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Fooled around with my "straight" friend

thephoenix

thephoenix

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Last night my "straight" (and recently divorced) friend sent me a text message and asked if I wanted to come over to his house. Which was weird because he normally calls and it was like 3 a.m.

Anyway I went over because I was curious. He was drunk and said he wasn't ready to go to bed so I was the only person to call. We talked a little bit, but it was unusual because it felt like we were working towards something. He had me do some drinking and when I cut myself off he kept asking what I wanted to do now. Finally out of the blue he asked if I had ever thought about sucking his cock. I was kind of surprised and admitted it had come across my mind. He asked me if I wanted to do it then and I asked him if he wanted me to. He responded that he was game if I was. I made it clear I didn't want any weirdness in our friendship and he assured me there wouldn't be. So we kind of awkwardly got started touching each other and undressing each other (mostly me doing the touching and undressing of him). It was strange because this guy is like my best friend and I didn't think we'd be close like that. He kissed me over and over again and was real gentle with me. We moved to the bedroom where we turned the heat up and we got him completely naked and we just kind of held each other and grinded against one another kissing. He kept groping my crotch and finally we moved to the bed where we made out more and basically fooled around. Nothing anal or anything though he did ask if I'd been fucked.

He always led me to believe he had had one experimental experience with a guy before, but last night he whispered to me that he had never gone as far as we were going. During it all he acted like he wanted me. After he came he got up pretty quickly and told me to put my pants on and he went and put on a robe. He told me I couldn't make this weird or personal because it wasn't personal. Well, he decided to go to bed and I was to stay in the guest room. I followed him into his bedroom and massaged him and pretty much went at it again, but he didn't come this time and said that was all he had. We talked a little bit and he reiterated I couldn't put meaning into it and we talked about if he were to get in the mood again (not likely he said) that we could do it again. Then I went to the other room and went to sleep. I had to leave before he got up, but talked to him on the phone and he told me again I couldn't make that "stuff" weird. "It never happened."

I think I'm okay with it. It felt natural because he and I have a connection, but I'm worried he's the one who is going to make a bigger deal out of it. I'm thinking I might like to make it something regular if he is willing, but as long as we maintain our friendship. Should I approach him when a little time has passed? I want to make it clear to him how okay I am and not weirded out and that he shouldn't be either. I want him to know I don't expect anything or any kind of committment, but wouldn't mind having certain benefits if he wanted. Is this me making a big deal of it? Or should I leave it as a one night thing?
 
If you want him again, act like it never happened. Treat him like the buddy that he is and, trust me, as soon as he wants another go at it he'll let you know. If you say anything at all, it may ruin things or make it wierd. don't over think it. Just be there if he needs you.
 
I agree. I wouldn't say anything. Do as he says and act like it never happened. It may happen again, it may not. But if you keep bringing it up, he's going to get weirded out and the friendship could suffer. Act like you always have toward him.
 
Blueboy369 said:
If you want him again, act like it never happened. Treat him like the buddy that he is and, trust me, as soon as he wants another go at it he'll let you know. If you say anything at all, it may ruin things or make it wierd. don't over think it. Just be there if he needs you.
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^That's good advice.

You have to let him go at his own pace. Maybe (hopefully) he'll want to mess around again (& again), but, if he doesn't, at least you'll keep him as a friend.
 
jockboy01 said:
I agree. I wouldn't say anything. Do as he says and act like it never happened. It may happen again, it may not. But if you keep bringing it up, he's going to get weirded out and the friendship could suffer. Act like you always have toward him.
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^Further good advice. :D
 
I agree with the advice already posted. Just act like nothing happened unless he brings it up, it workes for me and my friend.

Shortly after I came out to my best friend of almost 20 years he confessed to me that he always had an attraction to guys as well as girls but never acted on it. He clearly wanted to fool around. I agreed to do so under the condition it would not screw up our friendship. It was kind of odd since I've known him for so long that it was hard to think of him in totally sexual terms. He's more like a brother to me than anything. He was actually very cool about the whole thing and didn't weird out after he came. We stayed up for a couple hours afterward talking about sexuality in general. We haven't really mentioned the encounter much since but I was happy that I could help satisfy some of his curiosity.
 
Cool, if you are cool with it...so, should everyone else be.

He asked you for a sexual favor and you gave him one. Obviously, you liked the stuff, too. :)

Now, after all of that close interaction, he put on his robe and asked you to sleep in his guest room??? You still say, you are happy with that???

Frankly, I would leave this little episode out of your friendship, as suggested before.

Fun, as this may be, you ought to be wondering, what's going thru a mind of a man, who asks his good friend for a BJ only to send him away into the guest room, once he shot his load.

More precisely, in what esteem does he keep a guy, who'll be willing to suck him off at his call, only to be sent away, once the cocksucker is no more needed.

My advice: call it an episode not worth repeating. Get yourself a gay friend, BF, buddy, whatever and enjoy all the fun there is to it.

SC
 
I dont think it is out of the question for many straight guys wanting to hook up like that , let him find his comfort zone.
 
I agree it isn't out of the question. I think he does need to find a comfort zone. I'm leaving him to that. Going to the guest room wasn't what i would call an ideal end, but it's not that big of a deal to me. I'm flattered he trusted me and was comfortable enough with me to do it. I know it was a lot safer for him to come to me and "experiment" with me than to go and find some random somebody. If he doesn't want to do it again, that's cool. But question, isn't it (generally speaking) likely that guys like this will want to give it another go? I feel like I shouldn't be surprised if I get another call next weekend or so. If he does call for more, would it be out of the question to set some ground rules and talk about it?
 
Just go with all the advice that has been given thus far. Let him set the pace. If he decides to do it again, good for him, if not..let it be and move on.
 
If he does call for more, would it be out of the question to set some ground rules and talk about it?
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That's mainly up to you. If you're find with the ambiguity, then you don't need ground rules. If you don't like the ambiguity (I wouldn't be able to stand it), then it is perfectly appropriate to have a conversation about the set up.
 
Well, the ambiguity has been driving me crazy. He finally called to ask me to forget it ever happened. He said he is bothered really bad by it and is weirded out. He told me he could move past it if I just forgot it happened. I told him I could do that. He claims to not remember any of it, but told me what happened wasn't my fault. Next couple of days are going to be fragile it feels like.
 
I am sorry if this recent occurrence has left you confused or frustrated.
 
Of course he's weirded out. Sounds like the best plan for both of you at this point is to not go there again. Time heals all... uh, wounds:confused: if you know what I mean. Ultimately I think it is an issue he should deal with, but it seems he is not ready to at this point. Sounds like he is being reasonable with regards to your involvement so that is good. I think if you just act like nothing happened unless he brings it up at some point you should be home free.
 
I would definitely agree with term "wounds." I'm feeling kind of used right now. My friend is kind of distancing himself rather obviously right now. To be honest it hurts my feelings and I'm feeling very lonely right now. He told me what happened wasn't up for any kind of discussion ever again. Which is fine with me! He keeps insisting we put it behind us, which again is fine with me. But he is avoiding me and won't talk to me. And that is not fine. I wish he would be a little more adult about it. It happened and doesn't have to happen again. To me, putting it behind us is picking up and moving on as normal. Today he went over how he was going to be busy for the next three weeks. I asked to come over and just hang out and he said no. You know, as I'm writing this, I'm getting angry. He used me to "experiment" or get off or whatever and now it's all on his terms. Nothing seems to be on my terms. I'm part of this friendship too and deserve better treatment than I'm getting. I'm just so frustrated right now. Any advice on getting past this, I mean other than time? Anyone else been through something like this? Thanks for the good advice so far guys!
 
Hey phoenix, sorry you're going through this.

Well, your friend is obviously weirded out, and as a result, is treating you badly (not that that's an excuse). Yeah, of course, he should just calm down and stop making a big deal about it but unfortunately he's not there yet in his head - hopefully he'll get there at some point. In the meantime you shouldn't be his doormat. I know you didn't want to hear 'time will heal' again but I don't know what else will help. It doesn't seem like talking to him is helping. He isn't ready to be an adult about this with you, and you shouldn't have to put up with the 'I'm busy for the next three weeks' bs.

I think you should stop calling him for a while. Let him call you. Who knows, its only been a couple of days. Maybe he just needs a little time. If it takes more than a little time you can decide if you want to move on or whatever...

I hope things work out. Good luck!
 
With that information, I guess I'd say I'd have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that it happened and you don't need to discuss it but that you thought he'd be more grown up about it and not change your relationship. Mistakes happen... the important part is learning from them and moving on. Maybe a healthy dose of honesty right now would be good.
 
jockboy01 said:
With that information, I guess I'd say I'd have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that it happened and you don't need to discuss it but that you thought he'd be more grown up about it and not change your relationship. Mistakes happen... the important part is learning from them and moving on. Maybe a healthy dose of honesty right now would be good.
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Agree!

You know, this all started because he was horny and lonely and was tired of jacking off. He had these fantasies and was drinking and he got up the courage to try one out.

The outcome of this was so predictable. Straight guys who are horny and want sex with a gay guy will inevitably feel guilty and conflicted after they come. So, even though he promised that it wouldn't affect your relationship - that was a pre-cum promise. The post-cum reality is that its screwing with his mind and unless he is together enough to handle it, he will act wierd for a while.

So I'd call him on it and ask him to act like an adult about this. And remind him that it was his idea to start with. Good luck!
 
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