. “Spiderman! That is so awesome!” he blurted and then looked away and then looked back again. “It looks like he's casting a web that ...”
“Grabs onto my dick. Right? Ok, show's over.” I pulled up the silky pants and sat down.
“Where did you get them?”
“Well, last night I didn't want to go home after work. George was doing something in Alexandria and sitting alone had no appeal. So I went to Kidde's World in DC and looked around. It was mostly cheap but overpriced toys that would be soon ignored if they weren't broken fifteen minutes after unwrapping. In the early evening there was only one clerk and no other customers. I asked the clerk if he had any Spiderman underwear.”
“What is it about Spiderman underwear? I can barely keep it in stock!” he said.
“Does that mean yes?” I pushed.
“Right over here. The Batman stuff doesn't move. I've got Transformer stuff that's three years old. But Spiderman flies off the shelf.”
I picked out a three-pair tube that looked right for an eight-year old and asked, “Adult sizes?”
“They also sell. Women buy them. Men buy them. Why should kids have all the fun?” the not very young man said. “What size do you wear?”
“Medium, but my mom always says if you have to buy cheap clothes get them one size bigger. So maybe large? Can I try them on?”
“No. We don't have any dressing rooms and besides it's illegal to try on underwear and bathing suits, says a law dating from the toilet-seats-carry-disease days.” I complained I needed to know if they fit. “Buy some and we'll exchange the unworn ones if they don't fit,” he said. I answered, “I live in Middleburg. I don't get into DC that often.” He sighed in a practiced way. “Alright, you can try them on if you try them OVER your own underwear. Change back there. It's closing time anyway; I'll lock the door.”
“So there I stood with Spiderman over some red plaid boxers and no mirror. The clerk said they looked ok but then he asked if the leg holes were too tight and he ran his fingers under the elastic to see.” I looked at Maron and he was close to exploding. “OMG, I thought, he's touching my ...”
“BALLS!” Maron practically shouted. “That happened to me once … at that Under Armor store in Tyson's.”
Mac laughed. “That Muscle Mary clerk who hits on all the boys? He's the only clerk I know who asks you to take off you pants to try on a shirt!”
“So I ended up buying some Spidey briefs for me and some for nephew Jethro.”
“That's NOT his name,” Mac said.
“You buy underwear for someome whose name you don't know?” asked Maron.
“Jeeter, Jepson, whatever ...” I went back to work.
“His name is Jefferson - Jeff, as Hollis well knows,” Mac told Maron. “And he adores the kid – takes him everywhere.”
“Yeah, well, his parents won't, so somebody has to ...”
It's true. My sister is pretty but kind of an airhead regarding practical matters like eight-year-old children; and her husband spends most of his time betting on sports. Meanwhile Jeff is appreciative and uncritical and laughs at my jokes and is pretty smart and he pitches left-handed; plus he sort of looks like me when I was his age. Did I mention his face lights up when he sees me? All in all he's the best kind of nephew you could want.
I was almost done writing up the group practice property accounting proposal when Richard arrived. From the look on his face it could be comedy or tragedy – hard to say. I was glad to see Maron smiling in anticipation of the performance; I think he's getting used to us. Mac is right, of course; we don't want to lose Maron. Somebody who has never encountered a government form he didn't want to master is one in a million.
I caught Richard's eye. Immediately he drew a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and looked away toward the heavens. Tragedy on the menu I'm guessing. It took a minute or so.
“Isn't anyone going to ask?” he demanded.
“Sure, how's your day been? Got Jiminy all trained in forestry or whatever you call it?”
He glared at me and began with a slow growl. “While I was away – taking care of business – innocent little Suzie – the BITCH - arrived ...” The volume increased. “And carried with her the SWEET POTATO PIE she and her girlfriend made.” Quieter again. “From memory, I assume, I don't think she can READ a cookbook. And with more treacle than was in the pie – I tried some and it made my teeth ache – with HONEYED WORDS she says 'Just what I promised, Jimmy. Sweets for the sweet! How 'bout a thank you kiss from my sweet boy?' And he falls for it! He totally EATS T UP!” So he kisses her and she goes in for the clinch.” Volume rising again. “And he told me her blouse just sort of DISSOLVED IN HIS HANDS. How the hell does a blouse dissolve?” He gasped for breath.
Mac was surpressing a giggle but Maron was entranced, like he was watchng a circus trapeze act. You know, Maron is pretty cute. Way too young for me, but still …
“I TELL you! 'Oh my heavenly days,' she simpers, 'Here I am in just my little bra!' And Jimmy recalls all this WORD FOR WORD! A bra whose design and construction Jimmy can see in his mind's eye like the BLUEPRINTS are seared into his brain. I tried to cozy up to him but he gently pushed me away. Not before I could tell he had a HARD ON telling me about it. That boy is SO TRANSPARENT! And after parading around half naked she gets coy and oh-so-shyly folds her arms across her chest before saying, 'Oh Jimmy. I'll make you another pie, but I'm a little short on ready cash, Could you – this is so embarrassing – could you let me have seventy dollars?” Another gasp and deep breath. “Seventy dollars for PIE INGREDIENTS!!!”
“Seems pricey,” Mac commented.
“ 'I don't know why you're so upset,' Jimmy says to me. 'I can make it up to you, can't I? I'm gonna change my clothes to go to the store. You can talk to me while I change if you want.' I knew he was trying to be nice to me. He knows he can only go so far. So he took off his work clothes and wasn't in any hurry to put them back on.” Richard finished with a smile.
“And ...” I prodded.
“Blow job,” he muttered.
“And …”
“Rolled me over and pulled my britches down. Then you know ...”
“And ...” I should have quit with the second prod.
“And then he asked if he could borrow two hundred and fifty dollars.” Richard sobbed. “I only had two twenty-five.” Another sob. “He said, 'I'm disappointed in you, Richie.' And he LEFT.” Richard pulled himself together and said, “So that's why I'm here. To get two fifty out of that deposit of his.”
“You can't. It requires both your signatures and the proof to the bank that it's for an authorized expense to do with the farm,” Mac explained.
“But I'm his financial manager. I have his power of attorney.”
“You said you wanted it air tight. That account is tougher than a vault to get into.”
“Richard,” I said softly, “Is Jimmy maybe a little smarter than you think he is?”
Richard sighed and said in calm, measured tones, “Once he spent most of an evening carefully arranging a bunch of M&M's so he could call them W&W's.”
“How much have you lent him?” Mac asked.
“About seventeen thousand.” The room was full of gasps. “I have IOU's.”
To change the subject, I asked, “Maron, exactly what is in this bottle?” I held up the small brown plastic bottle I had given him the day before
“It took most of the night to get that much, Hollis. It's hard getting it in that little hole, you know? And a bunch landed on me!” Maron grimaced at the thought.
I just stared hard at him and waited for the little smile to appear. “It's Elmer's Glue … but I had you for a minute there, didn't I? Admit it.”
“You did. It's a vivid image picturing you putting your most saleable assets in this bottle.”
“GOD! No wonder this company doesn't make any money!” Richard rose and stormed out of the office.
“Hollis, you look like you won the lottery!” Mac noted with a level of disapproval.
“You didn't! Did you?” the awestruck Maron asked. He placed the plastic bottle I had given him yesterday on my desk. It was completely full of some light colored fluid.
“Can't a person have a little fun? I bought some novelty underwear and I'm wearing them. It's exciting in a way I can explain. You want to see?” I stood and pulled down the nylon warmup pants I was wearing.
Mac laughed and I think I won Maron's heart in that minute. “Spiderman! That is so awesome!” he blurted and then looked away and then looked back again. “It looks like he's casting a web that ...”
“Grabs onto my dick. Right? Ok, show's over.” I pulled up the silky pants and sat down.
“Where did you get them?”
“Well, last night I didn't want to go home after work. George was doing something in Alexandria and sitting alone had no appeal. So I went to Kidde's World in DC and looked around. It was mostly cheap but overpriced toys that would be soon ignored if they weren't broken fifteen minutes after unwrapping. In the early evening there was only one clerk and no other customers. I asked the clerk if he had any Spiderman underwear.”
“What is it about Spiderman underwear? I can barely keep it in stock!” he said.
“Does that mean yes?” I pushed.
“Right over here. The Batman stuff doesn't move. I've got Transformer stuff that's three years old. But Spiderman flies off the shelf.”
I picked out a three-pair tube that looked right for an eight-year old and asked, “Adult sizes?”
“They also sell. Women buy them. Men buy them. Why should kids have all the fun?” the not very young man said. “What size do you wear?”
“Medium, but my mom always says if you have to buy cheap clothes get them one size bigger. So maybe large? Can I try them on?”
“No. We don't have any dressing rooms and besides it's illegal to try on underwear and bathing suits, says a law dating from the toilet-seats-carry-disease days.” I complained I needed to know if they fit. “Buy some and we'll exchange the unworn ones if they don't fit,” he said. I answered, “I live in Middleburg. I don't get into DC that often.” He sighed in a practiced way. “Alright, you can try them on if you try them OVER your own underwear. Change back there. It's closing time anyway; I'll lock the door.”
“So there I stood with Spiderman over some red plaid boxers and no mirror. The clerk said they looked ok but then he asked if the leg holes were too tight and he ran his fingers under the elastic to see.” I looked at Maron and he was close to exploding. “OMG, I thought, he's touching my ...”
“BALLS!” Maron practically shouted. “That happened to me once … at that Under Armor store in Tyson's.”
Mac laughed. “That Muscle Mary clerk who hits on all the boys? He's the only clerk I know who asks you to take off you pants to try on a shirt!”
“So I ended up buying some Spidey briefs for me and some for nephew Jethro.”
“That's NOT his name,” Mac said.
“You buy underwear for someome whose name you don't know?” asked Maron.
“Jeeter, Jepson, whatever ...” I went back to work.
“His name is Jefferson - Jeff, as Hollis well knows,” Mac told Maron. “And he adores the kid – takes him everywhere.”
“Yeah, well, his parents won't, so somebody has to ...”
It's true. My sister is pretty but kind of an airhead regarding practical matters like eight-year-old children; and her husband spends most of his time betting on sports. Meanwhile Jeff is appreciative and uncritical and laughs at my jokes and is pretty smart and he pitches left-handed; plus he sort of looks like me when I was his age. Did I mention his face lights up when he sees me? All in all he's the best kind of nephew you could want.
I was almost done writing up the group practice property accounting proposal when Richard arrived. From the look on his face it could be comedy or tragedy – hard to say. I was glad to see Maron smiling in anticipation of the performance; I think he's getting used to us. Mac is right, of course; we don't want to lose Maron. Somebody who has never encountered a government form he didn't want to master is one in a million.
I caught Richard's eye. Immediately he drew a deep breath, gritted his teeth, and looked away toward the heavens. Tragedy on the menu I'm guessing. It took a minute or so.
“Isn't anyone going to ask?” he demanded.
“Sure, how's your day been? Got Jiminy all trained in forestry or whatever you call it?”
He glared at me and began with a slow growl. “While I was away – taking care of business – innocent little Suzie – the BITCH - arrived ...” The volume increased. “And carried with her the SWEET POTATO PIE she and her girlfriend made.” Quieter again. “From memory, I assume, I don't think she can READ a cookbook. And with more treacle than was in the pie – I tried some and it made my teeth ache – with HONEYED WORDS she says 'Just what I promised, Jimmy. Sweets for the sweet! How 'bout a thank you kiss from my sweet boy?' And he falls for it! He totally EATS T UP!” So he kisses her and she goes in for the clinch.” Volume rising again. “And he told me her blouse just sort of DISSOLVED IN HIS HANDS. How the hell does a blouse dissolve?” He gasped for breath.
Mac was surpressing a giggle but Maron was entranced, like he was watchng a circus trapeze act. You know, Maron is pretty cute. Way too young for me, but still …
“I TELL you! 'Oh my heavenly days,' she simpers, 'Here I am in just my little bra!' And Jimmy recalls all this WORD FOR WORD! A bra whose design and construction Jimmy can see in his mind's eye like the BLUEPRINTS are seared into his brain. I tried to cozy up to him but he gently pushed me away. Not before I could tell he had a HARD ON telling me about it. That boy is SO TRANSPARENT! And after parading around half naked she gets coy and oh-so-shyly folds her arms across her chest before saying, 'Oh Jimmy. I'll make you another pie, but I'm a little short on ready cash, Could you – this is so embarrassing – could you let me have seventy dollars?” Another gasp and deep breath. “Seventy dollars for PIE INGREDIENTS!!!”
“Seems pricey,” Mac commented.
“ 'I don't know why you're so upset,' Jimmy says to me. 'I can make it up to you, can't I? I'm gonna change my clothes to go to the store. You can talk to me while I change if you want.' I knew he was trying to be nice to me. He knows he can only go so far. So he took off his work clothes and wasn't in any hurry to put them back on.” Richard finished with a smile.
“And ...” I prodded.
“Blow job,” he muttered.
“And …”
“Rolled me over and pulled my britches down. Then you know ...”
“And ...” I should have quit with the second prod.
“And then he asked if he could borrow two hundred and fifty dollars.” Richard sobbed. “I only had two twenty-five.” Another sob. “He said, 'I'm disappointed in you, Richie.' And he LEFT.” Richard pulled himself together and said, “So that's why I'm here. To get two fifty out of that deposit of his.”
“You can't. It requires both your signatures and the proof to the bank that it's for an authorized expense to do with the farm,” Mac explained.
“But I'm his financial manager. I have his power of attorney.”
“You said you wanted it air tight. That account is tougher than a vault to get into.”
“Richard,” I said softly, “Is Jimmy maybe a little smarter than you think he is?”
Richard sighed and said in calm, measured tones, “Once he spent most of an evening carefully arranging a bunch of M&M's so he could call them W&W's.”
“How much have you lent him?” Mac asked.
“About seventeen thousand.” The room was full of gasps. “I have IOU's.”
To change the subject, I asked, “Maron, exactly what is in this bottle?” I held up the small brown plastic bottle I had given him the day before
“It took most of the night to get that much, Hollis. It's hard getting it in that little hole, you know? And a bunch landed on me!” Maron grimaced at the thought.
I just stared hard at him and waited for the little smile to appear. “It's Elmer's Glue … but I had you for a minute there, didn't I? Admit it.”
“You did. It's a vivid image picturing you putting your most saleable assets in this bottle.”
“GOD! No wonder this company doesn't make any money!” Richard rose and stormed out of the office.
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HA! Lovin' this! Maron is catching on pretty quick, and turning out to be quite a trip!
So ... Jimmy didn't take Richard's $225 because it wasn't enough? Did Richard give it to him, and was then looking to replenish his own stash? Does Jimmy really believe it costs $70 for sweet potato pie stuff? W&Ws? Really??
Does the kids' version of Spidey Undies have the same web design as the adults', or is that 'special'? At least Hollis didn't get the Dumbo undies with the fly where the trunk is 'sposed to be ...
I'm still chuckling ...
So ... Jimmy didn't take Richard's $225 because it wasn't enough? Did Richard give it to him, and was then looking to replenish his own stash? Does Jimmy really believe it costs $70 for sweet potato pie stuff? W&Ws? Really??
Does the kids' version of Spidey Undies have the same web design as the adults', or is that 'special'? At least Hollis didn't get the Dumbo undies with the fly where the trunk is 'sposed to be ...
I'm still chuckling ...
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Thirteen - Mac
“It's not true we don't make money,” George announced. “We don't make a lot, but we're over the initial hump of start-up costs, IT, and office equipment. Our expenses are level and predictable now. And Tommy Lynn's people thought we couldn't do it. If we get a couple more customers in the door, we can actually breath almost easily. So … in anticipation of success … I am raising everybody's pay three hundred dollars a month. And Maron, you will get paid three hundred a month, which is a lot better than the nothing you get now. I know it's not time for anybody to buy the Lambo yet, but it means Euie can move out of that corn crib he lives in.”
“It's not really that bad. Most of the plumbing is indoors,” Euie, who I have to say was looking blissful that morning, replied.
When the meeting was over Maron asked, “Does Euie really live in a corn crib?”
“It used to be a corn crib. It's been improved some over time. It has a beautiful view, if you like cornfields. I'll be in the library, if you need me.” The library in Tommy Lynn's day was volumes of Moody's, Standard and Poor's, Dunn and Bradstreet publications, and real estate plats covering most of two counties that required a small library for storage. Now the library is a couple of screens in the room Euie uses as an office. He sat staring out the window and didn't move when I came in. “Hey, Champ, what planet are you on this morning?”
“Huh? Whuh? Oh, Mac. Hey, yourself.” He gave me a warm smile, very different from Euie's usual cheery smile.
“Well, at least you're in fresh clothes today. So I guess you went home last night.”
“Um, I'm keeping some stuff at Vince's. He's asked me to move in. I'm thinking about it. It would give me the best commute in town.” He was trying to joke but the smile couldn't get beyond warm.
“When you want to talk about it, I'm here.” Thanks was all I got in reply. So I turned to looking up credit ratings on some of Penwood's revenue bonds. These bonds are called 'municipal' but they're much riskier than normal munies, being serviced solely out of the proceeds of a private project.
“Penwood owns some revenue bonds in a very shaky project, a badly located nursing home.” I told Euie. “They are still rated double A but with negative outlook and five years to maturity; not too bad, but this once attractive home in a park-like setting is now surrounded by auto dealers and light industry. Penwood put money into it because his grandmother lived there for a while before her death. I had suggested to Penwood that he sell the bonds, but he is being sentimental about them.”
“Put your recommendation in writing or he's liable to sue us,” Euie advised.
“I will. Carlos and I have got him feeling sort of generous. He tipped me five hundred the last time.”
“Do I want to know why the big tip?”
“He watched us together and jacked off.” Euie asked if we had jacked off like the first time and I hesitated but told him the truth, “No, we're far past that. In fact Carlos is coming over to my place to practice our act lately. When Penwood was done I talked a little business about the bonds and then Carlos sucked his cock and he came again. Penwood said he hadn't come twice like that in thirty years. Carlos is turning into quite the little slut it seems. You know, I asked Brandon how he got Carlos and he said his brother-in-law recommended him, Brandon likes the brother-in-law, professionally I mean. So he felt confident hiring Carlos. Brandon, by the way, knows nothing specific about what Carlos does for his tips, so I'd appreciate your silence.”
That earned me Euie's cheery smile. “You better hope it stays that way. Brandon is pretty straight arrow when it comes to business.”
I said no more and paused with now-it's-your-turn expectations. I could see Euie thinking through something. “You know Vince reads a lot, like all the time. I asked him about that panpsychism stuff, because it sounded interesting, and he said he was more into analytic idealism, which is panpsychism minus the space dust and electric toasters. Universal consciousness among phenomenologically sentient entities.”
“Penwood's bonds are making more sense than you, Euie.”
“I know … Are you going to be here if I go out for a couple of minutes? Never mind. Vince just left … oh … wait … he's coming this way!” Euie went to get the door to let Vince in. I could hear every word.
“Hey ...” followed by silence. More silence. Euie, “I was just gonna go looking for you to do the same thing.” More silence. “I needed to kiss you one more time ...”
“What did I tell you? Entanglement.” That was Vince. More silence. And then laughter.
“Definitely entanglement,” said Euie.
“Will I see you tonight?”
“Yes, but I might be a little late. I need to get some stuff to take to your place.”
“I wish you'd call it our place.” More silence and then a whisper and then the door closed again. Euie came back to his desk.
I waited as long as I could and then, “So, Euie ...”
“I'm probably moving into Vince's apartment, Mac. You think that's a good idea?”
“The fact you're asking means it's a great idea. You never asked before, Euie; you just did stuff, disastrous stuff.”
“The Rabbit, you mean? That wasn't so disastrous. I look on it as a learning experience. I just wish Vince would take this stalker business more seriously.” He reexplained the stalker business and ended with the visit when Vince didn't drink anything, “So nothing happened. Aaron made two mojitos and ended up drinking them both. He went for Vince but this time he demanded to be the bottom.”
“And Vince …?” I asked.
“Fucked him. In the morning Aaron went in the bathroom, then came back to bed, and it was back to the usual stuff. Vince said Aaron came back to bed with a mouthful of Listerine and forced some into Vince's mouth. And … just what you think … We talked to Lonnie about it and he wanted to take it up officially with a cop he knows, but Vince doesn't want the hassle and the publicity. He says Aaron never calls or comes over when I'm there, so he wants me to move in.”
“It sounds like he wants you to move in for a better reason than that, Euie. It sounds like he's in love with you.”
“Yeah. I know.” Then Euie went silent, thinking his owh thoughts.
“But what was that Vince said about entanglement? What does that mean.”
“Quantum entanglement. Under certain conditions entities, atoms, particles, even diamond crystals, become entangled with each other. If one is affected by something external, the entangled mate reacts instantly as well, even over a large distance. Vince says we are entangled because we think alike. Like both of us wanted one more kiss at the same time this morning.”
“Ok, but then the two of you laughed. What was that about?
“He kissed me and both of us got hard at the exact same time.”
“Wow. That sounds a lot more exciting than my Feet on the Ground meeting tonight. Quantum entanglement … sounds like science's term for falling in love.” Euie didn't answer me.
Hollis came in looking like shit, like he had been in a fight. “What happened to you?”
“It wasn't easy, but I think I have a backer for my apple futures idea.” He high-fived us, took a deep bow, and went upstairs into George's office.
“It's not true we don't make money,” George announced. “We don't make a lot, but we're over the initial hump of start-up costs, IT, and office equipment. Our expenses are level and predictable now. And Tommy Lynn's people thought we couldn't do it. If we get a couple more customers in the door, we can actually breath almost easily. So … in anticipation of success … I am raising everybody's pay three hundred dollars a month. And Maron, you will get paid three hundred a month, which is a lot better than the nothing you get now. I know it's not time for anybody to buy the Lambo yet, but it means Euie can move out of that corn crib he lives in.”
“It's not really that bad. Most of the plumbing is indoors,” Euie, who I have to say was looking blissful that morning, replied.
When the meeting was over Maron asked, “Does Euie really live in a corn crib?”
“It used to be a corn crib. It's been improved some over time. It has a beautiful view, if you like cornfields. I'll be in the library, if you need me.” The library in Tommy Lynn's day was volumes of Moody's, Standard and Poor's, Dunn and Bradstreet publications, and real estate plats covering most of two counties that required a small library for storage. Now the library is a couple of screens in the room Euie uses as an office. He sat staring out the window and didn't move when I came in. “Hey, Champ, what planet are you on this morning?”
“Huh? Whuh? Oh, Mac. Hey, yourself.” He gave me a warm smile, very different from Euie's usual cheery smile.
“Well, at least you're in fresh clothes today. So I guess you went home last night.”
“Um, I'm keeping some stuff at Vince's. He's asked me to move in. I'm thinking about it. It would give me the best commute in town.” He was trying to joke but the smile couldn't get beyond warm.
“When you want to talk about it, I'm here.” Thanks was all I got in reply. So I turned to looking up credit ratings on some of Penwood's revenue bonds. These bonds are called 'municipal' but they're much riskier than normal munies, being serviced solely out of the proceeds of a private project.
“Penwood owns some revenue bonds in a very shaky project, a badly located nursing home.” I told Euie. “They are still rated double A but with negative outlook and five years to maturity; not too bad, but this once attractive home in a park-like setting is now surrounded by auto dealers and light industry. Penwood put money into it because his grandmother lived there for a while before her death. I had suggested to Penwood that he sell the bonds, but he is being sentimental about them.”
“Put your recommendation in writing or he's liable to sue us,” Euie advised.
“I will. Carlos and I have got him feeling sort of generous. He tipped me five hundred the last time.”
“Do I want to know why the big tip?”
“He watched us together and jacked off.” Euie asked if we had jacked off like the first time and I hesitated but told him the truth, “No, we're far past that. In fact Carlos is coming over to my place to practice our act lately. When Penwood was done I talked a little business about the bonds and then Carlos sucked his cock and he came again. Penwood said he hadn't come twice like that in thirty years. Carlos is turning into quite the little slut it seems. You know, I asked Brandon how he got Carlos and he said his brother-in-law recommended him, Brandon likes the brother-in-law, professionally I mean. So he felt confident hiring Carlos. Brandon, by the way, knows nothing specific about what Carlos does for his tips, so I'd appreciate your silence.”
That earned me Euie's cheery smile. “You better hope it stays that way. Brandon is pretty straight arrow when it comes to business.”
I said no more and paused with now-it's-your-turn expectations. I could see Euie thinking through something. “You know Vince reads a lot, like all the time. I asked him about that panpsychism stuff, because it sounded interesting, and he said he was more into analytic idealism, which is panpsychism minus the space dust and electric toasters. Universal consciousness among phenomenologically sentient entities.”
“Penwood's bonds are making more sense than you, Euie.”
“I know … Are you going to be here if I go out for a couple of minutes? Never mind. Vince just left … oh … wait … he's coming this way!” Euie went to get the door to let Vince in. I could hear every word.
“Hey ...” followed by silence. More silence. Euie, “I was just gonna go looking for you to do the same thing.” More silence. “I needed to kiss you one more time ...”
“What did I tell you? Entanglement.” That was Vince. More silence. And then laughter.
“Definitely entanglement,” said Euie.
“Will I see you tonight?”
“Yes, but I might be a little late. I need to get some stuff to take to your place.”
“I wish you'd call it our place.” More silence and then a whisper and then the door closed again. Euie came back to his desk.
I waited as long as I could and then, “So, Euie ...”
“I'm probably moving into Vince's apartment, Mac. You think that's a good idea?”
“The fact you're asking means it's a great idea. You never asked before, Euie; you just did stuff, disastrous stuff.”
“The Rabbit, you mean? That wasn't so disastrous. I look on it as a learning experience. I just wish Vince would take this stalker business more seriously.” He reexplained the stalker business and ended with the visit when Vince didn't drink anything, “So nothing happened. Aaron made two mojitos and ended up drinking them both. He went for Vince but this time he demanded to be the bottom.”
“And Vince …?” I asked.
“Fucked him. In the morning Aaron went in the bathroom, then came back to bed, and it was back to the usual stuff. Vince said Aaron came back to bed with a mouthful of Listerine and forced some into Vince's mouth. And … just what you think … We talked to Lonnie about it and he wanted to take it up officially with a cop he knows, but Vince doesn't want the hassle and the publicity. He says Aaron never calls or comes over when I'm there, so he wants me to move in.”
“It sounds like he wants you to move in for a better reason than that, Euie. It sounds like he's in love with you.”
“Yeah. I know.” Then Euie went silent, thinking his owh thoughts.
“But what was that Vince said about entanglement? What does that mean.”
“Quantum entanglement. Under certain conditions entities, atoms, particles, even diamond crystals, become entangled with each other. If one is affected by something external, the entangled mate reacts instantly as well, even over a large distance. Vince says we are entangled because we think alike. Like both of us wanted one more kiss at the same time this morning.”
“Ok, but then the two of you laughed. What was that about?
“He kissed me and both of us got hard at the exact same time.”
“Wow. That sounds a lot more exciting than my Feet on the Ground meeting tonight. Quantum entanglement … sounds like science's term for falling in love.” Euie didn't answer me.
Hollis came in looking like shit, like he had been in a fight. “What happened to you?”
“It wasn't easy, but I think I have a backer for my apple futures idea.” He high-fived us, took a deep bow, and went upstairs into George's office.
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Looking forward to hearing about Hollis and his apple futures.
Vince and Euie entangled? Interesting. I'm thinking of Euie as a magnet, attracting Vince, repelling Aaron.
Mac and Carlos? Practice makes perfect, or so I've heard ...
Vince and Euie entangled? Interesting. I'm thinking of Euie as a magnet, attracting Vince, repelling Aaron.
Mac and Carlos? Practice makes perfect, or so I've heard ...
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EasyRory
JUB Addict
For your reading pleasure.
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/is-consciousness-everywhere?utm_source=pocket-newtab
EasyRory
JUB Addict
Chapter Fourteen - Hollis
“It shouldn't be so hard to make a deal,” I told George.
“Hollie, I've told you before you don't have to risk life and limb for the company. Random sex is safer than it used to be, but that doesn't mean it's SAFE. One more time: you don't have to seal a deal with sex.”
“Anyway, it's done. The bank committed to guaranteeing up to a hundred thousand net of apple forward delivery contracts. They don't want to call them futures, but I do. I want them to trade in an active market. I thought about calling them BiteCoin – you know, a bite of the apple - but I guess we could get sued. Still, a quickly-settled law suit might be worth it for the publicity. The WaPo loves shit like that.”
“The less attention you draw to the financing, the better. The Washington Post also loves business sex scandals.”
“But I'm kind of the hero in this thing. I didn't do anything. I just fought the fucker off and then pointed out to him the hidden cameras in the interview room which would support MY version of what happened.”
“But you said he made the point that you were KNOWN for handing out sexual favors.”
“His word against mine. I'm going home and get cleaned up. I'm visiting that medical group I told you about this afternoon.”
No need to tell him I was volunteering for a gay group study. Euie always seems to get a good welcome no matter where he goes. Maybe a country-boy look will work best. This look does emphasize heft of your package. I looked at myself in the mirror. In my case, meh; it just didn't bunch up in the right places. Maybe without underwear … That was an improvement. That fold of cloth was a dick wrapper for sure. No mistaking it. Plus it was a perfect day. I rolled the window down; it was cool but sunny. There's really nothing like riding through rural Virginia feeling like a hillbilly, it's comfortable, sexy, and who knows what can happen in an afternoon full of possibilities. All I needed was a six-pack. It almost made me forget about my miserable morning with Banker Burt.
Those UVA guys are such pricks. He asked where I went and I said James Madison and he said oh I thought that was a girls' school. It hasn't been a girls' school in seventy-five years! But in Charlottesville, that's like last week or something. You hardly ever met an asshole at JMU; in Charlottesville they're fifty to the bushel. JMU guys are like Euie, salt of the earth Euie. What a sweet guy. I wish I had known it at the time. I sent him a voice message. “How do you wear jeans without undies? I'm half hard all the time.” It didn't take him long to answer. “That's the good part of it. Rubbed-raw sack is the downside.”
I pulled into the group's parking lot and checked it out. Probably about ten employees and they would account for most of the cars and trucks. Looks like maybe five SUVs for the patients. So this place isn't really hopping with customers. But the doc said they have other branch clinics; maybe this one is just getting started. I went in and spotted Ruslan at the front desk and a couple of middle-aged women in the waiting room. Making sure the women could hear, I called out, “Doctor Ruslan, please.”.
“You again,” Ruslan said with a pleasant smile. “Here to see Dr. Tucker?”
“I don't know. I'm here to return this application.” I handed him the multipage form.
“Oh, the study. Let me check your entries.” He quickly added, “For completeness only. The data is private.” He went through the form quickly. “Nope, you missed one entry. Place of birth.” He stood poised to fill it in.
“Haymarket, Virginia.”
“Great. Follow me please.” He walked briskly down a short hallway. The lab coat covered his ass; I couldn't tell if he was wearing any interesting skivvies. He motioned me into a small room. “Ok, strip to your underwear and socks, please. I'll be back in a couple of minutes.”
He left quickly, closing the door. He left before I realized I wasn't wearing any underwear. Should I leave my jeans on and explain or just strip? I stripped. The coolness of the room was just gtting to me when he returned.
“I said leave your underwear on.” He averted his eyes as if the sight of my dick could cause blindness.
“I didn't know about the physical. I didn't wear any.”
The traces of a smile showed on his face. He bent over and rummaged in the bottom of a cabinet. Now I could see. Awesome. Nothing mundane about his choice. Green Lantern underwear! And a tighter ass than I remembered. He stood and turned toward me. “Here, put this on; opening to the rear.” He left again.
Have you ever dealt with those paper gowns they give you? Every attempt I made to open the thing into something looking like a gown caused a rip. In short order I shredded the thing. I ended up feeling very Polynesian, wearing a big piece of paper tied around my waist like an apron.
He came back, burst out laughing, realized that was unprofessional, and got serious. I started to explain but he said, “Never mind. Give me your right arm.” He trapped my wrist between his elbow and his body and proceeded to attach a blood pressure cuff. He took the reading and commented, “A little high for your age. Is it usually one forty-three over ninety-nine?”
“No, but I'm gay, standing here wearing this piece of paper, and being held by a very attractive young man ...” At that point he looked up at me. “... with dreamy blue eyes. You think that might bunp it up a little?”
“Er, uh, we'll try it again in a few minutes. Lie down please, this is an electrocardiogram. It records your heart's electrical rhythms from electrical signals at various points in your body.” He began placing electrodes across my chest. That was easy. Then two on my shoulders. I heard a russle of paper from what was left of my paper gown. The last two went on my upper thighs and the brief but gentle touch along with the warmth of his hands caused an erection.
“Oh, I'm sorry.” I stuttered an apology.
I couldn't tell if he was laughing or seriously pissed. “Shut up and we'll get this over with quickly.” He set the timer and bzzzzzz; it was over in ten seconds. Then came that crazy blow-into-the-tube thing. Each time I blew, my dick popped out. Then he held out his hands and said he'd push up while I pushed down. It was mortifying. My almost-erection responded to the pressure he exerted. The harder down I pushed, the more it rose. I don't think Ruslan could actually see my dick, his response was to the paper sticking out and then falling. He pushed a couple extra times and then couldn't help himself. He laughed so hard I think he farted. He walked out of the room laughing. “Get dressed; we'll do the rest another time.”
He didn't say anything when he drew what seemed like half my blood. Six of those little tubes, He was good, though. Found the vein on the first try, painless. Then he handed me a cup. “Could you pee in this without wrecking the bathroom?” I could. I did. “Could you come back on Friday? Dr. Tucker will do the rest of the exam.” Yes, I could. We set a time and he handed me one of those appointment cards.
“What's this number?” In addition to the usual info the card said “Ruslan – 571-434-6131.”
“That's my cell … in case you need to change the time and can't get through on the clinic line.”
“Sure. Thanks, Ruslan.”
“Hollis … that was the most fun I've ever had during a physical.” I took a breath. Those fuckin' blue eyes of his!
I got back to the office in time to watch Richard at peak fulmination. “LIES. It was ALL LIES!”
“What did I miss?” I asked Mac.
Mac gave me a shhh sign and said, “He tell it over again. This is his third time.”
“I stood frozen on the porch and listened to them. 'Suzie, isn't what we got from him enough? I really don't like sex with dudes all the time.' And the BITCH says, 'Spare me. He's only one dude, not a troop of Marines. And fasten this bra. I think you broke the hook … Hurry up, he'll be here any minute.' And THE SNAKE says, 'I'll think about you, Suzie Bee, while I'm fuckin' him.' I backed quietly off the porch and went back to my car. I moved it so the lights shone right in the window and slammed the door as loud as I could and then practically stomped on the porch as I went to the door. 'Why Suzie! So nice of you to call. Did you make another of those cracked-nut pies?' And she simpers, 'Aw, Richie. You're jokin' again.' So I gold-plated things with, 'Say Suzie? I think I might have an investor for your gravereservations.com thing. If you want, that is.' And she just about goes CHA-CHING! She's just that excited, her little CLIT AQUIVER!. 'If this works out, you'll do better than Jimmy here with four thousand trees,' I told her. And then I carefully gave Jimmy a big kiss. He practically screams, 'Not in front of Suzie!' And I say back, 'Oh, Suzie knows ALL ABOUT US, don't you, Suzie?' 'Why what ever do you mean, Richie?' she goes on. 'Oh, you know, a little RUMPY-PUMPY, a little CORN-HOLING, FUDGE PACKING, COCK-SUCKING, and now and then if we're exhausted a simple hand job. Jimmy is awesome at all of it.' Faking terror she ran out the door and then came back smiling sweetly. 'You call me about that website, now, you hear?' And then I said to Jimmy, 'We better have sex right now. There's a lot of work tomorrow.' He gave me a dozen excuses why we shouldn't but I nailed his ass twice before we went to sleep. I gave his the two-fifty in the morning and asked what it was for. He almost said plane tickets; I could HEAR THE WORDS IN HIS HEAD; but he changed it to a plane wedge for the plow. I said, 'The tractor's broke; how you gonna pull the plow?' And he said, “That's why I need the seven-fifty – to fix the tractor.' Ha! Seven-fifty.” Richard paused for a breath.
“You gave him another seven-fifty?” Euie asked.
“No. He's gonna earn every penny of the seven-fifty. The hard way. He hates it when I long-dick him.” Richard went into George's office and the dust began to settle.
“What does long-dick mean?” Maron whispered. He is a cutie. I'm really getting to like him.
“Richard is blessed, although his friend Jimmy might now be saying cursed, with a long dick. Very few people can take it without practice – little insertions leading up to the long-dicking when he sticks the whole thing in. If he sticks the whole thing in right away, it can be quite painful … or so I'm told, anyway,” Mac explained.
I thought back to the time Richard pinned me to the cushions. Mac was told right. With all the loving kindness that's part of a Scots-Irish Virginian, it wouldn't break my heart to see Jimmy bleed Richard dry.
“It shouldn't be so hard to make a deal,” I told George.
“Hollie, I've told you before you don't have to risk life and limb for the company. Random sex is safer than it used to be, but that doesn't mean it's SAFE. One more time: you don't have to seal a deal with sex.”
“Anyway, it's done. The bank committed to guaranteeing up to a hundred thousand net of apple forward delivery contracts. They don't want to call them futures, but I do. I want them to trade in an active market. I thought about calling them BiteCoin – you know, a bite of the apple - but I guess we could get sued. Still, a quickly-settled law suit might be worth it for the publicity. The WaPo loves shit like that.”
“The less attention you draw to the financing, the better. The Washington Post also loves business sex scandals.”
“But I'm kind of the hero in this thing. I didn't do anything. I just fought the fucker off and then pointed out to him the hidden cameras in the interview room which would support MY version of what happened.”
“But you said he made the point that you were KNOWN for handing out sexual favors.”
“His word against mine. I'm going home and get cleaned up. I'm visiting that medical group I told you about this afternoon.”
No need to tell him I was volunteering for a gay group study. Euie always seems to get a good welcome no matter where he goes. Maybe a country-boy look will work best. This look does emphasize heft of your package. I looked at myself in the mirror. In my case, meh; it just didn't bunch up in the right places. Maybe without underwear … That was an improvement. That fold of cloth was a dick wrapper for sure. No mistaking it. Plus it was a perfect day. I rolled the window down; it was cool but sunny. There's really nothing like riding through rural Virginia feeling like a hillbilly, it's comfortable, sexy, and who knows what can happen in an afternoon full of possibilities. All I needed was a six-pack. It almost made me forget about my miserable morning with Banker Burt.
Those UVA guys are such pricks. He asked where I went and I said James Madison and he said oh I thought that was a girls' school. It hasn't been a girls' school in seventy-five years! But in Charlottesville, that's like last week or something. You hardly ever met an asshole at JMU; in Charlottesville they're fifty to the bushel. JMU guys are like Euie, salt of the earth Euie. What a sweet guy. I wish I had known it at the time. I sent him a voice message. “How do you wear jeans without undies? I'm half hard all the time.” It didn't take him long to answer. “That's the good part of it. Rubbed-raw sack is the downside.”
I pulled into the group's parking lot and checked it out. Probably about ten employees and they would account for most of the cars and trucks. Looks like maybe five SUVs for the patients. So this place isn't really hopping with customers. But the doc said they have other branch clinics; maybe this one is just getting started. I went in and spotted Ruslan at the front desk and a couple of middle-aged women in the waiting room. Making sure the women could hear, I called out, “Doctor Ruslan, please.”.
“You again,” Ruslan said with a pleasant smile. “Here to see Dr. Tucker?”
“I don't know. I'm here to return this application.” I handed him the multipage form.
“Oh, the study. Let me check your entries.” He quickly added, “For completeness only. The data is private.” He went through the form quickly. “Nope, you missed one entry. Place of birth.” He stood poised to fill it in.
“Haymarket, Virginia.”
“Great. Follow me please.” He walked briskly down a short hallway. The lab coat covered his ass; I couldn't tell if he was wearing any interesting skivvies. He motioned me into a small room. “Ok, strip to your underwear and socks, please. I'll be back in a couple of minutes.”
He left quickly, closing the door. He left before I realized I wasn't wearing any underwear. Should I leave my jeans on and explain or just strip? I stripped. The coolness of the room was just gtting to me when he returned.
“I said leave your underwear on.” He averted his eyes as if the sight of my dick could cause blindness.
“I didn't know about the physical. I didn't wear any.”
The traces of a smile showed on his face. He bent over and rummaged in the bottom of a cabinet. Now I could see. Awesome. Nothing mundane about his choice. Green Lantern underwear! And a tighter ass than I remembered. He stood and turned toward me. “Here, put this on; opening to the rear.” He left again.
Have you ever dealt with those paper gowns they give you? Every attempt I made to open the thing into something looking like a gown caused a rip. In short order I shredded the thing. I ended up feeling very Polynesian, wearing a big piece of paper tied around my waist like an apron.
He came back, burst out laughing, realized that was unprofessional, and got serious. I started to explain but he said, “Never mind. Give me your right arm.” He trapped my wrist between his elbow and his body and proceeded to attach a blood pressure cuff. He took the reading and commented, “A little high for your age. Is it usually one forty-three over ninety-nine?”
“No, but I'm gay, standing here wearing this piece of paper, and being held by a very attractive young man ...” At that point he looked up at me. “... with dreamy blue eyes. You think that might bunp it up a little?”
“Er, uh, we'll try it again in a few minutes. Lie down please, this is an electrocardiogram. It records your heart's electrical rhythms from electrical signals at various points in your body.” He began placing electrodes across my chest. That was easy. Then two on my shoulders. I heard a russle of paper from what was left of my paper gown. The last two went on my upper thighs and the brief but gentle touch along with the warmth of his hands caused an erection.
“Oh, I'm sorry.” I stuttered an apology.
I couldn't tell if he was laughing or seriously pissed. “Shut up and we'll get this over with quickly.” He set the timer and bzzzzzz; it was over in ten seconds. Then came that crazy blow-into-the-tube thing. Each time I blew, my dick popped out. Then he held out his hands and said he'd push up while I pushed down. It was mortifying. My almost-erection responded to the pressure he exerted. The harder down I pushed, the more it rose. I don't think Ruslan could actually see my dick, his response was to the paper sticking out and then falling. He pushed a couple extra times and then couldn't help himself. He laughed so hard I think he farted. He walked out of the room laughing. “Get dressed; we'll do the rest another time.”
He didn't say anything when he drew what seemed like half my blood. Six of those little tubes, He was good, though. Found the vein on the first try, painless. Then he handed me a cup. “Could you pee in this without wrecking the bathroom?” I could. I did. “Could you come back on Friday? Dr. Tucker will do the rest of the exam.” Yes, I could. We set a time and he handed me one of those appointment cards.
“What's this number?” In addition to the usual info the card said “Ruslan – 571-434-6131.”
“That's my cell … in case you need to change the time and can't get through on the clinic line.”
“Sure. Thanks, Ruslan.”
“Hollis … that was the most fun I've ever had during a physical.” I took a breath. Those fuckin' blue eyes of his!
I got back to the office in time to watch Richard at peak fulmination. “LIES. It was ALL LIES!”
“What did I miss?” I asked Mac.
Mac gave me a shhh sign and said, “He tell it over again. This is his third time.”
“I stood frozen on the porch and listened to them. 'Suzie, isn't what we got from him enough? I really don't like sex with dudes all the time.' And the BITCH says, 'Spare me. He's only one dude, not a troop of Marines. And fasten this bra. I think you broke the hook … Hurry up, he'll be here any minute.' And THE SNAKE says, 'I'll think about you, Suzie Bee, while I'm fuckin' him.' I backed quietly off the porch and went back to my car. I moved it so the lights shone right in the window and slammed the door as loud as I could and then practically stomped on the porch as I went to the door. 'Why Suzie! So nice of you to call. Did you make another of those cracked-nut pies?' And she simpers, 'Aw, Richie. You're jokin' again.' So I gold-plated things with, 'Say Suzie? I think I might have an investor for your gravereservations.com thing. If you want, that is.' And she just about goes CHA-CHING! She's just that excited, her little CLIT AQUIVER!. 'If this works out, you'll do better than Jimmy here with four thousand trees,' I told her. And then I carefully gave Jimmy a big kiss. He practically screams, 'Not in front of Suzie!' And I say back, 'Oh, Suzie knows ALL ABOUT US, don't you, Suzie?' 'Why what ever do you mean, Richie?' she goes on. 'Oh, you know, a little RUMPY-PUMPY, a little CORN-HOLING, FUDGE PACKING, COCK-SUCKING, and now and then if we're exhausted a simple hand job. Jimmy is awesome at all of it.' Faking terror she ran out the door and then came back smiling sweetly. 'You call me about that website, now, you hear?' And then I said to Jimmy, 'We better have sex right now. There's a lot of work tomorrow.' He gave me a dozen excuses why we shouldn't but I nailed his ass twice before we went to sleep. I gave his the two-fifty in the morning and asked what it was for. He almost said plane tickets; I could HEAR THE WORDS IN HIS HEAD; but he changed it to a plane wedge for the plow. I said, 'The tractor's broke; how you gonna pull the plow?' And he said, “That's why I need the seven-fifty – to fix the tractor.' Ha! Seven-fifty.” Richard paused for a breath.
“You gave him another seven-fifty?” Euie asked.
“No. He's gonna earn every penny of the seven-fifty. The hard way. He hates it when I long-dick him.” Richard went into George's office and the dust began to settle.
“What does long-dick mean?” Maron whispered. He is a cutie. I'm really getting to like him.
“Richard is blessed, although his friend Jimmy might now be saying cursed, with a long dick. Very few people can take it without practice – little insertions leading up to the long-dicking when he sticks the whole thing in. If he sticks the whole thing in right away, it can be quite painful … or so I'm told, anyway,” Mac explained.
I thought back to the time Richard pinned me to the cushions. Mac was told right. With all the loving kindness that's part of a Scots-Irish Virginian, it wouldn't break my heart to see Jimmy bleed Richard dry.