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First (ish) post, same old dilemma

So I guess I missed my chance last night and then blew it. We got drunk at home and then went to a really good club here in Berlin, and on the way he hugged me from the side and kissed me on the *opposite* cheek. So...on his way to my cheek I should have stopped him :-P Once we got in, I felt bad, so we sat down like almost the whole night. Then he got really angry as his buzz wore off, so we ended up going home right as I was starting to have fun. Sad.
 
And I forgot to say that he told me that he wished he hadn't gotten angry and that we stayed later. He was also bummed that he didn't hook up with anyone, especially since there was a cute guy with his shirt off while we were dancing. Having just learned the German word for slut, he keeps repeating it, and I told him, "Well that's what you are." To which he responds, "I wish." Wtf....
 
OK, let me be the first to say this.

Stop hanging out with this guy. At least for the time being.

He either enjoys fucking with you, or is just one of those people who doesn't even REALIZE he's fucking with you, and if it's pointed out, YOU'll be the one who has a problem, not him.

Maybe you feel like subsisting on the few crumbs he tosses your way while he's drunk. You're better than that. Find someone who actually IS interested in you. Not someone who's looking to get laid so he can tell you all about it.

Lex
 
gaytxn09 said:
So I guess I missed my chance last night and then blew it. We got drunk at home and then went to a really good club here in Berlin, and on the way he hugged me from the side and kissed me on the *opposite* cheek. So...on his way to my cheek I should have stopped him :-P Once we got in, I felt bad, so we sat down like almost the whole night. Then he got really angry as his buzz wore off, so we ended up going home right as I was starting to have fun. Sad.
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You felt bad?

Dude, you were out in Europe, with a hot boy on your arm, one that kissed you, and you went into a spiral of self-destructive drama. And then you wonder why this boy is leery of fucking you? He has a boyfriend already. When you keep making sex into this huge ordeal, can you blame him for not wanting to deal with the drama? He just wants good times, a roll in the hay, and no drama.

What's "sad" is that instead of taking charge, and thereby getting what you want, you shit canned the whole night, for both of you.
 
Yes...bad...as in ill. Once we got in I was fine, but then we went upstairs, and I started feeling really woozy. So we sat down, and I drank a few bottles of (expensive) water. The drama was his...at least last night.
 
gaytxn09 said:
He was also bummed that he didn't hook up with anyone,
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G-Lexington said:
OK, let me be the first to say this.

Stop hanging out with this guy. ...
Maybe you feel like subsisting on the few crumbs he tosses your way while he's drunk. You're better than that. Find someone who actually IS interested in you. Not someone who's looking to get laid so he can tell you all about it.
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He has a boyfriend, doesn't want to hookup with you yet goes to a bar in a country where he doesn't speak the language and expects to hookup with a total stranger?

What the fuck, indeed.

Since Lex was first, let me be second:

"Stop hanging out with this guy...
Maybe you feel like subsisting on the few crumbs he tosses your way while he's drunk. You're better than that. Find someone who actually IS interested in you. Not someone who's looking to get laid so he can tell you all about it."
 
It's not really that easy finding someone who *is* interested in me. From what I've written here, I wouldn't really think that would be hard to surmise. Yes, I really do think this, and, yes, I really do exist. I wish this were some caricature. :-/
 
I can't see why you're wasting your time.

He actually sounds quite dreary.

Too much baggage.

Too much work.
 
gaytxn09 said:
It's not really that easy finding someone who *is* interested in me. From what I've written here, I wouldn't really think that would be hard to surmise.
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Whiling away the best years of your life pursuing people who have no interest in you. What a great beginning on a old age full of regrets. :(
 
>>>It's not really that easy finding someone who *is* interested in me. From what I've written here, I wouldn't really think that would be hard to surmise. Yes, I really do think this, and, yes, I really do exist. I wish this were some caricature.

No, you can't get a good boyfriend out of a vending machine. But they're out there. You gotta go find them, make contact, and start interacting with them. But as long as you hang out with this guy, feeling that that's all you're worth, and that's all you're ever gonna get, you won't have the time or inclination to do any of that.

I know several gay guys (including myself) who are in great, stable, healthy relationships. None of us are really hot, or multi-millionaires, or (as far as I know) have 10" dicks. But none of us are feeling we're "settling". We found someone we realy click with. and we built a relationship together.

Lex
 
Well I never said I was looking for a boyfriend or a relationship. That's a whole different issue. Besides, this advice doesn't seem to be overwhelmingly positive...get rid of the only friend willing to put up with me? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me. :-/
 
Friend or boyfriend, the problem remains the same.

You're hanging out with this guy not because you like to, or because you have a good time, but because he's the "only friend willing to put up with you"? That's a sign of some major self-esteem issues.

You need to stop, take time off, and start liking yourself. Start enjoying your own company. Nobody is going to think you're worth hanging around with YOU don't think you're worth hanging around. So take the effort to start enjoying yourself again. That's the first step towards getting more friends.

Lex
 
I actually have plenty of acquaintances. No one just seems to like me enough to get much closer. Whatever. Everyone says to "start liking yourself," but it's not like that's something you can just do in an instant, like: "Hey! I'm going to like myself!" Yeah...oh well.
 
You can't do it in a second or minute or a day, but it takes time to love yourself and you'll understand where we come from. Loving yourself is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.
 
>>>Everyone says to "start liking yourself," but it's not like that's something you can just do in an instant, like: "Hey! I'm going to like myself!"

I know. I've been there. That's why I said "take time out". It may take months, or maybe even a couple years. But it's completely and utterly worth it. Nothing makes your life better than loving yourself. :)

Lex
 
But where I'm coming from is, what's the point in liking yourself if no one else does either? And I have liked myself at times, but then no one else does either. What a horrible vicious cycle.

And I feel like I've painted my friend in a bad light...he's really not all that bad. I was just frustrated with the sexual side of the situation. We're pretty good friends, and I enjoy hanging out with him, and when things are good, they are really good. It's just that sometimes he does things that just make me want to jump him, and I know that's bad. I honestly don't want a relationship with him. I know I'm not really ready for one, and besides he doesn't want one. But it would also be nice to just get to share that intimacy. Guess that's in my dreams.

And also I've been having a hard time with sex lately because I haven't been enjoying it, so I thought maybe he could get me out of that funk. Obviously, I was a bit off base. :-P
 
>>>But where I'm coming from is, what's the point in liking yourself if no one else does either? And I have liked myself at times, but then no one else does either.

Because if you do, then you're never truly alone. If you like yourself, then you're always in the company of somebody you like. This will make you a happier person, a more confident person...and a more likeable person. You'll find yourself more comfortable with other people, too, because there's that one guy there that you like (you). And that makes it hellaciously easier to make friends.

>>>But it would also be nice to just get to share that intimacy. Guess that's in my dreams.

But as long as you keep thinking things like this - "yeah, things are OK, but boy, it'd be great if only..." - you're setting yourself up for misery. If you can't accept him as "just a friend", if he keeps "doing things that make you want to jump him", this isn't good. You need to take some time off and get those feelings under control. Otherwise, too much of your time will be spent in wishful thinking and tea-leaf reading. You won't be able to actually enjoy him as a friend, and then, what's the point?

Lex
 
Not to mention, would you enjoy being around someone who constantly puts himself down? I have a friend who used to do nothing but that and it got old real fast. It's not humble after a while, it's just sad and tedious. Have a little respect for yourself and some self confidence and if nothing else, people around you won't be annoyed. Even better if they can sense your self-comfort and it rubs off on them.

Not liking yourself because "no one else does," doesn't really get you anywhere anyway.
 
luminum said:
Not to mention, would you enjoy being around someone who constantly puts himself down? I have a friend who used to do nothing but that and it got old real fast. It's not humble after a while, it's just sad and tedious. Have a little respect for yourself and some self confidence and if nothing else, people around you won't be annoyed. Even better if they can sense your self-comfort and it rubs off on them.

Not liking yourself because "no one else does," doesn't really get you anywhere anyway.
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Agreed! When I'm around people like that it feels like they are fishing for compliments. "I'm so ugly", they say, which seems like a plea for you to re-assure them and say, "No you aren't". I refuse to reward bad, unhealthy behavior these days. Now I just respond with either a "STFU", or "Well, I guess you outta do something about that then". Typically these are the same people that refuse to take compliments too. I break them of these habits, (at least in my presence) darned fast.
 
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