Found my "straight" crush on Grindr...

[SeaCore]

Cool, glad things worked out. Doesn't seem like it was necessary to take it slowly, though.
I think at this point speculation is pointless. If this person does like guys it's clear they're not ready to tell you. You asked them and they said 'no.' there's really not much more you can go off of and if they don't want you to know that really is where that should end.

The evidence you're presenting is pretty mundane. The screenshots could've been sent to them by a friend and they could've forgotten they posted the photo to Instagram; or even posted it there by mistake.

 

[thegentleman]

Cool, glad things worked out. Doesn't seem like it was necessary to take it slowly, though.
I think at this point speculation is pointless. If this person does like guys it's clear they're not ready to tell you. You asked them and they said 'no.' there's really not much more you can go off of and if they don't want you to know that really is where that should end.

The evidence you're presenting is pretty mundane. The screenshots could've been sent to them by a friend and they could've forgotten they posted the photo to Instagram; or even posted it there by mistake.

It wasn’t posted by mistake, he posted a caption with it and all. It was months ago though, so he probably forgot, which might make sense why he would use that same pic on Grindr.

 

[KaraBulut]

...he's gotten a lot of girls from doing that because they think they are gay when they see him there, and how there are always hot girls hanging out with gay guys in gay clubs... He said "Gay guys always think I'm gay because I'm just so outgoing and friendly with everyone" or something to that effect.

Most people, when asked a question about themselves, readily answer the question and often tell you more than you asked.

You asked. He answered. We expect straight guys to accept us as we are when we tell them we're gay. We should also accept it when straight guys tell us that they are straight.

 

[thegentleman]

Most people, when asked a question about themselves, readily answer the question and often tell you more than you asked.

You asked. He answered. We expect straight guys to accept us as we are when we tell them we're gay. We should also accept it when straight guys tell us that they are straight.

I know. It’s just that there’s a lot of evidence that points to the contrary. But I respected his answer and didn’t continue to question him and I won’t. The ball is in his court now. Let’s see what he does with it, if anything.

I am curious, however, if he will actually hang out with me outside of just training me. He seemed to be more friendly toward me yesterday, but I almost feel as if he’d be ‘embarrassed’ to maybe be seen hanging out with a gay guy? Maybe it’s just my own insecurity though, since he told me his former best friend is gay.

Or maybe it’s because I’m overweight. -_-

 

[KaraBulut]

...Or maybe it’s because I’m overweight. -_-

That's a convenient excuse that a lot of guys use. However, the reality is that no one has a perfect body and there are plenty of guys of all shape and sizes getting plenty of sex.... from gay guys.

It's not you. It's him. He's straight. And while he's flawed and there's some question about whether he's worth all this effort when he seems a bit flaky... the actual situation is that you've overcome the "I can't tell him" obstacle and he's said that he has gay friends and is cool with gay people.

But he's also hinting that while he might be comfortable and he might even like the attention, he's into girls... and you don't have a vagina.

 

[thegentleman]

That's a convenient excuse that a lot of guys use. However, the reality is that no one has a perfect body and there are plenty of guys of all shape and sizes getting plenty of sex.... from gay guys.

It's not you. It's him. He's straight. And while he's flawed and there's some question about whether he's worth all this effort when he seems a bit flaky... the actual situation is that you've overcome the "I can't tell him" obstacle and he's said that he has gay friends and is cool with gay people.

But he's also hinting that while he might be comfortable and he might even like the attention, he's into girls... and you don't have a vagina.

I’m talking about hanging out with me in a completely platonic way. Even if he’s not gay, I would still at least be interested in being friends with him.

And he seems like he wants to with me, but he just hasn’t followed through and I guess I’m just curious as to why.

 

[KaraBulut]

...And he seems like he wants to with me, but he just hasn’t followed through and I guess I’m just curious as to why.

Because he's as flaky as my mother's pie crust.

 

[thegentleman]

Because he's as flaky as my mother's pie crust.

Lol I suppose. I guess I just need to stop over-thinking and taking it personally. It’s just that I always seem him on social media hanging out with other people, but I also understand that he’s known them a lot longer than he’s known me. Maybe one day he’ll come around lol.

 

[KaraBulut]

Lol I suppose. I guess I just need to stop over-thinking and taking it personally.

Well, yeah- there's an obsessive aspect to all of this over-thinking.

It’s just that I always seem him on social media hanging out with other people, but I also understand that he’s known them a lot longer than he’s known me. Maybe one day he’ll come around lol.

Consider the possibility that he also knows how to play people to keep them interested. And there's also a "you're my customer but you're my friend, too" aspect that makes it more complicated.

In an earlier post, someone pointed out that there's a lot of energy being expended on trying to anticipate motivation and next moves of this guy. What would happen if that energy were directed on guys that might be interested in you?

 

[thegentleman]

Well, yeah- there's an obsessive aspect to all of this over-thinking.


Consider the possibility that he also knows how to play people to keep them interested. And there's also a "you're my customer but you're my friend, too" aspect that makes it more complicated.

In an earlier post, someone pointed out that there's a lot of energy being expended on trying to anticipate motivation and next moves of this guy. What would happen if that energy were directed on guys that might be interested in you?

Unfortunately, I’ve yet to meet a guy who’s interested in me that I’m also interested in in return. Probably why I’m in this situation to begin with.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, yeah- there's an obsessive aspect to all of this over-thinking.


Consider the possibility that he also knows how to play people to keep them interested. And there's also a "you're my customer but you're my friend, too" aspect that makes it more complicated.

In an earlier post, someone pointed out that there's a lot of energy being expended on trying to anticipate motivation and next moves of this guy. What would happen if that energy were directed on guys that might be interested in you?

(emphasis mine)

I've known a bunch of strippers like that. They are always dangling the possibility of jumping the fence - as long as the cash is flowing. If you know it's their job, it's kinda fun, but I've seen a bunch of guys convince themselves that the straight guy swinging his unit for cash is really just a misunderstood closeted soul who needs rescue.

At least with the strippers, if you have enough cash, you probably can have what you want - for a fee. But I don't really see that happening with a P.T.

 

[thegentleman]

(emphasis mine)

I've known a bunch of strippers like that. They are always dangling the possibility of jumping the fence - as long as the cash is flowing. If you know it's their job, it's kinda fun, but I've seen a bunch of guys convince themselves that the straight guy swinging his unit for cash is really just a misunderstood closeted soul who needs rescue.

At least with the strippers, if you have enough cash, you probably can have what you want - for a fee. But I don't really see that happening with a P.T.

(emphasis mine)

I've known a bunch of strippers like that. They are always dangling the possibility of jumping the fence - as long as the cash is flowing. If you know it's their job, it's kinda fun, but I've seen a bunch of guys convince themselves that the straight guy swinging his unit for cash is really just a misunderstood closeted soul who needs rescue.

At least with the strippers, if you have enough cash, you probably can have what you want - for a fee. But I don't really see that happening with a P.T.

I mean, the guy barely charges me. I pay him about $30 per session since he offered to work with my budget and he isn't certified or anything.

Last night, he texted me to work out tomorrow morning. I told him "no mornings lol" and "you never wake up" (he's told me several times to do a morning session, I set my alarm to wake up early, and it never happens). He told me "100%". I said fine. He told me "I also wanna talk to you" and I asked about what. He said "blow me" so I 'jokingly' said "anytime" with a winking emoji and then said "jk" and he said "hahaha".

This morning, I got up and called him, he didn't answer. I texted him and he replied and told me to come. I was pretty shocked, this is the first time he followed through with morning plans. We were working out and I asked what he was doing later today, he said just working. I mentioned that I wanted to see a movie and he said him too. I asked if he wanted to go tonight and he said yeah. Knowing how flakey he is, I said "If you don't want to go, just tell me" and he said "no, I do". He then jokingly said "we can hold hands and I'll cut out the bottom of the popcorn and put my dick in it" and I laughed and made a comment. He wanted me to work out longer, but I told him I had to go to work. He told me to come back later tonight after work to finish. I mentioned going to the movies after and he told me to bring a change of clothes and I could rinse up at his place after we work out. I totally forgot because I got distracted, to ask him what it was that he wanted to talk to me about (as he mentioned in the texts last night).

I texted him toward the end of my work day and asked if I should text him once I get out. He said yeah, but that he was dealing with shit and then said "not too good". I said "Lol you're ditching me again aren't you". He said "no" and then asked me if I know anyone who has a room for rent. He said that he's trying to save money, and then went into this ordeal about how his apartment complex is calling the sheriff on him because he threatened to "fuck them up", and mentioned that he asked to stay for 2 more weeks because he didn't know his lease was up. He told me to call him when I got out of work, so I did.

During the phone call, he mentioned that his 'roommate' (who I'm not even sure exists, I've been in his apartment twice and didn't see anyone, though I do know he has 2 bedrooms) got caught smoking weed and selling coke outside the building. He said that he was on his way to his apartment to get some clothes and leave. I asked where he'd be staying and he said he didn't know, and just wanted to get his stuff out of there. He told me he'd call me later when he got home, then jokingly said "ok babe?" (or something like that) and then said "love you!". Whatever...

I doubt I'm going to get a call. I'll text him in a half hour, but I'm expecting to get the run around again. It just sucks because it really felt like we were getting closer at least on a friendly level, and then he pulls this shit. I don't even know if the story about him getting kicked out of his apartment is true, or if it's just a made-up story to avoid hanging out with me. Once again I'm left wondering if it's me personally that he doesn't want to hang out with, or if he just has too many other things going on. I flat out told him if he didn't want to go to movies, he didn't have to say yes, but he said "no, I want to".

I just don't understand...it's very exhausting, yet somehow I keep running back like the pathetic sack of shit I am.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's probably a real story- at least the part about getting kicked out of his apartment.

And a warning: these immature straight boys are like tornadoes that generate a lot of damage to everything that gets into their path. They're always broke, in jail, having girlfriend problems, needing a place to stay, etc.

Don't get sucked into his personal problems. Don't make his problems yours.

 

[TX-Beau]

...I just don't understand...it's very exhausting, yet somehow I keep running back like the pathetic sack of shit I am.

Yes, you do understand and it's only exhausting because you won't walk away. At some point, it's about you. You make choices for you, sounds like he's fishing to see what he can get from you, BUT YOU are the one making the choice to put up with this - I can't be clearer than that.

Running to us saying you're just helpless to end this and why oh why - is pointless, we don't know this guy, he isn't in here defending himself. You are in charge of your own life and if you choose to stay in this mess, at least stop asking things that have already been answered.

 

[thegentleman]

Well, I tried to call him after I made my last post yesterday and it went to voicemail after 1 ring. I texted him and said “don’t screen my calls bitch” (jokingly, but really not). He said “stop one min”. He never ended up calling me, of course.

Later I see him posting things on his social media of him at the gym working out. He texts me something that I didn’t understand, so I replied “what?” but he didn’t reply. Turns out, he was telling me the weight he lifted and number of reps he did...uhhh what? Did he forget that we had plans and he was to call me, only for him to have the nerve to post him at the gym and then text me to tell me how impressive he was?

He then posted himself out eating with his gym buddy. I really wanted to say to him, “real nice”, but I refrained. He sent me a bunch of other Snapchat things throughout the night and today which I ignored.

I don’t get it, and I know it’s probably a waste of time even trying to bother to understand his behavior.

 

[TX-Beau]

It's probably a real story- at least the part about getting kicked out of his apartment.

And a warning: these immature straight boys are like tornadoes that generate a lot of damage to everything that gets into their path. They're always broke, in jail, having girlfriend problems, needing a place to stay, etc.

Don't get sucked into his personal problems. Don't make his problems yours.

That was exactly what I thought, it'll start with a night on the couch, and late night conversations about his lost soul, and end up paying off his bills and buying him expensive shit, all the while with the tease and tempt, and never the follow through.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well, I tried to call him after I made my last post yesterday and it went to voicemail after 1 ring. I texted him and said “don’t screen my calls bitch” (jokingly, but really not). He said “stop one min”. He never ended up calling me, of course.

Later I see him posting things on his social media of him at the gym working out. He texts me something that I didn’t understand, so I replied “what?” but he didn’t reply. Turns out, he was telling me the weight he lifted and number of reps he did...uhhh what? Did he forget that we had plans and he was to call me, only for him to have the nerve to post him at the gym and then text me to tell me how impressive he was?

He then posted himself out eating with his gym buddy. I really wanted to say to him, “real nice”, but I refrained. He sent me a bunch of other Snapchat things throughout the night and today which I ignored.

I don’t get it, and I know it’s probably a waste of time even trying to bother to understand his behavior.

OK look, you are full on into making "and then" posts. Nothing in your last few narratives has been any different. Make a choice, own it, we don't need blow by blow narratives that don't say anything new.

 

[KaraBulut]

Flaky as pie crust.

Out of curiousity... where are your real friends?

 

[thegentleman]

Flaky as pie crust.

Out of curiousity... where are your real friends?

You mean all 4 of them? 2 of those 4 are a married couple expecting a baby next week. One got a new boyfriend within the last few months, so she's suddenly fallen off the face of the earth. And the other one is having a bunch of medical problems and can barely hang out anymore. I am supposed to be going away with the last 2 I mentioned in a couple of weeks though.

 

[SeaCore]

This guy's been a decent presence in your life for a decent chunk of time. What do your friends think of them?